This chapter contains violent actions and emotional trauma. Please read with caution.

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'' I am thinking about her, every second of every fucking day.''

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Draco Malfoy.

He had failed to sleep and eat properly for days. He couldn't focus on anything that wasn't related to finding Amelie — he still held no closer to finding her than he did the day she disappeared.

Draco had searched everywhere, every abandoned house and apartment. He had looked through every home that belonged to a Death Eater, and if anyone even intended to cross him — he slaughtered them.

He had no remorse for human life at this time. He had no thought on anyone but her, and it killed him slowly.

Malfoy was drowning, within the coat of his own skin without her.

'' Here you go, mate.'' Theodore mumbled from behind him, stretching out a plate as he placed it on the table, '' You need to eat something.''

Draco didn't even look at what Theo had brought him. His sight stayed glued on the maps and pieces of paper in front of him.

Theodore huffed, slipping down onto the chair next to his, as he gazed over all of the things that held in front of the blond, '' So...'' He sought to break Draco's silence.

'' Where are we going next?''

Malfoy held in quietness, still focusing on what was written on the sheets of paper.

'' Because I could really—''

'' Is it possible for you to just shut up?'' Draco snapped, '' I don't give a damn about what you need.''

Theodore frowned as he stood up from the chair again, marching with severity over to the door, leading out of the room Draco had been using as his base — but then, as he was on his way of storming out, he halted in his steps.

'' You know—'' He said, turning around, '' You don't have to be so mean to everyone, all the time. We miss her too.''

Theo aimed to walk out again, and just as he did. He caught the blond's chair as it was forced back with violence.

'' What is that supposed to mean?'' He stood tall, '' That you miss her too, don't you think I know that?''

Draco gestured forcefully towards the table and to all of the clues and hints of where Amelie might be, '' Why do you think I'm doing this? For my own sake?''

'' Because I do. I do it for my own fucking sake, but I'll be dammed if you ever believe that I don't know how you feel.'' Malfoy shouted, '' I do. I feel all the pressure. From the second you walked through those doors, I felt it.''

Theodore didn't say anything. He stayed still in the doorway.

'' Every night I lay awake, knowing that she's not next to me — I feel it, Nott. Believe me. I know that you miss her too. I even feel Granger's fucking pain through all of this.'' Hermione's name slipped off his tongue with disgust as he felt it burn, almost.

'' I do know, but I don't need you to waltz in here, every five minutes only to remind me of it.'' He finished, breathing hard as he turned around, no longer facing the brunet.

'' I know... Draco, I'm so—''

'' Don't you dare tell me you're sorry,'' Draco growled. The palms of his hands slammed into the table before he shoved everything on it — off.

Papers, sheets of information, pictures, spells — all of it shifted slowly in the air before it fell to the ground, and the sound of shattering glass echoed.

'' She's—'' Draco swallowed his own words, leaning over the table. The blond strands of hair fell messily over his forehead, '' I don't know what to do anymore.'' He quieted.

Theodore took steps closer, faltering only feet away, '' Maybe we should take a break.''

'' A break?'' Draco snapped, flinging around, '' What in the bloody hell do you mean about that?'' He could feel as his blood rose to fume within and the boundaries of his relationship with Theodore dragged out.

'' Perhaps you should take a break, Malfoy. Think about it. She's been gone for who knows how long? And you're exhausted!'' Theo didn't mean anything bad with what he told, but he saw the blond and how much he was hurting.

The memory of his best friend was haunting him.

'' I'm not saying that you should give up—''

'' Give up?'' Draco's face twisted into a grimace, nearly taunting Theodore.

'' I just said that I'm not saying that you should give up, but you need to get yourself together, Malfoy, because this isn't working, you can't just keep doing this.'' Theo's voice leveled, '' Think about your mother and Amelie. Think about Amelie, Draco—''

'' I am!'' Draco shouted back, '' I am thinking about her, every second of every fucking day, what do you think I've been doing here?'' He pointed towards the mess of sheets and papers, in a chaotic mixture with shattered porcelain on the ground.

