Heather

After I let Max outside, I leave a note on the counter for my dad so that he knows not to bother me. We have a system that on days where I have my period, a bad attitude, etc., I leave a note on the counter, and he knows to stay clear.

At dinnertime, he leaves a tray of food at my door, and exactly an hour later, he leaves a bowl of ice cream. The next morning when I finally leave my room, the note is still on the counter, turned over with a thoughtful note from Dad.

Ever since Mom left, this has been our system, and it has worked perfectly.

I grab my backpack, a bag of Sun Chips, and Max's treats to take to my room. I drop the backpack on the floor, knowing that I won't be touching any homework for a while.

The anxiety building up in my chest told me that.

Plopping down on the bed and cocooning myself in the covers, I dial the number of the only person I will talk to on these sorts of days.

"I was about to think that you had forgotten about me." Mac's voice fills my ears, making me feel soothed.

"Relax. It's only been two weeks. And we have been texting on and off," I reply.

"Don't give me that BS. Two weeks without talking on the phone is a new record for us," she says.

"School has been busy. You haven't called me either," I point out.

"Touché," she retracts. "School is crazy here too." She pauses. "Senior year isn't the same without you at all. Overall sucks."

"Tell me about it," I say.

Mac begins a long story about her week, and I feel like I could curl up in her voice. She drones on about her classes, but I don't mind because talking to her is like home. It's a reminder of good times like lying in bed and watching cheesy Christmas movie after Christmas movie. Good times like talking about boys and snapchatting them and sharing each of the snaps as we send and receive.

"Heather," Mac says, bringing me out of my comfy memory cloud.

"Yeah."

"I asked you how your school year is going."

"Oh. It's all gone so fast already. I'm getting overwhelmed by it."

"Oh, no." Her concerned tone warms me. "Another one coming?"

"It's on the horizon." I involuntarily move my hand to my chest.

"Want to talk it out?" She asks.

"Yes, please," I say.

"Alright. I'm all ears."

"Well, schoolwork isn't the issue for once. I'm ahead in my math class. I have been doing extra practice problems and looking forward to the next unit.

"I made some new friends. There's a girl named Ali, who is the editor of the yearbook. You know what that means."

"She's a bossy bitch?" Mac adds.

"Well, she's not a bitch per se, but she is bossy. She's putting a lot of pressure on me to go out with this guy Fletcher."

"Ooh! Tell me about him."

"I don't know too much about him yet. He covers the sports section of the yearbook. We hung out at a party, and...well, we kissed."

Mac squeals into the phone. "OMG! How could you not lead with that?"

"Because I'm not sure about him," I reply. "The kiss was good. Really, really exceptional. But I don't know yet."

"Well, give it a try, Heath. You don't have to know right now."

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself again. "You're right. There is this other guy, though..."

"Do tell," she eggs me on.

"His name is Kayne. He's so hot with an athletic, toned body. I met him--" I hesitate, careful of how much I say. "I met him in my calculus class. Well, he's in a few of my classes. Anyway, we've been studying together, and his grandma has had me over for dinner once since school started."

"Then why aren't you going full force for him?"

"He's not receptive to those advances. He's been closed off when it comes to the subject, even telling me the other day that he couldn't get distracted by 'silly girls,'" I say. The word still stings from when Kayne first said it.

Mac seems to shrug it off. "Well, that comment was obviously douchey. But, other than having problems with a couple of silly boys, what else is going on?"

"My mom," I say. The other end of the line is silent. "I wore her earrings the other day."

"You're unpacking her things?"

"Just the earrings. I wanted to wear them the other day." I pause and Mac doesn't dare say anything. My mom is a sore subject and the absence of her threw us all in a whirl. "I just don't understand why."

Mac has her response ready. "I don't think you're supposed to."

"It came out of nowhere. One day I could see her, and the next day I can't anymore."

"Yeah." Mac doesn't say anything more on the subject. Neither do I.

"On top of all that, I got a dog. I named him Max."

Mac squeals again, making me laugh. "Let me see him!" I convert the audio to a Facetime call so I can show Max laying beside me in bed.

"Ever since the anxiousness has started, he's been at my side," I say.

"Good dog," Mac exclaims. Max lifts his ears up. I turn the camera back around to me. The expression on Mac's face changes to concern.

"Heather, I can see the stress in your face."

Not wanting to worry anyone, I sigh and say, "Yeah, I don't understand it. Today was a great day at school with no triggers, but there was a hum of anxiety in my chest building throughout the day."

"Your body is reacting faster than your brain. That means all this is bothering your subconscious a lot more than you think." Mac remarks wisely.

"I will," I say. "I think I need to just lay in bed for a while now."

"Alright, I understand. I'm so glad we got to talk, girl! Don't make me go another agonizing two weeks."

"I won't!"

Mac says, "Stay strong, Heather. You're made of graphene." The strongest material on Earth. Mac always was a nerd for physics. "And tell me more about that Fletcher guy as soon as something happens!"

"Alright, I will," I chuckle.

I hang up the phone. I scroll through my phone to send Mac a picture of my dog.

My phone buzzes. I expect to see Mac's response, but it's a message from Kayne.

Kayne

We still on for dinner tomorrow night? You can bring Max :)

I want to say no. But, I can't predict that tomorrow I won't feel better. Today I don't feel well enough to go over there.

I send back a quick reply confirming that I'll be there.

Then, I play the latest Khalid album and let the numbness take over my body.

(A/N) What music do you listen to when you're upset? Do you have a routine when you're feeling in a funk?