Fucking prick.

"Give it back," I demanded for the nth time.

Alfie shook his head and put a hand on his chest, before saying, "It's my duty as your best friend not to let you make an ass of yourself."

"He's done that already," I heard Connie mutter from the beanbag.

"Ain't that the truth," sniggered Kurt, taking a sip from his can of soda.

"Shut up," I told them both, glancing their way. I raised an eyebrow at Kurt. "I'm not the one who stole my uncle's cop car and tried to get laid in it, only to get busted and have my ass handed to me in front of the girl I'm trying to bang."

He groaned, leaning his head back. "I almost went to jail for that."

"I'm surprised you didn't," said Connie, with a wicked laugh. "I thought for sure your uncle would at least let you stay in a cell for the night."

"Nah." Kurt smiled smugly. "He'd get in trouble, too."

I shook my head in the slightest motion. One decent man in his life, and he took him for granted. Sure, his devil-may-care attitude was fun. But it wasn't for everyone.

I sighed and reached out a hand to my best friend.

"Give back the fucking phone, Alfie."

Instead of doing what I asked, he made himself comfortable, leaned his back on the couch, and looked at me in a mocking way.

"Come and get it, Ozzie."

I snorted. "What, you're Selena Gomez now?"

Frisco started humming the song, causing me to shoot him a what-the-fuck look. He cleared his throat and shrugged sheepishly at me.

"Oh, I know!" exclaimed Alfie, laughing and clapping like a damn dolphin. I turned back to him. "Why don't you do that thing you did to Buckley and feel me up, too?"

That's it. I attacked the little shit.

"Oh, Oz! Stop!" he screamed in a high pitched voice, flapping his arms as I searched for my phone. "Don't touch me there! You're so bad!"

The others laughed while watching us. I ignored them. Finally, I snatched the phone from his back pocket. I quickly jumped away from him with a triumphant grin on my face.

"Asshole," I sneered.

Alfie batted his eyelashes. "Call me."

I flipped him the bird, while my other hand worked on my phone.

"I'm telling you, man," he said, back in his natural state. He opened a bag of chips and laid it out on the low table in front of him. "You ain't supposed to text nor call the girl until after three days."

I looked up from my phone and gave him an incredulous look.

"Whoever invented that shit is a fucktard."

"It works," he shrugged.

Kurt nodded. "It's true."

Connie made a disgusted sound, and said, "Boys are stupid."

I took a breath and shook my head. Whatever. I didn't really give a damn.

I turned my back on them and walked to the bar stool, focused on my phone. I faintly heard them watching South Park (our favorite show). Suddenly, I had the urge to join them. But I wanted an adorkable fix right now. So I continued my search through my contacts until I found the one I was looking for.

Fina-fucking-lly.

For a second, I was lost on what to say. I rubbed my face with a hand. Geez. I wanted to fucking smack myself for thinking like an inexperienced virgin.

Biting my lip, I texted her a simple "hey." Not a minute later, she replied. I was glad she wasn't one of those chicks who took way too long to reply.

I opened the message and almost choked.

Halo
Who's this?

I raised an eyebrow. She had to be playing with me. The corner of my lips turned up at the challenge. So I decided to play along.

Me
Your best nightmare.

Halo
Tom Riddle? :O

Me
Wtf? Old Voldy's your best nightmare??

Halo
Guilty pleasure. Haha :) What's up, Oz?

Me
Can I call you?

Halo
Ok, just give me a sex.

My eyes widened at her text for a second.

Halo
SEC!! OMG!!!

I burst out laughing. Really hard and loud. I bet my friends were sending me weird looks right about now. But I could care less.

Me
You sure you don't mean that first one? Lol.

Halo
It was autocorrect! It's taking over my life, I swear. We better stop texting before it says even more embarrassing stuff.

Me
Don't have autocorrect in real life. What's your excuse then?

Halo
My awesome personality?

Me
Ok, what drugs are you on? Can I have some?

