[DEX DIZZNEE]

Grew up as a disgrace

Yeah yeah, waste of space

Life sucks when you're

The

[ALL]

Dizznee kid

[DEX DIZZNEE]

But then Sophie came and remembered my name

You all had a crush? Same!

[ALL]

But I hid!

Ooh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Wanted to dance for joy

[ALL]

Finally

[DEX DIZZNEE]

I had a friend, oh boy!

[ALL]

Ooh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Then she met Wonderboy

She was head over heels

[ALL]

No one cares how poor Dex feels

[DEX DIZZNEE]

She friendzoned me, obviously

Guess no guy compares when Fitz is there

Couldn't be worse

I guess I must be cursed

Cause I was kidnapped almost the very next day

[ALL]

Ooh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

I tried to be the hero

[ALL]

Ooh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Though I was quaking with fear, oh

[ALL]

Ooh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Guess what? I'm not some superhero

They would have tortured or killed

Me so thank you Forkle

[ALL]

Uh oh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Here we go

[ALL]

The first book's ending

[DEX DIZZNEE]

And now how much time with me is she spending?

[ALL]

None!

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Oh, sweet Christ!

[ALL]

The cousin kid's been sacrificed!

[DEX DIZZNEE]

In favor of better guys

Sophie, I like you, I can't resist

But I'm just a dimpled dork

Don't hurry, don't hurry

Just hold your kiss

We can wait until you feel the spark

It's not fair

That I can't compare

So please don't stare!

Sophie, yes, I like you, I can't resist

Just hold your kiss

Three Sophie ships

But just one pair of lips

Sokeefe, Sodex, Sophitz

Then Nightfall came

Readers bingeing

Keeper are cringing

My cheeks are singeing

Rejected

[ALL]

Ooh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

The few who ship Sodex

[ALL]

Ooh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Wonder what to ship next

[ALL]

Ooh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

But they are just perplexed

I've had this crush for years

Holding back the tears

[ALL]

Uh oh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Here we go

[ALL]

You ruined your friendship!

[DEX DIZZNEE]

All the fans were laughing

"Well there goes one ship"

[ALL]

Wow Dex, like you'd make your cousin date you!

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Yeah, I know there're better guys

Sophie, I like you, I can't resist

But I'm just a dimpled dork

Don't hurry, don't hurry

Just hold your kiss

We can wait until you feel the spark

It's not fair

That I can't compare

So please don't stare!

Sophie, yes, I like you, I can't resist

Just hold your kiss

Just played it off

She knew something was off

"Why did you get these?" asked Sophie

She finally noticed

Then, as a bonus

Sophie Foster kissed Dex D!

[ALL]

That kiss

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Was just plain awkward

Right when my fears were conquered

[ALL]

Soon

My crush was squandered

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Everybody chill

It's no big deal...

Here, I'll tell you what came next:

Soph goes out with all these different guys

There's so much flirting, like honey, chill

If that's what you're gonna do

I guess I'm glad you rejected me

So I'm not crushing still

Sometimes Sophie comes back and says, "Hi, Dexter!"

And then she leaves for

Some guy to flex her

My crush was a glitch

You guys can let her

Be a humongous b--

But I can do better

[ALL]

Uh oh

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Here we go

[ALL]

Sure, you can think that

[DEX DIZZNEE]

But now the keepers are like

"Dexter? Who's that?"

[ALL]

No!

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Yeah, now she's having me erased

[ALL]

Two-faced

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Yes, there are better guys

[ALL]

Yes, there are better guys

[DEX DIZZNEE]

So what if there're better guys?

[ALL]

So what if there're better guys?

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Were they really even better, guys?

[ALL]

They were never ever better, guys!

[DEX DIZZNEE]

No, guys, seriously, she hangs out with me like once per book! I guess I'm just something to check off in her busy schedule. 5, 6, 7, 8!

[ALL]

Sophie, I liked you, couldn't resist

[DEX DIZZNEE]

But you're just a pretty jerk

[ALL]

Don't hurry, don't hurry

Just hold your kiss

[DEX DIZZNEE]

I only liked you cause I went berserk

[ALL]

You're not fair

Yes, I can compare

Hope you feel my glare

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Please feel my glare!

Sophie, I liked you, couldn't resist

[ALL]

Sophie, he liked you, couldn't resist

Sophie, he liked you, but now he's pissed

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Just hold your kiss!

So, yeah. That's what happened.

[LINH SONG]

Wait, did she actually kiss you?

[DEX DIZZNEE]

Let's just say, you didn't miss out. Anyway, I'm pretty sure she treated me the worst, so I think I deserve to be brought back into the story. Maybe even the main character? If you want, I can show you my gadgets. One of them is sort of making fun of Sophie. Like how she's super oblivious and stuff. It's a tiny little Sophie walking around and I programmed it so that--

[MARELLA REDEK]

What is this, show and tell?

[BIANA VACKER]

Who decided you were the winner?

[KEEFE SENCEN]

My mother would turn in her grave! I mean, she's not dead. Honestly, we'd be a lot better off if--

[FITZ VACKER

Anyways, Deck, your time is over. I'm pretty sure it's me next.