Another ♪songfic!♪ kinda long
Punk!Phil/Pastel!Dan is one of my fav AUs not gonna lie.
This one is based on "Fake You Out" by twenty one pilots. Not really punk but eh whatever it works.
Trigger warning: Self-harm (Ugh I'm sorry)

You try not to let tears come out of your eyes, even though you really, really want to cry.

Tonight was another one of those nights. A night where your demons got too loud for you to stay sane.

You hear a car pull up outside, so you stomp outside into the cool, dark night, slamming the door shut behind you.

♪I want to drive away. In the night, headlights call my name.♪

"What is it this time, (Y/N)?" Your boyfriend, Phil, sighs as you angrily get into the passenger seat of his car. You slam the car door just like you did the front door of your house. His car is black, just like his hair, clothes, and pretty much everything else he owns. Some Muse song is playing on his radio. Of course it's Muse, it always is. It is his favorite band after all.

"I can't do this anymore, Phil," you reply, shaking your head.

"What the hell (Y/N)?" Phil exclaims, looking over at you angrily.

"What?" You spat, glaring at him.

"I thought you were clean, (Y/N)!" He looks down at your arms, which are covered in fresh blood and cuts.

♪I, I'll never be, be what you see inside♪

You yank down the sleeves of your black sweatshirt to cover the cuts. You shake your head and finally let the tears come out. You're not sobbing, only silently letting a few tears rolls slowly down your face.

"What was it this time?" Phil sighs. He sounds so exasperated, like he's completely given up on you. But yet here he is, still holding on to you, even with all of your problems.

"My parents," you whisper. "So called friends. My own mind. Everyone."

"I cannot believe you," Phil mutters angrily. "I actually cannot believe you would go and do a stupid thing like that."

You look over at Phil. His hands grip the steering wheel tightly, and your eyes follow the tattoos on his wrist all the way up his arm until they disappear under his black tee shirt. His piercing blue eyes stare angrily straight ahead at dark road in front of him. He absentmindedly chews on his black lip ring.

"I-I'm-"

"No, don't even say you're sorry," Phil interrupts. "I'm tired of you doing this to yourself." He sounds annoyed, but you know deep down he cares. If he didn't care, he wouldn't be here right now. "You don't deserve this. I don't deserve this, okay? I thought you loved me."

"I-I do love you, Phil," you protest.

"If you loved me, then why would you hurt yourself? Every time you hurt yourself, you hurt me."

You look out the window, into the night. He's right. You know he's right. You know you don't deserve this, and neither does he. You know everything already, but you just can't bring yourself to stop.

♪You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified♪

"Where are we going?" You mumble instead.

"Where do you think?" Phil shakes his head. His voice softens when he glances over at you and sees how upset you are. "My place."

"I could've stayed at my place. I would've been fine..." You mutter, crossing your arms and sinking down in the car seat.

"You would've been fine?" Phil laughs bitterly. "You would've been lying dead on the bathroom floor."

"You shouldn't joke about this, Phil," you say through gritted teeth.

"I'm not joking, I'm serious. If I wasn't here for you, you would do something stupid," he snaps. "Don't lie to me, you would try-"

"Just shut up," you interrupt, tracing the tattoos on your arms lightly with your finger. You realize your entire body is shaking.

"No," Phil says harshly. "I'm not going to shut up. If I shut up, I can't help you."

♪You say that you are close, is close the closest star?♪

"You're not helping me, Phil, yelling at me like this," you shake your head, hoping to get the demons out. It doesn't work.

♪You just feel twice as far, you just feel twice as far♪

"Someone needs to be hard on you," he says. "I'm just worried..." His voice trails off as he glances down at your wrists, which you immediately try to cover up with the sleeves of your black hoodie. "I thought you were doing better."

♪And I'll fall♪

"I thought I was too," you say miserably.

"I thought you were sane, (Y/N)," Phil repeats. You notice he's tapping his foot along to the beat of whatever song is loudly playing on the radio and nodding his head slightly.

"I-"

♪And I'll break♪

"I at least thought you were clean," He sighs.

Phil pulls his car to a stop in front of his flat and cuts the engine.

You sit there in silence a moment, just listening to your breathing.

The silence starts to eat away at you, until you finally just snap.

"Well I'm not!" You yell. "I thought I was better, I thought I was fine, I thought I stopped cutting, but my demons are back and they're here to stay!" You scream, but it's cut off quickly by your sob.

♪And I'll fake, all I wanna♪

"That's it." Phil opens the car door, gets out, and slams the door shut behind him. He walks around the front of the car and over to the passenger side. He opens your door and takes your hand as he leads you out of the car and up into his flat.

You follow Phil, still sobbing as he stomps up the endless flights of stairs in his apartment.

Phil marches through the hall and right past his flatmate, Dan, who's standing in the middle of Phil's room.

"I-I was just looking for y-your laptop-" Dan stutters in shock once he catches sight of you in the middle of your break down. He nervously pulls down the sleeves of his pastel pink jumper and fixes his brunette fringe.

"Get out!" Phil snaps, pointing to the door.

Dan's eyes widen as he hurries out of the room.

Phil sits you down on the edge of his bed, and you immediately fall backward so you're laying down on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

♪And I'll fall down♪

Phil slams the door shut before coming over and sitting down next to you. He sighs and hangs his head in his hands.

♪And I'll break down♪

"Why do you do this, (Y/N)?" He asks. "You're so beautiful and funny and just-worth it. You're worth it. So why do you think you're not? Why?"

"I-I don't know..." You say between gasps of air. You can feel an anxiety attack coming on. "But can you...can you stay with me? I know it-it's asking a lot...b-but c-c-can you...just...help me through this? Please?"

♪And I'll fake you out♪

Phil lays down on the bed next to you and takes your hand.

"Of course, (Y/N). Of course..."

♪All I wanna♪

♡fin♡

Ah I'm sorry I hate writing triggering stufffff ughhhhh
Andimalsogoingthroughsomestuffbut
Just...stay alive |-/ okay? Please.
Thanks.
Love you.