Halo
Hahaha! You can call me now. :D

In a matter of seconds, I had my phone up to my ear and her phone was ringing at the other end of the line. Yeah, I couldn't wait. Sue me.

She answered after two rings.

"Well, that was awkward," was the first thing she said.

"Naw," I chuckled. "It cracked me up."

She laughed. "I'm sure it did."

"A'ight, I'll stop," I promised, rubbing my lips with a hand as if it could wipe the smile off. "So anyway, the crew's here at the house and . . ."

Alfie made a whipping sound from the couch.

I turned around and mouthed, "Fuck you."

He opened his arms, and dared, "Come at me."

I looked to Connie who was now sitting beside him. I cocked my head to the side. She nodded, then slapped our resident quarterback with the throw pillow she was holding right across the face. She didn't hit like a girl, either.

"Ow!" Alfie yelped, holding his face with both hands. "What the fuck, Con?!"

"And?" urged Halo, bringing me back to our conversation.

I scratched the back of my head, thinking of the right words. "Well, it would suck a lot less if you came and hung out with us."

"Oh." She was quiet for a moment. "I'd love to, but I have to do an errand."

"What kind?"

"The one with carts and food isles."

Ah. "Now?" I asked, glancing at the clock. It was pretty late in the afternoon.

"Mm, I was on my way out when you texted. The groceries awaits me!"

I smiled, clearly imagining her face when she said that.

"Dork," I muttered.

I looked around the basement, seeing how clean it was despite the fact that I wasn't doing anything to keep it that way. It was the same upstairs, in the entire house. I didn't have to do anything because the house cleaner came here every Sunday to do that sorta stuff. She stocked up the kitchen, too.

"I've never gone grocery shopping before," I admitted quietly. "Can I come?"

I saw Alfie point his finger to me, laughing like a goddamn hyena and falling face first on the floor. He was laughing so hard that he was clutching his tummy while on the floor.

Kurt tried to muffle his laughter by shoving a handful of chips in his mouth. It didn't stop his shoulders from shaking, though. My eyes then wandered to Connie and Frisco, who immediately looked away when I caught them watching me. Both wore knowing grins.

Dickheads.

I shook my head, but couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"Are you serious?" asked Halo. I bet she was biting her lip, wearing a cute little frown.

"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't."

Another moment of silence.

"Um, okay," she finally agreed, though still unsure.

"Cool," I said, already looking for my keys around the room and ignoring the four pair of eyes on me. "Text me your address, I'll pick you up in fifteen."

"You don't have to," she quickly said.

"How are you gonna get to the store?"

"I'll drive my car and we can just meet there."

"And pollute the air by using two cars instead of one? Wow," I breathed out, mocking sadness. "That's evil, you know that?"

I heard a small laugh from the other end.

"Fine, we'll use your car. See you later."

"Bye, dork," I grinned, before hanging up.

Half a minute later, she sent me a text of her address. Not bad. She lived in a pretty decent neighborhood, the kind where people were friendly and greeted each other in the morning. Why wasn't I surprised?

I grabbed my jacket from the counter and faced my friends. Alfie now settled himself on the floor, between Connie's legs. He sent me a knowing look with a wicked grin, but kept his mouth shut. Thank God.

"I'll be back later," I informed them. "Just order pizza or something."

"Or have Connie cook for us," suggested Alfie shamelessly.

Connie slapped his head. "I'm not your maid, you lazy butthead."

Alfie barked a laugh. "'Butthead'? That's pretty tame." He leaned his head back so he could look at her and smirk. "Oh, my bad. Did I say tame? I meant lame as fuck."

Right. That's my cue.

I left before their bickering turned into full on verbal war of swear-a-thon. It might be entertaining on some occasions, but I had something better in mind.

And I was on my way to pick her up.

_____________

Hurrah! Me iz back! Fina-effing-lly!

I know, chapter's too short. But I'll update again either tomorrow or Tuesday. ;)

Alfie's so crude in this chappie. Hahaha!