Friday 29th June, 1976

The water's cool embrace was welcome as I dipped my feet into the lake, watching as the water rippled around them. Marlene made her presence known with a laugh and an arm around my shoulders as she sat beside me, splashing her feet alongside mine. I smiled and shook my head at my cousin who barely noticed, too busy greeting our other friends who had deigned to join us by the lake.

Noting the bright red hair beside Marlene's striking blonde I gave a small smile to Lily Evans, and Mary MacDonald who was never far from her ginger counterpart. The two girls smiled widely at me and chorused greetings that I returned. I wasn't as close to the two of them as Marlene was but we shared a dorm and I'd known them for five years, so I was comfortable with their presence.

The four of us relaxed by the lake, the sun's heat simmering down on us. Relief was a shared emotion between us, for the last of our O.W.L.s had just been completed, and we were free of the dreaded tests and studying. One more day and we'd be leaving Hogwarts for the summer, and the next time we'd be back we'd be sixth years, turning of age and getting one step closer to starting our lives.

I entertained the idea with mild fancy, wondering what my life would look like as I grew older. Marlene nudged me, bringing me back to earth. I gave her a smile before noting her curious gaze. "What is it?"

"I was just thinking... maybe it's time you got out of your comfort zone a bit."

I tilted my head. "Where is this coming from?"

Marlene shrugged, picking at the grass around her. She always did that when talking about something serious, like she couldn't focus on the task too much otherwise the importance of it would overwhelm her. The thought left a bad taste in my mouth.

"I know you, Y/n," Marlene said. "I've known you since we were born. I grew up with you. You're a lively person, a fun one to be around."

I smiled at the compliment, but it was strained with worry for the next words out of my cousin's mouth.

"I just... I see how you hide yourself. You curl into yourself and show others this shy, dull version of you because you're scared. And I understand why, of course, I'm not blaming you, but I know you're more than that. You used to be so confident, making friends left and right, and when... well, I just want to remind you that you can still do that now."

The heavy topic put a damper on my new freedom, and I felt my mood sour. "I'm fine with how I am Marlene."

Marlene shook her head. "No, that's not what I meant. I love you. And I love who you are. But you don't show people who you are. You didn't even let Lily and Mary get to really know you until last year. Four years it took, Y/n. I just want you to know there are people who won't wait that long. We're losing time. It's gonna be out second last year at Hogwarts soon, and I don't want you to waste it."

Her words cut deep. I didn't want to think about them, but I knew she was right. Everything she was saying was right. I was losing time. And I was a fun person, and least I thought so, but Marlene was also right in saying not a lot of people knew that. I often shied away from strangers, which made making friends a difficult task. Sure, people here knew me; I wasn't a stranger to many people in my year. I just wasn't a friend either.

And it wasn't that I didn't want to be confident and make friends. I was well acquainted with loneliness, and it didn't really suit me. I liked spending time with people, making others laugh. I just felt so much fear when it came to people I didn't know. A fear that strangled and isolated me. I tried to fight it at the start but it was a losing battle. It was an overwhelming force that bent me until I broke, and here I was, ending my fifth year of school with exactly three friends, one of which was my cousin.

Shame curdled in my chest at the thought and I felt the rest of my good mood disappear. I wouldn't be getting that back anytime soon. Marlene noticed the shift in my mood and gently squeezed my shoulders.

"Just think about it yeah? We still have two more days of school. Maybe try being a bit more outgoing in those days, see how it is? It's just a start."

I considered her words. I wanted to change. I really did. And maybe two days wasn't so bad. I could test it out, find the confidence I used to wear like a shield, now frail and dusty from so many years of disuse. I could dust it off for two days, see if it still fit. And if it did...

I nodded my head, the resolution solidifying. "Alright. I'll do it. I'll... be outgoing. Be confident. Talk to people. See how it is."

Marlene gave a beaming smile at me, wrapping me in a strangling hug that left me struggling for breath. "I'm so glad Y/n. I just want to see you happy."

She smiled at me and I mirrored it, my gaze going back to the lake, the small ripples my feet caused on the surface. "Yeah. Me too."

Time went on, and I continued thinking about my resolution. I'd given Marlene my word which meant I had to go through with it because I never went back on my word, and it was a terrifying yet slightly exhilarating thought, to be someone else for a bit. Or to be me really, just in front of people I never imagined showing my actual self to.

Commotion from further up the hill caught my attention, and I identified the familiar boisterous voices of James Potter and Sirius Black. I would have gone back to the lake and simply ignored it if I hadn't detected the viciousness in their tones, and a cold feeling of dread fell over me. I glanced at Lily who was already getting out of the lake and walking to the source of the noise with grim determination, and before I could let myself think better of it I followed, my heart beating in my chest. I usually avoided everything to do with this sort of thing, stupid commotion caused by stupid teenagers, but my resolution was heavy in my mind so with an even heavier heart I followed Lily up the hill and pushed through the crowd that had started to form until I had a clear view of what was happening.

I immediately wished I'd stayed down at the lake when I found James Potter and Sirius Black grinning maliciously at Severus Snape, the Slytherin scrambling to pick up the papers that the boys had no doubt made him drop. From the wand discarded on the ground I deduced they'd also stripped him of his wand, making my frown deepen.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" James called, his loud voice drawing in more attention.

