(I ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜɪs ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ʟᴏʟ)

Dear Diary, or, I think? I don't know how people start these things ☺
Anyways, I called Michael the other day, and I think we're really starting to become something. Well, we've only been talking for about a week, but still, love finds a way.
He asked if I had been looking for a job and I didn't really know what to say. "No, I've been in jail haha". I said yes (because I guess I probably should be?) and he said that the cafay was hiring and that I should apply for a job there. He said I was a quick learner :) I think I should do it, I can make money AND be closer with him. It's perfect! I don't really know how all that job stuff works, he said I needed a resumay? I've never thought about it because I never needed to. I can ask Mom, she'd know. Did Lucy even have an actual job? I don't think she'd know how to help me.

Well, besides all of that, life has been great since I got released. Two weeks in the real world and I think I'm getting the hang of it! Lucy keeps taunting me because I don't understand things like aljebra and other stuff I should've learned but it's not like she knows either. I told her she was raised in a catholic boarding school so what would she know, and she just shrugs me off. But still, who needs all of that junk anyways? I can't wait to see Michael again, I think he likes me ➸❤ maybe. I also am going to try to figure out more about my dad to get to the bottom of this all- I won't give up yet.

—Cynthia

I put down the diary and placed it behind my pillow, just so no one tried to snoop through it. Not that it's anything personal, but still.

I knocked on my mom's bedroom door, but there was no answer. I opened the door anyway, just to check if she was even in there- she was. Blacked out drunk, but she was there. Clearly not the time to ask her for anything, so I guess I have no choice but to ask Lucy. So, I went to her bedroom, the door already cracked open.

I peered through the opening, and she spotted me immediately, gesturing for me to come inside. I walked in, and I seemed to clearly be interrupting something- again. Lucielle and Rosemary were sitting at a vanity, Lucille munching on sunflower seeds and Rose painting her nails. There were two other girls sitting on the bed beside them, Christina from before and another woman I had never seen before. She had her red hair braided into two, and her and Christina were shuffling through photos. They presented each one to Lucy and Rose, making remarks about them. Bonnie was sitting in a corner, eavesdropping and reading a book of some kind. I, however, was standing awkwardly once again, feeling like I came in at the wrong time.

They all turned to me, seeming frustrated that I interrupted them. Lucille spit out a shell and pointed to an extra chair by the vanity for me to sit on.

"One second, Cee," she turned back to the red head, "what were you saying?"

She whipped out a photo of a man, clearly taken on a Polaroid. "I met this guy the other day- what do you think?"

Lucy took the photo from her, inspecting it before making an unpleasant face. "Oh, honey, no."

"Why, what's wrong with him?"

"He looks like he's into theater, all I'm saying."

She went silent, seemingly embarrassed. Lucy sighed, "Oh, don't tell me-"

"Well, why is that a bad thing? He seemed nice..."

"Because there's no chance, last time I dated a man who was an actor, he cheated on me... with another man. Find someone else."

Rosemary laughed at the comment, blowing on her freshly painted nails. The red head, whatever her name is, huffed and snatched the photo from Lucy's hand. She handed it to Christina, who was also trying to hold back her laughter so she didn't upset her further.

I was finally free from the awkwardness when Lucy turned her focus to me. She adjusted her seat so that she could face me.

"What did you need?"

"Uhm, well, I was thinking about getting a job at the coffee shop you took me to, but I don't really know.. I guess, how?"

Her and Rose glanced at each other. "Let me guess: is it because of that boy?"

"Well, erm-"

"I'm teasing, but I don't think I can really help you with that."

Just as I thought. I can't figure this out on my own, where do I even begin? But, just as I thought I was screwed, Rosemary set down her polish, perking up.

"I can help, if you want." She said, checking out her nails.

Thank goodness. "Uhm, yeah, that'd be great."

Lucille stood up, stretching as she made her way out of the door. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Looks like you're set then, I'm gonna go check on Michy."

⧫ ⧫

I lightly knocked on the door before entering her room. She hasn't come out of her bedroom since 2pm, and it's almost 6:00. She's never usually the type to lock herself in her room unless something serious happens, and knowing her, she's probably in a mood.

She was completely out, bottles of wine on her nightstand and one nearly empty barely hanging from her grasp. My eyes rolled instantly as I noticed her state, and I couldn't help but groan. I moved towards her, attempting to wake her up from her drunk slumber. She must've really been knocked out, because she was not waking up easily, I grabbed the bottle from her hand and slammed it against the nightstand, shattering it. That did it; she raised her arm onto her forehead, moaning as I flipped on the light.

"Michelle, what the hell? We've talked about this before and I am not going to do this bullshit again with you."

She rolled over onto her back, trying to sit up as she rubbed her puffy eyes. She could barely finish a sentence as she spoke without slurring.

"I know, I know, it's just.. Just..., I know-."

"Michelle, I'm not babying you, I've already discussed your drinking problem with you and held your hand so you could get better. Figure it out."

