(WARNING: mention of mental breakdown,
depression and anxiety,if uncomfortable don't read this chapter )

This was one of the moments where Taehyung didn't know what to do. His head was hurting like a bitch,it felt like someone was smashing his head with hammer repeatedly. Taehyung was already in deep thoughts of his. He realised how he never gets into commitment with anyone,when he had the chance he lost it,he still hates himself for that day and it kills him.

Jeongguk,the most precious and special person to Taehyung, was hurt multiple times just because that guy wanted to be inlove and Taehyung was one of the reasons. That day was a nightmare,he lost his bestfriend of years just like that,he should have expected it the moment they started to fuck with eachother. Now that Jeongguk is with Taehyun, all he wants to do is snatch him away from him. He knows it's wrong,they have already kiss,that makes him come to conclusion that Jeongguk and Taehyun aren't going that great as Jeongguk was willing when they kissed.

Though he regrets it,no matter what,he should not have kissed Jeongguk since Younger is still in a relationship, all he knows is he can be a reason why another relationship will be broken up. He doesn't want to come inbetween those two...but he wants Jeongguk and he will achieve him,he is not some prize that Taehyung can achieve but he is a guy who Taehyung would never fall out of love with.

Ever since he had that talk with Jeongguk about Namjoon he doesn't know what he should do. Except he just feels bad for his self and make the guilt eat him up. The one time he thought he was gonna move on,someone tells the guy he is dating is a piece of shit. Namjoon,the perfect guy from outside,is a manipulative guy. Taehyung hasn't seen his real colours yet but Jeongguk won't lie to him,what will he achieve by that anyway. That makes him think that only person he will ever be inlove with is Jeongguk and Jeongguk will never be with Taehyung.

Taehyung wants to cry if he is being honest. His heart is feeling so heavy at the moment and his head is just hurting so bad. His body is killing him. It feels really bad and he is extremely anxious, all because of the tension he is taking. The stress of how nothing is working out. His bestfriend is moving further away from him,his lover is with another guy and the guy he is going out with is a bastard. He feels tears prickling from his eyes.

"Why the fuck am I so miserable?!" Taehyung says to himself while crying. Taehyung doesn't even realise he was heaving a mental breakdown. His breath quickened and it was so fucking hard to breath all of a sudden.

Taehyung was taking heavy breathes. He put his hands on his chest,trying to calm himself down but it wasn't working. Taehyung knew he shouldn't have let the stress get to his mind since he is really sensitive and this makes it really hard for him. He takes everything to heart. His mental breakdowns are always the hardest for him as they are rare but when they come,Taheyung couldn't stand it. Taehyung has been so low in mentally state from past few days. He can't seem to sleep after that sleepover. He has been terribly anxious and really depressed.

Taehyung quickly took his phone,his breathing was getting stuck and it was really hard for him to breath openly,as much as he trying to calm down but it wasn't working. He went to calling app and quickly tapped into whoever contact came in view. He saw it was Jeongguk. Good,Jeongguk has been with Taehyung before, he could calm him.

But the sad thing was Jeongguk wasn't picking up.

"The contact you have been trying to contact is unavailable at the moment,please call back later" this was all he heard and it made him want to cry more.

He went back and quickly searched for SeokJin's name. The contact popped up and as he touched his contact,the call went by.Not so soon after,the call was finally picked up.

"Hello?" He heard Seokjin say.

"Jin h-hyung"

"Hello? Taehyung? Hey are you alright?" He sensed the worried tone in His voice.

"I-I can't breath H-hyung,I can't fucking breath" Taehyung stuttered,the sweat was soon taking place too. He was shaking from the sudden attack.

"Oh my god,fuck Taehyung,are you okay? Ofcourse you are not I'm so stupid,ok baby listen to me,take deep breathes,come on breath with me,inhale and exhale" Seokjin was assisting him to what to do as Taehyung followed. This was kind of helping.

"Jin...hyung,it's so..h-hard,I-I-" Taehyung crying cut him off as he sniffed.