I was already cursing myself and my stupid, ridiculous resolution in my head. If I'd been confident and outgoing like I wanted to, I'd already be putting these 'marauders' in their place, but instead I was here, watching as a silent bystander, almost as worse as the two boys themselves. How was I supposed to do anything though? They practically ran the school, and I'd had maybe one conversation with them in all my five years of sharing the same school. I had no power over them.

Sirius grinned viciously. "I was watching him. His nose was touching the parchment. There'll be grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."

He sounded much too delighted for what he was saying, and my gut tightened. Was I really going to stand here and just let this happen, even after my promise to Marlene? If I didn't do something I'd be breaking my word, and suddenly I was stepping forward and opening my mouth, much to the fear of myself and Lily who hissed a quiet Y/n but was too late.

"Oh, shut up will you?"

The two boys looked at me in surprise, pausing their cruel actions, as did everyone around them, and I shrunk under the gazes of my peers. Not enough to back down though, for I'd already started this and my dignity- and stubbornness- demanded I end it.

I pushed forward, ignoring the gut-wrenching fear currently tearing out my insides. "Leave him alone."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at me, an amused expression on his face. "And if we don't want to?"

I swallowed under his gaze. Sirius was... something else. I'd always admired him from afar, idly wondering what it would feel like to have my hands tangled in the long locks of his hair, or to have his delightfully unique grey eyes focused on me. This was certainly not what I'd imagined, and I was cursing myself and Marlene and anyone else I could think of as I tried to find something to say.

Before I even had the chance Sirius was throwing another curse at Snape, invisible ropes coiling around the boy as he was thrown of his feet and onto the ground. There was a round of laughter from some of the students, some students looking entertained while other apprehensive. It was clear Snape wasn't very popular.

"Leave him alone," Lily seethed, stepping up next to me.

The comfort of her presence calmed me slightly, my posture still stiff but muscles relaxing just a fraction. Enough for me to take a deep breath and stay where I was standing, rather than turning and bolting.

"All right Evans?" James preened, looking delighted to see the red head.

Lily could not share the same sentiment however as she gazed down at him with barely disguised disgust. "Leave him alone," she repeated. "What's he done to you?"

James pretended to ponder her question before shrugging, the small act in itself full of so much arrogance I was slightly jealous. "It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean ..."

The students around laughed, Sirius and the scrawny looking boy, Peter Pettigrew, the loudest of them. I noticed the last marauder, Remus Lupin, staring diligently at his book, though I also noticed his eyes were fixed on a certain point and hadn't moved in quite some time.

"You think you're funny," Lily said coldly, her eyes narrowed. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

James, completely undeterred by his crush's blatant hatred for him went on eagerly, "I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on, go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Lily sniffed, looking at James like he was something revolting she'd found on her shoe. "I'd rather date the Giant Squid, thanks."

A laugh escaped my mouth, and I quickly clapped a hand over it but it was too late. James' narrowed gaze was on me, an unhappy expression on his face.

"You think that's funny?"

I opened my mouth to say... I wasn't even sure what, when Sirius got there first, a sharp 'Oi!' coming from his mouth. But he was too late, and everyone turned to find Snape with his wand pointed and muttering a curse. As if in slow motion I watched a spark shoot out of Snape's wand and land directly on James' cheek, a bloody gash forming where he was hit and blood splattering onto his robles.

Sirius held his wand up and without a second thought had Snape hanging upside down in the air, his robes a mess over his head revealing long, musty grey underpants. Another round of laughter came from the crowd.

"Stop it!" I demanded, taking another few steps forward.

Sirius had the gall to laugh at me, causing the mob of students to copy his actions. Embarrassment prickled at my neck as I stared angrily at the boy who'd continued on like I didn't exist. "Who wants to see me take Snivelly's pants off?"

The cheering of the crowd horrified me, as did Sirius's smug smile. Before I knew what I was doing I stormed up to the boy, drew back my arm, and hit him right in the jaw. Gasps came from the audience and my knuckles were stinging, unused to such violence, as a small trail of blood dripped down from Sirius's nose. I hoped I hadn't broken it.

Sirius himself looked more startled than anything, looking me up and down with new eyes, like sizing up a competitor. It made me sick and I almost regretted doing it, but in his shocked state Snape had been let down, and Lily was already hurrying over to him, so at least one thing had turned out alright. Or so I thought.

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like you!"

A gasp slipped out of my mouth as I whirled around to Severus, seeing him seething at Lily who blinked, startled, before a blank expression took over her face. James immediately stepped forward, yelling at Snape before Lily yelled at him, chaos erupting. Sirius wiped the blood off his face and turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "Still want to help him now?"

I was at a loss for words as Lily berated James before turning to Snape with a cool expression. "And as for you, I'd wash my pants if I were you, Snivellus."

With that she turned and walked away swiftly, and without another word to Sirius I followed, eager to leave behind this whole mess.

Mary and Marlene were waiting for us on the outskirts of the crowd that had already started dispersing, and as Mary immediately started comforting Lily Marlene sidled up to my side.

"You know, when I said you should be more confident, that wasn't exactly what I'd had in mind."

I shrugged as the four of us walked into the castle, recalling the event moments ago. A small smile was on my face. "It felt good."

A grin slowly took over Marlene's face and she slung an arm around me followed by a celebratory whoop. "Damn right it did!"

I laughed, shoving her off me, but was secretly more grateful to her than ever before. Maybe this confidence thing would work out after all.

a/n:

AHHH OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING????

this was a long time coming and i'm so sorry ya'll life just got in the way of writing 🙏

BUT im back and i hope you enjoyed this first chapter <3 tell me what u think!