"Can I talk to you?" a female voice that I know more than any other startles my heart. I shoot my eyes open and whirl my head towards her.

What is she doing here?

She holds her report in her hand but drops her gaze lower to the ground as if she was not confident or comfortable. I do not say a word but wait for her to start, so this remains quiet for some unbearable seconds.

"I..." she lacks ideas, speaking in a way she never did before. "I'm sorry..." she raises her eyes up to mine to look into them. "I don't..." she shakes her head, slowly, her sentences losing sense. "I don't know what to say...I...I didn't mean to hurt you or make you feel like you were just a random guy...because you were not..."

I stare at her, listening carefully, my heart shaking and pounding. "I already talked about it with you, but I just..." she shrugs but exhales in a heavy way. "I'm scared of relationships, I do not want to fall in love, I'm scared of love, of feelings, of all the things that go with being a couple...that is why I acted that way and rejected you...it's not because I didn't like you...."

"Did you?" I ask, the knot in my throat complicating this. She stares deep into my eyes. "What?"

"Did you ever like me at all?" I dare to ask her. I do not have anything to lose anymore anyway. It's now or never, so I need to talk it out with her. Her head moves up and down, shyly. "Not as a friend only, as more than that," I clarify, but she gives the same answer. "What about Korain then...?" my sight becomes blurry as the tears are already on their way.

Her gaze stays fixed on my eyes to never break the contact for a few seconds, but she lowers it once she has to answer. "I felt...I felt like I was nothing better than that and that I should not care about anything anymore. We never loved each other, we were just friends with benefits, and he was there to comfort me, to help me get over this—"

"Get over what? You did not even care about losing me," my voice shudders as the emotions are taking the upper hand on me, and my tears roll down as hers do. "I didn't care? How can you even say that? You do not know how I've been feeling, I've been having panic attacks every night because of this, I hate how I feel because no one is able to make me feel the way you did. I can't stop thinking about you no matter what I do, even Korain knew about it but never mentioned it because he knew I was still in love with you."

"Why did you have sex with him if you love me?" I sob in front of her, not holding back or hiding anything more. "Because I wanted to forget you and not have you on my mind anymore! I was nothing but a worthless slut to you, I was hurt as ever and did not want to care anymore, I knew I was disgusting for hurting you like that. I just did it to try to forget you, to find a way to feel better with another boy who was there for me, but I couldn't. I cannot even sleep anymore, I keep on waking up in a startle because I'm having a panic attack and crying."

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier? You could have told me that you had feelings...none of that would have happened, and we would still be close..." I do not glance away but wipe my tears away with the help of my sleeve. "I'm sorry...Jungkook, I'm sincerely sorry...I hate love because I do not believe in it or trust men who want to make me think this can be great..." the weakness in her voice affects me more than it should. "I thought you understood I didn't want to have a boyfriend right at the beginning...if I knew that you would have believed in something between us, I would never have done anything with you to make sure you would not be hurt because I do not feel the same way as other people do in this case...I never loved anyone...I never want to feel this type of love."

"Why do you feel like that?" I try to know the real reason for her to be so different, so close to her father. "You hide some things, and I feel it. No one feels that way about love...no one acts that way with their father, and he does not even look like you at all. What are you hiding?"

"I can't talk about it in here, but he's not my biological father, that's why. I was adopted two years ago only..." she finally tells me the truth after keeping this to herself all this time. "My real father hurt me and my mother until I was four, and I stayed more than...I mean...I can't talk about this here..."

I do not force her to say more, now understanding everything. I knew he couldn't be her real father, they're both too close for that.

I wipe my tears away but look away to snivel, my eyes stinging. I gulp down but pass my hands between the side of my hood and face. "I'm sorry as well..." I apologize to her, still hating myself for the words I let out on that day. "I did not mean what I said, and you know it. I was just hurt..."

"You don't have to apologize..." she brushes her fingers over her cheeks to get rid of the wetness. "You were right anyway. I can't settle down, I'm too immature for that. I feel like I cannot be loved sincerely by anyone other than my dad..."

"If you are immature then I am as well. I did not know about all this stuff that happened to you, otherwise I would have understood why you're acting so different..." I gaze at her as she seems to feel too ashamed to look into my eyes again. "But that does not change the fact that I love you. If I fell in love with you, that's because of your personality, of how cute and considerate you are. You know, I already had rich best friends, but they never bought what you did for me, they never cared about seeing me happy...they never made me feel like I was not different, like I was worth their time even though I'm not like them. I always felt comfortable with you and your dad despite how different our life and family are..."

"Do you remember the question you asked me when we were in the pool?" she brings this back, and I nod, recalling everything I did with her. "I lied to you. I felt more than what I pretended to feel when I did it with you, but I did not want to admit it and let you know about it. I felt...vulnerable...in a way."

