Answer: Listen to music and write or read. Or if I really need to block it all out I watch a show and read/write at the same time so I really can't focus on what happened. Sometimes I write the scene out of what would help me get over it or create a dark story like this that slowly gets better.

Magnus slammed the front door and stomped up the stairs to his room.

"Magnus is that you?" His mom called out cheerfully. Magnus wanted to torch that annoying voice. How could she be happy while he was more upset than he'd ever been? He felt worse than he did that night even, almost. Honestly, he'd never feel worse than that night.

"Magnus, sweetie. Dinner's almost ready." His mom said not giving up.

"I'm not hungry." Magnus called.

"Magnus, I may be the sick one but you need to eat too." She walked up behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "What's going on, honey?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired." He didn't look at her before running up the rest of the stairs and slamming his door.

"I'll put your plate in the microwave!" His mom called out and he groaned. She didn't deserve his anger; none of this was on her. He paced his room for a couple of minutes to calm down and then gave up and punched the punching bag he had in his room. He kept punching until his knuckles bled and then finally felt the anger leave his body.

He left his room and put on a smile. "Sorry, Mom." He kissed her bald head and took the pot of spaghetti from her hands.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked him and touched his bleeding knuckle.

"Do you want to talk about your last appointment?" He countered her question.

"I'll just get the alcohol and a couple of band aids." She ruffled his green hair and gave him a sad smile. "One of these days you're going to have to tell me what's going on."

"And one of these days I will." Magnus drained the water from the pot and put the spaghetti into a bowl. "Are we having guests?"

"Jocelyn and Clary are coming over. They should be here any minute." She said from the hallway where they kept the first aid kit along with the basket of pills she had to take for her treatment. The irony wasn't lost on him that she was the one who was sick while he was the one who wished that he could leave the world.

She was the sweetest person he had ever known and yet her own body was trying to kill her and the only explanation the doctors had was that life is fucked up. But didn't Magnus already know that; if life were anything else he wouldn't have been left on a church doorstep in nothing but a felt blanket in the middle of December. The therapist told him that Lucy finding him had to be proof that life wasn't all bad, but he fought the idea by saying that it was yet another cruel trick for him to lose another mom.

"Honey, I'm home!" Clary sang as she danced into the kitchen, sliding on the tile in her socks.

"Hello, darling." Magnus kissed her cheek and gave her a tight squeeze then nodded at her mom. "Jocelyn."

"Look at your hands." Jocelyn took his hands in hers. "You need to stop doing this to yourself."

"I just got lost in the workout." He shrugged, uncomfortable from the look that Jocelyn was giving him. Being an artist, she seemed to see into his very soul with a simple glance let alone a deep stare. He worried that she could see how loosely he was clinging to life.

"Jocelyn, how are you?" Lucy walked out with her hands outstretched and a beanie covering her head. One thing the doctors never tell you when you lose your hair is that not only will you not have hair, but your head is going to look like a boulder. His mom was self-conscious about the bumps and freckles so she often covered it with a scarf or hat. She had a wig but it gave her a rash from scratching and the heat.

"Lucy, you are simply glowing." Jocelyn hugged her gently and kissed her cheek.

"It's all that radiation they've been dumping into me. I swear I practically glow in the dark." She giggled.

"Clary, why don't you and Magnus set the table while we finish up in here?" Jocelyn said it more as a demand than a question.

"Think they're going to talk about me or you?" Magnus asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows. He grabbed a stack of plates as Clary got forks and knives.

"You; it's always you." Clary smiled.

"Now scoot so we can." Lucy pushed her son to the doorway. "Clary, make sure he cleans his knuckles off too."

"Okay, Mrs. Bane."

"You're such a suck up." Magnus pushed into Clary with the side of his hip.

"At least I'm not a screw up." Clary teased then gave Magnus a serious look. "Now, are we going to talk about what happened today? Izzy called me. She's worried."

"No." Magnus set the four plates out and picked up the alcohol and opened it.

"Let me." Clary took the bottle and a cotton ball. She gently pushed it against the dried blood on Magnus's knuckles. "We need to talk about this. It's starting to get out."

"And I said no." Magnus said harshly.

----------

"I said no." Alec sobbed against Magnus's shoulder. "I didn't want to drink it."

"I know. It's okay. It was just one drink, Alec." Magnus patted his back not caring about the blood that was staining his sparkly gold shirt. "It'll help with the pain."

"I don't want to lose it." Alec sniffed.

"You shouldn't have to deal with it. You don't deserve it." Magnus whispered and had to bite his lip to keep from kissing Alec's hair. Before tonight he could have, but now he couldn't and it was killing him.

"Don't I?" Alec choked and tried to stop crying. His voice was far too weak. 

"No." Magnus pushed Alec off him so that he could look into his eyes. "You are a wonderful human being who deserves only the good things in life."

A tear slid down Alec's cheek as he looked into his best friend's eyes. "Then why do the bad things keep coming?"

"Because life's fucked up." Magnus said because that was all he could say. Alec sank against him again and cried until he had no more tears left. Magnus somehow managed to hold his overwhelming urge to cry back because he knew that he needed to be strong for Alec.

"What do you think life would be like if we could fight?" Alec asked softly.

Magnus smiled. He thought the question was a sign that Alec was going to be okay. He was wrong. "You wouldn't be bleeding on my brand new shirt for one."

------------

"Magnus?" Clary waved her hand in front of his face. "Earth to Magnus."

"What? Sorry I was busy ignoring you." He smirked.

"Ass." Clary whipped him with a dish towel. "I was telling you about what happened with Jace."

"Let me guess, you finally admitted that you're in love with him?" Magnus winked at her.

"Yeah and I became the Queen of England" Clary snorted.

"Your majesty." Magnus gave her a deep bow.

"Stop it! He's such an idiot. I mean what kind of girl actually likes getting constantly hit on?" Clary asked.

"Um, all of them?" Magnus laughed. "You're the idiot, darling. He's hot and besides his poor choice in music he's perfect for you."

"What's wrong with his choice in music?" Clary asked defensively.

"And that, my dear, is my point being made." Magnus touched her cheek. "So, when he calls you tonight and asks you out for tomorrow night you're going to say yes."

"Why would I do that?" Clary asked.

"Because we both know you want to. I mean you didn't even question if he was going to ask you out because you know he's going to and you want it to happen." Magnus finished saying just as their moms walked into the dining room.

"What exactly does my daughter want to happen?" Jocelyn asked as she set the Chicken Parmesan on the table.

A/N So I might do two more upates today or just 1. I have it written out already so we'll see, I have like the next 6 chapters written, but I might shorten it for here cause it really is getting long. But we're getting to the healing part!

How about when it gets 25 votes I'll put up the next chapter? And depending on that maybe we'll even get 3 uploads. 

Question: What's a language that you wish you could speak?