One and a half years later.

I held the dagger in my hand, staring into the blackened blade, my eyes seeming to be trapped within the gleam of it. My dark eyes melted into the black of the blade and I couldn't tear my eyes away from it, my mouth hanging slightly open in awe at the beauty of it. It was sleek and beautiful; there was a black dragon curling around the hilt, the two ruby red eyes of the dragon being the only color against the darkness of the blade. How much death had this dragon blade caused? I could only wonder.

I pressed my finger against the flat of the blade. It was cold to the touch, the blade seeming to scream the finality of death at me. An inanimate object never looked so lethal, evil, and beautiful than that dagger did. Was there a story behind the blade? Why was it black? How many had perished behind it?

"Lanfen?"

I quickly slipped the dagger into the folds of my dress and spun around to look at Daiyu. She was dressed in a beautiful silver and white hanfu, her hair pinned up extravagantly with various silver pins. The glow she had on her face was too bright to go unnoticed and I found myself smiling subconsciously. She was just that type of person, the type that could draw anyone in with her light. There was too much good in her heart to ever be tainted. "Yes, Daiyu?" I said.

"I've been thinking, lately," she murmured softly. She wrung her wrists together and stared at the ground, her eyebrows pulling together. After a moment, she released her hands and peered at me through thick lashes. "I'm worried about you, Lanfen. I know you're only sixteen, but . . . " She bit her lower lip. "I think you should start considering a husband."

My blood ran cold and I was already shaking my head. "No."

"Why are you so against the idea?" she asked softly. She came to my side and placed a hand on my shoulder. Her dark brown eyes were filled with worry; I knew my behavior at the palace was questionable in her eyes, but I didn't think a husband was necessary. During the year that I was here, I mainly spent time alone and walked by myself. Daiyu was too busy and there was nothing better for me to do than to enjoy nature. It was only natural that she was worried, since I hadn't been interacting with many people. "You're now the sister of the Empress, and the sister-in-law to the Emperor. You'll have the best suitors and the best men to choose from. You can get a high ranking official, a noble's son—anyone that you want."

I pursed my lips together and shook my head. "No. I don't need a man in my life. I don't think I ever want to be married."

"Why not?"

"I've seen what men do and I don't like them." My lips thinned down as I thought about my older sisters. Dandan had married a violent man, one who was always drunk and always resorted to using his fists whenever things weren't working out for him. He always ran to her, crying and begging her to love him. She despised him. Ai had married an incompetent man that always grew angry at the smallest things. He sometimes even hit her. Daiyu's marriage wasn't much better either; her husband was the blood-tainted Emperor that reeked of sin. All men wanted was power. There was no innocence in their love, only lust.

Daiyu's eyes softened and she tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "Lanfen, not all men are horrible. Do you remember Heng? My betrothed from . . . before? He was the sweetest man I ever met. He would never resort to violence. Also, although Meilin is very terrifying to an outsider, he's an amazing husband. He would never hurt me in any way." She smiled sadly, though I wasn't sure if it was from talking about her former love or her new love. I remembered with a pang, about Heng. He had been the sweetest person I had ever met. When I was a child, he never failed to bring a smile to my face. He never badmouthed anyone, never resorted to anger, and was incredibly nice to anyone and everyone that he ever encountered. Daiyu had pleaded with him to not go to war, since she knew his heart and soul wouldn't be able to handle the bloodshed, and she had been right. He died as a nameless soldier, only to cause heartbreak to everyone. I still remembered the day his body had been brought by one of the villagers that had been in his unit. Daiyu couldn't stop crying as she held his lifeless body.

If I found a man like him, I could probably marry without a problem. Tears burned my eyes and I forced myself to look away from her. I knew she could never get over his death, since they had both grown up together. Still, she had found a new love and had moved on with her life. She had told me she loved Drakkon Meilin than anything else—excluding their daughter. I couldn't understand how such a fragile and beautifully innocent woman like Daiyu could ever love a man as twisted and evil as Meilin, but their love was too deep and complex to be understood. "Heng is dead," I mumbled. "I doubt a man like him will come around."

