•••

2 pm.

'YOUR P.O.V'

"Hey," Haneul touches my knee with his, both of us sitting on a stair with Korain to wait for the bus to take us to the swimming class with the other students. "Are you okay?" he speaks in a low voice, and I nod. "Hm. I am," I lie to him, and he keeps his eyes on me, not believing this answer.

I toy with the bottom of my skirt to avoid his gaze on me, but Korain presses a kiss on my temple. "She's not telling the truth," he exposes me in front of my best friend, and I glare at him. "I am..."

"No, you're not. I can see it in the way you talk or behave, so Haneul, who knows you way more than I do obviously know you're lying," he states what I do not want to hear since this is undeniable. "So stop," he presses his lips onto mine. "Just be honest with us, you don't have to lie."

"I don't want to talk about the same thing over and over again...so I'd rather tell myself I'm fine because nothing will change that anyway..." I glance away, the sickness in my stomach never leaving me. I'm ashamed of myself, I hate myself, and I sometimes wish I wasn't anyone. I do believe I do not deserve to be here, and my dad deserves better than the girl I am. He is too good to have such a daughter.

"Don't say that, it will change," he tells me otherwise, and I listen without believing. This will not, I know how I am, this will never stop eating me.

"Have you heard about that girl who likes to hoe around?" a girl speaks out loud near us, my mind telling me right away that I'm that one they're talking about. "Yeah. That rich girl who was known as Mister Park's slut, right?" they both laugh as if this was funny, and I keep my eyes on the ground, feeling the panic grow inside of me. "I heard that she fucked with Jungkook while having two other guys—"

"Bitches, you shut the fuck up before I stand up," Korain does not remain quiet but gets all the attention over him. "What? Does someone here feel concerned?"

"I warned you, don't try me," he does not kid at all, not caring about the fact that they are girls. "Well. I'm sorry, I talk about what I want with my friends, and don't call us bitches when you literally date a slut."

Korain stands up and steps towards her without any hesitation. "Say that again, and you'll fucking cry."

She stares into his eyes, smirking, with her arms crossed as everyone is looking at them. "Are you deaf? I said that y/n is a fucking slut who fucks with every guy—" a hard slap stops her voice that she raised in front of everybody, but makes me jump, and I quickly glance down to not see anything, my eyes becoming teary. "Come on," he pushes her and starts to be violent as her friend just tried to stop him, doing something I'm afraid of. "Bitch about her again. Why do you fucking shut your mouth once a man is in front of you? You're not confident anymore now, uh?" the sound of another hit triggers what I hate to feel, so I cover my ears but feel Haneul react.

He brings Korain back after another guy came to defend the girl who got hit by him. "Don't do that in front of her, for fuck's sake," he throws him against a wall, but I stand up and leave to not have to face anyone here anymore. I do not care about the class at all, I walk into another street, but someone grabs my arm and pulls me back.

Haneul takes me in his arms, and I break down. "I want to die..." the words escape me out of pain and self-loath, but Haneul cups my chin and raises my head up. "Do not. Do not ever say that again. Can you even imagine how your dad would feel if he heard that?"

"He wouldn't disagree because I'm a disgusting girl—"

"Stop. I told you not to say that," he cuts me off again when I just feel horrible for being this kind of person. "Sit down and get those thoughts out of your head," he makes me get on a stair hidden in a corner, and he squats down in front of me as he must have noticed that I'm shaking. "You stop saying or even thinking those words, y/n. Okay? You know more than anyone that your dad would never want to hear this from you. Those people are just fucking immature, they do not know you, they do not know anything. Don't listen to them, they're nothing."

"I should not stay with Korain when people are around...I'm tired..." I wipe my tears away, and he places his hands on my knees, brushing my skin to help me calm down. "No. You hang out with the people you want, you don't even date him, they're just dumb as fuck and don't know what it is to mind their business," he reassures me as much as he can. "And don't worry about what you saw a minute ago, he's not violent, he just got mad and couldn't control himself because that girl provoked him."

