Song: Consequences - Camila Cabello

sensitive scenes and topics in this chapter. please read with caution.

Trudy puked her guts in that unsanitary restroom, her hands grabbing the contaminated toilet seat and her knees touching the filthy cheap tile.

It was that sweet Richart's Intense Valentine Gourmet box of chocolates Justin brought for her. She had shamelessly ate all of the forty nine pieces and proceeded to swallow the dark chocolate plaque that came with it. Trudy would have been surprised if her stomach wasn't upset.

She enjoyed the sweet taste of the chocolate, and it was time to deal with its pain.

When she was young, eating too much, whether it was chocolate or any other food, never caused her tummy aches, diarrhea, or constipation. Trudy liked to think that she lost her stamina, and not that she was dealing with an eating disorder.

Having a flawless face, a fit body, and a charming personality was a requirement for every member in the Green family. When her father had the most powerful law firm in the country, and her mother was the most wanted plastic surgeon in the world, she was obliged to harmonize. She was born to greatness, so she had no other choice but to preserve it.

How hard would that be if she was absolutely positive that she didn't deserve it?

Trudy's grandfather, Arthur Green, married Louis Green's -his father's- maid; Rose Murky - a flat broke, bankrupt, dark woman. The whole Green family was livid. They didn't approve of a poor, black help to become a part of their wealthy, white VIPs. Arthur went against the impossible to be with Rose; the love of his life.

Despite the epic love story, Trudy hated her grandfather's, Arthur's, choice. Because he had polluted the family's reputation with dark Rose Murky just like he polluted her skin. After her father, Louis Green The Junior, married her mother, Paige Harrison, yet another dark woman - Trudy was fated to be black.

Just as her stomach twisted, but nothing rose up her throat, she knew she had just emptied her insides. Forcing her gagging reflexes to stop, her shaky arms pushed her up her feet. Trudy felt dizzy, getting a hold of the plastic stall wall.

She couldn't tell if her surroundings were spinning, or if it was her head, or both in opposite directions.

After a few seconds, Trudy took a deep breath and trailed herself to the mirror that seemed too far but was just two steps away. Trudy eyed herself in the spattered, cracked mirror. The bathroom needed a makeover as soon as possible, but apparently so did she. Her straight, shiny hair was tangled and frizzy. Trudy managed to stain her hair, dress, and shoes with vomit, not to mention that she completely ruined her makeup.

What caught her attention was her color. It was dark, a bit honeyed, and slightly creamy - just like her favorite chocolate. Justin was right, she was a chocolate - the only chocolate chip in a whole school of cookie dough.

Trudy didn't like that.

What she did like, however, was convincing Evangeline to get rid of Justin. Not only was he annoying, a coward, but also abusive; he always commented on her skin tone and how her grandfather married a maid. Trudy couldn't forget how physical he got when he suspected the bet was about her. It was the first time he ever showed violence to her. She couldn't stand to deal with him, especially at the moment.

She wished for her dad, Louis Green The Junior, to sue each and every one that ever glanced, whispered or practiced racism on her. Or her mother to invent some operation where color could be changeable. At least then, they would have been useful with something.

But first things first - Trudy snatched a piece of toilet paper and wiped the hours worth of makeup, starting with her plump, red lips. Just as she was about to pick up her broken, scattered pieces, Justin Harvard stormed in the restroom. His thick eyebrows were knotted and his eyes were filled with venom and hurt. Trudy was too venerable to deal with him. He couldn't see her in such a state.

Trudy did her best at pulling her tough act together, but her messed up attire blew her away. Trudy wondered how puking could extract beauty out of her along with the food. No matter how hard she tried at mending her pieces together, Trudy couldn't get her dreamy, weak eyes to conceal her emotions, nor to look Justin in the eyes. Trudy averted her brown eyes to the filthy tiles.

Justin yanked Trudy's chin up, forcing her shattered, brown eyes to meet his angry ones. His jaw was pressed tight as he glared at her from his hight. "Is it true?"

Trudy produced a nervous giggle - an act she despised. Her brown eyes were glassy as a tear left her dreamy eyes, dragging with it all of Trudy's strength and confidence - both were mixed with her Givenchy Noir Couture 4 in 1 mascara. Trudy must've looked like a horrible mess.

