CREDITS TO : UTA NO PRINCE SAMA and KAROKE-LYRICS.NET (for We Are STARISH lyrics)

CHAPTER 29

WE ARE STARISH!! (STARISH)

All: Koko ni utau ai wo komete
O/M/N : hibike
T/R/S/C: todoke
All: egao no accapella de
O/M/N: yami ni hikari wo
T/R/S/C: are no ni hana wo
All: kokoro wa oozora ni
sekai ga ima kawaru
(Legend Star)

All:STARISH forever
STARISH forever

T: Mighty na yume wo
S: Utaou ze justice!
C: Visible yuuki
R: Lovely na kisu wo
M: Lasting wo mune ni
N: Itsudatte grown
O: Next chikatte!
All: 3! We are STARISH
2! Soshite
1! STARISH forever

R: Hoshi de sae inochi no honoo
O: moyashite sa
R/O: kagayaki tsukiru hi made

S: 1000% tsuyoku
C: ikite iru
S/C: itsu kano nemuru tokima de

T: eien tte nai no ka?
M: tanoshii kono hi ni wa
PIRIODO mukaeru no ka?
N: iya sore wa chigau

T/R/S/C: ima wo zenryoku de
O/M/N: utau sore ga
All: STARISH no eien

All: koko ni chikau (STARISH)
maji no love o (STARISH)
owari (LOVE)
no nai (LOVE)
zettai no kizuna de

All: nidoto konai (STARISH)
kyo wo ikiru (STARISH)
ginga no hoshitachi ga
urayamu kagayaki de
(Legend Star)

All: saa ima kisu yori sugoi
uta ga hontou ni atta to wakaru
sore wa kimi ga subete wo kakete
O/M/N: namida shite
T/R/S/C: aishita
All: rekishi no kotae
We are and you are STARISH

All: koko ni yadoru (STARISH)
inochi ga saku (STARISH)
michibiku (LOVE)
natte (LOVE)
soshite mata mirai he

All: densetsu to wa (STARISH)
ima wo kasane (STARISH)
yume wo miru mono dake ga
tsukameru ten no hikari
(Legend Star)

All: STARISH forever
STARISH forever

In the midst of the exhaustion but satisfaction, those seven guys smiled at each other.

Or to be more specific, everybody focused on Tokiya who could not help by being mesmerized by everything about the decisive concert.

The audience, their song which he confidently thought that it would defeat QUARTET NIGHT's God's Star and HEAVENS's Immortal Inferno.

The harmony that he created with his six teammates was so amazing.

The stadium suddenly turned silent as STARISH's performance came to the end before slowly, the hall turned like a fiesta. Their fans screamed the name of the group with a lot of passion and admiration.

"STARISH! STARISH! STARISH!"

It doesn't matter if we don't win as long as I sang this song with my friends, Tokiya mentally commented, not being aware that the others also thought the same thing.

Yet, not long after that, much to Tokiya's surprise and gratification....

"The winner of Triple S Decisive Concert is.... STARISH!"

In this universe, STARISH was also the winner. They would be the opening artist for the Super Star Sports event which would be the door for their international debut.

"Haruka, Izumi, we won! We won!" Tokiya shouted like a child as he pulled both Haruka and Izumi into his embrace. After the announcement, they quickly went to the backstage to see their family.

"Congratulations, honey, you guys," Haruka exclaimed, trying hard to look as happy as her husband. She did not want to ruin Tokiya's thrill because apparently...

The blue head was too happy with their success to the point of he was oblivious about something painful that crossed the others' mind.

They won the decisive concert so that they could be the opening artist for Triple S event but...

Tokiya could not join them to perform in the event. There would be only six of them.

Nevertheless, they knew they should cherish their every single second with Tokiya before he left them forever.

The other STARISH members were with their respective family and girlfriends including Syo who managed to win Risa's heart again and persuaded her to let him taking care of her.

"Tokiya!" their buzz was suddenly interrupted by someone who approached them, all smiling at certain blue head. Despite her age, she still looked so beautiful with her red dress which perfectly fit her slender body and minimal make-up.

"Ah, Megumi-san!" Tokiya carefully put Izumi down from his embrace before walking towards the startled Megumi, not being aware that he just made himself a cynosure in the middle of the corridor.

Of course it would not be strange for a mother to come to congratulate her son on his mind-blowing performance and success but..

The son's reaction as soon as he saw his mother was mind-boggling.

"Tokiya-kun, you called her.." Haruka who was speechless tried to whisper to Tokiya but she was stopped by Megumi who secretly muttered 'it's okay, Haruka'.