"I know..." I snivel and look at him. "Do what you want with him, that does not make you a bad person. That fucking asshole who called you that and got some people to know about it is just a worthless piece of shit. You were clear with him, you do not want a boyfriend, if he's too fucking dumb to understand that and too weak to accept it after having sex with you, that is not your problem, you warned him, he's the one at fault, if he cannot have sex with a girl without catching feelings then he shouldn't have had sex with you, but of course, he did not care about it when he knew he could do it with you. And calling you a slut just because he cannot handle it like a man would just show how shitty he is. Korain makes you feel better, he is there for you when you need him, so you don't have to stop hanging out with him because of some people."

"Hm..." I hear him and try to think the same way, but he comes closer and sits down next to me to hug me. "You did not do anything wrong. You do not owe anything to anyone, and you can live the way you want to. So stop crying."

•••

4:20 pm.

The day finally over, I drop my school bag on the floor of my bedroom and Korain follows me on the bed. I land on it like a rock and stay in my position for some seconds, feeling better whenever I'm on my mattress.

"Are you tired?" he gets by my side and runs his fingers through my hair, so I turn my head towards him and fall into his deep, brown eyes. "Not really, just lazy," I force a smile but see him return it with sincerity. "What an idle," he chuckles but rolls on his back, his skinny body barely moving the mattress. I watch him take his cigarettes out and light one up right in front of me, dropping his lighter on the nightstand to be more comfortable.

The sinful curiosity never fading away, I push my bust up with the help of my forearms, and I crawl towards him to get closer. He doesn't do anything other than to smoke, keeping one arm under his head, he takes the cigarette out of his mouth while staring into my eyes but grins. "What are you doing?"

"I want to try," I tell him, lifting my hand up to the strings of his hoodie. "Try what?" he pretends not to know, so I pull on the strings. "You know what I'm talking about."

"I won't let you smoke," he shakes his head and refuses again, making me sigh. "Come on, just one inhalation," I lay my arm over his torso and grab his thin wrist to lean towards his hand that holds the cigarette. "Just one, let me. Okay?"

"If you let go of me," he finally gives me the permission, so I do as told to get what I want. Once my hands end on the blanket, he inches the cigarette closer to my mouth, and I part my lips.

I move forth to try it, but he pulls it back. "You really thought," he scoffs, but I hurry to catch his arm, and I take the cigarette between my lips, not caring about what he said.

"You—" he attempts to retrieve it, but I go backward, roll over the bed, and I lie down on my flat while inhaling the smoke. Right when he bends over me, I choke and cough. "Stop that, don't ruin your health," he almost snatches it away from my hold, and I regret trying. My throat is burning.

"Damn brat," he gives a slap to the back of my thigh, and I get on my back. I do not complain but catch my breath, covering my mouth with my hand. "Look at you, little baby," he mocks me and my reaction, straightening his back but getting between my thighs. I sit up as he spread my legs, holding my body still with my hands on the sheets, behind me. "What about the pills you sometimes take?"

"No," he doesn't keep his hands to himself but touches my thigh, sliding his fingers over it. "Why?"

"It's ecstasy, you cannot take this," he puffs on the cigarette. "Oh, so I can't, but you can? And why is that?"

"Because I'm nineteen, love. I do what I want," he moves his head to the side in a cute manner, coming closer to press a kiss on my lips. I smile and apply some pressure on his back to make him lose his balance and go forward. He lets a little noise out and fixes his eyes on mine as I just chuckled.

"Don't do this," he deepens the lilt of his voice to tease me, but I peck his lips and hug him. "What if I do?"

"Hmm..." his tongue passes over his lips, and he pushes his pelvis against me, spreading my legs a little more. "Bad things are gonna happen to your body."

"I want to know what that means..." I smile in a shy manner, averting my eyes from his sharp ones. "I don't think you do. Unless you want to see how much stamina I have," he smirks but moves back to stub his cigarette out, gripping my thigh with his veiny hand. "I want to see it," I cup his face to touch his cheeks, but he gives a squeeze to my skin.

"Yes, I know, dirty girl," he suddenly pulls me down onto the mattress to be in the center of the bed. He bends over me and tugs on my skirt to reveal what's underneath. His fingers clutch my inner thigh, and he opens my legs, not going easy or slowly, his lips crash on my neck, and he kisses it. "You made me horny, now you're gonna have to deal with the consequences, baby girl," he brings his lips up to mine and gets rid of my skirt in a simple manner, so I let him do it and kiss him back, feeling his soft ones hungrily take mine.

