Idk if anyone is going to read this because I know that sometimes I skip authors notes because I'm a butthole but I just wanted to say some stuff. In memory of my step grandma, Donna Sue. I'm just gonna write ok? Ok. Skip this if you want to I guess. I don't care really.

So Donna sue was the best. She was amazing at quilting. We even have some at the house. One time my mom, my sister, and I drove up to her house in Dubuque and spent the day dying cloths blue. We knew she was gonna make it into a quilt.

She was really talented, not just at quilting, but at music. She used to teach violin and and piano. I was actually hoping that she could teach me to play piano. I know it's a little late to start but I've always wanted to learn. She was also going to teach me to use the sewing machine that I got for my birthday. I remember the last time I saw her, Christmas Day, she was telling me that I needed to bring it over soon and she would teach me but we never were able to.

Donna sue was so awesome and I was shocked when she passed. I won't go into detail of how she died. I was so mad at myself because I didn't know why I didn't burst into tears. I guess I just couldn't believe that she was gone. After we got the call my mom drove out to comfort Brian and Bill(Brian's dad) leaving me and my sister alone. We decided to watch our show, Your Lie In April (I recommend it lol) and we were actually getting along well. We were laughing with each other, things that we normally don't do. Every once in a while we'd stop laughing because we either remembered that Donna sue died or we felt bad for being happy about something or other when we should be grieving. Don't get me wrong. We were devastated. I guess we were just too sad to fight. 

We missed her a lot. Brian, my step dad, he's taking it a lot better than I thought. I thought he'd be staying in bed but he's moving around and laughing occasionally. I'm glad he's okay but I think Bill is having a hard time. We bought him a bottle of scotch for Christmas and apparently he drank the whole thing in one day. We were surprised he didn't get very sick because drinking that much scotch that fast can make you very sick.

I hope he will be okay. I don't want to lose him too. He's partially deaf so you have shout in order for him to hear you, but that's okay because I'm loud all the time.

Donna sue made me this quilt for Christmas. I've had it with me ever since she died. It hasn't been attached to me at the hip but I always knew where it was just in case. I got to miss school today so I could go to the funeral but I honestly would rather go to school. It's not like I don't want to go I just wish that There wasn't a funeral in the first place.

I'm not really ready to go back to school because I don't want to face everyone at school. I'm scared I'm gonna break down crying in class. Honestly the blanket is what kept me sane. Donna sue only died a few days ago and now I'm being forced to face a bunch of twats who jump at the chance to make fun of you. Who knows who might make fun of me if I burst out crying in the middle of class. I'm not mentally prepared. Maybe I can stuff my blanket in my backpack, that way I know where it is.

I didn't know her super well but at the same time I still loved her. I mean she was family, and I've never lost someone  before.

I kinda wish I could see her again just to tell her how much she means to me. How much she impacted my life. She was so kind in every way and I couldn't ask for a better Christmas. She knew I loved to write so she bought me these beautiful pastel colored pens and some gold ones too. Those came with three note book. An ombré pink/orange spiral, a white and gold hard cover that said write in the front, and a teal full sized, hard cover notebook that said write as well. I'm gonna put those to use.

I'm still scared to go to school because I'm not ready to face everyone. Not only is school overwhelming but at the same time it's also full of people who laugh at you for reasons that shouldn't be laughed at. I know that at some point I'm gonna start crying. It's bound to happen. I can hold it in around my family because if I feel like I'm gonna start crying I can go to my room and watch danisnotonfire, amazingphil, markiplier, or other people like that to take my mind off things, but when I'm at school I'm forced to be surrounded by other people with no escape and I can't run to the bathroom every time I feel like I might break down.

Anyways if you actually read this, thanks. It ended up being a lot longer than I wanted it to be... sorry. But thanks for reading. Now that schools starting again idk how often I'll be able to write. I'll try my best to write frequently but I need to focus on school. Thanks for reading! Bye.