But still.. Everybody did not need to be a genius to see how hurt Megumi looked when Tokiya just casually called her 'Megumi-san' instead of 'okasan'.

Nevertheless, Megumi knew she had no right whatsoever to demand Tokiya to call her 'okasan' or something along the line because..

She was the one who abandoned him in the first place. She was the one who maltreated him so it would not be surprising at all if she lost the 'mother figure' image in the eyes of her own son. Maybe Tokiya just perceived her as someone who used to commit a sin to him instead of a mother who abandoned him. The fact that Tokiya already forgave her when she came to see him at Ichinose Akira's grave was unthinkable until now, thanks to Haruka who secretly convinced her a few times to fix her relationship with Tokiya before it would be too late. She was eventually and fully convinced when Haruka brought Cecil to explain about their complicated circumstance and the returned-to-the-past thingy.

That was more than enough to make her realizing that all this time, she still loves Tokiya which led her to attend his son's wedding.

Yet, much to her surprise, Masato honestly said to her that Tokiya was not ready to see her.

A few years passed with her avoided Tokiya because she was ashamed of him. Instead, Haruka contacted her numerous times just to talk and make Izumi getting chummy with his grandmother. Yet, seeing the bright Izumi just reminded her of the younger but depressed Tokiya.

"Ah, nanny also come!" Izumi shouted excitedly as he hugged Megumi's long legs. "Daddy, why you call nanny like that? Nanny is your mother, right? Should be mummy or okasan!"

"Izumi-chan, it's okay. It's just a slip of the tongue," Megumi caressed the soft blue hair lovingly.

While the others gasped at Izumi's bluntness when they were struggling to not make Tokiya aware with his mistake.

While Tokiya..

Damn.. I was so used to call her 'Megumi-san'. I didn't even realize that..

"Okasan, I am sorry. I never intended to.."

"It's okay, dear. I totally understand that," Megumi approached Tokiya to hug him but much to her dismay, his body turned stiff before awkwardly embracing her back.

Either the blue head was still traumatized with the fact that Megumi used to approach him just to hit or verbally attack him or he just felt awkward with the sudden affection, Megumi did not want to imagine it. She did want to cry pathetically here.

"Congratulations, Tokiya. Your father must be proud of you," she rubbed his wide back softly before pulling away. "I have to go. See you again, Tokiya, everyone."

"Thank you," Tokiya flatly answered but Haruka knew, he just felt a strong guilt that he found it hard to let Megumi know.

They were so not used around each other. Like a stranger..

As Megumi was no longer in their sight, Haruka caressed her husband's wrist, trying to gain his attention.

"Please call her later, Tokiya-kun. Please tell her exactly what you feel about her before it's too late."

"Haruka.." his blue orbs met hers, indirectly thanked her.

And so here he was, in their dressing room, nervously called Megumi.

"It's awkward.." he mumbled to Haruka who sat next to him, holding his other hand.

"Sure it's but it's worth it. She will be really happy."

"Do you think so? I really don't know what to say if she picks up the phone... Ah, moshi-moshi, Megu.. Okasan.." Tokiya turned more nervous, much to Haruka's amusement.

The conversation lasted for a while but one thing for sure...

Tokiya managed to let Megumi knew how much he loves her despite her previous and cruel abandonment.

At least, he will leave us without any regrets and pains, Haruka thought as she stared at Tokiya's bright face, enjoying his conversation with Megumi.

The following weeks were spent rather efficiently. Tokiya no longer participated STARISH's projects. Saotome had announced a fake news that Tokiya would quit from entertainment industry due to health issue. Expectedly, it caused an uproar among his fans until now but instead, Saotome demanded Tokiya to focus on Haruka and Izumi.

Until finally, the day or to be exact, the most unwanted night has come.

The night which would separate Tokiya and all the precious people in his life forever.

"Guys, what are you doing here? You guys don't have a work today?"

Was the first question that Tokiya asked the moment he saw his friends in front of his house door, almost gaining himself a punch for asking that ultra stupid question. Not only STARISH members but Tomochika was also here.

"Shut up," Syo still tried to act tough when in fact, his red and swollen eyes proved that he just cried before coming there. "We just want to wish Nanami 'happy birthday' again. Satisfied?"

"Excuse me for the disturbance," Otoya led the others into the house, purposely avoiding his best friend's eyes.

"Where is Haru-chan, obachan, Megumi-san and Izumi-chan?" Natsuki asked, looking around the house.