"I know, I'm sorry; can you please just leave me alone? You're making my headache worse."

She laid back down and turned her back towards me, tuning me out. This woman has got to be joking, I was not about to comfort her and approve of what she did. She was genuinely pissing me off.

"Michelle, can you just explain why you even did this in the first place? You promised you wouldn't get back into the habit and I busted my ass trying to take care of you through that, and now you're just going to tune me out?"

"Lucy, I said leave me alone." She snapped.

There was silence as she glared at me over her shoulder, waiting for me to leave. I didn't say anything as I walked away from her. I didn't bother to close the door or turn off the light, she could get up and do it herself. I said I wasn't going to baby her, but I also refused to let her drink herself away. As much as I hate her sometimes- forcing me into her lies and treating me like a child, I still kind of care about her, at least for her well being. But for right now, she's not worth my effort.

⧫ ⧫

"So, what skills do you have?" She asked as she continued to type.

"Uhm... I don't have any, I don't think?"

"Well, think of something. They can't tell if you're lying or not anyways, make something up."

I shrugged my shoulders, hesitant. "But isn't that bad, lying on a resume?"

"Not when you're a felon who's inexperienced." She scoffed.

Just as I was trying to think of something, Lucy barged back in the room. She was visibly upset over something, but we both decided to not question it. She sat back down next to me and Rosemary. The two girls had already left to go smoke outside, and Bonnie hadn't gone anywhere.

"How's it going with you two?"

"Fairly well, considering half of this resume is bull."

I giggled at the remark, she wasn't necessarily wrong. I didn't have anything to really put down, nothing impressive at least. Anything that did sound remotely good was probably a lie. I have a bad feeling about it, but I trust her.

Lucy started to examine what had been written on the typewriter. "It looks good enough."

"So, how was Michelle? From the looks of it, you don't seem too stoked."

Lucy huffed, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "She's gonna be the reason I start smoking again, " she replied, jokingly, "I'm just tired of trying to help her, you know?"

Look, I don't know what happened, but I know whatever it was clearly had ruined her evening. I've never seen her upset, not like that at least. She seemed to be the type of person who didn't get angry or bothered easily, so whatever pissed her off must've really tested her patience. Although, that's what I assume.

"What's going on?" I asked, just out of curiosity.

"Nothing, I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Your mom is drinking again."

Bonnie looked up from her stories, including herself into the conversation. Lucy peered back at her, making it clear on her face she wasn't wanted in the conversation. She made the same face back at her.

"Stay in your lane, Stuart Little. Go back to reading your weird little Shakespeare poems."

"It's not Shakespeare."

Lucy turned her back towards her, irritated. "Whatever, Poe, edgy Shakespeare; can you just mind your business?"

She made a dramatic and sharp exhale, digging her nose back in her book. Rosemary was trying not to laugh as she covered her mouth, avoiding eye contact with either one of them.

"Stuart Little?" Rose whispered under her breath, snickering.

"What? She's short and annoying."

They were trying to be quiet, but I'm pretty sure Bonnie heard both of them. Rose finished typing up a few things before ripping out the page, handing it to me.

She and Lucy continued to give me some tips on job interviews, with Rose giving significantly better advice than Lucy. I still feel a bit hesitant about turning in a mostly-made up resume, but how would they know? They assured me I'd probably be fine, which I guess is kind of reassuring. Maybe my excellent interview can make up for it all, if I practice enough beforehand. I mean, it's an interview, almost everyone has a job. It can't be that difficult.

Either way, I'm just excited to see Michael again. If we could be co workers, it would feel like a scene from a cheesy rom com movie. Life is going perfectly after all.

⧫ ⧫

I'm not insane. They keep telling me that I am but I'm not. Why won't everyone just shut the hell up? Can't they see I'm doing fine? I'm doing just fine on my own, I don't need Lucy, Bonnie, anybody. If I want to drink then I can, I don't need another person breathing down my neck about it like my husband did. You see what happened to him? No, I don't mean it like that.
I care about them. I cared about him too. God dammit -I'm not going crazy but he won't leave me alone. They won't leave me alone. The alcohol is the only thing that makes it stop. I pray to someone out there but no one answers, it's because I'm going to hell aren't I?
I'm not a bad person, I'm not crazy, why do they keep telling me that? I ask for forgiveness because everybody deserves a second chance right? I just want the pounding in my head to stop, the voices that mock me to leave me alone. I'm not deranged.

I think I just need to sober up, I'm blabbering. But if I do, they'll come back, and I'm just going to do this all again.
God, somebody help me.

A/N:
-I know this isn't the best chapter but I had to get something to get past my writers block :) better chapters are coming, I promise.

-In my manuscript, I have a different font that looks like handwriting for "diary/journal entries", such as the one at the beginning. Since those fonts don't work on Wattpad, anything bold and in italics is a diary/journal entry <3 it will most likely start with dear diary anyways.

-I just realized I'm accidentally using "Lucielle" and "Lucille" interchangeably in my chapters. I'm going to fix this, but I'll do it later lol.