21
Bambam's POV
It's the next day.
My hand rests on the doorknob, unsure whether or not I want to get out of my room. Images of yesterday's 'incident' pops up in my head time to time, ever since I woke up this morning. I shook my head and tried to distract myself from those memories, but they still linger in my thoughts. They never abandoned me. Always demanding that I relieve that moment, as though it wanted me to dwell and think about it a little longer. I personally wanted to forget it all. Forget it even happened.
I cracked the door open slightly, looking out to the living room. My eyes roamed around the area, looking for the person responsible for conjuring these confusing feelings inside me. They finally locked on him. Yugyeom's back was faced me as he sat on the computer, scrolling through some website. He directed the mouse to click on the search bar, then proceeded to type. His fingers clicked with the keys.
Those fingers...
The way they traced over my legs to my waist, pinching the skin but soothing them down as he rubbed them with his palm.
Yugyeom clicked enter and stared at the choices the computer showed him. He looked like he was really concentrating, biting his lip at the screen.
Those lips...
The way they left a tingling feeling as they pressed up on mine, making them red and swollen. They left my skin feeling like fire everywhere they went. Traveling from my lips, to my jaw, then to my neck.
Yugyeom quit biting his lip when he clicked on another link. He licked them instead. A habit I seemed to notice lately. He makes sure to do it quickly, only letting his tongue out for a little while.
That tongue...
The way it licked and sucked on my skin with his lips, leaving a mark. It would soothe the fire, making a nice contrast. Fire and Ice all in one package. It was surely intoxicating.
My hand subconsciously went up to touch my neck, exactly where he left hickeys. My fingers traced over the cloth that covered them at this moment, my black turtleneck.
Yugyeom closed out of the browser and turned the computer off. Before he could see me peeking, I closed the door quietly. I pressed my back against the door and covered my now red face. A groan escapes my lips. Why did he make me feel this way?
I'm supposed to be straight, right?
I crawl onto my bed and hug one of my many pillows. I stared at the mirror which was propped up in front of me. My fingers pull down my turtleneck a little, exposing the four dark lovebites. I sighed, annoyed. Why did he leave them scattered on my neck? It'll be harder to cover it up.
I guess I'll just keep them hidden just like my feelings...
Ever since I talked to my mom on the phone, I've tried to hide my feelings for Yugyeom. At the time, I believed it was just a small crush. Some puppy love that'll pass by. But, instead of shrinking away, it grew every day. It became harder and harder to cover it up. You can't really cover up and elephant with a children's blanket, but you can try. I blindly relied on myself to stay normal about it, but the last kiss broke all of my hard work. Everything I built up from then and tried my best at maintaining was blown away by one touch. Heck, I was up to the point of making myself reject the idea of liking him for a while. But of course, my feelings get in the way. All thanks to Yugyeom.
I don't want to like him. Liking him would just leave me in pain. I'm looking for long term in someone who is temporary. There's a possibility that he doesn't really like me at all. After all, I was the one who forced him to stay here in the first place. He just stayed here for his convenience. When he gets the chance to leave, he will fly. Run away, as if nothing happened. I'm trying to protect myself from looking for love in his field of lust. But, it's already too late...
I'm trapped.
My fingers guide the turtleneck around my neck again, covering our little secret. It made me feel choked rather than snug in its cotton folds.
I stand up and stretch, getting myself ready for any weird confrontation when I leave this room. I don't know what's gonna happen between Yugyeom and I, but I hope it's for the best...
So I walked out of the room, into the Living room. Yugyeom looks at me as if he wasn't ready for my appearance. His eyes were filled with so many emotions. They swam quickly around his brown orbs. I awkwardly put my hand on the back of my neck, rubbing it slightly.
"Ah, let me go make breakfast..." I laugh stiffly and direct myself into the kitchen. Before I could put a foot in, I feel his hand wrap around my wrist. I close my eyes and sighed.
"Bambam, we need to talk." His voice sounded soft but held a hint of urgency in it. It was weird, cause I already knew what he was gonna say.
Let's just forget this ever happened...
"Yugyeom, I'm sorry what happened yesterday. I won't say anything about it, and I won't act weird around you."
"Don't say sorry!" The confrontation started when he spun me around and held my shoulders with a tight grip. His eyes now looked hurt. "You're gonna forget all of that? What we did yesterday, how we felt, how close we got-"
"Yugyeom, we did those things because we felt lonely! It was my fault for keeping you in here, only able to do those things because I was the only one around you all the time. It was just lustful wishes!"
"Don't you dare label all of my feelings as lust! I'm not a kid Bambam! I'm hurt that you would think that! That everything I showed you yesterday was for nothing? Really?!" Yugyeom yelled at me. His eyes began to water. "I thought about this a lot, and I know what I want. But you brushed my feelings and thoughts aside, just like that! Without even listening to my side of the story. Even if all of it meant nothing to you, it was everything to me!"
I was stunned to silence. My gaze was wide as I saw those single silent tears drip to his rose cheeks. He was passionate without a doubt, but I had to make sure...
"Y-You," My voice trembles. "Do you like... me?"
Yugyeom froze. He turned his head, looking elsewhere. I could see the gears in his head turning. It took a while for his response. Every second that passed, I lost hope. See, he doesn't even l-
"Y-Yes." He looked back at me. "God, yes." His eyes displayed happiness and another emotion.
"I was so blind, how could I not realize... Oh my god." Yugyeom chuckles, putting his palm to his forehead. Was he only just discovering his feelings now? "I was so obvious, wasn't I?"
"Actually, no. I thought you wanted to be just friends..."
"Are you for real? I-" He stopped and remembered the discussion we put aside. I gulped.
"Bambam, do you like me?" Fear quickly showed on his features. As if he considered rejection from my side. I gave him a small smile.
"Yeah..."
"You're not joking...?"
"No."
Yugyeom face lit up like a kid on christmas. It looked like he couldn't contain his feelings any longer. His arms wrapped around the skinny boy's waist and spun them around.
"I can't believe it!" He laughed. I couldn't believe it either. We were arguing one moment, then happy the next. He puts me down, looking at my face ecstatically.
"So," I looked at him nervously. "What now?"
"This." He leans down to leave a chaste peck on my plump lips. He gives me such a warm smile...
But I can't seem to feel from it this time.
I give him a quick smile. "Stop being so cheesy. It's gonna make me sick." I turn my body and use my hand to guide his hand in mine, pulling him towards me. "Come on, let's have breakfast."
We continue our day like normal. The only difference is the amount of skinship given. Yugyeom presses up closer to me than normal. He manages to sneak some surprised pecks from time to time, although it isn't very often. I always make sure to show that I appreciate his sweet gestures since they do make me happy.
But,
I can't help but notice an uneasy feeling that lurks at the back of my mind. It taunts me, gives me negative thoughts. Thoughts of how badly my last relationship went, how this can't be real because it's too good to be true, how this may cause more issue in the future...
'And how you still feel trapped...' My mind echoes.
I should just be focusing on now and enjoying the moment, but something makes me uneasy. Every time I get an uneasy feeling, something bad tends to happen. And I don't want this moment, this moment that feels like a dreamy fairytale, to end. To go to waste. To efface.
I'm supposed to be happy about freeing my emotions that I've held in for some time, but why does it feel like things are moving too fast?
And to the wrong direction?
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pLOt tWiST
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