Life doesn't work out as you plan.

In fact, life goes against you at every turn.

I learned this the hard way, whether it be drama or fighting for what I believe in.

But what I was fighting for...no what I wanted, my end goal was wrong.

For a short period, everything was wrong.

I proceeded to make a downward spiral into a world of hurt that affected everyone around me despite my true intentions.

I stood strong before because I NEEDED to.

I never wanted to lose my spot at the top.

I needed to be better than people.

Because it always feel like I was behind.

Like someone always did better than me...

Like I had an expectation when I didn't.

And I realize that it's true.

They'll always be someone better than me.

And that's ok.

But I hate the feeling of being under someone.

Like I'm not worth anything.

So I put my feelings first, which causes issues.

I put the negatives of a situation first before weighing the positives 

I consider myself a main priority before anyone else.

That caused me to make a horrible decision that may ruin my life in the future.

I spent my time rebuilding myself, helping myself by meeting more people that support me.

I spent my time building up from my failures and making myself strong again.

I spent my time wondering if you were ok after that time and stressing out.

I may have not changed the way you wanted, but in my eyes I found other sides of myself that I'm proud of.

I'm on my own top.

I'm on my own way.

I'm me, and nobody else.

Life planned this out for me, after all, things happen for a reason.

Time heals and hurts, and I want to rush things to make it better.

To make US better.

But you can't rush time.

I can't be "sad" anymore.

I can't be "petty" anymore.

I can't be "Mad" anymore.

Because my life isn't planned out that way.

All I am now is "lonely"

Happy...but "Lonely"

But if life plans this for me, so be it.

If I have to stay "lonely" for the time being, then I'm ok.

If I need to stay "happy" for you, I can do that.

One thing is for certain:

Despite how mad you and I get.

Despite how Sad you and I get.

Despite how much pain you and I go through.

I'm determined to stay by your side until the very end, because I know once you find you way, you and I will fix this properly and make things work.

And we'll live life happily.

...

And that's a promise.

May my love lead the way~

K.A💙