I have 60k reads?! Wth?? Feels like I hit 50k last week?? Omg that's so many people AGHHH! Thank you thank you thank you thank everyone thank the world thank you

Warning(s): ANGST SO MUCH ANGST I AM SORRY ALL I WRITE IS ANGST, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH (hear that people major so you've been warned) AND SUICIDE

Dan was sitting on his laptop one night when he noticed that there was still light shining from his friend's room. To some this may seem normal, but not to Dan. You see, Phil was usually asleep and snoring whilst Dan browsed through Tumblr, it was odd when he wasn't. Some may assume that Phil just merely couldn't sleep; that was the most logical answer to a situation like this, but Dan's mind immediately went in every possible direction. There wasn't even a smidge of logic or common sense, it was all things like what if a murderer had broken in and is currently holding Phil captor? or What if he was kidnapped? No sense of rationality at all.

To try and find out which one of his eccentric thoughts were true, he pushed himself to remove himself from the browsing position and down the hall to his best friend. As he pressed his ear to the door, his eyebrows furrowed together and his eyes narrowed. He felt something weird in the bottom of his stomach, it felt similar to how you'd feel on the first day of school or at a job interview or something but he didn't know why he felt it. Worry perhaps; he probably was slightly anxious of what the other side of the door could hold but he just told himself that he was being silly.

What Dan heard made his stomach flip even more; what Dan heard crushed him. There was a small sob, so quiet that it was barely there but he knew he had heard it. He lifted up his fist and hesitantly hit it against the wood. There was a slight shuffling within the room until Dan heard a feeble voice speak up. "Don't come in!" It said, Dan recognised it almost immediately to be his best friend.

Dan wanted to croak out an 'are you okay?' but he couldn't find his voice and his brain just didn't want to cooperate with his mouth. He didn't want to open the door but some strange urge was telling him to- forcing him to. So he did.

It was Phil's lamp which dimly lit up his room. It shone so Dan could just about make out the scene which laid before his eyes. Clothes were sprawled in piles across the floor in a messy fashion, along with the odd item. Lion was laying discarded at the foot of the unmade bed, his face against the covers, not sitting up, watching as usual.

Anyone would have been able to feel the thick blanket of tension thrown over the room.

Not one spot of the floor was visible despite the mere centimetres surrounding his best friend and what stood in front of him. Dan's eyes diverted to the ceiling fan which wasn't spinning, despite the fact that his friend was awake and he always had it on. Dan couldn't remove his eyes from what was hanging from it, yet all he wanted was to look away.

Dan's mouth formed words but no sound left, other than a minute gasp every so often. He didn't quite notice the way his best friend was staring at him, Phil's dull, blue eyes boring into him with helplessness and fear. "Dan." Phil whispered, looking from Dan to the ceiling fan, unsure if he wanted to make eye contact within the goodbye. "Could you leave?"

Dan wanted to say no, he'd be okay if he just shook his head but nothing would cooperate. He just dropped his head to gaze at what was left of his best friend. He wished he could just even whisper a response but he was too petrified to do so. Phil took a step forward and turned slightly so him and Dan were parallel and nothing but a metre away. His obligation at that moment was to get Dan away, as far away as possible. "Get out." He muttered, the dullness in his eyes darkening in an almost irritated way. "I said get out." That's when Dan found his voice, but it felt foreign, it didn't feel like it was him speaking at all.

"I heard you." His voice was nothing but a monotone, his whole brain traumatised by the sight that was currently before him.

"Then leave."

"I can't let you do this." Phil dropped his head to glance at his bare feet, a small tear sliding down his frail cheeks.

"Let me fulfil fate." Phil whispered, meeting Dan's eyes once again for a few moments until they became too much for his emotions. Tears flooded down his cheeks like there was no tomorrow, they flowed so much that neither of them quite understood why there wasn't a puddle at both their feet.

"I love you, you know that." Dan lifted his arms to hug his crying friend but Phil did nothing but push his arms away.

"And I love you too." There was a distant boom of thunder and a flash of light before Dan recognised that there was a storm outside. It fit the moment well. "Just get out." Dan turned to face the door, his eyelids dropping as he couldn't bear to watch as he left his broken friend.

However, just as Dan's foot touched the carpet outside of Phil's room, his lamp went out, leaving them in total darkness. Dan couldn't stand the dark. He finally let down the wall sealing the bottle of emotions cooped up inside and let out a tiny cry. He dropped to his knees, not caring about the slight burn as they scraped the dark carpet. All he did was cry. The darkness seemed to close in around him and, yes, it did make him feel so very vulnerable but there was nothing he could do. He was helpless. Helpless. After about five minutes, another sound- other than Dan's pathetic cries- filled the air, the creak of a door opening.

