{ KI }

The world is dark. Scratch that, it's pitch black but the lights within us are glaring. I luckily looked away from the lightning, although my fire wasn't as lucky.

"Ki??"

"Shh hey, I'm here, Aht. I'm here."

Holding him close, my arms wrap around him. He breathes in my hair shakily and is blinded for a time. Sweet Aht... The moment he can see me, he kisses me with gratitude.

I glance around. "What's happening?"

"I don't know. What did she mean by Their command—AAHHH!"

Booming.

Massive.

Loud.

So loud.

"AHT!"

Everything is shifting. Pulsing...

We embrace each other as chains, closing each other's ears from this awful, damning sound. I can't even hear my own heart. My shouts are barely heard.

"Make it stop," he pleads. "Please make it stop."

...

It does stop. The dark world flashes tumultuous colors, rendering us disoriented. Those colors assemble in one spot, leaving the world to fall into shadows once again. From that spot, comes out...?

Faces. Shifting faces.

Aht stares at them and buries himself in the crook of my neck. My breaths are fogging. The faces move and solidify while the world slowly brightens up.

Same world. Different dimension. Similar to the space where spirits hold their meetings. The bodily sensation and the muffled silence are thinner here. Hollower. Colors burn through the stars and planets as golds, purples, and indigos. Black voids are tinged in faint green.

Those faces take shapes and eventually separate into five people in front of us. But they're not people, they are...

"Automatons," I whisper.

One of them... waves hi? "This is how you greet, right?" they ask the other.

"I think... so." The second one blinks languidly.

The third one says, "Yes, it's the correct way to do for people nowadays."

These automatons... I don't feel any usual spirit auras from them. Instead, their spirit auras feel—

"Told you I'm not that ancient!" The first one springs on their feet.

"You've been dead for almost two thousand years," the fourth one quips. "That's bloody ancient."

The last one pipes up, "And I taught you how to greet!"

"All of you are humans?" Aht questions.

"Were humans, to be exact."

"So... You all are Their Highness?"

Whoa! All of them cry out in dismay. The fourth scolds, "We're not Them. Never have and never will. It's insulting to assume—"

"They didn't know. Calm down." The third pats their metal hand.

"Why automatons?" Frowning, Aht scrutinizes their forms.

"Their Highness is fond of this human invention." They clear their throat and gesture at the rest. "We are negotiators, informing spirits about their options for their paths and you two are the first! Initially, we didn't understand why They commanded us to be prepared for this since NO ONE has ever resorted or pulled to come here. And here you two are."

I wince from that. "Is it a bad thing?"

Tensing up, they utter, "We are sorry."

I don't feel good. "Just tell us, please."

"Your situation has fatal repercussions."

"Because of our baby?"

Their mechanical mouth opens and closes. "They were correct about your potential child."

"No..." Aht shakes his head, horrified.

"What I meant is about your potential child's power and no, it's not up to them to decide whether they'll grow up evil or not."

I rub over my navel with tentativeness. "What's wrong with them then? Unable to handle a powerful human? Jealous?"

"An indication to it, yes. This is why The Highness let you both be together and lived among humans. Proud of you two for using your abilities to help humans."

I'm thankful, so damn thankful They had forgiven us... Proud even. I grasp Aht's hands and he sighs deeply from relief.

"This may take down the spirits' superiority a notch. Sad to say, your potential child is in the middle of the war."

My brows furrow. "Why did They let me get pregnant?"

Despite their expressions being limited, compassion bleeds through their look. "They wouldn't let it at first, but... you both wished for it for decades. They granted it after clemency is present in—"

"In other spirits," I say, rubbing my jaw. Esj and a few others were swayed a little. "They remain bullheaded."

"Unfortunately. Most higher spirits now know about your relationship and they will hunt you down. Even if the child grows up being good, they'll be hunted down by humans as well. For experiments, exploitation, or worse. Both groups will not let go."

I clutch Aht's back from hearing this, and my palm feels his heartbeat getting faster...

"There is no way out?" Aht asks.

"Two options. One, you two become full humans."

Oh my God.

"However, you two have to die first and be born anew. Your spirits will belong to your new true bodies."

...

"This comes as a shock, we know."

Foreboding submerges within my heart. "Everything has its costs."

They look down, tenser. "You're right. You both will grow up and won't remember each other."

...My heartbeat speeds up like Aht's.

"At all?" Aht whimpers.

"If They permit your memories of this life to pass into the next, you'll remember. However, we don't really know what's in Their mind. We can't give you false hope."

"What's the second option?" Desperation crawls out of my throat.

"You both become full spirits and have your old places back, but it's forever."

"Never be together with him?"

