CHAPTER 2

A month has passed yet the shiver and trauma that Haruka suffered from Tokiya's death still haunted her mercilessly. Losing her first love since high school is the last thing that she wanted to go through. She almost lost her mind when she hallucinated about him 24 hours, especially with the fact that her injured legs took time to recover so she spent most her time in their house, crying and calling out Tokiya whenever she saw 'him'. In the end, she moved out of their house and lived together with Tomochika while being nursed by her grandmother, Yachiyo.

To make it worse, she had a miscarriage as the consequence from being thrown to the ground by the bastard. To put it simply, she lost both of her husband and child in just one night.

A child that was long-awaited by the couple since Tokiya's constitution was too poor and according to a few specialists, the chance for them to get a child was almost zero.

It was all her fault. If it was not because of her, Tokiya would still be alive. She should be the one who died at that night since it was blatant that the bastard targeted her in the first place. Tokiya's attempt to save her most probably had gotten into the mysterious man's last nerve before killing him instead.

As time goes by, Haruka managed to overcome her pain when she was with others including STARISH members but she would become vice versa when she was alone. She would listen to all her husband's songs because she missed him but she would cry after that because she missed his actual presence.

So, to cheer her up, they always accompanied her, trying their best to make her move on from her memories with Tokiya.

Even they knew it took a lot of efforts for them to do so.

"How are you doing these days?" the redhead in front of her asked with a concerned voice as usual. They met up in a bistro, not far from Tomochika's house.

"I am fine. I am so fine," her gestures obviously looked fake yet she could not help it. She is not a good actress like her late husband. She could not be fine when she felt vice versa.

The sight of hopeless Haruka broke Otoya's heart. Obviously, her mind was still full of Tokiya. Her face looked ashen while her eyes... obviously she has cried a lot these days.

His ex-roommate was dead this soon and this is the harshest reality that they needed to accept. The image of Tokiya who flatlined on top of the traumatized Haruka with his bloodstained shirt and scary wounds made Otoya and the other STARISH members could not even response out of shock. They never thought that they would be devastated about Tokiya's lifeless body this soon in such an unacceptable way.

Yet they knew that as broken-hearted they could be, they should be the good supporters for Haruka especially when she never stopped blaming herself for being the sole cause for her husband's death.

"Nanami, I know I shouldn't advise you like this but you should take care of yourself. Tomo-chan told us that you have barely eaten anything. Please, Nanami. If Tokiya is still here, he will not feel pleasant about this..."

"If Tokiya is still here..." Haruka mumbled but it was still clear in Otoya's ears. Instead of responding to Otoya, the composer who currently took a long break from writing songs just spaced out in despair.

Wait.. did I say something wrong here? Ahhh, stupid Otoya! The others expected you to comfort her but you did the other way around. Hats off, Otoya!!

"I really wish he's still here, Ittoki-kun," Haruka formed a bitter smile. "It has been only two years since we got married and frankly speaking, I am not satisfied with that. We did love each other since a long time ago but me, being so oblivious about his made our relationship started late."

"Nah, you shouldn't completely blame yourself, Nanami. Tokiya is such a stoic that the rest of us also didn't even get suspicious of his feeling towards you. But we were glad when you decided to look for him at the airport and confessed to him right away."

"Don't make me recall it. It's embarrassing. I feel like I was shooting a drama," Haruka's cheeks turned red but at least, he managed to cheer her up.

"I know right! We all like 'wow, Nanami! That was... amazing!' That was the first time we see you being bold like that other than because of music and Tokiya was like 'what the heck is she doing?'," Otoya could not hold his laugh and he knew, the others felt the same as well when all of them secretly followed her to be the witnesses of Haruka's confession.

"I couldn't help it," Haruka played with her fingers sheepishly. "I am just afraid that I would lose him so I just did my best to tell him my feeling. You know, Ittoki-kun, sometimes I just wonder how does it feel if I can be his girlfriend during high school.." Haruka blushed more with the thought. After both of them were clear about each other's feelings, they decided to get married as soon as possible.

"I think it might be a bit tough to be honest.." Otoya chuckled. "You do know that he rejected a ton of girls who chased him around, right? He was soooo icy and aloof back then."

