Ashton nervously paced in front of the door. It was 5:53, and Luke would arrive at six. He had tried numerous times to get his mom and siblings to not go, but they insisted, and Ashton resorted to trying to firgure out how to cover for his families messes.

"Cutie Pie, stop walking back and forth. You're going to wear holes in my Pesan rug." Mrs. Irwin scolded as she helped Harry with his bow tie.

Ashton sighed. "Okay first of all, it's Persian, not Pesan."

She waved her hand at him. "Potato, tomato, same thing."

"And secondly, this is a towel from the bathroom. Not a rug." Ashton explained.

"What you call a towel, I call a Pesan rug." She glared at him. "It's a sad world you live in."

Ashton gave up.

Lauren came down the stairs, looking beautiful in a black and red gown. She poised at the top of the stairs, and raised her arms above her head. Black fabric sewn to her arms made her have wings. "I am ready to command Hell in this dress."

Mrs. Irwin nodded in approval. "Savage, yet fancy. I like it."

Ashton and Harry were wearing tuxes, and Mrs. Irwin had on a silver dress that sparkled. ("Like Ashton's eyes when he imagines his boyfriend naked.")

A knock came at the door and Ashton answered it, since he was closest. "Hey Luke."

"Good evening." Luke smiled at him, before murmuring in Ashton's ear, "Princess, where's your dress?"

"Buried underneath your ego." Ashton snapped, closing the door as Luke stepped in.

"Lucifer! How lovely you look!" Mrs. Irwin said in delight. "My son has good taste. Good job Ashifer, praise to me."

"No! Praise me! I'm the Hell goddess!" Lauren jumped off the stairs. She spun in front of Luke. "Admire me while I wear your soul as jewelry."

Ashton buried his face in his hands. This night was going to be a disaster.

-

A few minutes later, after losing Harry and finding him sitting in the fireplace (trying to make an Ashton voodoo doll from ash), they all sat in Luke's limo.

The driver opened the door for all of them, and Ashton couldn't help but be amazed at the interior of the vehicle.

Sometimes he really wished he was rich, because limos dammit! This limo specifically.

Luke sat next to Mrs. Irwin, who promptly shoved him across the seats to Ashton. "Oh hun don't even with me."

Ashton grumbled as Luke wrapped his arms around him. "Literally, how did my life even come to this?"

They arrived at Luke's mansion and Lauren ran straight to the doors. Harry slowly followed, inspecting the yard the way there, and Luke held the door open for Ashton. He offered the smaller boy his hand.

Ashton ignored him and walked to the door. "Lauren, please be on your best behavior, and Harry, don't be creepy for one night, okay? And mom- wait, mom?"

"I'm here sweetie!" She called back. She emerged from the limo, holding a wine bottle. "Finders keepers."

She slapped Luke's still out stretched hand. "High five."

Luke sighed and shut the limo door, before escorting them all inside.

Luke's parents were waiting in the living room. The fire place crackled and soft music drifted from the TV.

"Mom, D- er, Mother, Father, I'm home and the guests have arrived." Luke called out.

A man and a woman entered the room.

The woman had blonde hair like Luke's, but her eyes were a harsh and icy blue. Ashton preffered Luke's calm, oceany ones instead. She was wearing a black dress and a necklace made of pearls. The man had black hair and brown eyes, and he was tall. Very tall. Like, Luke tall. Only taller. He wore a suit that matched Luke's.

"Hello, welcome to our home." The man gave them a warm smile. "My name is Keegon, and this is my wife, Aven."

"Lovely to meet you all." Aven smiled, but it never quite reached her eyes, which were analyzing the newcomers.

Ashton panicked under her gaze, and his heart hammered. Luke grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Shall we proceed to dinner?" Aven asked sweetly. "I cooked the dessert myself."

"Great, let's start with dessert first then." Mrs. Irwin said.

Ashton glared at her. "No! We'll have our food in the normal order!"

Mr. and Mrs. Hemmings exchanged looks as Mrs. Irwin grumbled.

They all took seats around a long table. Luke sat next to Ashton, and his parents took seats at the two ends of the table. Ashton's family all sat on the opposite side of him and Luke.