"They sent Izumi to sleep," Tokiya answered with his still annoyingly puzzled face.

"Don't make that face, Icchi. Obviously we want to be here with you," Ren chuckled bitterly while lightly punching Tokiya's shoulder.

"Or do you think we just disturbed you with Haruka? Sorry, then," Cecil asked sarcastically but this time, it did not get on Tokiya's nerves.

Instead, he just thought that how we would miss every single moment, every single drop of blood and tear they shed together in order to make STARISH a top-notch idol group.

It was a pregnant pause as nobody did not even have a word to tell to each other.

"Well, it feels sufficiently awkward. Don't you guys think so?" Tokiya giggled awkwardly but his friends just avoided his eyes, internally fighting with their sorrow. "I will make some drinks then," as he turned to walk to the kitchen, Tokiya could feel an arm suddenly pulled him backward before swiftly trapped him into a tight embrace.

It was Ren.

"We will miss you, Icchi."

"Ren.."

Before Tokiya knew it, the others also hugged him from every direction, sending the blue head froze out of shock.

This is so awkward! Tokiya's fair-skinned face suddenly turned red out of embarrassment. As the ex-member of STARISH, never in seven hells he ever thought that he would be stuck in this awkward situation with his friends, no matter how dramatic it could be.

But, come to think of it, since he made friends with them, he has experienced so many crazy but precious things that he, the-used-to-be-antisocial person never thought he would.

"We..will always remember you, Tokiya. STARISH will never be the same without you but we will always strive together as STARISH for you," expectedly, Otoya already sobbed loudly.

"We promise we will never disband, Ichinose," Masato remarked, followed by the nods from the others.

"After all we have Haruka's songs, something that bond us forever," Cecil commented.

"Thank you, you guys. Thank you so much," Tokiya answered softly. "But first and foremost, let me say something."

"Ehh?" his friends pulled away from their group hug.

"You, Otoya.." Tokiya pointed out to his best friend, "You have always being a very good best friend. If it's not because of you, maybe until now, I will still think that having friends by your side is nonsensical. Thank you so much for that, Otoya. I am sorry for not being able to attend to your wedding with Nozomi-san but you have my prayer. And please, by all means, if you don't have the moxie to watch horror movies yet, please don't do that with Nozomi-san. Of course I don't judge you for being a scaredy-cat but for someone who will become your wife, you will make Nozomi-san feels insecure."

"Hai," Otoya's red eyes started to glisten with tears again.

I can't watch movie with Tokiya anymore. Tokiya will never be there to coax me or buy me an ice cream.

"Hijirikawa-san.." he smiled at the one who sang'Original Resonance' with him. "All this time, I respect you as the one who is so composed and be such an amazing friend. I am proud to be called your twin and as long as you are there, I am not afraid with anything. Other than that, I hope that you and Shizuka-san will always be happy together. You should ask her to accompany you to the waterfall instead. But please make sure that it doesn't have bears around."

"Thank you, Ichinose.."

My waterfall friend and twin will leave me forever.

"Ren.." his attention turned to Rena's father. "Knowing you, I finally understand how it feels to be a real idol. A real idol does not only sing with his heart but a real idol is also the one who spreads his love and treasures his fans well. I learned a lot from you. I hope you and your family will always be happy but please... I know Rena-chan is a very outgoing girl but please stop your daughter from kissing my son for so many times. He cried a lot because of Rena-chan."

"Of course, Icchi.." Ren chuckled bitterly.

It's lonely to be the sexiest idol without you, Icchi..

"Shinomiya-san.." he smiled at the glassed guy. "Just so you know, I always support your relationship with Shibuya-san. Just ignore those annoying comments on the internet. Just remember that those people have no life to the point of they nit-picked at you guys, saying that you guys don't suit each other at all. And also, please, by all means, whatever happened between us, please just forget that. I don't want you to shoulder the blame anymore, okay? Instead, please improve your cooking. "

"Okay,Tokiya-kun," unlike the typical him who would hug Tokiya everytime the blue head said something cool or being unconsciously cute, Natsuki just curved in a sad smile.

I really want you to taste my cooking if I really improve, Tokiya-kun.

"Syo," his blue eyes met another blue eyes. "I hope you are happy with Yuma-san. Hey, what the doctor said about her lifespan is not always right, you know. Even Stephen Hawking also can survive for so long even the doctor said the vice versa. But, if something bad happens, I know you can endure it. Even you acted tough all the time when in fact, you could not walk along our school corridor because you are scared of ghosts, but you are truly strong. Yuma-san should know by now that she is so lucky to have you by her side."