"Yeah, you are right. He was like a walking ice."

"I know right! But those girls ended up lashing out at you since you are the only girl who actually could approach him. They got jealous because he seems to be open only with you."

"But to tell you the truth, initially I just approached him because I am a fan of him. He is the reason why I want to be a composer in the first place but to see him struggling with his singing... I just want to help him. It's tough, you know...struggling for your dream but you cannot share your problem with anyone because you have a secret that you need to keep."

"And then, you guys started to love each other. Totally saw that coming."

Haruka smiled bitterly before looking at Otoya, straight in the red eyes. "I really miss him, Ittoki-kun."

Otoya's bright smile quickly faded away.

Tokiya, what should I do?

STARISH members had promised to practice for their upcoming song after rearrangement had being finalized in terms of lyrics and choreography. They also needed to bear with countless interviews as Tokiya's death meant they lost a teammate while the fans lost their beloved idol. All this mental and emotional suffers were enough to make them spent and heart – ached.

"Again, Ittoki is late..." Masato sighed while crossing his arms. He did not play piano to kill the time as usual. He just did not feel like doing it.

"But it does feel strange right? Tokiya-kun is also late," Natsuki replied, innocently, caused the others turned to look at him.

The atmosphere suddenly turned depressing, much to Natsuki's shock before he realized the truth. How could he forget that Tokiya already left them?

"I.. I am sorry. It just that... I am so used to see us as seven people instead of six," Natsuki bit his lips.

"It's okay, Shinomi... We can relate to you. If there is still another person who forgets about Icchi's death.. it will be..." Ren stopped when suddenly, the room's door was opened from outside before revealing the extremely energetic Otoya.

"Tokiyaaaaa!" the others gasped when the name was mentioned happily. "Guess what? You must thank me now, Tokiya! I managed to find your long-lost book! Even you the Mr. Perfect can't do that! Hahahaha!"

Again, the atmosphere in the training room turned gloomy.

"Eh? Where is Tokiya? Am I earlier than him? Wowww, that was unusual!"

"Otoya-kun," Natsuki said, softly. "Tokiya-kun is already..."

The reality hit Otoya so hard. It took a while for him to make himself grasped the truth.

"I.. I am sorry, guys. I just forgot..."

"It's okay, Otoya-kun. I also forgot about that just now.." Natsuki put his big hand on Otoya's shoulder while smiling bitterly.

"How was Little Lamb doing?" Ren asked immediately. It sounded calm but it was still full of concern. "You met her this morning, right?"

"Yes. She is still in pain. It broke my heart when she said that she misses him so much."

"She needs time to move on. Just like us..." Natsuki said, slowly.

"Frankly speaking, I still cannot believe that Ichinose left us so soon," in fact, Masato was also in a great pain even he looked like the calmest out of them. He lost a friend who is always on the same wavelength as him. They were even called twins for having the similar personality and hair color. He felt the loneliest when after Tokiya's death, he hosted their variety show alone.

"So soon and in such a disturbing way. That bastard just needs to go to hell!" Syo, being hot-headed as usual, could not forgive the guy who had plagued both Tokiya and Haruka.

"Without Tokiya, STARISH would never be the same," Cecil sighed.

"You know what? Nanami said that she wishes to be in a relationship with Tokiya during our high school time. She blamed herself for being too oblivious about her feeling for such a long time that she missed the chance to go out with Tokiya properly. But, come to think of it, it will be hard to do since we are forbidden to date," Otoya chuckled when the image of blushed Haruka registered in his mind.

"Well, yeah, she's so dense. How the heck she didn't even react when I confessed to her? I even tried to kiss her," Cecil obviously looked dejected and annoyed, caused the others laughed.

"It's because you're too creepy and bold for a pure Japanese girl like her," Ren answered.

"What the heck were you thinking anyway? Aggressively flirting with her.." Syo was also slightly annoyed in spite of the memory was a long time ago, before Cecil joining them as a STARISH member.

"I was in love with her so I could not help it. She really means a lot to me.."

"She means a lot to all of us, including Ichinose," Masato smiled serenely.

"If only I can fulfill her wish..." Otoya said, causing Cecil to come up with something.