"Shh baby,it's okay,I'm here with you. Don't you worry I'm coming in five minutes,just wait for me Tae. Lay down somewhere and don't think about anything negative,take deep breathes. Dont hang up the phone,just stay on the call with me until I reach okay?" Seokjin asssured him he was there for him and honestly,that really helped.

"O-ok" Taehyung went to his bed and got inside the duvet. His body was feeling extremely hot and he was shaking terribly. He started to take deep breathes and started to think about something positive,just as his hyung said. He started to think about him...and Jeongguk. How they would so cute together,how they would kiss,hold hands and all that stuff. He won't lie,it put a small smile on his face. It was really lovely.

"You there with me baby,it's okay you don't have to respond ,just please try to calm yourself down,I'm at your door almost " Jin said to him,Taehyung nodded even though he knows Jin can't see it. Taehyung soon saw Jin inside his from as he rushed to his side,he got into his bed and quickly hugged him,embracing him in his arms. Jin kissed his forehead and wiped those ugly tears from his beautiful face.

"Don't cry baby,I'm here, I'm here for you,don't you worry" He just let him rest his head on shoulders as they both sat there with eachother. Giving eachother comfort like normal bestfriends. Their bond was a lot stronger than anyone else. They have been friends for two years and it's honestly the best. The way Seokjin is so caring and kind,is what Taehyung always looked in a friend. But that wasn't the deal right now. His life was slowly crumbling,his relations with people he loves are falling. The most important one is heartbreak. Love is a curse if it's one sided.

"I-I love him so much Jin Hyung. It hurts" Taehyung confessed. Jin didn't even asked him who,he knew,everyone knows. He just pulled him closer,not trying to show the boy his own tears. Just want to be there for his bestfriend.

"I know baby,I know"

Taehyung felt like he was in slump once again. This feels nostalgic to Taehyung. It's like it's the same day again. He is in the swimming court of the rival school. They are having a competition as whoever will win this will go to regionals. Taehyung was always proud of his fast swimming skills and how the water just cooperated with him,making him feel like he is flying in water but nowadays haven't been the best for him.

As much as Taehyung loves swimming,today,right now, he doesn't want to do it. His legs refuse to move,they feel numb,he doesn't want to get up and go to his position,he already hates it here. He didn't imagined one day he will hate to swim. He was going to quit swimming as he said the last time he entered a swimming court but because of all his friends comforting him and convincing him to pursue his dreams and don't let something so irrelevant distract him,he got motivated but seeing the water flowing,the flashing lights,the screams of crowd just makes his head hurts and make him feel more nervous as seconds pass by.

He is already feeling like his whole world is spinning. His head hurts like shit once again. He knew he was unbeatable but all he was feeling right now was anxiousness. He felt afraid,what if he loses again? What if he disappoints everyone again? What if he can't swim anymore again? What if loses what he loves the most....again?

All these questions running inside his head were slowly killing him. It was really hard for him to overcome these and at the moment it's impossible for that. He doesn't know what he should do. His heart is thumping loudly inside his chest. He can't do this,he really can't.

"100M freestyle race participants from both school please come to your assigned position" this guy said from the mic,everyone soon bursted in cheers as it was finally the ace Kim Taehyung,the charmer of the school is gonna finally swim.

Taehyung ears perk up after hearing his name,he snapped out of his thoughts. He doesn't know what to do,it's too late or is it? He looked around himself and saw his friends. He should reach out to them.

"Jin Hyung I cant-" he was cut off by Jin himself.

"You go ace,come on slay those no-good swimmers,you can do this" Seokjin patted his back as he hyped him up. His eyes hinting with so much excitement. He didn't even noticed how worried Taehyung looked. Taehyung was scared,he really didn't want to disappoint and seeing his bestfriend cheering for him,he can't turn back.

So he finally stood up from his seat and brushed his hair back,his forehead was now in clear. He wore his legendary bandana and walked toward his position. He saw all the other swimmers next to him,racing against him. All of them looked either nervous wreck or really fired up. Taehyung who was feeling nothing but anxiety increasing up his chest,he was getting more and more pressurised. The pressure on him was a lot, the whole school is hoping for him to win,so are his friends. He can do this,right?

