•••

6 pm.

"Ruby, damn," Taeyeong bites his lips after checking her out while she came closer to join our group in front of the building. "What? Am I ugly?"

"You're hot, girl. Hajoon's gonna fall—"

"Why have I heard my name?" the guy in question chimes in, wearing the clothes he said he would earlier. He tucks his hands in the pockets of his trousers but barely looks at Ruby, the girl who dressed up just for him. "We like to talk behind your back, you know it," Taeyeong teases him and gives a little tap on his arm. "Anyway, have you seen how hot she is today," he raises his eyebrows like a pervert, but my eyes drift away, looking for someone I want to but should not discern.

"Yeah, but I saw that other girl that sits next to Bora in class, and she is so hot in her short dress," he thirsts over her as my eyes just landed on the one I should have pretended to not have seen. She's not alone as always, accompanied by the drug addict of shit, wearing a black, tight dress, with a leather jacket that makes her look terribly gorgeous. She doesn't even need to wear high heels to be sexy, she's even better in her sneakers that maintain her height.

I lick my lips but glance away, fearing what I could see. The voices of my best friends keep a part of my mind away, but I cannot hold back, no matter what this cause to me and my heart, I look back at y/n.

Haneul, who's by her side, leaves for a moment and joins a group of guys, leaving her with Korain. This piece of shit doesn't even wait a minute, he cups her chin and locks their lips to kiss her. I clench my jaw and have no choice but to focus on something else.

"Are you okay?" a small hand touches me and takes me out of this suffering. I look at Ruby who seems less happy than usual, and I nod to her. "Yeah..."

"Let's get inside, guys, it's opened," Hajoon grabs my arm and leads me to the inside, the music playing loudly. I don't complain but walk along his steps, feeling Ruby remain next to me.

I take a look at her but notice something is not okay. "Are you all right?" I ask her, leaning over her to make sure she hears me. Her features tell me that she is not but that she's trying to deal with it. She shrugs and looks at Hajoon who does not even care about her. "Is it because of him?" I point my finger at the boy in front of us, and she nods but glances away.

This asshole.

I sigh but stop walking once they do, and they both sit at a table together, so I do it as well, and Ruby comes right beside me. I take my jacket off and drop it on my lap, I take my phone out to do something and not be bored, but Taeyeong's voice grasps my attention through the music that reverberates through the vast room. "I'm thirsty already, does someone want a drink?"

I shake my head but raise my head up, looking in front of us, but of course, falling upon y/n and the drug addict who are at some feet away from us. He sits down on a chair, never taking his hands off of her, he doesn't let her sit away from him but takes her between his thighs, and she takes her jacket off as well, revealing way more skin than I expected to see.

"Don't look at her, it's just going to hurt you..." Ruby speaks in a quiet voice near my ear, making me turn my head in her direction. I let out a frustrated chuckle and scratch my forehead. "I know..."

"I feel like you hate this party...but I do as well..." she expresses her discontent but makes me scoff since I share the same feeling. "Why don't you try to talk to her if this hurts so much?" she asks the question I never want to hear since I don't know how to answer to it.

I gulp down the bitterness in my throat and glance up at them. "I don't know...that's not worth it."

"Well, maybe it is, who knows?" she tries to convince me of the opposite of my own thoughts, but I don't believe her. "It's not worth it. I know it. She's with him now...that's too late..."

"You could still apologize though, if you still like her, you could at least tell her that you didn't mean what you said. As a girl, I know how hurtful this can be to be called a slut...because...no matter how much I like you, Jungkook, she told you that she didn't want to have a boyfriend...so you knew this would end like that...I know you were mad and couldn't control yourself but still...you should try...you wouldn't regret it..."

"Yeah..." I sorely agree with her, despite how much I would like her to be wrong. I avoid saying more about this, and she understands this is better to not mention it again or ask me to react.

50 minutes later...

My teary eyes never leaving them, I watch him smoke right next to her, close to her. She remains between his thighs but rests her head on his chest, my heart not even beating anymore as I'm the only one who stayed at the table while my best friends went away to dance.

She never looks at me or tries to know where I am, she remains focused on her phone while Korain is passing his hand over her back and smoking shit, singing along but gazing down at her. She smiles once he starts to do it and raises her eyes up, the lyrics of the song infuriating me right when I see him pronounce them while staring into her eyes.

That means nothing but that they already had sex, but why do I act surprised when I've been knowing it for long already? A part of me just made me lie to myself.