However, she wasn't about to glance at the cracked mirror and confirm her suspicions.

Trudy gulped, a task that seemed hard at the moment. She forced her smudged, plump lips to curl in a sheepish smile, her dreamy eyes glinting in fake humor. "It depends," Trudy said.

Trudy knew exactly what Justin talked about, just as she understood his anger. She had dumped him through her best friend - breaking up via texts would have been better, at least it would have been directly from her.

"That you wanna-..." Justin couldn't even say it. "What Eva told me. Is it what you want?"

Justin's eyes never softened. All the rage and anger was a solid proof that he loved her for real. He was the only one, out of all the people around her, that loved her unconditionally.

Trudy didn't know who to start the list with. Was it her parents that were too engaged with her sister to notice her? Or was it her sister, Sandra, that always looked down at her and made her best to prove that Trudy would never be enough? Or was it her best friend, Evangeline, who wasn't even interested in her?

Even Eva's mom, who barely knew her, hated her with a burning passion. Zarek Black played with her emotions, making her believe that she was special only to crush whatever confidence she had built. And people at school, who never talked to her, always glanced and whispered mean things about her.

The only person she had by her side was her clingy boyfriend, and she was breaking up with him.

As Trudy stared at Justin, she found herself missing the cheerful glint in his usual doe eyes. She had always thought he was too happy and chirpy, but compared to his current angry self, Trudy would take his annoying side any day. Even if Justin threw some bad comments every now and then, at least he was loving and caring.

Trudy was lost in her pathetic circle of acquaintances. A shake from Justin's impatience brought her back to reality, realizing that she had been standing there like a weak girl, showering her vomit stained face with salty tears pouring from her puffy eyes.

Trudy was truly pathetic.

Her voice seemed too far to reach, feeling her vocal chords wrap around her neck and strangle her instead of producing words. Trudy's stomach twisted once again in a painful knot. She had no pile to puke, instead, she felt as if she was going to puke her actual guts instead. Somehow, in her daze, she manged to nod her head.

Justin seemed to drip his last dot of patience. Something snapped in his raged eyes, his thick, dark eyebrows knotted in fury. His arms shook her so hard that Trudy felt she had a concussion. "Say it in my fucking face." Justin growled.

Trudy was scared.

She wasn't scared of Justin, but of her own self. She was so weak and fragile it was physically sickening. She wanted to get Justin's ordeal over with, she just wanted to be alone with all of her insecurities and flaws. Maybe then, she would finally accept that she was, indeed, a loser.

Trudy looked Justin in the eye, fake confidence flashing in her brown eyes despite her whimpering, plump lips. "I- I can't keep doing this anymore."

Trudy surprised herself with the fierceness in her voice, even if it broke at the beginning. She could still act strong, but that was not what Trudy wanted. She wanted to be strong, not in front of people, but her self. She needed to confront her inner, true, and ugly self and embrace it. Of course she would try and better whatever she could, but she also needed to convince herself that nobody was perfect, and it was okay to be different.

She needed to accept her differences, and look at them as factors of uniqueness and speciality, not weakness and dysfunctionality.

Still, Trudy's heart was not that harsh. The fading glint in Justin's doe eyes was unmistakable. Justin's eyes saddened, his forceful grip around Trudy's arms loosened; showing a purple bruises despite Trudy's dark skin.

His thick eyebrows were up in sorrow, his jaw shaking. "Why?"

Justin's tone was filled with desperation mixed with blame. Trudy was sure he was listing everything that was wrong with him and blaming himself for it, which was too familiar with Trudy's own emotions. Justin had a pure heart, and Trudy hated herself for shattering it.

Trudy asked Justin to breakup too many times before, giving him a stupid reason to justify leaving him. Justin always managed to convince her to stay with him. Besides, she didn't want to be alone.

She had stayed with him for selfish reasons, and she was leaving him for the same reasons.

Life before Justin seemed too far in the past. Trudy could faintly remember how she used to cry herself to sleep every night, thinking how she would never be loved, cared for, or simply enough. She was forced to deal with puffy eyes the next morning and self blame for her loneliness. She dragged herself out of bed everyday, with no motivation to get up - her sole motivation was finding motivation. She acted ignorant in front of all the world, while in fact, she was scarred, scared, and insecure.