He flashed everyone a smile,a fake one. He can't spread negativity,not right now.

"On your mark" he heard them say. He quickly bend down,on his position. Once he went down,he felt his head spin,literally took a fucking spin,Taehyung almost stumbled from his position.

It was strange,really strange. He couldn't hear much voices now. The crowd screams and cheering were slowly fading,his ears were slowly able to hear nothing. Nothing,absolutely nothing,he couldn't hear anything except this fucking siren type tone in his ear. It was like he was blacking out,his eyelids were getting heavy,he was fighting the hardest to not close his eyelids. Taehyung knew something is wrong with him.

"Taehyung!" He heard a muffled voice come from afar,he couldn't make it who it was but it was really similar though.

"TaeHYUNG?!" He heard the voice a little clear now but still no clue who it was and from where it was coming.

"TAEHYUNG!!" He was snapped out of his vision in as Jeongguk voice yelled his name out. Taehyung looked around and realised everyone already dived in the water,the whistle has been already blown and he is still in his position. Taehyung panicked. He quickly dived too,not caring about his posture at this point. He just doesn't want to be a disappointment or the judgments will eat him alive.

Taehyung started to swim as fast as he can,though he was trying his best but the way water was his friend before now it felt like water was sinking him in,it was like he was pulled by this force underwater. He wouldn't let this force slow him down,that's what he thought but it was almost impossible to not just stop. He was trying his best but his pace got slower.

He tried his hardest as he finally reached the one end,he press his legs against the wall,giving him a push as he went for his last round. The air was slowly running out. His heart started to thump inside his chest again very loudly. Taehyung didn't know why but he was finding it hard to breath. Anxiety attack. That's what he was suffering from.

He fought and fought,he saw the other components were mostly ahead of him. He won't give up,he just won't. Not right now Atleast. Despite the water sinking him down,despite the anxiety increasing inside his chest,despite the air running out his lungs,he fought all of those so he can reach the end. And he finally did it,he reached the end. He looked at the chart board.

WINNERS!
1: LEE WOOJIN
2: AH HYUNJIN
3: PARK MINHO
4: DO JISEOK
5: KIM TAEHYUNG
6: MIN DAEHOON

The crowd from the rival school abrupted in cheers,a lot of screaming and celebration as they took the first position. Their guy is going to regionals. This was a celebration. On the other hand,it was dead silent from Taehyung's school. They couldn't believe their eyes,this felt like a deja vu. The Kim Taehyung,once again lost. This can't be happening again can it be? What just happened!?

The disbelief was on everyone faces,including Taehyung friends. It was really shocking,indeed they couldn't believe it. It felt fake. While just overcoming their disbelief,they didn't even saw what was happening to Taehyung.

Taehyung knew he lost,the tears crippling from his eyes,he went out of the water,he finally stood up using his all willpower. He felt so tired and his legs felt numb,not just just legs but his full body. He couldn't move anymore,he stood there. Stumbling here and there. His eyelids felt too heavy,he can't fight anymore. The war he was fighting with his mental health,he already lost it,its no use,almost as well as just give up. With that Taehyung stopped fighting and fell,just fell on the ground. Unconscious completely. As the darkness took over him.

The crowd was abrupt with screams and a lot of shocked gasps. Jeongguk heart fell as soon as he saw Taehyung fell on that hard tiled floor. It didn't took him a millisecond to stand up and run to Taehyung. He ran as fast as possible and reached Taehyung. He was on his knees as he took Taehyung's head and put it on his lap.

"Tae!? Tae!! Baby wake up!! Fuck fuck" Jeongguk just caressed his cheeks and kissed them as he felt like crying. Seeing Taehyung looking so pale and in pain,he was miserable. Jeongguk just hugged him while crying. Looking at his pale lifeless face made him burst into tears,how this innocent boy looked so stressed and tensed teased him up. He wanted to protect Taehyung but seeing him broke down in tears and fainting just made his heart break.