He smirks at her but glides his hand up her back to end on her neck, he cups it as her body language exposes her unconscious state. However, he behaves in a weird manner once he pulls the spliff away from his lips, he turns his head and seems to look for someone, and once I see his attention get on Haneul, who is busy talking with someone else and not having them within sight, I understand. He rubs her neck but brings the spliff to her mouth, and she first looks at him, obviously not asking for it, he speaks to her in her ear, but she shakes her head and pushes his hand away. He does not even leave her alone, he kisses her and gets his way, and she ends up smoking it.

Feeling proud for being such an asshole, he kisses her without any restraint, but as soon as I see him slide his tongue in her mouth for a kiss, a knot starts to tighten in my throat. I avert my eyes from them but cannot help looking again, feeling my heart blow up inside me to let the emotions run through my veins, he cups her throat while moving forth to kiss her deeply, but I gaze down for my tears to roll down.

My eyes go back on them once he makes them stand up.

He stubs his cigarette out but takes her hand to leave the place. "Dude!" Hajoon rushes towards me at the wrong moment, breathing heavily. "A girl wants to dan—" he cuts his sentence short and keeps his eyes fixed on mine. "Jungkook..." he sighs and turns around to look in front of me where y/n was. "Come with—"

"No," I refuse to go and dance. I'm not in the mood at all, and I need to know what Korain is doing with her. "I stay here...I don't want to dance anyway."

"Okay..." he doesn't complain or go, to my greatest surprise, he stays with me and sits by my side. He lands on the chair in a rough manner but takes hold of his glass to drink. "Do you want to go somewhere else? A bar or something?"

I shake my head but start to seriously feel anxious the more I think about y/n and what they could be doing together after leaving in such a way. I bite my nails and bounce my leg, not controlling the rush of blood to my head.

"What about going to my house and playing video games?" he puts his empty glass on the table as I can hardly listen to his words. "Taeyeong ruined my score last weekend because of how shitty he is at—"

"I need to go somewhere," I rise from my chair and head to the front doors without thinking twice, feeling like I know what they're both doing, what this junkie is doing to y/n.

I rush out of the place but check around me to look after them, moving towards the parking lot since I know Korain owns a car and drove her here. The darkness of the winter evening already hiding some corners, I still manage to make out the car that the junkie owns, so I step towards it since I know that they haven't left, otherwise the car wouldn't be here anymore.

Only some short seconds are enough to put an end to everything, once I stand by the car, the windows in the back reveal what is happening between them and engender an unreal sensation of hatred and disgust inside of me.

He's on top of her, making out, having sex, touching her up, whatever he is doing, this is too much for me to handle it.

I do not even think anymore, I do not care about anything, I let my wrath hold the reins of my actions, and I drop my eyes to the ground, I grab a rock and throw it in the front of the vehicle to break a window. Then I start again, I grab another heavy rock to make sure I can destroy his car, and I pitch it in the windshield, hearing the glass shatter and bring me some satisfaction. However, my outburst gets the guy to rush out. "What the fuck are you doing, you bastard?!" he pushes me away with madness, but I lose it and throw my fist in his face, making him end on the ground violently.

I do not let this end here, I get on top of him and crash my fist into his face to make him regret the way he touched her. "Jungkook!" the female voice yells my name, but I do not stop, however, he manages to grab my fist before it could end in his jaw, and he pushes me to the ground in a brutal manner. "What is wrong with you?!" y/n shouts at me, with some tears in her eyes as if she was hurt.

"Bro!" one of my friends runs towards us, some people slowly joining this to have fun and watch the show. "This dude is fucking sick..." the guy on the ground covers his mouth and bloody nose with his hand, keeping his head bent back to control the flow. "What have you done?" Hajoon speaks to me and helps me to get back on my feet, but I step away. "Leave me alone..." I sniffle, not standing the pain anymore, I glance up at y/n but see her right next to Korain who's bleeding.

She turns her head, and she makes eye contact with me. "Why the hell would you do that?! Are you insane?!" she talks to me like never she did before, and my heart aches even more. "How the hell can you have sex with this fucking junkie?! You're not that type of girl!"

"That type of girl?!" she repeats my words, some students watching us and even recording. "I'm just a slut anyway, that is the type of girl that I—"

"You know I never meant those words!" I cut her off, sobbing in front of her. "Yes, you did. If you did not think just a single word of that, you would never have let it out the way you did!"

"Stop saying that!" I shout as she stood up with Korain, and she looks back at me with teary eyes. "I didn't mean it, y/n, you fucking know I would never think that of you! I was just mad! This asshole does not deserve you, he's ruining you!"