"I felt vulnerable as hell too because I knew that I was in love with you, that I caught feelings, and to me, this was one-sided love, so that hurt me even more..." I repeat what she must know already, and she stares into my eyes with her glisten ones. "I'm sorry for making you go through this...I just thought you were like all the other guys...that you're just a flirt, that you would cheat and want another girl quickly, so I didn't want to be in love with you..."

"I'm not this type of guy...we just...we messed up because our relationship was...chaotic...I don't know, but we didn't know where we were or what we were doing exactly..." I find an explanation to it, and she agrees, but someone interrupts us. "Y/n, Alex is here," Haneul speaks, standing next to the junkie that has some marks left on his face after the punches I gave him last night.

"I'm coming," she nods to him but looks back at me. "Can't we stay together?" I immediately request, willing to spend some time with her after those horrible days away from each other. "Together?"

"Yeah...we could...I mean, I was supposed to go out with Taeyeong and Hajoon, but we could hang out...to talk...then go to my house so that we can talk about your past...we can make up..." I ask for it, needing it more than anything at this moment.

She glances in Haneul and Korain's direction. "You can go, I stay with him."

"Are you sure?" he does not let her go easily, throwing me a glare full of hatred. "Yes," she smiles at him, and he leaves it like that. "All right, call me if you need," he goes away, making me feel better.

We both get into eye contact in a short second. "Do you still hang out with that guy...?"

"Haneul?" she does not get the right one, so I shake my head. "No. Korain..."

"I don't. In fact, I didn't see him for days before last night...some stuff happened in my family, so I've been staying with my dad a lot. Last night I had a talk with him, and I told him I'd rather stop this sort of relationship because I don't want to do this anymore," she answers but mentions something I did not know about. "Wait. What happened?" my curiosity escapes me. "I'd rather tell you in private..."

"Okay," I understand. "Can we...Can we go now?" I squeeze the piece of paper in my hands, and she agrees to leave. I stand up and find a way to calm myself, I'm with her now, everything is all right, we just need to talk and forget what happened. "I'm going to tell Taeyeong about it," I take my phone out to text him while leaving the schoolyard. "Do you want to go to my house to be in private and talk?" I peek at her.

"Yes, if you want," she doesn't refuse, to my greatest relief. "Okay, do you want to go by bus or feet?"

"I don't know, you can decide," she rolls her report between her hands, but since I want to be alone with her quickly, I pick the bus. "Let's take the bus. This is easier," my runny nose constantly bothers me, but I put my phone in my pocket after texting my best friends, and I look in front of me while sniffling.

"Take this," she hands me a tissue, so I glance at her but grab it. "Thank you," I use it to blow my nose, and she does the same next to me.

30 minutes later...

I enter my house with her, knowing no one is here at this hour. I close the door behind us, and we both take our shoes and jacket off. The warmth in here is the most comforting one.

I take a look at y/n but remove my hood and ruffle my hair, I step towards the kitchen and make her follow me. "Would you like a hot chocolate or something to warm you up?" I turn towards her, but she smiles and shakes her head. "No, thanks."

"Okay," I return the same expression but prepare a hot chocolate for me. "It's the first time I see your house..." she remarks, making me realize I never invited her. Probably because her house is better, way better. "It's small and ugly here..." I say, adding the cocoa powder to the hot milk. "No, it's cute and cozy. I like it."

I don't tell her that her house is better but keep quiet about it. I stir in my drink and grab it, holding the warm cup in my hand, I move towards her and lead her to my bedroom. This one she never saw either.

We walk up the stairs with her in front of me, and I stop her once we're at the door of my room. I grip the handle but lay my eyes on her. "You should...close your eyes...just to give me the time to tidy up the mess I left..." I grin at her, but she chuckles at me. "It's fine, I don't care."

"Okay then...don't be shocked and erase the image of it as soon as you see the inside," I open the door and expose my messy bed, I head towards it, and place my cup on the nightstand to make my bed. "That's not a mess at all, you just forgot your clothes on your blanket and didn't put it back properly."

"Yeah...but compared to your bed...you know," I do not hide my shyness about it, but she reassures me, sweetly. "We don't care, you're going to go back into it in a minute and make a mess anyway. And my dad is the one who makes my bed..."

"Ah...well...my parents don't have the right to enter my bedroom..." I tell more information that I shouldn't and hear a giggle run out of her. "Why?"

"Because..." I don't tell her the reason but get on the bed and gesture her to join me. She does it, she sits down next to me but goes under the blanket, surely because of the cold. "Are you sure you don't want a warm drink? You're cold..." I move the cup towards her.

Her eyes take a look at it. "Just a sip of it."

I smile but bring it to her lips, and I make her drink some of it, sharing without any problem since it's her. "Tell me if you want more, I will probably not drink everything anyway," I gulp a bit of the hot liquid after her, and she nods but licks her lips. Once the heat goes down my stomach, I lower the cup down to my thighs but turn my head towards her to have her features within sight.

We both gaze at each other, silently, not even feeling awkward but somewhat soothed. "Do you...feel ready to talk?" I ask, hoping for her to be comfortable enough. She nods, not even expressing any kind of uneasiness. "What do you want me to talk about first?"

