"i don't know what the fuck is going on." jaemin said, looking at renjun, who's focus was completely on me.

i made one or two hand signs at renjun, signifying i needed to tell him something. he must've known it was about mark because i got his attention quicker than i expected.

seeing as it was it only jaemin at the table today, i didn't mind letting him know about my "crush". i just took a deep breath and looked at the the older with a serious expression. "i have a crush... on a boy."

"i knew jungwoo couldn't be the only gay one in your family. welcome to the club." jaemin said, holding renjuns hand, who just rolled his eyes. "well who is it?"

"that's the thing i was signaling renjun for. his name is mark and he wanted to tutor me in geometry," i said, quicker than comfort. i couldn't stand the thought of not getting the words out of my mouth fast enough.

i thought if i said them, they'd magically disappear and never leave me so confused again. mark was interesting in the sense that he made absolutely no sense to me at all. if i did one thing he seemed to do the opposite, just to get a reaction.

i asked for tutoring, he was texting me the address of some coffee shop, saying to bring a few extra dollars for snacks, and my phone so i could show him more of my music. when i wanted to just sit down, he was grasping my palm and smiling that smile that made me burn brighter than the sun in the sky.

it's a strange feeling to think of liking someone and being willing to do anything at their command. how strange but amazing it feels, to think someone else can obtain the feelings that haunt your every move, to think that you're the reason another human being lays awake at night, smiling into a pillow just at the sound of your name.

mark lee was that name, and oh my, did it make me smile immediately.