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Chapter 37: The Scientist

TIP: Play the song while reading this chapter.

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This isn't right.

My hands made their way to Snow's upper arms. As gently as I could, I pushed her away. I lowered my head and sighed. I couldn't do this.

"Oz," murmured Snow.

I met her eyes. They were so loving – so trusting. They weren't like that before, at least the trust part. It only changed because her brother cleared it up for me. That said a lot.

Sure, I still love her. I don't think that would ever change. She's my first love. She will always be a part of me. But I realize that . . . I'm not in love with her anymore.

My cold stone of a heart belonged to someone who made it warm and fuzzy. That same someone who didn't need to have a second opinion about me. That someone who never doubted me, and trusted me with all her heart. That someone who believed in me no matter what. I mean, she even got me to describe my feelings as warm and fuzzy.

Well, fuck.

"I'm sorry," I told Snow, shaking my head.

Her eyes widened in realization. "No," she mumbled.

My forehead creased. "I can't."

"Oz, don't do this," she pleaded, grabbing onto my hands while her tears continued to flow. "I love you." She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "I never stopped loving you."

I raised a hand, pointed to my chest, and looked into her eyes.

"You used to own this. You taught me how to love, Snow." I smiled. "And you don't know how fucking thankful I am for it – so much. But see, that dork," I paused to wet my bottom lip, "that dork saved me. I was fucking drowning in hell. She pulled me out. And for the first time in my life, I wanna be good."

She blinked at me in surprise.

I frowned, as if that just hit me. "I wanna be fucking good," I repeated in disbelief.

Whoa.

"She owns every part of me, Snow." A warm smile made its way to my lips, thinking back to the time when my eyes first met her purple ones. "Halo owns my soul."

* * *

She was avoiding me. Again.

I sighed and looked around the room. She was just here. Damn, I missed her. I haven't seen her all week. Where the hell was she?

"I told you," pressed Brooklyn, as she stacked up some papers. She refused to look me in the eye, that was how I could tell she was lying. "I don't know where Halo is."

"Bullshit," I shot back.

She didn't answer.

"Why is she avoiding me?" I asked, trying to keep myself from begging.

She stopped what she was doing and finally looked at me with a glare. With a raised eyebrow, she scoffed, "You really don't know?"

The kiss I had with Snow last Monday night instantly popped in my mind, making me squeeze my eyes shut. Halo couldn't possibly know that. But if she did . . .

I rubbed my face with a hand. "Fuck."

"I hope you didn't," muttered Brooklyn.

I frowned. "How did she find out?"

Closing her eyes, she let out breath and massaged her temple. "She was on the way to the hospital when you called." When she opened her eyes, she shot me a look. "She saw the whole thing with you and Snow Crimson."

With that, she walked past me and smacked the stack of papers on the center table. Good thing we were the only ones here in the cockpit. I didn't want anyone to know about my business, especially when it came to Halo.

Brooklyn laughed humorlessly.

"I warned her to stay away from you, you know," she said. "But of course, she didn't listen. She so badly wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. That, and the fact that she had a crush on you since we were fifteen." She shook her head. "Crushing on Oz Lacy – What good did it do?" She raised her eyes to me. "It only broke her heart."

My hands balled into fists, reigning in my rising anger. I looked away and took a deep breath. I fucking knew all of that already. Who would want their friend to date a fucked up mess like me? No need to rub it on my fucking face.

When I calmed down a bit, I stepped closer to her.

"Just tell me where she is," I deadpanned.

"I'm not afraid of you," she stated, chinning up at me. Although she said that, I caught her lips twitch and the slight worry in her eyes. I admired the fact that she was trying to act tough for her friend. Too bad I could see right through it.

I tilted my head. "Do I look like I'm scaring you?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "Aren't you?"

I raised my head up to the ceiling and closed my eyes. I was wasting my time over this. I needed to find Halo and straighten things out.

"She's at the park."

My head whipped around and my eyes landed on a green-haired dude. He quickly took a step back, probably from the intense stare I was giving him.

"H – Halo's at the park," repeated Milo.

Brooklyn gasped. "Milo!"

He looked at her, his shoulder slumping. "We both know nothing will be resolved if we keep letting Halo run. It's time she learned that avoiding her problems won't make them go away." His wary eyes switched to me. "So we're gonna let the problem come to her, even if it scares the crap out of me."

The corner of my lips turned up a bit.

"Thanks," I nodded to him.

I didn't waste any more second. I ran out of the room and headed to the parking lot. I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. Sure it was only Alfie calling me for practice, I ignored it. As soon as I stepped out of the building, I took out my keys and pressed the button to unlock my car.