"Are there any souls in this?" Lauren asked when servers brought out plates of their entree. She picked at her food with one of the many forks that were laid out in front of all their plates.

"Lauren..." Ashton groaned.

"Pardon me dear, but did you say...souls?" Keegon asked, wrinkling his brow.

"Yes, I am low on my supply and I need more." Lauren explained. She sniffed the meet. "Oh, is this an arm?"

Ashton sighed and his face heated up.

Aven shot her husband a look. He just shook his head and looked at Luke, who cast his gaze to the floor. Ashton noticed this and glared at Lauren, who was sliding her food onto Harry's plate.

"Hey!" Harry exclaimed. "This isn't macaroni and cheese!"

Mrs. Irwin took out her wine bottle and drank from it. "Harry, don't be a butt. No body likes a butt. Well, except for Ashifer, he adores Luke's."

Ashton kicked her under the table, which made her jump and spill the crimson liquid.

Aven gasped. "My Persian table cloth!"

Mrs. Irwin chuckled as she screwed the cork back into the bottle. "I think you mean Pesan. And this isin't a table cloth, it's a towel."

Aven's face grew red and Keegon stood up. "You know what, how about we skip dinner and go mingle in the parlor. We can come back and have dessert later."

"Excellent idea!" Lauren exclaimed, jumping up. "My bats need some fresh air anyways."

"Her...what?" Ashton whispered to Luke.

Luke just shook his head. "Mom hates bats."

"Of course she does." Ashton sighed as they all walked to the living room. Ashton stopped Harry and made him empty his pockets of the knives first though.

They sat in the couches, the music covering the silence between them all.

Finally, Luke spoke up. "Ashton is on the A honor roll, father."

"That's good, maybe you should be more like him then, Lucas." Keegon said.

"Yes father." Luke mumbled.

Ashton frowned. "Lu-"

"Places, places, get in your places, throw on your dress and put on your dollfaces." Mrs. Irwin sang suddenly. "Everyone thinks that we're perfect, please don't let them look throught the curtains!"

"Pardon?" Aven frowned.

Ashton quickly jumped up. "Where's your bathroom?"

"Down the hall, fifth door to your left." Keegon said as he watched Ashton's mom continue to sing.

Ashton bolted out of the room, unable to stand it any longer. He locked the door shut behind him and he slid down its frame, until he sat on the marble flooring.

This was such a bad idea, now Luke would get sent away! 

He sniffed. Plus he was embarrassed by his family. So much for a first impression.

He waited until he couldn't hear his mom singing anymore, and then he opened the door and walked back to the living room.

He gasped at the sight.

Luke's parents were huddled together, staring at the ground in fright as Harry crawled over their feet, sniffing everything in sight.

Lauren and her mom were having a tug of war with the wine bottle, and both girls were screaming.

"I said finders keepers! Its mine, you purple potato sack!"

"I need it for my bats!"

"Harry ate your bats!"

"Oh my G- mom! Stop it! Harry, get off the floor! What are you guys-" Ashton sank to the floor in mortification, but the fighting continued.

"That's it!" Keegon yelled. He stomped over to Luke, and grabbed his arm roughly. "This family is a disaster, and a horrible influence on you! I don't even want you in the same school as them! We are sending you to Princetown, effective immediately."

Ashton gasped. "No sir, please!"

"Young man, please escort your....family, to the front door." Aven said stiffly.

"Mom, dad-" Luke tried to protest, but Keegon shot him a look that make him falter. "Never mind...."

Ashton picked up Harry and walked to the from door. "Put your shoes on."

Crash.

Everyone whipped around to see Lauren and Mrs. Irwin standing in the middle of the room, wine dripping off their clothes.
The bottle had finally broken, and a red stain formed on the carpet.

"My imported carpet!" Aven wailed. "It's ruined!"

"Sorry to tell you this, but it was ruined before you bought it." Mrs. Irwin said sympathetically.

"Out! Now! All of you!" Keegon shouted. "And Lucas, go to your room."

Luke hung his head. "Yes father."

"Wait!" Ashton cried. "You can't send Luke away!"

"Give me one good reason why not?" Keegon snarled.

Thinking fast, and also not thinking at all, Ashton blurted out, "Because I love him! Please sir, we're dating."