Trudy was still playing the act, but she started believing her own lies. Confidence became spontaneous, and wits became her signature. She was still chasing motivation, but at least Justin distracted her. He showered her with attention, care, and love. He always remembered her by texts, gifts, and took her on fancy dates.

Instead of dampening her pillow every night, Trudy snickered and laughed to the phone at Justin's lame jokes. She didn't deal with puffy eyes in the morning, but baggy ones - Justin wouldn't want to hang up, making her talk with him until she fell unconscious.

Her life was not as perfect as Trudy wanted, but it was not empty. Justin came like a sweet, innocent child and filled her life with hapiness and positivity; something she hadn't realized she craved until she tasted.

But just as sweet, he was also painful.

Justin was overwhelming, needy, and emotionally abusive. He had feeded her heart with love, but he also fueled her insecurities about her color. She had shamelessly used him, but she was done with him.

She had taken everything she could abstract out of him, and now it was time to break it down for him.

With a new found confidence, Trudy locked her snaky, brown eyes with Justin's vulnerable ones - an emotion she despised. Her smeared, plump lips curled in a belittling manner, mocking Justin. The smile on Trudy's tear stained face looked out of place, and maniac.

Trudy chuckled, a crazy glint in her snaky eyes. "You asking me why?" She placed a stiff hand on her hip, a heavy eyebrow cocked. "Are you that dump? Didn't you figure it out already?"

Justin frowned, his doe eyes were lost. He scanned his girlfriend, failing to detect the pretending. "What are you talking about?"

Trudy tossed a strand of dark hair behind her shoulder, although it was tangled and did nothing than reveal her nipple. When she was puking she hadn't paid attention that the dress had a short cleavage cut; one of the boobs was misplaced - oops.

Trudy wasn't bothered to cover herself. She just exposed herself emotionally, which made her feel more naked than the lack of clothes ever could. She cocked her head to the side, pulling Justin's eyes with her. "Don't be stupid, Justin," she tutted, persuading her pouted, plump lips. Her hand touched Justin's cheeks for dramatic effects, and she hated how her touch impacted Justin - electricity went through him. "The bet Zarek made is about me."

Justin's doe eyes broke, feeling cheated on. Trudy had the same expression when she was only eight when her sister, Sandra, told her that Santa Claus was just a myth that never occurred, just like her upcoming dreams. That was the beginning of Sandra's bullying.

Despite empathizing with Justin, Trudy would never think with her heart. Reason is the key to success, and emotion is your redeem to hell - according to her dad's motto, at least.

Justin's large hands slipped of Trudy's thin arms, his eyes falling to the ground. Trudy suspected he had noticed her peaking nipple. Justin shook his head, his thick eyebrows knotted. "No. No, you said... but you said that-"

Trudy held her narrowed chin high, a smirk weaving its way through her diamond shaped face until it covered it all. "I know what I said," Trudy countered, "I told you it was about Eva. But guess what?" Trudy closeted her face, mockery evident in her snaky, brown eyes. "I. Lied."

Something snapped in Justin's doe eyes. Before Trudy could react, his hand flew up and yanked her tangled hair.

Trudy screeched in pain for the very first time in her life. Nobody ever laid a finger on her; not her sister, not her mother, and not her father - but a boyfriend of barely three months did the honors. Trudy would let her dad sue his stinking ass and rot him in hell. But at the moment, Trudy was still not over the fact that Justin was pulling her hair like a cheap bitch.

And maybe, after everything she had done, she deserved it.

The screech snapped Justin out of his fit. His eyes widened as he took in Trudy's condition. Her feet couldn't carry her so she was leaning on the wall. Her lips were tempering as her small hands desperately clutched at the dirty sink. Justin was about to feel sorry for her, that was until his regretful eyes zeroed on the peaking nipple.

Justin pressed his lips tight, hovering over Trudy with his hight. Trudy shrieked underneath him, feeling so weak and vulnerable. She had it coming, but she wasn't quite ready for it.

Justin's hands gripped the cleavage neck and ripped it, her bouncing breasts on full display.

A single tear rolled its way down Trudy's cheek, her eyes watched in fear at the beast in front of her. Her whole body was shaking as she struggled to keep the pee in her bladder - he is going to rape me right now and here.