Climbed in.

Keyed the ignition.

Revved the engine.

Screeched the fuck out of here.

I felt like my body was on autopilot.

Halo didn't know what that kiss meant. She didn't know what happened afterwards. If she did, she wouldn't have avoided me like this. She didn't know I chose her.

I will always choose her.

I climbed off the car as soon as I got to the park. I took off running, scanning the area for a black-haired girl. Halo was good at a lot of things, but running away seemed to be what she was best at. It frustrated the fuck outta me.

But even if it killed me, I would never get tired of chasing after her.

After a few minutes of running around, I finally found her near the riverbank. I halted and breathed out a sigh of relief. She was staring out to the New York City skyline. I watched her for a minute while I tried to catch my breath.

It was such a sight. The cold wind blew her hair. It suited her solemn expression well. I couldn't stop staring. This beautiful dork was my everything, and she was hurting. I had to assure her there was nothing to worry about.

When my breathing returned to normal, I stepped forward and stood beside her. She glanced in my direction and did a double take when she realized it was me.

"What are you –"

"I found you," I said softly, facing her.

She blinked, then looked away and bit her lip.

"Please go away," she whispered in the quietest voice.

Damn. She might as well have stabbed me with a goddamn knife.

"Halo," I started to beg.

"Please just go."

My jaw clenched, my chest feeling heavier by the second. I suddenly found myself having a hard time breathing. She was pulling away. Damn it.

I shook my head. "Not until you hear me out."

"What more is there to say?" she shrugged, trying to smile. A tear rolled out, and she quickly wiped it away. "I get it. I really do. So please . . ."

"No, you don't."

I choose you.

"You don't get it at all."

I need you.

"You misunderstood what you saw."

I love you.

"You didn't kiss?" she asked, with a sad smile.

I stopped for a moment, then rubbed my face as I searched for the right words.

"We did," I said exasperatedly. "But it didn't mean anything, I swear." That was the lamest fucking excuse ever. But it was all I got.

Another tear escaped. She didn't bother wiping it this time.

"It's over, Halo," I tried to assure her, stepping forward. I reached out but she stepped back. And that fucking broke me. "What Snow and I had was all in the past."

"But you kissed her in the present," she whispered, her voice cracking. I felt her pain and I wanted it to go away.

Fuck, what the hell do I do?

She looked down and sniffed, raising her chin and trying to keep herself from bursting into tears. "I feel like a villain in your story."

"Hell no!" I quickly said, cupping her face so she couldn't avoid my eyes. "You're the hero. You're my hero. Please, Halo. Just listen to me for a sec."

Closing her eyes, she shook her head and tried to pull away from me.

"I'm tired of listening," she murmured, her lips trembling. "I'm tired of everything."

No, no, no.

My heartbeat accelerated at the thought of losing her. No way in hell was I gonna let that happen. I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her.

"Do you mean you're tired of me, too?" I muttered.

"That's not what I mean."

I closed my eyes, my jaw clenching harder. "Halo, please . . ."

"When people ask me what I love most about you," she started, her voice muffled. "I don't answer them straight. Not because I can't, but because I know that if I do . . . they'll fall in love with you, too. And I guess that's selfish of me, but I can't help it." With tears flowing freely, she looked up at me and tilted her head. "You bring out the irrational side of me."

I reached up and gently wiped the tears with a thumb. With a sad smile, I said softly, "Isn't that what love's supposed to be? It can become so consuming that it makes us lose control sometimes."

She bit her lip. "I don't want that kind of love."

I looked away and took a deep breath, feeling the back of my eyes sting. It took all my fucking willpower to keep the tears from falling.

She clutched her chest and sobbed. "It hurts so much. I want it to stop."

I let out a shaky breath. I could feel her slipping away, making me hug her tighter.

"What do you want me to do?" I begged. "I'll do everything. Please just tell me what I have to do to make it better."

She shook her head and continued crying.

I'm losing her. Genius me have no idea what the fuck to do. I don't know what to say to make her stay. I'm so fucking lost right now.

"I know it's not easy to love me," I said quietly, any louder and my voice would break. I closed my eyes, kissed her hair, and inhaled her scent in a way to calm my nerves. But it did nothing. "I'm sorry."

"I didn't expect it to be this hard," she cried.

I stroked her hair, feeling her body shaking against me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in her ear. "I'm so sorry, baby."

I hated feeling helpless. I hated the fact that I was the reason why my girl was hurting right now. And most of all, I hated how I could feel myself losing her.

"Let's break up."


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OH MY GOOODS! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

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