"Good men are everywhere." She grabbed my hands and held them together. Our pale skin was the same color, I noted, though her hands were softer from all the creams and cosmetics. She smelled like a bundle of flowers, her dark brown eyes set on me. "I'm sure there's a man just as sweet as Heng. I can ask Meilin—"

"Please, no," I begged. "I don't want to be married off. If such a man like that existed, I'm sure I'll bump into him at some point. I don't want to actively search for a man. Please, Daiyu, I'm not ready. I don't want the violence a man offers."

She opened her mouth to say something, to refute my statements, but something on my face stopped her and she sighed. Daiyu reluctantly bobbed her head. "Alright, Lanfen. I'll . . . I'll stop asking for now. I just want to see you happy. You're my dear little sister."

"I know, Daiyu, I know," I said softly. I mustered up a wide grin for her to see. For her to understand that I was completely fine. "I don't need a marriage to make me happy."

"I know that, but . . . " She didn't continue and instead gave me a small smile. "I hope you find someone that makes you happy."

"Yes, yes." I motioned towards the door. I gave her a weak smile and started walking towards it. "I'll see you later, Daiyu. I have to, um, go somewhere."

"Where—"

"There's a really cute palace cat that I found, so I'm going to go see it," I said as I spun around and headed to the door. A part of me hated that I was avoiding Daiyu, I knew that she wanted the best for me, but I was sick of hearing her talk about finding a husband. I didn't like men, so there was no way I wanted to be with a man. There were too many bad memories I had with men—too much pain associated with the power men wanted over women. There was no way I would be able to find innocence in such a twisted and cruel world.

I pushed the magnificent door open, my fingers pressing against the cool metal framing. I hesitated at the threshold but slipped away after a moment. My breathing relaxed as I stepped into the hallway; there weren't maidservants rushing around right now so I calmly walked down the middle of the hall. I pulled the dagger from my clothes and held it in my hands, admiring the way it gleamed darkly. It was such a contrast to my pale skin.

Just as I was about to run my fingers over the beautifully crafted hilt of the sword, a voice called from behind me. "That's not yours." The accent was somewhat subtle, though notably there.

I nearly jumped out of my skin and whipped my head to the side. I gasped and almost dropped the dagger as I was met with a pair of striking blue eyes. Red hair met my vision and I gaped at the boy standing in front of me. His hair was pulled back behind his head, catching my attention completely. The red color was so unique and strange; only people from Lebel had such hair.

Nikator, the Emperor's warrior and "child." He was a part of the Peccata, the children that the Emperor favored above anyone else. His eyes were now narrowed at me, a frown on his normally cheery face. He usually smiled and laughed whenever he was around Daiyu, or the other Peccatum, but when he was around everyone else, he didn't really interact that much. He was rather violent, from what I knew. I had heard from the various servants that when he killed people he wore a smile on his face. Whenever I spoke to him, however, he was somewhat nice. Nice, but distant.

"That's not yours," he repeated. I blinked back at him, not sure what he was saying. My mind was completely blank at the red-headed foreigner. After a moment of silence, he pointed at the dagger, his tone annoyed. "That dagger, it doesn't belong to you."

"Oh." I looked down at the dagger in my hand, as if seeing it for the first time. My pale fingers curled around the hilt of it and I stared into the dragon's red eyes, my heart racing at being caught with it. For a long moment, I didn't say anything, only staring down at the black blade. I couldn't meet his inquisitive eyes. "I didn't steal it," I blurted out. I raised my eyes to meet his sapphire ones. "I found it outside in the garden when I went for a walk. It was pretty so I picked it up."

He nodded, though he didn't tear his eyes away from mine. "I . . . see. Well, it belongs to one of us. Either Master, Bohai, Fang, Thera, Atreus, Vita, Minos, or Remus." I stiffened at that name, an action he noticed. He reached for his waist and pulled out his own dagger. It was identical, the black dragon and its intricate scales, with its red eyes—it was exactly the same. He held it out for me to inspect. "Mine is here, so it's definitely not mine. Bohai, Master, and Fang wouldn't lose theirs."

"Um, ok," I mumbled. Heat seared my cheeks and I stared at my feet. My slippers were a soft silver color, the silk feeling soft against my skin. If embarrassment could color me red, I was sure my entire feet and body would be flushed. "I didn't steal it," I said again. He probably thought I was a thief. It wasn't unlikely. A poor farmer's girl thrown in a world of luxury, stealing whatever pretty thing she finds since she wasn't used to such extravagance. "I swear I didn't—"

"It's alright, I believe you," he said, raising his hand to stop me from talking. He frowned at me and scratched the back of his head. "Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure that's Remus's. He was really upset last week since he lost it. It would make sense that it's in the garden too; he often visits it to take a nap."