Soon all the others friends came over to them too,comforting gguk and shifting Taehyung to the benches,making him lay down. He was obviously alive,he just fainted from all the tension he was suffering from. He was taken to the hospital later on,to see what caused him to faint so suddenly. The doctor checked him up and told them he needs rest so they should leave him alone in the room.

"According to his reports,he most probably fainted from stress,tension and also anxiety.A young boy like him fainting from stress is surprising but not new,young people are really likely to be depressed. I don't think he is good in mental state,I will Suggest you some medicines but the best choice is to help him improve his mindset,seeing a therapist can really help. He will wake up in one to two hours so dont worry" The doctor explained Taehyung's situation pretty good. He was accurate about what he said. Taehyung is suffering from his own evil.

"Thank you doctor,we will make sure he seeks help,also about the form you wanted me to fill...?" Seokjin asked the doctor,doctor nodded and told Seokjin to follow him,leaving Jeongguk and Hoseok alone in the corridors,right outside Taehyung room. Jeongguk grabbed his hair and stumbled back a bit,sitting down. He was worried a lot for his bestfriend. He knows what depression does,many people lose their life's over depression. His bestfriend suffering from it,make it a lot more worse.

People treat depression as nothing,many don't seek help and others deny it. While people don't know it's consequences, they romanticise that shit. It wrong,so wrong. Depression isn't a joke,don't treat it like a joke,get help if you can. Jeongguk wants what is best for his bestfriend and he will make sure Taehyung gets space and all the help he needs.

Hoseok who was comforting Jeongguk at the moment was really surprised too. Today was another shocking day,just like before Taehyung again lost today. It really didn't matter if he won or lost,but Kim Taehyung? Who loves swimming and is fighting with everyone who comes between his dreams,lost? He never loses and this was a surprise. Also the moment taehyung got inside the water,he didn't looked like himself,he looked like he was fighting with himself. He wasn't as focused as he was before. Hoseok knows Taehyung a lot more than Taehyung think. When Jeongguk left,the only trace of Jeongguk was Hoseok. The only evidence that Jeongguk wasn't a dream who went away.

Hoseok observed Taehyung and saw how much the separation cost him pain. Sulking almost for a year,a bestfriend of five years just leaves you,it's hurts pretty hard. He observed how his actions changed,he started to act more responsible and mature it was surprising but he was still his charming self though,his attitude change,his whole body language changed. It was a new change in him. Hoseok saw him go through his up and downs,he knows what Happened between Seokjin and Taehyung last night too.

Ofcourse he does, his boyfriend leaves him alone in his apartment because he hears a crying bestfriend on the phone,he is obviously gonna know. He wasn't going to stop Seokjin,why will he? Taehyung needed him,he won't ever stop him. He wanted to call Jeongguk and tell him about it but he realised he shouldn't, after all he doesn't know if Taehyung wants Jeongguk to know and he respects that.

"Hey gguk,Come in stop crying to yourself dude,it's okay. Taehyung is strong,I know that and so do you,he will be okay,we will make sure he is okay,okay? Come on give me a hug" Hoseok just wrapped his arms around Jeongguk,embracing him. Jeongguk wiped his tears and nodded,Jeongguk wrapped his arms around Hoseok's neck too,hugging him back. "Hyung,what happened to him? Why is he so stressed??"

"I...don't know Gukkie I really don't. I know you want to know but let's give Taehyung space okay? He should be able to think about himself first before we make a decision"

"I wanted to protect him,I wanted to always be there for him,a shoulder he can lean on,doesn't he trust me?"

"Don't say that. Ofcourse he does,you guys have been friends now for more than a decade,He loves you,you know that right? If something that is bothering him,he will surely tell you when he thinks it okay. Give yourself more credit dude, you did a lot for him,you are always there for him,even after your whole past with him,you still made up with him. I'm proud of you for that. Taehyung is always gonna be yours,no one can take your place in Taehyung's heart gguk. So cheer up" Jeongguk is so lucky that he has Jung Hoseok as his bestfriend,he is lucky a Jung Hoseok exist.

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