Dan didn't hear it, so, oblivious to the unknown's presence, he carried on sobbing his heart out. It wasn't until he felt a tap on his shoulder that he finally hit reality. He opened his eyes, despising the sting he had brought to them from crying for so long, and lifted his head up. He glanced around to find that no one was there and he was on his own, as far as he could see. It was still quite dark, but not enough that you couldn't just about see what was in front of you. Dan shakily stood up and held out his hand to open Phil's shut door. Time seemingly froze as the door slowly crept open and Dan walked inside. The sight was worse than before. Much. Much worse.

There his best friend was, and it was all his fault.

It broke his heart, how his friend looked so limp and broken yet he couldn't tear his eyes away. He stepped forward and picked up his old lion toy, clutching it like it was the world. "Oh, lion." Dan muttered, wickedly smiling. "If only you could feel emotions. You'd be ripped apart. You would be able to understand how intense this pain is right now." Dan hugged the lion close, sitting down on Phil's bed covers. The covers looked a shade darker now, so did lion, the curtains as well. The world seemed a shade darker and he suddenly didn't have Phil as a torch anymore. (I am so sorry for ruining this horribly sad moment but I really really like this line. That sounds extremely self centred but I am pretty proud of coming up with it :3)

-

Dan woke up to the sound of people talking. The talking seemed many decibels lower, it was as if the sights he had seen had affected every sense immensely. He didn't care though. He opened his eyes to see that he still had the fluffy lion toy in his hands, yet he didn't seem quite as fluffy, the light didn't seem quite as bright either. Phil's room- old room- seemed shockingly cleaner than it was yesterday yet Dan didn't acknowledge it much. Someone was in the doorway though, someone who was so very close to the black-haired, blue-eyed boy, someone who was distraught at the loss but not as distraught as Dan. It was Chris.

Normal Chris would have made a joke about how Dan was holding Phil's lion, or he would have laughed about how Dan was snuggled up in Phil's bed covers but this wasn't normal Chris. He just nodded in acknowledgment at the hazel eyed boy, a small frown on his face. "I called the ambulance," Chris started in a monotone voice, probably almost resembling Dan's the night before. "They took the body away." Dan didn't even nod, he just stared at the wall, not caring about anything anymore. "I just came here this morning, because we were meant to film a video but no one answered the door. I knew where your spare key was so I let myself in, I didn't expect to see my friend-" Chris clasped a hand over his mouth as he let out a small sob. He composed himself again for Dan's sake and carried on talking. "I didn't expect to see my friend dead."

"Does PJ know?" Dan murmured, not tearing his gaze away from the fascinating wall.

"What?"

"I said, does PJ know?!" Dan raised his voice a little, sending a slight shiver down Chris' spine.

"No, not yet."

"He needs to know." With that, Dan laid back down, lion still in his hands and closed his eyes. He didn't care that Chris was still at the door. He didn't care about anything.

-

After that Dan stopped..stopped doing everything.

He stopped eating. He stopped drinking. He stopped talking. He stopped leaving his room. He stopped filming. He stopped using the internet.

All he did since that day was stare into space. Often would he have PJ or Chris standing outside his room, knocking frantically out of fear that he was going to hurt something, someone or, worse, himself. It never happened though, until that day.

It was exactly a month since Dan had found Phil when he heard this sudden voice. It told him that he could see Phil again. Dan's face lit up at the idea.

"You just need to jump," The voice had told him and, of course, Dan was willing to do anything to see his best friend again. That's how he found himself at the edge of the city's bridge, above the river, his mind taunting him to finally finish it.

"As long as I see Phil again." Were his last words before he jumped into the watery abyss below him. He didn't even scream.

-

There was a bright light and a shadow. The bright light should have burnt Dan's pupils since he had been in a dark room for so long but all it did was soothe the depressed boy. The shadow closely resembled a person, but who that person was was left unknown. "Dan!" Someone called out, earning a weak cry from the broken boy.

"Phil?! Is that you..?" He screamed, dropping to his knees and covering his ears. "You're not real! I'm imagining this! I'll wake up and you'll have left me again!" He cried, his voice hoarse and broken, resembling how he felt inside.

"I'm right here." Phil whispered, holding out his hand with a tiny, timid smile. Dan looked up at him with teary eyes, not quite believing what was in front of him. Phil nodded, encouraging Dan to take his hand and follow him.

"W-Where are we g-going?" Dan stammered, unsure of whether this was real.

"I'm taking you to the happy place."

"A happy place?" Dan questioned, hiccuping from crying so much.

"Trust me, here you don't have to worry about anyone or about the outside world."

"Will you be with me?"

"I'm never leaving you again, Dan."

-

It was on October 25th that Dan's coffin was buried beside Phil's.

It was on October 25th that everything changed.

I am so sorry