he's back.

i was walking through the hallways and i saw that hair and i knew deep down i knew but i didn't want to know didn't want to think but i couldn't let it go couldn't walk away and not know so i walked behind him he turned his head and i saw his face and i knew it right then and right there and i knew i should've been mad or maybe not have cared but all i felt was that i might've thrown up.

i walked behind him knowing it was him and i tried to think about anything but all that came were flashes and tastes and smells memories came back the memory came back flashed in front of my eyes like a slideshow until i couldn't see the hallway until i was there again it was like throw up in the back of my throat i was there again i could feel it could smell burning paper i was there again i ran. the hallways are always so busy and i ran into people but i didn't care couldn't be there and when i got to the bathroom i threw up and it tasted like vodka and blue punch. again. when i walked out of the stall the person washing their hands gave me a weird look but i couldn't bring myself to care couldn't feel anything but sick, like i might throw up again.

why is he back.

i can't go back.

he left and it still took me months to learn how to live again took me months to stop seeing it every time i closed my eyes and now he's back and i don't know how the fuck to handle it he's back and so is it all so is the i deserved it he owns me took away everything safe i never got it back i thought i did but i didn't not really and now i can see that. i won't ever belong to myself again and he knows it.

we both know it.