"Thank you.." Syo avoided his gaze from the blue eyes. He tried to summon his usual strength but to no avail.

But I really want you to comfort me when I feel weak, Tokiya..

"Aijima-san.. I know, words are not enough to thank you for giving me the chance to plan how can I make Haruka and Izumi happy even I cannot always be there for them. Thank you so much. But just please.. you know how much my son loves cats right? So, please don't turn into that disturbing black cat again and deceives him. My Izumi is an innocent little kid so if you ever ruin that innocence, you will pay for the consequence."

"You're welcome. Wakatta! Since you gave me the idea, I might as well turn into a cat again and snuggle to your son as well."

I really want to see your funny face when you realize your son plays with a black cat, Tokiya..

"You jerk.." Tokiya muttered in chuckle. "Good luck, you guys. After this, it may be tough but I know you guys can do anything!"

They nodded, convincing him that they would be fine.

For the sake of him.

"Having fun with them?" Haruka asked as soon as Tokiya approached her in their shared bedroom.

"Apparently," Tokiya pecked her forehead before swiftly taking out a box of jewellery to Haruka from a drawer. "Happy birthday, Haruka."

"Thank you," she opened the red box before gasping in surprise. "It's beautiful, Tokiya-kun!"

"Do you like it?"

"Yes. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome."

Tokiya leaned down on sleeping Izumi before giving him a long kiss on his cheek.

"I love you, Izumi. Daddy will miss you.. a lot," he whispered incoherently but it still could be heard by his wife.

The wife who fought with herself to be the last person who would said goodbye to him with a smile.

Just like with STARISH, it felt so awkward. They had mixed feelings which were about to explode and they just could not find the right words to say to each other.

"I love you, Haruka," Tokiya suddenly confessed.

Who had thought that a simple confession would break her heart instead of making her on cloud nine?

Please don't say goodbye yet. I still want to be with you.

"Thank you for being in my life," he said as he trapped her small frame in his arms.

"No. It's me who should say that to you. To imagine and relish the moment where I have a son with you, marrying you are unthinkable. Thank you for making it come true, Tokiya-kun," she stroked his hair, gaining herself a soft smile on the pale face.

Yes. Recently, Tokiya's face started to look pale and his body felt heavy. At the end, you could say that Saotome did not really deceive the public when he announced that Tokiya had some health issues that forced him to quit his job.

"You're welcome," the rosette turned puzzled when suddenly, Tokiya pulled a drawer open before taking out a big cardboard.

It was Izumi's list of dreams

"Look at here. It's Izumi's homework. His teacher asked him to list down his dreams."

1. I want to be a good son for daddy and mommy.

2. I want to take care of daddy and mommy.

3. I want to work for daddy and mommy.

4. I want to sing like daddy. Daddy and mommy must come to see me on stage.

5. I want to sing with daddy. Always.

Haruka turned to meet her eyes with Tokiya.

"He wants to do everything with us," she told him.

"Yes."

"If you are not here with us anymore, what should I do, Tokiya-kun? How am I supposed to explain to him about you leaving us?"

"It's okay. I already told him."

"What?" She could not believe her ears but from Tokiya's face expression, she knew he did not deceive her.

"Haruka.." he kissed her hand softly. "You know what it means when I said I love you?"

"Huh?"

"It means a lot.." he continued kissing her hand before staring at her, reminding her about the same kisses on her hand that the late Tokiya gave to her before he left her. "Listen here, Haruka. I love you means I care about you. I want only the best things happen to you and that's why, even they are simple or boring, I tried my hardest to make you happy. Why? Because I don't want to see this face," he stroked her gloomy face. "You had gone through a lot. You beat your trauma, you came to your past because of me.. You stalked me back then because you wanted to help me. You worked hard to be my family and I tell you what? You are such a spooky girl because you are the stalker who eventually being my wife. And you know what the 'wife' term means? It means.. you are everything to me. You carry my surname, you are my other half which means again, you are going to be the daddy of Izumi as well."

Her tears were going to drop but Tokiya immediately wiped it.

"Please don't cry. Smile, Haruka, smile," he softly curved her thin lips upward, sending her chuckled bitterly. "When the late Tokiya died, Otoya told me that you quitted from writing music. This is why I wanted to make you happy all the time. I am going to leave you, leave everything here but I am not going to tell you to move on or totally forget me because it will make me sound like a cruel husband. Instead, with your music, your talent, your determination, you can go far away than you achieved now. Your music.. I love them so much. It gives everyone the happiness including me. They totally portrayed you, Haruka.. As someone who will do anything just for the sake of everyone who are precious in her life."