They shake their heads... I burst into tears, grasping harder at my Aht...

"Ki..." He gazes at me, crying and holding onto me like a lifeline.

"If both of you choose the first one, bear in mind," they warn, "the lives you will live will beat you down. No divinity. No super abilities. You have to live and survive to the fullest, depending on yourselves as normal humans. Just be good at heart... Maybe then, what They implied to us in Their command, you two will be together again. Forever, even after your deaths."

...I watch Aht. My wonderful Aht... My lips curve a weak smile and he kisses my tears away. His eyes are determined and fearful. His answer is the same as mine.

"You shan't have a problem thinking about this since all physical desires are absent her—"

"Become humans," Aht speaks up. I nod in agreement. They seem genuinely surprised.

The chirpy one says, "You two really love each other ah? Rare to see someone choose to die."

Aht laughs bitterly between sobs, "We don't have much choice."

"What about our child?" I question.

All of them avert their looks. "I'm sorry. From the moment you both are here, your child is..."

I... I grip my belly. Their Highness. Years of wanting children... Gone. Aht shuts his eyes from an immense grief, red-faced.

"Are the two of you sure about this? You won't remember each other."

"Until They permit it," Aht replies.

"...If."

Wiping away my remaining tears, I say, "We have faith in Them."

Unexpectedly, all of the automatons beam. The world darkens. The second one says, "You're given half of a human hour to say your goodbyes."

"It-it happens now??"

"It can't hold off, the spirits won't waste their time to hunt."

Aht beside me stiffens. I'm not ready. The familiar world comes into view and is in slow motion. Except for Taq and Fomu.

Fomu looks around the area. "Why the world is slow, Ki??"

"We have to go."

"Where?"

What just happened earlier comes crashing down on us like a freight train, pushing us out of stupor. It's really happening.

I bawl. Can't speak.

Aht hugs me and answers, "We will be reincarnated and born as humans."

Taq blinks in shock. "Are you serious?"

Fomu immediately hugs me, making me cry harder... "Now?"

"Before others get to us," Aht whispers.

And Taq hugs me too. I hug them tightly, noting their fresh scent and light frames into my memory. They release me, crying as well...

"Thank you for helping us all these years."

"Thank you for loving Ki." Taq stifles her cry by pressing her forehead with her wrist. "You should tell your friend, Theodore. He's in front of the hospital."

"Oh God. Theo," Aht sobs from pain. My heart weighs down for our next goodbye.

"Go. Run." Fomu pushes us.

Teary smiles adorn their faces and we both run to Theo. The slowing raindrops move faster than before, urging us to sprint.

We see him.

"Oh thank goodness, you two are alright!"

Without wasting time, we both hug him. Aht tells him, "We have to go."

"What? I thought you're safe now?"

"We'll be reborn," I inform.

I hate when Theo is in tears, shocked by the news.

"They'll never stop hunting us down," Aht murmurs. "God will make us die and be born as babies."

"...Which families?" Theo asks quietly.

"We know nothing. It's all up to Their Highness."

Theo embraces us closer. "You two won't be together?"

"We won't remember each other," I cry out.

Our dear friend is terrified, with those huge old eyes. Aht grabs his shoulder and tries to reassure him, "Theo, when we grow up and be our own person, living lives with the best we can, then They will give us a chance for us. To be together again."

Theo nods in urgency. "I'll pray. I'll pray every day and night for you two to be together and remember. I'll ask my family and friends to pray."

I gasp, "Angeline. Mike and Bertha."

Theo scrunches his watery eyes. "I'll tell them... The kids will question but I'll come up with something."

"Give our best wishes to them."

He nods and cries with us. "I'm so scared for you..."

The world is in a normal state... The rain is as if bullets are on my back. A hand on my shoulder.

The third automaton. "You both have to go."

Theo doesn't react. He doesn't see or hear them. We release him and walk backward.

"We have to go," I say.

"NOO!" He grabs our hands, desperately pulling us when we're disappearing. His panicked cries are louder by the moment...

"Than‐thank you. For being our friend. Our best— best friend." Aht sobs uncontrollably, hugging my side; anchoring me.

More tears well up in my eyes. "Th... Thank you, Theo."

Before we go, Theo shuts his eyes, resigned. Old, familiar pain makes its way into my chest, stronger than ever. Trying my best to remember his scent of old books and ginger.

____________________

{ AHT }

While in between worlds with the automaton guiding us, I'm trying my best to numb my feelings, but we just lost our best friend. And I will lose Ki soon.

I take a deep breath, trying to stop my sobs. Never once have I let go of Ki from my arms. "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere far. Where those spirits cannot easily track you before your..." They pause. "You know."

