Jace laid his hand on my thigh.

Jace: "You are not going to derune her. You can't do that. She's a nephilim and did nothing wrong."

Maryse: "She did nothing wrong. She's innocent. But her parents aren't. They were a part of the institute of Siberia too."

Kalia: "Don't bring my parents in. They fought for the clave and left, never did something wrong. They never killed a mundane or tortured somebody."

Maryse: "Then why didn't you stay with them?"

Kalia: "Don't act like you don't know. Magnus told you."

Magnus: "I did not. That's your personal information."

Kalia: "Oh, you care about that?! I sacrificed myself for my brother. He should have gone to attempt the experiments but I went instead. After I was gone they took all their memories. They don't know that they are nephilim anymore, and they don't remember me."

I stood up now, getting on one level with Maryse. I wanted to step towards her but Jace grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out of the room. We went into my room. I had so many feelings at one time, my soul crashed down. As Jace closed the door he came closer, hugging me tight.

Jace: "I won't let that happen. I'll talk to Maryse. Stay here, don't open the room for anyone except me. I'll knock the door seven times. Then you know it's me. Lock it when I go."

He gave me another kiss on the forehead and left, me locking the behind him. I felt so alone like never before.

About two hours later someone knocked on the door. Just four times. I did not open. A voice came through the wood. "It's me, Magnus. I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry. I had no other choice. I knew your parents. They fought for the clave. It was not my intention to derune you. I am sorry." I pressed my palms onto my ears, did not want to hear.

Another hour later it knocked again. Seven times. I immediately got up and opened the door. It was Jace. He smiled. A good sign, hopefully. Please just let that be a good sign. He came towards me and hugged me again. After we closed the door he told me to sit down on the edge of the bed.

Jace: "We were all against the fact that you should get deruned. Even Alec is on your side. So it won't happen. The thing is, the silent brothers can remove single runes too."

Kalia: "What do you mean with that?"

Jace: "Some runes were made for torture. Maybe you should consider..."

He didn't explain any further but looked at me with big eyes.

Kalia: "I can't."

Jace: "Why?"

Kalia: "They define who I am."

Jace: "No, they don't. You are Kalia. And you will stay Kalia, even if we remove them."

I was not able to answer. My mind was going wild. The runes were a part of me, even if they were bad. Not even all of them were bad. Who would guarantee me that not all runes will be removed. Jace pushed me back onto the bed, holding me like last night, wandering my cheek with his fingers. He knew that it helped me.

Jace: "I love you, Kalia."

He looked me deep into the eyes.

Kalia: "Jace?" I whispered.

He raised his eyebrows.

Kalia: "Is it going to hurt?"

Jace: "Getting deruned?"

I nodded. And for my misfortune he nodded back. I closed my eyes.

Jace: "But we'll get through it. I'll be with you. I promise."

Some days later we headed through the institute. After I talked some more with Jace I decided to get rid of some of the runes. We stood in front of the room. Jace looked at me and I nodded.

As he opened the door I could see a desk. I knew this kind of desk and turned around, wanted to go. I needed to go. Now. My heart was racing. Jace gave me another hug.

Jace: "It's okay."

Kalia: "No, it's not." I admit it. I am not okay!

Jace: "Come on, let's do it."

I wanted to go but I couldn't. My legs felt so heavy. Jace wrapped his hand around my thighs and lifted me up, carrying me to the desk. As he tilted me I could feel the cold metal below my body. I began to breathe heavily. I laid on the desk now, Jace still holding onto me. He pressed my head against his chest.

Jace: "It's going to be alright. I'll always be with you."

As soon as he separated from me I sat up again. I could see that Alec was here too. Jace grabbed onto my shoulders and pushed my down another time. He took both my hands in one of his and pressed them onto my chest. He rested his other arm on my shoulders and slightly pushed them down. Alec came closer and raised my shirt. I lifted my head. I wanted to see them another time. Alec touched the runes carefully. Sometimes even a careful touch hurt on some of them. I flinched.

Alec: "Jace is right. It is going to be okay. Nightmares, pain and runeblock. You want to get rid of those?"

I could not answer. I just looked at my belly. They were a part of me. I actually wanted to keep them, as bad as it sounds.

Jace: "Yeah, those are the ones."

Alec: "Good choice. I would have chosen the same. You can keep the others. They may bring us something good."

He smiled. Why was he being so nice? Someone else entered the room but I couldn't see who it was. Jace pressed my head down. I looked into his eyes again. He surely was my secure base.

Jace: "Close your eyes. The pain will be gone soon."

I did what he told me but could hear that someone made steps towards the table.

Alec: "Kalia, don't startle. I'm going to hold onto your legs."

He grabbed onto my ankles and pushed them down.  My eyes were still closed. I could just not manage to see what was about to happen. Jace leaned over me, carefully spreading his weight on my shoulders. His face was next to mine. He kissed my cheek over and over again. I could smell his perfume. It smelled so good.

Jace: "It is going to hurt now. It's okay if you scream. I'm here."

First a dull throbbing began. It did not hurt that bad. But the pain soon began to intensify. It became worse every second. First I just moaned a bit but it became even worse. I wanted to pull my feet away but Alec still held onto them. The pain intensified even more and I began to scream. The pain was taking over all my senses and I started to panic. I could not see, not hear, not smell. I just felt the pain. But soon it ebbed away and darkness greeted me.