'' Then think about what she would come back to, a mess, Draco. You're a bloody mess right now, and imagine her, coming back to this—''

'' To you being a wreck. She wouldn't want that. She wouldn't want you to destroy yourself to find her.'' He kept his sight on Draco, noticing as every nerve in his body held on the utter edge.

'' She wouldn't be happy with the way you're acting right now, Malfoy. She would be ashamed, and she would be—''

Theodore was pushing him too far this time. He had been provoking Draco. He had wanted a reaction out of him for days, but nothing. Malfoy was hidden, deep underneath his rage and fury.

It looked to Theodore as if Draco wasn't human anymore. He had lost it since the day they lost her. Draco changed into someone vile, someone unlawful, and not that he minded — he honestly didn't.

Theodore lost Amelie that day too, and he was supportive of all the methods Draco was using to bring her back to them, but as the days passed and the days shifted into weeks — he noticed how Malfoy changed. It wasn't an act anymore.

He was dying.

He was crumbling inside, and if she wasn't to be found soon — he was unsure if they would find a way to bring the blond back.

'' Don't fucking speak about her like that. I'm not giving up.'' Draco yelled as he shoved Theodore back, '' Don't fucking speak about her at all when you're the one to blame for all of this!''

Theodore nearly stumbled away from him, his face twisted and the spoken words hurt him, truly, '' I couldn't do anything—''

Draco pushed him back again and again and again.

'' You—'' The blond seethed, his teeth gritted as he got a hold of Theodore's collar, '' You did this. You were with her, and you should've protected her, but you didn't because you're weak, Nott. You're a weak, pathetic excuse of a man.''

'' Don't—'' Theo's hands struck Draco in the chest, and Malfoy could feel how his fingers curled, '' There wasn't a thing I could've done! He would've killed her too, and me. He has no fucking limits—''

Theo had no chance of finishing that sentence before Draco's fist collided roughly with the sharp bone in his jaw.

'' Don't make excuses.'' Draco spat as Theo's spine was forced into the wall behind him, '' Don't blame this on her, or Pansy or even Pucey himself—''

Another struck came across Theodore's nose as blood splattered over them both.

'' I'm not—'' Theo was coughing up blood, his hand trailed up to his mouth to wipe it off, '' I'm not making excuses, Malfoy. I'm not, but this isn't on me. There was a reason to why—''

Yet again, Draco threw his curled-up fist against Theodore's chin, and it almost knocked him out completely as he slipped down — out of breath, along the wall.

'' Get up!'' Malfoy shouted, '' Be a fucking man, and get up!''

He was falling apart. 

Draco couldn't take the pain anymore. He couldn't hurt more than he already did, and he needed Theodore to fight him. He craved for Theo to push, shove, hit him back so that he would feel something — anything but the pain of her not being here.

'' I said—'' Draco growled, gripping Theodore's drained self by his shirt, and he dragged him up before he hit him again, and again, 

'' I said—''

And again, 

'' Get—'' 

And again, 

'' The fuck—''

And one last time,

'' Up!''

Draco was exhausted. He could barely breathe anymore as he forced Theodore back, and he stumbled back into the darkened room.

'' You're not listening to me, Malfoy.'' Theodore whimpered, holding his fingers over his nose as the blood kept on flowing, '' You haven't been listening to me. I tried to tell you. I wanted to tell you, weeks ago—''

Draco's temper snapped as air filled his lungs again, '' What are you trying to say? That this is my fault? Yeah?'' He got another hold of Theodore's shirt, and he pulled him up to his feet, slamming his back into the wall again.

'' Or what is it now, Nott? What are you planning to tell—'' He couldn't stop it. Malfoy needed to feel something — anything, so he hit him again. His knuckles didn't even hurt anymore.

He was completely numb.

'' Stop it!'' Theo shouted back, his own fist managed to stroke Draco's jaw this time, and the blond let go of him, '' That's fucking enough, Malfoy. I have taken all your rage for weeks, and it's enough now.''

Draco's chest rose and fell violently as he licked his bottom lip clean of the blood, '' It's enough when I say it's enough, don't you fucking dare. I never asked for your help—''

'' I'm not—'' Theodore's entire face blasted in pain. His features were swollen, red, '' I'm trying to be honest with you.''