He throws my clothing on the floor but takes my top off, making it end on the same spot to leave me in my underwear under him. Once he adds his tongue to the kiss, the sound of his belt getting opened grasps all my attention, and he slides the zipper down, but I stop him, feeling something unwanted in my stomach at the memories this brings back. "Wait..." I speak between the kisses, and he ceases to gaze into my eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Do you really want to do it with me...?" I look at him into the eyes, hoping for him to not be disgusted by me. "Of course I do. I want you," he joins our lips to kiss me again. "I love how good you make me feel."

Not knowing whether this is a good idea, I stop him again. "Can I just...have..." I stare into his eyes, being serious with him. "One pill...please...?"

He maintains the contact as if he knew why I'm asking for this, and he stays above me. "We're gonna have sex, don't you want to be fully conscious?"

"But...doesn't it help you to feel even better and forget some things...? Like...it makes you feel good and nothing else...doesn't it?" I insist a little, feeling like he might give in to me. "You still think about that dude, don't you? That's why you want that pill."

I shake my head and lie to him. "Do not..." his lips curve up. "I know you're lying, baby," he cups my chin to caress my lips with his thumb, both staring at each other. "I just...want to think about the moment only...I'm sorry for being like this..."

He sighs but straightens his back. "Don't say sorry," he moves away and leaves the bed, heading towards his school bag. "I know how you feel inside, I'm not gonna be mad at you or act like I didn't know about those thoughts," he takes his hoodie off and drops it on the floor but grabs his bag. "I'm here to make you forget about this asshole," he opens it and gets something out of it.

Once he comes back towards me, the condom and a small box appear within sight. He inches closer to get on top of me, so I push my upper body up with the help of my hands on the mattress. "Promise you won't regret it," he opens the box and gazes into my eyes, some apprehension and anxiousness taking over me no matter my desire to consume that. "I won't regret it, I promise."

"Are you sure you want this? You still have the right to refuse, okay? Because once you take it, you can't say that you shouldn't have," he asks for the second time, making sure this is what I want. I nod, giving him my agreement. He heaves a sigh but gets two pink pills out, he closes the box and throws it aside. "Open," he moves one up to my lips, so I part them, hoping for this to not make me end in a hospital or worse. He places it on my tongue and takes the other one. "This should take about thirty minutes, just relax and enjoy the moment, all right?" he pulls his pants down, and I lie down again, waiting for the drug to affect my brain and make me forget, for long minutes, what hurts me and replace everything with happiness.

He goes up on his feet to take all his clothes off, and he gets on top of me again. "Your heart is gonna beat faster, and you might feel a little dizzy at the beginning, so don't be scared, it's fine. Okay?" he reassures me, and I trust his words. He smiles at me and leans in to lock our lips. "Let's make out first, and if you wanna go further, then we will," he cups the side of my neck. "Or we'll just pleasure each other without having sex. Okay?"

I nod, and he kisses me to keep going. "What if we just—" I try to put an end to it, but he pushes forth and does not let me speak again when I'm not sure yet. I don't feel in the mood, I cannot stop thinking about Jungkook whenever he touches me, kisses me, and I don't want to cry after doing it with him because it reminds me of everything.

I let him continue since he seems to want this a lot, and I try to not think about anything but him. However, I cannot once I feel his hand slip into my underwear. I clench my legs, feeling disgusting for what is happening.

"Korain..." I grab his arm to pull it up but feel annoying once he plasters his hand on the mattress and sighs. "Baby...What?" he looks down at me, and I feel bad for stopping him again, so I do not even dare to say anything. "Just..." he realizes the way he reacted impacted me, and he changes the tone of his voice. "Just relax...Let's make out and wait for the drug to hit," he goes backwards and takes me on top of me, not being mad when I know I'm pissing him off.

"Look at me," he cups the side of my face and looks into my eyes. "I promise this is going to feel amazing, you won't even feel any stress or worries, you'll feel good as fuck and only want more, but we can go slowly if you want...I'm sorry," he presses his lips on mine. "I let you have the control, stop me when you don't like it, okay?"

"Okay," I agree to this. "Come on, show this asshole that you don't give a shit about what he thinks. Don't let him have an effect on you, he's worthless. Let's enjoy our time together," he smiles and joins our lips, so I close my eyes, shut my mind off, and I dive into it.