CUPID HELPLINE INTERVIEW ONE

Peyton | Welcome to our very first interview of the book! We are here to chop off some heads with your amazing questions!

Up first, we would be inviting our beloved ship, Learl!

Leigh | I am here, I am here! Am I late?

Peyton | Don't worry, you are not. Where is Earl?

Leigh | Probably running late. I should be a model for stereotype-breaking.

Peyton | If you are, don't put it on your college application. (yeesh) So why don't we start asking questions for Leigh. Surprisingly, there are two questions for you but four questions for Earl!

Leigh | Isn't that great? [grumble grumble] Let's start.

Peyton | This question is from halimalfoy! "Leigh...do you think your stepbrother is hot?"

Leigh | Was that 'malfoy' I heard? The feels! Wait, what was the question?

Peyton | Do you think your stepbrother is hot?

Leigh | Oh, Luke! Well, he does have blonde hair, blue eyes, a beautiful, lean, muscular frame which I might or might not have intentionally brushed. And I might or might not have a photograph of him in my bag right now. In fact, I can show it to you.

Peyton | Um...I don't think that is necessary-

Earl | Sorry, Peyton! I am late due to football practice! Leigh, what is that in your hand?"

Leigh | Oh, it is nothing. [swipes photo into bag surreptitiously]  

Earl | [narrowed eyes] Okay...

Peyton | Guys! Both of you are here for interviews! Not to find ways of breaking up! here is a question from MaliaAndKiraAndLydia! "Earl and Leigh what made you decide to start the Cupid Helpline thing?"

Leigh | Oh, um...

Earl | Why don't you let me start first. Leigh has some kind of mouth infection right now-

Leigh | Hey!

Earl | I joined Cupid Helpline because...I guess, I just wanted a relationship with someone. The guys in my football team always had some girl stuck to them and I always felt left out. There was something that was wrong with me that made me just not attracted to the girls that surround us everyday. I wanted somebody that was not popular or anything. And that was when I found out about Cupid Helpline from Holly-

Leigh | Holly, the girl who pretended to be your girlfriend?

Earl | Yes. Is there anything wrong with that?

Leigh | No, nothing at all. Continue, sir.

Earl | Thank you. So I found out about Cupid Helpline and it was the best thing I knew about that could not only get me a perfect match but at the same time change my relationship status on Facebook!

Leigh | (Yawn) That was an anticlimatic story. Let me take over now.

Peyton | Sure, Leigh! What made YOU join Cupid Helpline?

Leigh | You know shitface, my ex-boyfriend, right? The night we broke up, I was crying on my bed. And I was thinking of how he broke up with me on the phone. It was horrible. He shouted at me and bitched about how I was impossible and such a f*cker that he could not take it anymore. He also said that he knew that I could not find another boyfriend after our breakup. So I wanted to prove that I could. I went to Cupid Helpline, which I have heard from someone, and immediately signed up. Then I found someone who had no romantic experience at all. Wow, that is pretty anticlimatic as well.

Peyton | Thank you Leigh for your story! There are no more questions for you so would you like to leave now?

Leigh | There is no way in hell I am leaving now. I want to hear Earl's questions and make you readers feel guilty. [glares at readers]

Peyton | Okay... [moves angle to block Leigh's glare] This question is for Earl and is from KnightCapyro. "Earl, are you sure you are not gay?"

Earl | No, I am not! Not that there is anything wrong with being gay. 

Leigh | ACTUALLY, there was an incident when-

Earl | LEIGH! You are specifically told NOT to share that!"

Leigh | Fine, master.

Peyton | The next question here is from Twisted_Disney: "Earl, what's the story of the pug?"

Earl | Thank you Twisted_Disney for that question. Sir Fenwick has a really interesting story behind him. Sir Fenwick came to our house as a puppy. He was soaked from snout to tail and was shivering so badly I thought he had Parkinson's Disease. When Megan picked him up, he started barking weirdly and our family thought he sounded like he had a British accent. So we decided to call him Sir Fenwick in honour of my great-great-great-great-great...times three grandfather since our family came from England and we were known as the Breeders of Knights who protected the queen. Sir Fenwick grew up with us throughout the years and became a really loyal companion. But he always had this masturbating problem though...

Leigh | I washed my leg more than ten times after I went to your house.

Peyton | And this final question is from halimalfoy: "Earl, is there a backstory on why you have to study how to date girls?"

Earl | Not this question. But I will answer it. I never knew how to interact with girls. Sure, my dad died a long time ago and I have always lived with two females-my mom and Megan but apart from that, I have had almost no contact with other females. It was probably because I went to a prestigious all-boys elementary and middle school because...we could afford it. But my mom wanted me to live a normal life. So she sent me to the local high school when I can afford much better.

Leigh | Your house is so fabulous. How can you still be like...this even after living through that luxury?

Earl | What do you mean by 'this'? You know what? Never mind. So when I decided to get serious with girls, I really wanted to try my best and to be honest, my football mates don't give very good advice. The only thing they advice me on is how to get one-night stands. So that is why I have to study about girls to date them. I don't think there was any other option anyway. I actually have the book with me now. It is called 'The Rebellious Teenage Boy's Guide to Getting a Girl' and it will-

Peyton | BE FEATURED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER WITH SOME EXTRACTS AND SPECIAL PAGES! Thank you for giving me your time guys-

Leigh | Pay up, Peyton.

Peyton | Fine. [grumble grumble] (Takes out 50-dollar bills and hand them to each of the characters. So that is all, guys! Have more questions after this interview? Submit them at the 'interview questions submission page'! Thank you and goodbye!