** opens the letter**

Dear single me,

Hey! How've you been?

Ahhh......so, February is here, the month of love - as people say, and here I am writing this letter to you (me)  in Feb of 20-something and I know you'd be reading this letter in Feb of 20-something else as well. 

I can bet you're still single. so I'll proceed with whatever I gotta say with that thing in my mind.  Let's see... WHAT-DO-I-SAY-???

Oh well, I guess that I know you're still single I should probably make fun of you, huh?  Being in your 20s and still not having a single girl. Jeez!! How pathetic... 

And don't you dare play that, " it's a choice card "on me. I know you're longing for some real relationships... How do I know? well, I am you, dummy, just a little younger depending on how many years later you re-read this letter. 

I am pretty sure you're still living in your head instead of the outside the world and interacting with yourself and doing all the self-talk that would borderline be insanity. I bet it's more messed up than a Twitter thread and makes no sense just like them as well.

 So, what new things you might have come across? What new things did you find about yourself?

Do you still contemplate your reasons for existence?

Do you still wonder why you're still so terrible at making friends?

Do you still consider yourself a failure? 

Do you still stand on your balcony late at night and ask the moon if he's looking over everyone you cared for?

Do you still fear being close to people?

Uhh.....Ik this last one might have hit the spot. If not, that's good. you deserve to get over it. If you still feel scared uhhh..... I really don't know what advice I'd give you. My brain at this point in time goes blank whenever I think or even try to think about it. 

I think I know that you still think about your past no matter how hard you try to live in the present. I mean there's a reason, hell a lot of reasons that you don't love nor wanna love. Everybody got reasons and I know yours because you're literally me and well no matter how many lonely nights you've spent, I know you've always been honest with yourself, as cheesy as it sounds. 

Every story of love doesn't have a happy ending and even though you never wanted a story it still hurt that people.... ahhh...someone played that one thing you always held dearest and considered purest in the worst way possible. 

I know you still don't wanna believe it with new recent news and clarification but it's fine. Hold on to those false reasons if it'll help you get over it.

I know you think why you couldn't love anymore or maybe you do but never accept. Maybe that's because,

You still can't look into the mirror and say that you love yourself now.

You still see yourself as a failure,

You still aren't anywhere close to those standards you always wanted to see yourself at,

You still haven't achieved the goal you set out yourself to achieve, or

Maybe you still are holding on to that stupid promise. 

Please If you're reading this.... ME.... break it. It doesn't matter. It'll never help you. I know that was a joke when you made it, keep it that way. Don't let it govern your future, your present. 

Meet people, hold on to them if you think they're trustworthy, and don't follow them blindly ofc. If you still think you're not worthy of being loved, try to listen to them instead of listening to yourself, I know this letter will never persuade you as stubborn as you are but break yourself, rebuild yourself, and try, even if it's a little. 

You've been in a dark place for the longest time and even if you aren't anything you always thought yourself to be. then strive for it like you are... doing now.... while reading this. I know that you never give up, and if you have given up, you're not me anymore. I don't know you. this would just be an echo in the void of nothingness and it'll dissolve in the silence that consumes your mind.

But if there's even the tiniest bit of me still left in you, I know you're still fighting with yourself somewhere. Always trying to make yourself better just a little, but you are. You have many flaws and I know very well that you're aware of them.

The world might not understand or even acknowledge you but I know that you've built a fortified fortress that is built with mirrors to catch every single mistake, every single thought, and every single action you make. and you certainly won't go easy on yourself when you see catch yourself with all the mistakes and ill thoughts. So acknowledge yourself. Know that with every wrong you right yourself in the future. 

and please... I know you're too big in actions more than words so show that to others as well. I know you think you're trying to do that but it never translates it that way. Next time you feel empathy for someone. Show it to them instead of just wrecking your brain over it. 

Human relationships are built on trust and you severely lack in that department.  I am not saying to trust everyone around you, but if someone is extending you a hand, don't be skeptical that it's just to push you back to the dirt again. I know what you're thinking, " They always do". But hold on a second. 

Take a step back. Look at your journey. 

You've been pushed to dirt many times, I know you're strong enough to pick yourself up again. So even if they do push you back. Believe in yourself. Another thought you might have now,

" But I'm tired of this"

Well to that, I'd just say even though you're tired try it. Take a leap of faith. You're already broken enough that a little more would just add to your collection of different broken pieces of yourself and well if it worked. GREAT...

You might end up with a friend. 

I mean who knows right?

Also, dude, you're not the only person in this world who might be dealing with this. I won't say Grow up and don't be a crybaby about it, because honestly, I've heard it so many times that I can't ignore it anymore cause it hurts .

What I'd rather say is, find some solace in knowing that you're not alone. 

I mean you are alone. Right?

for now at least

I know I am. 

Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this letter for a future me.

I really hope that you're not alone anymore. I know that your idea of " just one" shattered a long time ago courtesy of someone you probably still hold grudges against. But, if on a blue moon, you do find someone who makes you feel at home, holds you when you're shaking, and answers you when you're questioning yourself. 

Hold them

Hold them tight.

Let them know how much it means to you.

Tell them nobody has ever done this for you. 

and definitely smile.

You need more smiles than sorrows in your personal deposits.

Well also don't lose hope that you'd never find " just one" anywhere. For crying out loud,

she might be the girl with stethos, or 

she might be at the gym doing her 100th pull-up, or

maybe she'd be dancing her heart out on her roofs terrace, or

Reading a book at the window seat of the library fixing her glasses.

Well, wherever you find her.... whenever you find your love. Make a run for it. Don't give up on your only chance. Do your best. 

I know you can do it. You deserve it. 

and when you do find it, I hope you remember me. The naive younger you who still believed and then,

SMILE.

Regards,

Ash

                              **closes the letter**

                                       ENVELOPE

                                     with regards.

                              to my old single self

         Address: the only safe place you know.