I almost dropped the dagger at that instant, my face draining of color as I thought of the demon boy. During my year and a half at the palace, I had bumped into him in a handful of incidents, most with Daiyu by my side. I hadn't warmed up to the demon boy even once, not a shred of fear dwindling whenever I was with him. I knew that he knew I was terrified of him; Daiyu had explained to me that his magic allowed him to feel what was in someone's heart. He probably could feel the fear and negative emotions in my heart towards him. I wanted nothing to do with him.

"You should give it back to him," I said, thrusting the dagger in his direction. I suddenly didn't want to even touch it. Had his hands curled around the hilt as he shoved it down someone's throat? Did he tear someone's intestines out with the black blade? It was too terrifying to even imagine the demon holding onto the blade and killing people with it. The afterimage of the carnage he would cause was easy to imagine, after all, I had seen it before. Blood and more blood everywhere, bathing him in a red light.

As if reading my mind, Nikator said, "Remus doesn't use weapons to hurt people. He uses his claws. He can make his nails become long, sharp claws." At my stricken expression, he scoffed. "Stop looking so shocked. He's a sweet guy, so stop acting like he's a monster."

I didn't say anything and instead waved the dagger in my hand. "Can you take it already?"

He reached forward to grab it but stalled the action, retracting his arm slowly. Something flickered within his eyes and his lips curled up into a smile, one that I didn't like. "You know what, since you found it, why don't you give it back?"

All the color drained from my face and my hands trembled. "N-No. Just take the dagger and give it—"

"It'll make him happy to—"

I boldly shot my hand forward and grabbed his wrist, yanking his palm towards me and thrusting the hilt of the dagger in his hand. I took a step back and released his hand, my eyes wide as I spun away from him. His mouth was slightly open in shock since I had touched him, but his eyes quickly narrowed that I hadn't listened to anything I had told him. I didn't care and instead sped away from him. "Give it back to him," I called over my shoulder, "Or toss it away, I don't really care much."

"You're nothing like Empress," Nikator bit out, halting me midstride.

I glanced over my shoulder to see him clutching the dagger in his hand, his blazing blue eyes set on me. His lips were twisted into a frown and he was glowering at me, as if he had seen something displeasing. He flipped the dagger in one hand and pointed the blade in my direction. "Whereas Empress tackles her problems headlong, regardless of how terrified she is, you, on the other hand, do nothing but run away. You don't even try to understand what you fear. Whereas Empress encompasses everything with her love and light, you only seek to keep your own little light intact. You don't care about anyone but yourself. You're a selfish coward."

Heat seared my cheeks at his words. A coward. Had anyone ever called me that before? I wasn't sure. Selfish? Did anyone ever call me that? Once again, I wasn't sure. Yet, here was this foreign boy telling me that I was a selfish coward and that I was nothing like Daiyu. I knew that I was nothing like her; how could anyone compare to her? She was too good for this world. Her heart was unnaturally full of too much light. I could never be like her; I didn't need him to tell me that.

My heart was ugly.

"You don't know me," I said quietly, making sure that he couldn't see my face as I took a few steps forward. My heart trembled at his words. His opinion of me didn't matter to me, but why was it that I somewhat agreed to his words? Was it something I already knew?

"Dikrur fitc," he muttered under his breath in what I assumed was Fadian, the language of Sanguis. I didn't need to understand the language to know that he was insulting me. His tone was anything but polite. Harsh, cold, and angry. He was intimidating, to say the least, though he was nowhere close to the level of the demon, Remus.

My fists clenched together and I hated the weakness inside of me. I hated that I couldn't fend off the thing that scared me. Hated that I couldn't do anything but curl up in fear anytime a man raised his voice at me. Hated that I couldn't be strong.

I hated how weak I was.

**

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Author's Note

Hello everyone! I *think* I'll be uploading this story every Monday and Wednesday! I also created a Facebook group called "Maham Fatemi's Book Club" where I'll be posting parts of the story in advance if you want to read it there instead of waiting here. Chapters 2-6 are already uploaded in the group :) 

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it <3

-Maham