Chapter Twenty-Four

My shoes tap against the creaky stage as I pace back and forth. My heart is erratically thrashing against the confines of my ribcage.

"You can do this, Lola," I mutter.

So, this must be how it feels . . . Sweaty hands, pulsating heart, an aching body from shaking. I knew I was going to die someday, but I never anticipated it would be from utter and complete social embarrassment.

The smallish crowd gathered inside the pub busies themselves with their own source of amusement. There's a cluster of people standing around a small wooden table talking, others playing an intense game of pool, and some by the bar holding frothy pints of beer with disapproving looks burnt into their hard features.

The background music softens to a halt as the manager stands by the microphone. He taps it which causes the device to make a horrible squeaking noise. This appears to captures their attention in the wrong way.

A few people grumble about the intrusive disturbance and others completely ignore him altogether. All of my worries fall in front of me like a horrible nightmare. How am I supposed to make a good impression with that for an introduction? I'm gone before I've started.

"First part of entertainment is Lola."

"You're going to do great," says Minty. Her vibrant green eyes don't make me feel comfortable. I bet she'd do better with her leather crop top and skinny jeans. I look like a mini Taylor Swift about to sing a kiddy tune. Svana should have booked me a children's party, I'd be better suited there.

Stepping onto the stage, I make a beeline for the microphone. Instead of making a speech, I look over my shoulder and smile at the drummer and guitarist. They start playing my first song on cue.

With zero confidence, I clutch the microphone in my hand. Taking a deep breath, I open my mouth and start.

"They say don't go near her, a pretty face is damage," I sing. "But I'm no good, just broken goods . . ." A few people take note, but most just turn their back and continue with their conversation. I manage to make it to the end of the song without missing a word, just my dignity.

"Hi, I'm Lola and this is my next song. I hope you like it," I say.

Turning around, I step towards the band and smile. "Can you pick the tempo up in this song?" I ask.

They nod their heads in agreement. I need to play something that isn't going to send them to sleep. I need some kind of reaction that isn't 'you're a shit artist.'

The music begins to play, this time it is more upbeat and funky. I bob to the tune as I return to the microphone. Someone shines a spotlight directly in my eyes. It's hard to see the crowd, but I think that's a good thing.

You know what? I'm not going to worry, I'm just going to sing. If they like it, great, if they don't, then that's fine too.

I tap my foot and sway back and forth to the beat. "Ohh, ohh, oaho, oh."

"They say that life, oh, is going to pass you by-y." I flick my hair over my shoulder and grin. "- if you're not careful."

Minty gives me an excited thumbs up as she jumps for joy. Her turquoise hair flops around her shoulders and her crop top slips around. She's a great person, but I envy her presence and the atmosphere she brings to the room. It in toxifying in the worst way.

"I don't, I don't." I shake my head. "I don't believe it."

There's a brief pause in the music, then the room comes to life with the sound of the guitar and the thumping of the drums.

"Life is so full that I, that I wonder, wonder, if you're really who you say you are." I stand with my feet slightly apart as I lean forward and reach to the direction of the crowd. "Is life really passing you by? You're a go-getter, life spinner, glory box, a mystery to unfold."

Standing straight, I take two steps back and flick my hips to the side. I smile, then jump in the air and start awkwardly dancing to the tune.

"I don't wanna, no I couldn't if I tried -" As I peer through the crowd, I see a dark figure walking towards the stage. My heart jumps in my throat as I walk forwards. Is that Kol?

"Yes you, you gotta, teach me these ways-s." I jump off the stage and out of the spotlight. My eyes scan the room with desperation. Where'd he go?

"I want, no I want to, spend this moment with you." Spinning on my toes, I look around the room. My eyes land on a tall shouldered man standing at the bar. As I step closer, I realise it's not Kol but another man ordering a drink.

Without missing a beat, I return to the stage.

"You're a life spinner, go-getter, glory box. And if you're really who you say you are, I bet life doesn't pass you by."

"Woah, oh, oah, oh."

The music finishes and some of the crowd cheers for the song. Despite the slight heart twitch, I feel empowered and happy about the performance. I'd gotten a reaction from a crowd I never thought I'd play to.

"Thank you," I shout. "You've been great. Here's your girl, Minty Pop." I place the microphone into the holder and walk to the side of the stage. Minty gives me a high five before effortlessly commanding the room.

She grabs the microphone and introduces herself. Their eyes attach themselves to her body, but she doesn't pay attention to that. I get off the stage and head to the other side of the room.

As I exit the pub, I hear a few cat whistles before the music drowns them out and the door closes. I walk through the dark carpark on the way to the bus. The cold air nips at my arms, so I walk quicker.

When I arrive, I yank the door open and smile at the driver.

"Good night, Lola?" she asks.

"Sure." I grin. "Almost better than I expected."

"That's great."

I walk towards my bunk and then search through my duffle bag for a change of clothes. The first thing I pull out if Kol's shirt. Without hesitation, I take the shirt and stuff the bag to the side. I strip out of my clothing and dress in the shirt.

Climbing under the covers, I snuggle into my pillow and think of Kol. My chest tightens as I remember the excitement and then I cry at the disappointment. I really thought Kol had come back for me, but I guess not.

Yes, I'm a pathetic mess, but give me a break. I think I might have lost him for good.