"He is so fucking hot," I muttered, unable to look away. My heart burned as I watched Benjamin Wallace's perfectly chiseled body walk down the hall. It was like he had been sent by the lord and savior himself to bless humanity by simply existing. I couldn't tear myself away from his sharp blue eyes. Thoughts of what those strong muscular hands could do in bed penetrated my mind. The urge to run over and kiss him was nearly uncontrollable. God, I'm worse than a dog in heat.

"Wilson Jean! You can't be serious, he is like, literally in a cult."

I shook my head in denial. Any voice of reason had been knocked straight out of the park as I found myself following the sirens song. "They just say that to be mean, Alex. Everybody knows he isn't actually in a cult."

I gawked as we passed him, turning my head to get one last glance. The amount of lust was completely laughable at this point. Until recently, I was convinced that I would be destined to reproducing asexually like a sea sponge. I didn't even know if I liked people enough to ever settle down or actually find someone interesting enough to lose my virginity to. It never bothered me that I wasn't into other people, I just knew that everyone else was already hooking up and, "finding the love of their lives!" while I continued to stay home.

To be honest, I was rather content spending my evenings on the couch alone while I shoveled chips into my mouth. Not having to worry about double dipping or accidentally dropping salsa down the front of my shirt sounded like a win to me. But now, the thought of having someone to laugh with outside of the girls actually sounded nice. Plus it wasn't like I could bang Alex. I knew I wasn't gay, at least, I was almost positive. I wasn't attracted to Alex. Even though she was undeniably beautiful herself, she was my best friend and practically my sister from another mister at this point.

"He is wearing a button that says to ask him about his cult," Alex stared at me, her soft round eyes doing their best to figure me out. Snapped out of my daze, I knew by her puzzled expression she couldn't tell if I had been joking. Her soft brown hands fidgeted with her water bottle. I hated it when she did that. All I could focus on was the crinkling plastic when she did it. She had a bad habit of squishing and balling things up when she was nervous. Tinged of annoyance began to creep beneath my skin. She couldn't actually be acting like this right now. It's the first time I'd ever expressed interest in a guy and this was her reaction? Two weeks ago she was begging me to find, quote, anybody.

"Oh come on, that's funny! He's just playing into it. You know you would do the same thing if everyone said that you were in a cult too."

"I hate to say it, but I think you have lost your marbles," Alex raised her eyebrows. Her brown eyes were filled with actual concern. I knew she was absolutely confused by everything going on. Sure I had made the occasional comment about someone being attractive, but I was acting as though I might faint if he actually looked back at me.

I took off the obnoxiously large pink bag I had been carrying on my shoulder and started lazily putting in the combination to my locker. I absolutely hated the thing, but my grandma had been so proud of herself for finding it at "such a great deal!" The fake leather was faded and had begun to crack. It was an absolutely offensive designer bag from a brand I had never heard of. Supposedly brand new it would have cost her thousands. I knew if I dared to throw it out, she would bring on the waterworks and ask why I didn't like it anymore. Grandma had a problem with letting useless stuff go.

"You can't look at him and tell me at very least he isn't hot," I said, opening the blue door. Inside a smaller grey bag sat waiting patiently for its daily ritual. I snatched it and placed it into Alex's unsuspecting arms. A flash of annoyance ran across her face as she adjusted it in her hands. I shoved bulky monstrosity into its former place. In rather lack luster fashion I ripped several of the heavy textbooks I needed for class out of it. Her silent judgement felt worse than the squabbling disagreement I'd been hearing up to this point.
"Look, I'm not saying I want to date him. I'm simply saying that he is a total ten...plus, I bet he is good in bed."

"Wilson!"

"Alex!" I mocked, unable to hide my laughter. She wasn't used to me being so...me. Constantly having to be perfect at home and school was exhausting. I was halfway through my senior year of high school and I had absolutely nothing to show but a couple good grades. For Christ sake I hadn't even kissed a boy yet. Saying what was on my mind for a change was actually refreshing.

"Girl, I know you want to get laid. I want you to get laid too, but just like guys shouldn't stick their dick in crazy, you shouldn't let crazy stick their dick in you."

"Thank you dear Alex for your truly historic words of wisdom," I laughed as I took my bag from her. The bell rang loudly throughout the hall. People of all shapes and sizes quickly pushed by trying to avoid being late for class. It always annoyed me when everyone acted like they would be skinned alive if caught outside the classroom by the second bell. If they were that stressed, maybe they shouldn't be halfway across campus trying to finger their girlfriend in the shitty school bathrooms.

Alex bowed dramatically, she looked up at me with a playful smile. "I think you were trying to be a dick, but honestly, I'll take it. You're welcome."

"Get to class lady," I laughed as I shook my head again. Strands of loose dark brown hair flew back and forth from my lazily tied ponytail. I absolutely adored Alex. She was one of the only other bearable high schooler in the world. Aside from Tracey, that is. "I'll catch you later."

"Don't go banging anyone you'll regret!" Alex called from over her shoulder as she walked away. She laughed as she shook silly finger guns my way. She seemed so small in comparison to the others that pushed down the hall. I watched quietly for a few moments before she managed to completely disappear into the crowd.

Typically Alex saying something so bold and loud as she did would have left me mortified, but the couple curious glances from people passing by didn't even seem to phase me. A new sense of confidence had taken over me. It was as if a wave of clarity had finally washed away the bullshit at seven in the morning on a random Wednesday. Not worrying about what others were thinking was beyond freeing. My own mother would probably turn over in her grave if she could hear some of the things I was saying and thinking. That is, if she were dead. Her being gone 98% of the day didn't equate to her actually being among the deceased. It sure felt like it some days though. But that didn't matter, none of it did.

For the first time in my life, I knew without question what I needed to do.

I needed to fuck Benjamin Wallace if it were the last thing I ever did.