Chapter Thirteen

Whoever said time would solve thing is an idiot. Time has passed, and well, I've got nothing to show for it. I'm still cut up about everything . . . I still feel like the same broken, crushed person who was trying to make themselves better. I'd once again become the crumpled flower and it wasn't completely Jason's fault. I missed Kol and I couldn't be comforted because that was his job.

I'd really fucked up this time around! There are so many things I wished I'd done, so many things I wished I had said. But time had passed and those moments were gone, I couldn't tell Kol about the video just yet and I also couldn't tell him about how I felt. Despite all the fibers in my body screaming at me, I didn't have courage, not this time around.

I wanted, no, I needed Kol, yet he didn't seem to need me. He was hurt easily and he walked away easily. Perhaps this is the moment where I try to take advantage of his weakness and spin it into something to make me feel better?

I didn't need a man who could easily walk away, I needed someone who would stay, who would be my rock and defy taking the easy road. But I was wrong, wrong on so many levels. I couldn't take comfort in someone else's insecurities because it wouldn't make me feel better. Those insecurities drove us apart in the first place. I was too scared and that leave to this mess.

"Cheer up, Lola," says Natalie, a small smile on her face. "Everything will be okay!" Since I'd immersed myself in work, I'd found a comforting friend inside of Natalie. I seemed to offload my thoughts to her in between quiet periods at work. Annalise would always be my best friend . . . but I needed to work and Natalie was here.

"Surprisingly, that's not helping." I pout. "Everything doesn't seem like it will be."

"Just give it some more time for things to smooth over," she adds.

"But I'm living in the now, and it sucks." The only thing great about right now was Natalie's talent for making a good hot chocolate.

When a customer walks in the store, I pull on my happy face and turn to address them. I see a flash of dark brown hair before I realise its Kol. He stands before me, his own sulky look on his face.

"What can I get you?" I ask.

"Cappuccino, thanks."

"Okay." I process his order and then give him his change before Kol walks towards the coffee machine. Natalie puts the order together and I take it from her before she has the chance to give it to him. As I slowly approach him, I bite my lip and try to smile.

I really want to tell Kol about the video and the reason I couldn't accept. Then he'd realise I wasn't throwing all of our hard work away, that I really wanted to take the contract with them and show the world the amazing work we'd made together, but the jabbing feeling in my stomach told me it wasn't a good idea.

Kol looks up from his phone and glares when he realises it's me.

"Just give me the coffee, I need to be somewhere."

"Oh." I pass the coffee over and watch as Kol storms out of the shop. I look over my shoulder to see the sad look consuming Natalie's face.

"He needs more time, okay? It'll be okay." Despite her humble words, I found it hard to believe such things. It's hard not to slip into that same puzzled mood and think things wouldn't be.

"Will you be okay here if I leave?" I turn towards Natalie and smile. She looks at the clock and nods her head.

"Sure, I'm just going to clean up and close," she replies.

"Thank you so much." I grab her in a big hug and squeeze her tightly. "I totally owe you!" Before Natalie can change her mind, I take off the apron and grab my belongings. I dash out of the door and head back to my apartment.

When I get inside, I quickly change out of my work clothes and into something presentable. If I want to make it anywhere, I need to keep posting instead of disappearing into oblivion. I grab the camera and the tripod to set up.

I put it behind the keyboard so that there's a clear shot of me playing. I clean up my appearance and set the camera to record. I feel like an idiot, but that never stopped me before. I start playing the new song I'm working on before stopping to check the footage.

As I watch the video, I notice how wrong the angles are. I adjust the camera and begin again. When I check it once more, I notice the improvement, but that fact is, I really needed Kol's help. It was a lot of guesswork to see if the angles really worked, and they didn't.

I stop trying and give up. There is only one way I can make this right, and filming another video to smooth over what I lost isn't it. I stop recording and head walk towards my bedroom. I grab my jacket and belongings before running out of the apartment.

Chasing down the same pavement, I make my way back to the record label. The sun is setting behind me and the chill in the air is freezing, but I trooper forwards. Nothing would stop me from talking to the record label, not even Jason this time around.

As I get to the record label, I charge across the street and walk straight inside, my confidence booming inside me. The lack of wind inside instantly makes me warm up, but when I see Jason handing around the reception area, the same chills enter my body.

I try to walk past him, but Jason intercepts my pathway.

"Don't make a mistake," he warns before walking off. I bypass Jason and head to the reception desk. The girl is currently on the phone talking to someone, so I'm forced to sit idly and wait. But as I'm waiting, my phone starts buzzing madly.

I pull out the deceive and check my twitter feed. Everyone is sharing and commenting on a news article just posted. My name and Jolene's is in the headline along with some scandalous title which is meant to hook in readers.

I only need to read the first sentence of the article to know it's bad. It looks like I'm some kind of jealous person who's trying to tear down Jolene's success. What am I supposed to do against that? I can't fight someone so big on social media, especially when they all believe I'm nobody good, who is going to believe my side of the story?

Before the receptionist can get off the phone, I leave the record label once more. It was nice I tried, and despite the poor effort and being stung rather badly, I guess I was never made for this. With my tail between my legs, I head back towards my apartment with fragments of my career in tack.

Annalise tries to call me, but I ignore it. I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to fester in my own disappointment. I reach my apartment and dive straight into bed and under my warm covers. It's hard, but I go through and read the tweets being shared. There are horrible rumours and hateful comments by clueless people posted. The sight of their words brings me to tears. The worst part, I only had myself to blame.

I should have told Kol about the video, even if I wasn't particularly proud I'd let Jason hang it over my head. If I'd just told him, many we'd have figured something else out. What ifs didn't matter anymore, they weren't going to bring my career back.

The sound of someone knocking on my apartment door makes me feel somewhat delighted. I don't race out of bed, but I pull myself out and shuffle towards the door. Part of me hopes Kol has seen the news and has decided to come and cuddle me, but the realistic side knows it won't be.

I open the door to find Annalise with a dim smile on her face. She holds up a clear bag with a tub of ice-cream and chocolate inside it.

"I know you don't want to talk, but we could eat ice-cream instead," she offers.

"Ice-cream sounds great." I smile.

I fight every fiber in my body telling me to push Annalise away. Because I know deeper inside, there's a small fragile girl who just wants her whacky best friend to make her feel better. Ice-cream and friends were a special recipe for making the real world feel less horrific.

Question: What makes you feel better?