"Your...feelings..." I hesitantly say. "Do you really like me...?"

"I do, Jungkook. I always liked you," she toys with her lips, hiding a little under the blanket. "And I know you probably don't believe it because of what I did with Korain but..." her fingers run over her cheek, and she keeps her eyes fixed on the blanket. "We just did it once...and I was not very conscious...I did not want to do it again with him, for some reason."

"What do you mean?" some anger overwhelms me. "Did he drug you and do it without your consent?"

"No," she reassures me, or not really. "I'm the one who asked for...the drug...so we both took it..." she explains. "I couldn't stop thinking about you...I wanted to take my mind off...but I can barely remember what happened, and it's only because he told me we did the day after that I know we both did..."

I don't know whether I should be happy about this or not. Is it good to know that she has me on her mind that much? I'm not even sure, but at least this comforts me about the idea that I was not the only one hurt by this.

"I do not want you to think that I hung out with him just to make you jealous or anything like that because to me, you did not care anymore. I mean..." she gazes up at me in a brief manner while my eyes never leave her features. "I saw you cry one day but before that, I could not look at you again. I did not want to. I couldn't...I was even scared about...like...I feared that you would have talked about me behind my back to tell everyone that I'm just a slut...or that you would have said some horrible things about me to them...I expected a lot of things to happen, and I was terrified..."

"I would never have done this..." I shake my head, astonished to hear her say that. I feel like we never really knew or trusted each other. "I was not sure...so I was anxious..."

"Did Haneul know about the drugs though...? I thought he would never allow anything like that to happen to you..." I mention this no matter how risky this can be. "He doesn't know. He always got mad when I tried to smoke with Korain. He would have gone berserk if he got to know about it. My dad doesn't know about it either, if he knew what happened with Korain on that day, he would probably have killed him."

"I would have too..." I do not keep this to myself, letting her realize how important she is to me and how much I hate this guy. "Why?" she asks, acting like the reason is not evident. "First, because I'd never have sex with a girl who's not fully conscious, and second, because I'd never let a guy give drugs to my daughter to then have sex with her. He's an asshole. That's it. I wouldn't care whether you'd like to try drugs or not, I would never allow you to try it. A guy that does this does not truly care about you knowing how dangerous drugs can be, especially for you."

"But I'm the one who asked for it...he wasn't at fault, and I didn't expect it to be so strong that I would not remember anything," she defends him, but I keep calm to not show any anger, despite the level it reached inside me. "Do not say that. You're seventeen, you're young, you do not know what you're doing. He's nineteen, how the fuck can he give drugs to you? That's completely unconscious and disgusting, and I better not come across him or I'll make sure to beat the shit out of him without letting anyone separate us."

She does not respond after this but wraps her arms around her legs and gazes in front of her. "You seem as protective as my dad is..." she smiles and peeks at me, but I stare into her eyes with honesty. "I just care about you. I made some mistakes, but you always, and you still mean a lot to me."

"I care about you too..." she softly tells me, softening the feelings in my heart. I smile but do not avert my eyes from her. "Anyway...let's forget about this..."

"Do you want me to talk about what happened these last days or...the past?" she changes the topic.

"The past first, if it's not too painful for you..." I let her know that she has the right to stop whenever she wants, but she acquiesces. "Well...as I told you, my dad, the one you know, he adopted me only two years ago, on my fifteenth birthday. Back then, I had been in an orphanage for like eleven years because my mother, who was hurt by my biological father, apparently left the house to not be hurt anymore, but she abandoned me in front of an orphanage when I was four. Do you remember about the panic attacks in my sleep that I talked about?"

"I do," I let her keep going, feeling deeply affected by her words. "If this happens, it's because I can still see and feel my father close to me, but in a bad way, I hear him yell, punch...and hurt me and my mother..." she drops her gaze. "I never told you before, but I already ended in a hospital because my heart stopped beating while I was having a panic attack. My dad couldn't do anything to help me like he usually does, so he had to drive me to the emergency. He thought I would never wake up again, and since then, he's really anxious every time I fall asleep..."

I do not say anything, listening to her but figuring out why she's so close to him, why their relationship is so strong. "So yeah...that's what happened...and I still have to deal with it, but the panic attacks never happen when I fall asleep next to him or in his arms..." she pulls the blanket higher on her. "Neither...when I'm with Haneul...or when I was with you...because it helps me to feel safe and good..."

Her last sentence takes me aback, making me feel like I was maybe not just a random guy for her. "I didn't know about all this...I'm so sorry..."

"You couldn't know...don't apologize," she smiles at me. "Yeah...but...that still hurts me, you know."

"Why?" she gazes into my eyes, not even realizing how impacting it is for me to know all those terrible things happened to her. "I'm fine now, there's no need to feel any kind of pain or pity. The panic attacks are the only problems, but they don't stop me from being happy with my dad."

"What happened to your family that you mentioned earlier? Is it because of that?"