Lisa's POV

"Don't even think about going somewhere like a club or something. Where even are you?" I cringe as Bambam started scolding me.

Like I need that right now. I sulk to myself.

I called him earlier as I bawl my eyes out. Nothing is going right for me and it's beginning to kill every hope that is stored within myself.

All the problems with Blackpink, Chaeyoung's condition, and my mom's last call had taken a toll on me.

It was too heavy of a burden, I ended having a breakdown which I try to avoid every now and then.

Should I leave? Yeah, maybe Mom would start to care.

"Somewhere, away, away from everything," I mumble, my voice caters no emotion, lifeless like there is nothing worth looking forward to.

"Lalisa..." Bambam whispered. "Where are you? I'll pick you up." though I can't see him, I know he was worried. I can sense it in his voice.

A series of feeble sound escapes my lips as I try to stop myself from sniffing. "Don't worry about me Bam. Call you soon." I told him before ending the call not giving him the chance to stop me nor ask another question.

The last thing I need right now is for him to give me some pep talk. Of course, I'm aware that he meant no harm and that he cares for me but I need to figure these out for myself.

Time, that's what I need and I need it alone.

Initially, I tried calling Jungkook but he didn't answer. He must be busy since they were having a concert in Macau.

Well, thankfully he didn't because I had never shared anything personal to Jungkook, not even something that relates to my family. For the past two years that we know each other, all we ever did was bicker and fight.

Anyone who has seen us throughout those two years would be shocked to know how our relationship had suddenly escalated. That's why I ask him to keep it a secret. It is true that we are not officially dating but we both know we feel something about each other.

Besides, Jungkook barely even knows me. He doesn't even know what my favorite color, my real name, or even my favorite food.

Everything is a mess.

Our comeback...

My life...

Me...

We just debuted but I'm not really sure if we'll be able to come back.

Chaeyoung was called the other day by YG Sajangnim and her condition was checked.

And the fact that Jimin hasn't even contacted her after their fight made everything even worse.

Chaeyoung is a little sensitive right now and I totally understand.

The other problem now is my Mom.

She called me a while ago and she didn't deliver good news. My mom and I rarely see each other after I went here in Korea to train as an idol, all the more after Blackpink had our debut.

She told me she's looking for a guy that will suit me in the future and get fucking engage with someone I didn't know.

I told my Mom no, that I can find someone on my own but she said I can't marry anyone unless she approves it.

To add it up, she decided to drop the bomb on me through the phone while I am in a different country, away from her.

How fair is that?

I just became an adult, why the hell would she think about looking for someone who would marry me? 

There are so many things that I can still do. I don't want to live my life with regrets as I ask the future me why I didn't do all the things that I wanted when I was young.

My Mom had always been strict. Once she said something, there's no turning back. So if she said she'll find a man for me, she will regardless of what I have to say. And it scares me.

And I don't have anyone to turn to but Bambam since he's like my only guy best friend.

I'm living my dream right now, though it may be in danger. Being an idol is not an easy feat. In just a blink of an eye, everything that we've worked hard for may end up to nothing.

My eyes landed on the sky before me.

The truth is, I was just hiding in our building's rooftop.

I was crying too hard, I can't risk the chance of being spotted by Dispatch looking like a train wreck.

YG Sajangnim would die of a heart attack at this rate if we lay another scandal on his table.

Our company is already suffering too much and we aren't even talking about Chaeyoung's situation.

The general public doesn't really favor YG as of the moment.

Just then, my phone started beeping.

My bunny: Babe, I miss you! Sorry, I miss your call earlier. We're in the middle of our concert. I'll see you soon. Call you later babe.

My breath hitch just at the sight of his name in my Inbox. My heart started beating rapidly. I can imagine him smiling as he sends me that message.

Jeon Jungkook.

He's the best out of everything that I have right now.

I didn't know he would bring so much happiness to my life. I was so used to pissing him off after all that incident at the bookstore.

Two years ago, I thought he's just some jerk, an idol who is so full of himself.

Just the sight of him annoys me and it gives me so much satisfaction every time he gets mad for all the pranks that I do to him.

Until I started seeing the real him.

I noticed how he was so kind to his fans, how he adores his brothers, and how he puts himself lastly, thinking about their happiness before his.

I saw him cry, afraid that one of his brothers will leave the group after Jimin got married. I realized that he was as vulnerable as I am.

He was selfless, loving, and passionate about what he does.

He is perfect. 

And then he started caring for me, hugging me like it's the most natural thing to do.

He would make me upset but he would follow me and hug me to comfort.

His stares started to make my knees go weak, but I will never admit that to him.

Just the way his hands' fit mine makes me wanna hold his hand forever.

And those sweet words he whispers behind my ears whenever he back hugs me makes me lose my shit every single time.

Truth be told, I guess the reason why I am so affected by my Mom's words was because of him.

My mom would never approve of him or any idol in particular. Ever since she wanted me to have someone who does office works or business which I don't even understand.

I feel so bad because Jungkook doesn't even have the slightest idea.

I haven't even properly talked to him after the incident last time, Chaeyoung was on the brink of breaking down and our team is about to lose it.

"I'm so sorry Jungkook..." I whispered before turning off my phone. I don't want anyone to contact nor talk to me right now.

My eyes landed on the dark sky in from of me, my hands leaning on the elevated space behind my back, tears slowly falling down my cheeks.

I felt so empty like there's nothing left here inside me.

My other hand landed on my chest, gripping it along the process.

I don't want to hate my mom but I feel like I'm being limited, caged into the loneliness that will slowly kill me.

Never once did I cry because of my family, not unless I missed them but I have also never hated my mom before.

I didn't even realize that I have so much pain stored in a nutshell that I think I'm about to explode at this moment.

All those little things that I brushed off, it's all starting to eat me alive and I'm getting pressured.

I don't want to serve another burden to my team. If not, they need me the most at this time. We need each other to get past this rough patch that we're about to face.

Jungkook will probably never figure out how we first met. Do I deserve his love?

Or should I let him go before I fall deeper before I reach the point that I won't be able to live if I ever lose him?

I close my eyes as I feel the breeze get to pass through my unprotected body.

My bunny... is my feelings strong enough to ask you to stay?