Justin neared his face, being close from her own. He wore the same mockery she had used against him moments ago. His eyes were mischievous as he looked through her as if she was nothing. "So you like acting like a whore, huh? Managing your life freely?" he countered, "How do you feel now? How you'll manage this?"

Trudy had no idea where her voice or wits went. It was like her old, awkward self that was too insecure to stand up for herself. It was as if Justin, when she decided to break up with him for real, took away all the confidence he offered her.

She was a coward again.

Just as Trudy was about to have another meltdown, Justin shushed her up; he pressed his lips to her plump ones, his hands cupping her breasts. Trudy was sure she tasted like sower vomit, but Justin didn't seem to mind as he devoured her mouth. He was a bad kisser, either that or he was intentionally transforming a lot of saliva into Trudy's mouth - it was too much that she felt like she was drinking from a faucet.

Justin forced her to swallow every drop, ignoring her disgusted winces and discomfort. After a while that seemed too long for Trudy, Justin pulled away, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He smirked at Trudy. "Now that was a kiss," Justin said, "Ever since we started dating, you never let me kiss you properly. Don't blame me," he shrugged, "You owed it to me."

Trudy's lips were swollen and drenched. Her eyes felt dried out and her legs were numb. She looked at Justin with empty, emotionless eyes. "Who are you?"

Justin was taken off guard. He rushed towards her, grabbing her arm. "Oh my god, what have I done-"

Trudy flinched. "Don't touch me," she hissed. She would have pushed him away, but she didn't have any strength left.

Justin scratched his forehead, almost bleeding it out of anxiety. His doe eyes focused on Trudy's naked chest and he gasped. "I didn't..." His guilty eyes pleaded her as he tried approaching her again. "Please, I didn't mean-... I wasn't-... I'm so sorry," he stammered, "Please, just... please forgive me. Babe, please,"

Trudy cringed at his pet name. She held her chin high, which didn't have that much effect considering the amount of nudity exposed in the restroom. She didn't care. She was done. "Leave."

Justin's eyebrows held up, his doe eyes at their purest. "Ple-please, don't do this. Don't ruin what we have, I-... I-..." he stuttered, "I love you."

Trudy was a limp body standing. Her empty eyes glaring a hole at his head. "I fucking said: Leave!"

"But-..." Justin pointed at her naked upper body. "But what about that?"

Trudy gave a mechanical smile, cocking her head to the side like a wicked, possessed Barbie doll. "I'll manage."

Justin attempted to remove his shirt and offer it to her, but Trudy collapsed on the ground, screaming at the top of her lungs. It felt good to scream like a maniac, she released all of her anger, disgust, and humiliation.

The ear deafening scream perplexed Justin. He was so clueless it was funny. Like the pussy he was, he ran out of the restroom. Trudy only felt herself as she was laughing like a maniac. It felt reliving to act like a mentally ill person, maybe because that what Trudy really was; crazy.

In hysterical laughter, Trudy lifted herself up on her shaky feet and examined herself in the mirror. Her hair was wild, her lips were swollen, and her tits were bouncing freely. The horrible sight that met her only increased her fit. She couldn't breath as she hiccuped and laughed at the same time. Trudy ran her fingers through her hair, and with every strand of long hair that fell on the sink, a tear slipped with her laughter.

She wasn't just nuts, but bipolar too. Hurray.

Trudy did her best at flattening her hair. She parted it into two and placed each part on either side of her shoulders. She was using her hair to cover her chest. How funny!

A few chuckles still escaping her lips, she headed out of the bathroom, making it her life mission to get to her Lamborghini unnoticed, where she left her leather jacket. It wasn't a hard task anyways.

After all, she had always been unnoticed.

let me just say that eating disorders, insecurities, and mental issues are real diseases with real symptoms that can be lethal if ignored. people who deal with these illness need love and care. they are super sensitive and empathetic. to whoever is going through any mental disorder, just know that you are not alone. you matter, and you count.

love is free, but it's the key to the most precious; happiness. spread it out generously, and believe me, it will come back to you.

people who have suffered from bullying, racism, abuse - don't be afraid to speak up. stop protecting those who hurt you, and offer them and yourselves help instead. just think about it; if we can't distinct those issues then how are we supposed to face other problems like corruption and rape?

it's by small steps like these we make a better place out of the world.

How will Trudy deal with this?