'' Then say it.'' Draco hissed, feeling the metallic taste of his own blood, '' Tell me what you wanted to say, and we can go back to hating each other because I can't fucking stand you. I hate you. I despise you for not protecting her.''

'' Malfoy...'' The back of Theo's head tilted against the wall as he gathered himself, '' It's not— I didn't want to tell you...''

Theodore knew that it was now or never — that the truth he'd been keeping from the blond needed to be spilled before it was too late.

'' It's not my fault—'' Theodore coughed, his hands on his knees as he bent forwards, spitting blood out from his mouth, '' It's not my fault, because it's yours.''

It turned quiet. Absolutely silent.

'' What are you talking about?'' Draco said, confused to what the brunet just stated, '' What do you mean, with my fault?''

'' I have been trying to tell you... but you won't listen. You never listen anymore because you're so stuck in this thing with killing people.'' Theo stretched his spine straight again, gathering the courage for what he was about to say, 

'' Before Adrian...''

'' Took her away, and before he killed Pansy—'' His eyes flickered in pain at his own tells, '' He said that the reason him, and your father was working together, was because you failed Voldemort. He found her mother, and this is your punishment.''

Draco's hands rushed through his hair as he stood nearly breathless in front of him, '' My what? My punishment for what?''

Draco didn't recall what Voldemort had told him the night she disappeared. He didn't remember because he shut it all out. 

'' For failing to find Athena, before he did. You didn't do as he told you, and now... He allowed Adrian to take Amelie away from you.'' Theodore hushed, scared to say anything else.

'' I—'' Draco gasped, his fingers clenched around the blond strands of his hair as his face fell into an agonizing look, '' She didn't trust me, Nott. How was I supposed to—''

His arms dropped to his sides, '' She didn't trust me enough. How can that be my fault? I trusted her. I trusted her enough even before you even took her to that stupid cabin. She saw everything, Nott. I trusted her enough to show her things that I couldn't even remember, but she—''

His voice split in torment, and it felt to him as if daggers cut through his skin, '' She never trusted me enough... I lied to her too many times, and I took her here the first time against her will... I fucking locked her up in a room, so why would she?''

Draco was shouting, '' Why would she fucking trust me when all I did was hurting her—''

'' Don't say that.'' Theodore endangered, pushing himself off the wall, '' Don't you dare say that. You if anyone saw how much she changed, and there wasn't anything you could've done. She was abused and violated for most of her life, Draco. She needed time to trust you and her—''

Draco couldn't think clearly anymore — everything turned too overwhelming for him as the images of her started flashing in his head. Her smile, her laugh, that little thing she did when she scrunched her nose, her kisses on his skin, her humming to herself as she read, everything.

Their first night sharing a bed together, their first kiss, their tiny little words that no one but them understood, their first time, the night she fully trusted him with her body — everything.

It killed him, slowly, unnoticeably.

He was suffocating, drowning, burning.

Draco fell to his knees, and his hands cupped his face, '' She didn't trust me, and it's all my fault...''

Theodore dropped down next to him, and his hand landed over Draco's back, '' It's his fault, Draco. It's Adrian's fault. We couldn't do anything. He has no limits, and we should—''

'' She said she wouldn't move.'' Draco whispered into the palms of his hands, and his entire body began to shake, '' She's mine, Nott, and I was too stupid to realize that it was all a trap—''

Draco had to use everything he had, every piece of strength he still possessed, not to cry.

'' I would never hurt her.'' He whispered again, '' I wouldn't let anything happen to her, and I promised her that she's safe with me—'' He couldn't hold back the tears as Theodore dragged himself closer, and he hugged him fully.

'' And the one time she truly needed me... I wasn't—'' Another sob cleared his throat, '' I wasn't there.''

Teddy's heart ached, out of control for his friend as he held him. Draco didn't have Amelie here to help him take his pain away, so he had to do what he believed to be best.

'' It's alright, Malfoy.'' He could feel Draco's trembling self, '' We'll find her.''

'' I promise you that. We will find her.''

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