"You need to be happy in order to create those kind of music. So, after I leave, when I remember you as the spooky girl, I want you to remember me as the guy who confessed to you in such a lame way. I am the guy who used to pass out in your arms after he drank his friend's weird drink. I am the guy who you have Izumi with. Not the guy who made you crying everytime you remember him. Can you promise that?"

She nodded. "Promise."

"That's my wife," he smiled. "Can I lie on your lap, Haruka?"

"Eh? Sure.." she sat up before making him lay on her lap.

"The best pillow ever," he muttered in satisfaction, enough to make his wife blushed.

But what happened next was downright scary.

He stared at her intently before caressing her face.

"What's wrong?"

"I love you, Ichinose Haruka," his voice suddenly turned weak.

Tokiya's eyes slowly felt heavy. The beautiful face that he admired so much turned blurry.

Ah, I think it's the time...

"Tokiya-kun?"

Please don't leave me.

"I love you so much. Please forgive me for not being able to celebrate your birthday properly, dear."

Please...

His hand, his arm which had pampered her with countless warm and loving touches suddenly dropped to his side but she quickly caught it in horror.

"Tokiya-kun, please don't leave yet.. please open your eyes.." she pleaded as she placed his hand back against her cheek to encourage him to open his eyes but...

There was no responses from him. His eyes remained shut.

She was so afraid as she pressed his wrist, checking his pulse.

Nothing. She could feel nothing.

So, with much difficulties, she had to accept the truth.

His breath left him forever. Her beloved husband just left her... again.

She glanced at the alarm clock next to their bed. It was 10.47 p.m.

That was the actual time when the late Tokiya left her.

While controlling her tears from streaming down her cheeks, she leaned down and kissed every single inch of his face dearly.

"I love you too, Tokiya-kun. Thank you for all the love and sweet memories you gave me," as she pulled away, she embraced his body, relishing his presence and warmth for the last time.

Syo clenched his fist tightly. Masato, Ren and Natsuki who sat on the same sofa sank in their own thoughts while Cecil and Otoya just stared blankly at the window. Tomochika, Megumi and Yachiyo sat nearby, feeling their hearts pondered strongly.

On the spur of the moment, weak foot steps approached the group, sending them in speechlessness when their eyes met the sad golden one.

"Haruka..." Tomochika quickly approached her spaced out best friend, followed by Yachiyo.

"Tomo-chan, obachan.." She stared blankly at the said women before switching her attention to STARISH members."Minna-san..."

"Haruka.." Cecil looked at her, indirectly asking her about Tokiya.

"He said he loves me.." She stated something so obvious but all of them did not need to be a genius to guess what she was trying to tell them. "My husband said that he loves me so much."

"Haruka.." Tomochika embraced her trembling shoulders.

"I love him too. I love him so much but I couldn't tell him because he already left me.."

With those words, her already feeble legs gave up. She collapsed on the floor, sending the others gasped in devastation. Yachiyo pulled Haruka into a hug while STARISH members (except Cecil) and Megumi left the living room to see Tokiya.

Cecil who just stood there, staring at Haruka in sympathy.

You made her crying again, Tokiya.

In the bedroom, Masato stared at the lifeless body of his teammate in disbelief while Ren hugged Megumi, comforting the woman who just got hysterical over her son's death.

As for Otoya, being the closest friend of Tokiya, he obviously could not bare the pain of losing him again.

"Please don't go, Tokiya. Please don't leave us," the red head whispered desperately as he tightened his embrace around his best friend but of course, it fell on the deaf ears. "I still have a lot of things to do with you. Please wake up, Tokiya!"

Natsuki scooped Izumi into his arms when the child woke up because of the commotion. Compared to his daddy's friends, the five-years-old kid learned the bitter truth earlier so he looked more collected to accept that his daddy would no longer there beside him. Instead, he innocently told Natsuki,

"So daddy finally went to heaven... I am happy."

It took all for Natsuki to not let his emotion got the best of him.

Deep inside of Natsuki's body, there was another soul who cried because of Tokiya.

Another soul who used to vow to kill Ichinose Tokiya at any cost.

I don't want to believe that you still left us, Tokiya..

Meanwhile for Syo who cried outside of the house...

"Yuma-san and I had a talk for quite some time. I told her that just like her, I am also dying. So, we hope that when we are no longer beside you and Haruka, you will take care of Haruka like her friend, brother or anything you can be for her."