"That's not a reason for you to do such a thing! Why would you beat someone up like that when he's never done anything to you?!" her voice never quiets down but only intensifies. "Because I fucking love you!" I scream my words out in a trembling voice without even realizing it.

A moment of silence follows me and my confession, and she stays there, staring at me, not saying anything as the tears left her eyes. Not owning up to what I've done, I break down and leave this place. I should never have said that in front of everyone, I feel ashamed of myself and stupid.

"Jungkook, wait," Hajoon runs after me, but I whirl around and stop him. "No. Just leave me alone, I don't want to see or talk to anyone..." I try not to sound rude as much as possible, and I go back on the way to my house.

— Next day —

Tuesday, December 22, 2020.

10 am.

I wait in front of the classroom, the students passing one by one to get the results of the exams. Hajoon should come in a few minutes, but he passes right after me, so I'll wait for him so that we can go out afterward. I know I failed all my exams anyway, so I do not feel stressed out at all, I just hate the fact that I'm going to disappoint my parents.

"I think it's here," a voice gets my head to raise, and I fall upon Haneul and y/n. My eyes meet hers as if this was made on purpose, but I glance away at the memories of what happened yesterday. I'm still ashamed of myself.

Even though I shouldn't have, I checked at what time she has to enter the classroom, and this a little before me. I attempt to not gaze at her or feel anything since this will just cause some pain, and I keep my eyes on my phone. Today is a sunny day, cold but sunny, so I should find some comfort into that, but I don't.

I sit on the floor, the minutes getting too long, I keep my hood on and play a game on my phone, that's the only thing I can do to stay calm.

"Hey, bro," one of my best friends joins me, so I glance up at him but see Taeyeong, with his report card. "How was it?" I pause my game but bite my nails, and he shows me the face of defeat. "Well...not good. I'm gonna get my ass beaten once I'm home."

I scoff at him but know I won't do any better. I glance up at his right as I cannot help doing it but catch sight of y/n, she's not doing anything, just waiting while sitting on the window sill, with Haneul standing in front of her.

"When do you have to pass though?" my best friend manages to make me think of something else, and I put my eyes on my screen. "In ten minutes, there are still two students before me."

"Oh, ok. Hajoon should have his in like twenty minutes, so we'll be out quickly," he takes a look at his phone to check the time but sits down by my side. "What are you playing to?"

"A shooting game, I don't even know the name," I answer him but go back to playing. "I think I had this for months but never played with it," I focus as much as possible, but he chuckles near my ear. "I do the same with the games on my phone because I always like my computer more."

"Yeah, but I've been kinda addicted to the PS4 lately," I shoot the enemies without ever getting touched, feeling annoyed by their low levels. "Dude, the computer is way above."

"I know, but it's different," I do not get into an argument but stop playing, not liking or enjoying it. I exit it and lock my phone. He oddly remains silent now that there is nothing to distract, but someone leaves the classroom while crying. She failed for sure.

"Oh. That is not a happy day for her," Taeyeong remarks, but I laugh unwittingly. "I don't want to get inside either. My mom's gonna ask why I haven't been able to do well..." I toy with the ripped part of my jeans. "Hm...you're lucky though because my mom is gonna drown me and tell me to do better on the next trimester," his sentence gets me to giggle like a dumbass, seeing it happen but not feeling any empathy.

"I'm not even kidding," he grins but rolls the report card he must want to burn. "I'm pretty sure that my dad's gonna take my computer and phone away from me, and I swear, if he does, I cry like the girl who ran out a minute ago."

"I don't even doubt that," I mock him since I know how much of a geek he is. He'll never be able to live without these two important devices. "Anyway..." he sighs, heavily, my hand sliding inside the slit of my jeans to touch my knee. I clear my throat but peek in y/n's direction. She's leaning on the wall with her eyes closed.

"Are you okay?" he whispers to me, mentioning last night's incident for sure. I nod to lie and pretend to be fine. "Some assholes laughed when you left, I and Hajoon wanted to smash them."

"I don't care..." I stare down at my shoes, those ones that are not the ones I love. They're damaged as much as my school bag is since I stopped wearing the expensive items I had and couldn't buy anything new. No matter how humiliating it is, I do not blame my parents, I know they try their best.

"Once I'll have my report, I'll go outside and wait for you both at the bench we usually sit at, all right?" I warn him, and he nods to me.

20 minutes later...

I tap the piece of paper I have in my hand on my thigh, this one that contains bad news for my parents. I keep my eyes closed, my body resting on the bench but dying in the cold even with my leather jacket on.

I bounce my leg, the anxiety felt inside making me do so. "Can I talk to you?"