hello to literally anyone who's still reading this lol but hi! it's been a while since my last update, and as you can probably guess, i'm really about to end this book for good now! a few reasons as to why:

1. i really don't have any motivation to write this, because i've lost interest in most of the characters (save for a few) (yeah im not interested in hadley, my protag)

2. i don't have any time, also. i'm a sophomore in college, and i started this book back when i was in high school and freshly 16. also im a whole ass brown nb dyke, so me trying to squeeze myself into the steps of a real boring, passive, white cis dude? it gets tiring

3. it's...just not very good, i realize. there's too many plot holes for me to fix, too many loose threads, too many characters that pop in and out of the story without having any real relevance. i wrote for the reaction, not for myself, and i feel like at some point you could really clearly see that line of thinking reflected in my writing!

4. just...everything.

i'm really sorry to anybody who enjoyed this story, and really wanted me to finish. if it's any consolation, i have the entire thing plotted out, just never got around to writing it--not in a way i liked, anyway--and i'd be more than happy to answer any questions if you have any about the ending! also, no, dadley was never going to end up together unfortunately. they were gonna kiss and stuff, and when i planned them out i was like yeah! gay rights! but like..hadley's not good for david, and david's not very good for hadley either. throughout writing all of this, i was like nah hadley's going to die FOR REAL FOR REAL but then i settled on killing off his mother, making all his friends forget him, and having sebastian (anybody remember that ol chap?) die or smth. a lot of people died. i had a tally list of who died and who survived. fun fact: benji was going to die in chapter 20 when i plotted this out but ehhh who cares 

ok yes i will answer any questions if anybody's out there 

again, im really soryr, but i feel like i can't update this ever again. ):