Chapter Eleven

The ticking noise beside my bed made it evident that my future was quickly approaching within each passing second. Each moment a not so subtle reminder that I'd be facing a fate worse than Alice. Had I gone completely mad from being shut inside my apartment for the last couple of days, possibly? I'm still waiting on the white rabbit to appear with his pocket watch.

I know I needed to make a choice, but a choice I didn't know how to make. I wish I was able to have an incredible adventure of self-discovery, the kind with talking animals and a disappearing cat to give me horrible, yet insightful tips about things I might not ever understand, but here I was. . . Isolated, alone, and utterly confused.

Being torn between two different paths was horrible, but at least I didn't have two confused boys pointing me the wrong way. But at last, perhaps I did. Doubt, confusion, no self-confidence, negative thinking, Jason. . . Maybe hearing someone else's voice but my own would help me to reason which one was better.

If only following the yellow brick road was a thing. Perhaps I'd follow it, or perhaps I'd dare to be a little different and make my own pathway. Whatever it was, being alone or with someone else didn't seem to matter too much. . . I'd go against it regardless.

I sort of know what I wanted, so it became a beckon drawing me towards the record label. Despite what people might say, I wanted the fame, to be adored, to be loved, to be remembered by those around me. I wanted to feel that superficial substance of importance like my life mattered and went beyond a simple day job that didn't challenge or excite me in the way music did.

But was this worth running into trouble with Jason? Out of that whole situation, he's the only crack in this pathway. Was gaining a sense of importance, or even jumping at the first record deal really worth falling into the crack of Jason again?

He'd not only hurt me but installed another doubtful voice in my head.

I couldn't always be angry with Jason, not when the song that I wrote about us seemed to be the turning point in my budding career. If it wasn't for the relatable lyrics and the beautiful imagery from Kol's filming, I probably wouldn't be sitting in my bed trying to figure out what to do.

Jason might have been my downfall, but he's certainly beginning to be my edge upwards.

I wanted to be proud of this music video and the success it was bringing in, but I couldn't bring myself to fully accept it. I also couldn't bring myself to get past the scene of me crying. I was once again torn by another situation.

Ashamed I'd allowed myself to feel weak, to crumble at the very thought of him. Yet, I wanted to embrace this feeling, to push my emotions and make good music people could relate to, even if it meant serving my heart and dignity up on a silver platter to be poked, prodded, and examined some more.

Deep down, I know I owed this to myself. If I don't scope out the offer and see what my pathway really entails, or even the adventures I might go on, I'd forever be kicking myself over the unsolved mystery I'd never be able to answer.

Getting out of bed, I stretch my tired limbs and yawn. I can't believe I'm actually getting out of my bed and preparing to leave my house. Annalise is going to be so excited when she learns of such news.

It's been a couple of days since the video was posted online by Kol. I never got the chance to see it before he uploaded, which is why I'm in this weird slumpish flunk. Lola tried to nurse me out of my horrid mood by coming around to the apartment daily with food and even her old mobile to replace my broken one, but nothing really worked.

I hadn't had the chance to speak to Kol much either. I wasn't in the mood for cuddles, so there was really no way to talk to him. So it left me to make a decision about this offer.

Going through alone sucks, and maybe those talking animal friends would still be nice. . . But I already knew what they'd tell me. Annalise would give me the same follow your heart bullshit, and I guess Kol would tell me to take the offer.

I walk into the bathroom and prepare myself to start getting ready. I stare in the mirror and make a mental note of everything I need to do.

Stripping out of my clothing, I step into the shower and quickly wash my body. The stream of hot water cascading around me feels like heaven with a hint of fruit. If only a hot shower would solve all of my problems!

Once I'm finished showering, I dry off and start my hair and makeup. I put on a light layer of foundation and mascara before battling my wet hair. I manage to twirl and pin it into a presentable bun on the back of my head.

When I look semi-decent, I backtrack into the bedroom to find clothing. Out of everything I own, I go straight for the classic professional look. I grab out a pair of sleek black work pants and a button-down blouse. I'd purchased these items of clothing for my interview for the coffee shop.

As I dress in the clothing, I turn back and forth to ensure I look my best. I grab a pair of comfortable shoes for the walk along with my bag and phone. I sling the bag over my shoulder as I hurry out.

As I make my way down the steps two at a time, I have to take a deep breath to help mentally prepare myself for what's to come.

Jason would always be my past, but he'd forever remain in my future if I decide to go through with this opportunity. Could I bring myself to this? Maybe the problem was that I needed to stop caring about Jason and completely remove myself from him.

I might say I'm over Jason, but the reality of my dim situation, I completely feared the power he possessed over me. Jason had broken me once, so I didn't doubt he could do it again.

Question: Have you regretted following a certain pathway in your life?