I had just retrieved my diploma. I thought it would make me happy, but I was wrong. All I felt was a vague sense of satisfaction and overwhelming boredom.

It was quite odd how I never seem to get as excited as my peers about anything. Even this degree in Cannabis Biology and Chemistry didn't excite me as much as it should.

Objectively, the professors were excellent, and the field of study was blooming with new ideas. Despite the clear advantages it presented, it only sparked a vague sense of curiosity in me.

It had always been like this. I was always so incredibly bored. My parents thought I was depressed. 

I wasn't.

People, things, and places just didn't hold my attention for long. Furthermore, I didn't have an initial stage of burning passion for anything. It's not like my passion fizzled because of a short span of attention. Nothing fizzled because nothing was ever truly ignited in the first place.

I had always felt incomplete, like an unachieved drawing by a sadistic, all-powerful creator.

Well, not always. There was one thing that interested me, one thing that I yearned for.

Sleep.

Or rather, dreams. When the blinds were drawn and I was softly breathing in my sleep, I could see him. My brother.

We weren't bound by blood or anything real, actually. In truth, he was most likely a character made up by my mind from a collection of thousands of strangers I had seen over the years.

Despite knowing that, he felt so real. His being my brother was undeniable to me. In my heart, I yearned for him to be real. Secretly, I wished the all-powerful creator would grant me this wish. 

Even if we weren't raised together, even if I could only meet him in my dreams, even if he probably wasn't real, he still felt like an essential part of me that I was missing. In the realm of dreams, he was as real as the night itself.

The first few times I had dreamt of him, when I was still a child, I had mentioned him to my parents. At that time, I was still innocent and unaware of the way the world worked.

I thought maybe my parents hid him from me in a crude attempt to surprise me. I was met with bewildered gazes and a firm denial of his existence. "Come on, Ula, you know you're an only child!" They had exclaimed in unison.

I had attempted to breach the topic a few more times, only for it to be dismissed. It was my imaginary friend, they said. After those times, I could see the worry in my parents' eyes whenever I brought up Idris, so I stopped. 

That was when I started hiding myself from them and the world. It was a merciful choice for both of us. I kept my world intact, and they didn't have to wonder what was wrong with their child.

I kept him in my heart.

Nobody else knew about him; I didn't want anyone to dub him the delusion of a crazy girl. I wanted to live in denial.

For it was only when I was with him that I felt truly complete. 

With a sigh, I turned my attention back to reality. I got in my car and drove off. I needed to pick up some groceries, as I didn't have anything left to eat.

As I drove, I was making a mental list of everything I had to get done today. It was quite a lot. This was the obvious downside of procrastinating.

As I pulled into the parking lot of my neighborhood mart, my phone dinged. I parked before checking my phone.

Alex, my best friend, had sent me a text.
I had known Alex since I was 15; he was the friend I had known the longest. At 21, we were still thick as thieves. Alex had also just graduated from his Bachelor of Computer Sciences.

Unlike me, he was really excited about it, as indicated by his text. He had sent me tons of photos where he was smiling brightly while holding up his degree from various angles.

Another text came in; this one read, "Are you really sure about taking a break? What if, after the break, you just keep procrastinating and never get your master's? Come on, it's only two more years to go. Don't quit now!"

He had been trying to persuade me to change my mind about taking a break from school since I had announced it three months ago. I could see where he was coming from, but I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

Idris was showing up less frequently in my dreams, about twice a week as opposed to every day. It was making me feel on edge; I found myself lost and confused at this sudden change.

It had started occurring around a year ago. It was a miracle I had held off this long. Truth be told, I had a really hard time managing life and all its responsibilities without Idris' presence.

It shouldn't have been the case, as I had a good upbringing and nothing was wrong with me physically. Yet, I still couldn't manage life's ups and downs without Idris' presence.

I quickly replied to Alex and headed inside the store. Thankfully, it wasn't very busy, and I was able to find everything I wanted. I even found a little black lion plushie that reminded me of Idris. I immediately put it in the cart. Maybe if I slept with it, I would feel more at ease.

Before going up to the cashier, Alex sent me another message. This time, he was confirming that we were still on for tonight.

I sighed. Damn! I had completely forgotten that we were celebrating at my place tonight. 

Thank God he reminded me!

I quickly turned back around and headed for the booze aisle to pick up some vodka. 

Then I finally headed for the cashier. 
After ringing up and packing my stuff, I left, eager to go home. My arms were overflowing with bags. I was grateful to my past self for having parked the car right by the entrance. I loaded the groceries into the trunk and headed home.

When I got back to my apartment, I spent the next few hours cleaning, organizing, and cooking. I wasn't used to having guests, so this took quite a bit of time.

Even if Alex were my best friend, he had only come to my place a handful of times.

By the time I took a shower and put some comfy clothes on, Alex rang the bell.
How frustrating that he was always on time.

I hoped he would be a little late today so I could unwind and read my webtoon. But no such luck.

I opened the door and gave him a bright smile as he stepped inside. In his arms, he was carrying two bottles of wine.

He took off his shoes and headed for the couch, the wine bottles still nuzzled in his arms. It felt like he was afraid of letting them go. 

I sat facing him and poured us some vodka. We chatted for a little while before eating the pizza and dips I had prepared.

The atmosphere was weird; Alex kept eyeing me up strangely. As soon as I caught his gaze, he would turn his attention back to his food.

It felt like he was mad at me about the break. The silence was making me tense, but I didn't know how to break it.

It wasn't until I got up to get us wine glasses that things started to look up.

As soon as the wine started flowing, Alex seemed to relax. He was smiling more and was excitedly asking about my plans for the break.

It was weird; even if he was acting as usual, I still had a pit in my stomach. I waved it off, and that was my biggest mistake.

I thought nothing could be wrong, as Alex was the kind to speak openly about his emotions. Even if he wasn't, I never imagined what would come next.

I opened my eyes carefully; my head was throbbing. I didn't remember going to sleep. 

Did I drink too much and pass out?

It was dark, but I could still recognize that I was in my bedroom. I tried to move, but I found myself unable to; it was like something was holding me back.

Was this a nightmare? 

I was in pain, not only from the headache; it felt like my whole body was shooting with pain.

Then suddenly, there was light. It blinded me, so I closed my eyes for a few seconds, just long enough to adjust.

When I opened them back up, I came face-to-face with Alex's blue eyes. His usual gentle gaze was no more. The look in his eyes was predatory; it made me want to recoil and hide.

So I turned my head to the left, away from him. As soon as I turned, his hand yanked me back, but not before I saw it.

My arm was tied to the bed. I was tied.

I was afraid now, really afraid as he spit out those words, "Don't turn away from me ever again!"

"What?" I slowly uttered.

He had a deranged look on his eyes as he straddled me. "You're finally awake, and you're already ignoring me. Now I'm going to have to do something to get your attention."

I struggled against the restraints. This was all a joke—a sick joke that would soon be over. Alex would shoot me a sweet smile and untie me. I would entertain him for a few minutes, then send him home.

All I needed to do was wait for the punchline, and then I could cut him out of my life forever.

That's what I thought, and that's what I hoped until he got the knife out. With it, he poked at my skin, making me squirm. The flicker of hope I held was being extinguished at the speed of light, but still, I didn't scream. If I screamed, it meant this was real, and it couldn't be.

Then he started ripping my clothes. I could see my beautiful clothes in tatters on the floor. I could feel the blade on my skin.

That's when I screamed.

A primal scream.

An inhumane scream.