Just say our approaching deaths. It doesn't make any difference to our already strangled emotions. I ask Ki, "Sweetheart, where do you want to go?"

Her look is vacant. "You once said you want to visit your former place."

I postponed it for years because I'm a coward. I have to be brave. "My old place it is."

Our surroundings alter into...

...Goodness gracious.

"My fire?" Her concern shows through the cracks of impassiveness.

Soothing her with a kiss on her forehead, I tell, "I'm okay. It's been too long." Bittersweetness blankets me.

"So beautiful, Aht."

"Always have."

The automaton says, "Prepare yourselves. Wish as many as you can."

"We can wish?"

"Absolutely. Your paths become this way, though there is no harm in trying."

I was unsure earlier if we could wish despite that we'll die minutes later. Thought our desires will reset.

They bow to us. "I hope from this decision, the spirits will see and re-evaluate their actions, even if it will take years. All the best for your next lives." Ki and I express our thanks and they are gone.

"Come, my love." I lead us farther into the clearing in front of my vol— Mm... In front of the snowy mountain.

It's cold but it does nothing to distract our dark thoughts. I sit us down on the snowy ground with the moon shining brightly on us, peeking behind the mountain. Bringing her to my lap, I cry on her shoulder. I can't hold back and neither can she.

This does it.

She cries on my crown. Wailing. Tugging my heartstrings to grief... I'm not ready.

My urgent kisses on her are as if I need air. She is my air. She kisses my tear-stricken cheeks over and over with her fingers hanging onto me...

"I wish to remember you no matter what."

"Oh Aht, I wish to remember you, even in dreams." She sniffles and sobs on my chest, right on my heart. "I wish to take your pain—"

"Ki!"

"Thus, when every morning comes, you'll have enough will to live."

"Then I wish... I wish you will get stronger every day, enough will to live, my Ki." My unrestrained tears keep spilling onto her lap. "If you don't have the ability to get pregnant in the next life, I wish I can. I'll carry lots of our children."

She beams tearfully between our kisses. "I'd love that. You'll be glowing... I wish you will have confidence in inventing wondrous things, and won't feel destructive instead."

"I wish you'll get to teach everything you know to those who are willing to learn. They will see how you are never naive."

"I wish to bear your name into whatever my name will be given."

Gazing at Ki with swelling affection, I rock her back and forth. "And I wish I'll bear your name into mine. Every time people call my name, I wish I will come closer to remember you."

She never stops kissing me. Touching me. Feeling me...

"Make love to me." She's devouring my mouth desperately and panting her hot breaths on my tongue. I melt. In need of her... "I want your mark inside me. Ingrained. Help me believe I will remember you as the father of my child." Gritting her teeth, she suppresses her cry. Her glistening eyes stare into mine.

As my voice cracks, I say, "Everything you wish."

From it, we become bare and make love in the snow.

Tasting every inch of each other.

Listening to every song of our names.

Consuming each other's scents.

Watching flushed skins and yearning eyes.

Weaving through her wild hair with my fingers as she tugs mine in despairing ache...

Sharing highs in every move that we make.

We stop when we can't take it anymore. No children. No settling down in Hawaii. No wedding with Stardust song. Maybe in the next life. How I wish.

We embrace each other. Our foreheads touch. Sudden resoluteness sears through me. Looking into her eyes, I vow, "I promise I'll find you."

"My Aht?" Her nose scrunches up as she withholds her cries.

"I don't care how lost I will be. We weren't damned for nothing." My head shakes. "It's not just a wish. It's a promise. I broke my promise to not get myself hurt—"

"It was their fault!" Her soothing voice breaks too. "You didn't break anything."

I feel a faint smile on my lips. Protective to the end. "However, I promise you this. No matter how many times I might get lost, I'll find you."

"I promise to wait for you, no matter how long." Her flooding eyes are downcast and her trembling lips touch my raised fingertips. "I'll make myself easier to be found somehow."

My heart thumps. I feel hers is too. The sting...

No. No no no no no no!

"I'm scared." I gasp in my cries and full-blown panic. My Ki. I can't leave my Ki.

"You will find me." She writhes from agony, heaving. "I have faith in you."

"And I have faith in you," I declare.

The pain rips me apart, making me groan deep from my gut. Horrifically, our fingers are turning to dust. Ki's hyperventilating and I whisper sweet nothings to her between my grunts of pain.

Our arms turn into dust, floating up to the sky. I sing Stardust to calm her down. To calm myself down...

She stares at me. As if I'm her whole world for the last time.

No. I will see this look again, on me, from her, in our next lives.

Our bodies stellify up to the night sky and among the stars.

"...The memory of love's refrain."

We kiss our goodbyes. And I know.

That she takes her last breath with my scent.