My next project will be a shrek/hetalia crossover and you can't stop me.

By afternoon, Francis still hadn't left the bathroom.
"Come out, Franny! I have to pee."
"Just do it on Matthieu." Francis wept.
"Francis, were your friends. Speak to us." Antonio begged. He had already sent Romano off with breakfast and dry clothes and was now ready to take care of the hurting Frenchman in their lavatory.
"I can't." Francis started sobbing again. The two boys outside the bathroom looked at each other hopelessly.
"At least sulk in jour room so ve don't have to piss on zhe lawn. Jour grandma vouldn't like zhat."
Again, Francis didn't answer.
"Toni, we've got to do something."
"Sí. We do."

(•••)

"Yo, Mattie, open up." It has taken a lot of convincing for Francis's mom to let them into the house, but it was a huge relief when she did. The two boys ran to where, according to the Frenchwoman, Matthew slept, pounding on the door frantically.
"If you're a robber I have a hockey stick within arms reach. Just sayin'." They heard mumbled from the other side.
"Mattie, isht me und Toni. Ve need your help vizh Francis."
"C'min."
The albino and brunette burst through the door like Rei from Love Stage.
(Ref.)

"If you broke that I'll probably politely lecture you later." Matthew sure looked comfortable. The guy was absolutely covered in fluffy assed blankets and surrounded by stuffed animals, one of which was a really realistic looking bear.
"So...did anything happen to Francis last night?" Antonio started off.
"I dunno. I was...busy...."
"Busy getting acquainted vizh zhat spiky haired guy?"
"B'y, we weren't 'gettin' acquainted. We've been dating for two months." Matthew closed his eyes and buried himself deeper in his mass of pillows.
"Zhen how come Franny didn't know?"
"Because he's a pot dealer and he's probably yell at me if I told him."
"Guys. Stop. We have more important things to worry about." Antonio interrupted. "Like Francis."
"Well, the Kirklands were there. He probably had a falling out with one of them." Matthew hypothesized.
"Vhat exactly happened between Francis und zhem?"
"I'm not sure. But from what I've seen, it seems like Arthur was jealous of Alister when he was dating Francis. I think I heard something about eyebrows sabotaging ginger's love life or something...." 
The Spaniard and the German exchanged a glance.
"Mattie, can jou help us out vizh a little somezhing?"
"What kinda something?"
"Can jou help me und Toni hook Franny up vizh Eyebrows?"
"Must you give a nickname to everybody?"
"Ja. Are jou in?"
"Yeah. Fine."

y'all talk about John green like he's tough shit but Scott Westerfeld is the true YA king. Suck it.