The Empress, At Camp and Miserable, Day 137 A.F

Evony was dead. Gabriel wore her Icon. Apparently her death wasn't to be mourned, but it set my teeth on edge: just one more person who'd betrayed us, who'd tried to steal someone I loved. Could we trust no one outside our six-person alliance? I was starting to doubt it. Out of every three Arcana we encountered, I felt confident only one maintained even a shred of humanity, had kept from being lost to the Game. The odds were, all but the six of us were enemies, as far as Arcana went at least. Paltic and Lotan couldn't be deceitful, but they had it easy: they were human, free of voices and the Heat of Battle.

Evony was dead. But she was a traitor. And her betrayal seemed to have finally convinced Cyp of Gabriel's loyalty.

"Bird-Boy saved my life," he admitted. "The least I can do is help out his friend."

I smiled at Gabriel while resting my head on Cyp's shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you for saving him."

The angel only shrugged, glaring at the Moon Icon as if it burned his skin even such a while after. Did Icons hurt? Cyp never seemed bothered by his.

"But we needed her to storm the ship," Tybira said. "It doesn't make sense... She seemed genuine."

Cyp rolled his eyes. "We're honestly trusting our plan to someone who'd rather fight alongside a traitor than be one hand short? Stupidest thing I've ever heard. She seemed genuine? Have you ever heard of lying, puppy? Sort out your priorities before you get us all killed."

"Cyprian." I bristled, watching Tybira wince; Enki attempted to place a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged him away. I cast Cyprian a glare. That wasn't like him. But then again, how well did I really know his quirks. And I had known he had a temper. "Calm down."

"Yes," Tybira breezed, flashing a fanged smile at Cyprian. "Let Ayesha calm you down before I let Romulus tear into your ass. Sorry, your face. For a moment, I couldn't tell the difference."

Enki snorted, and I laughed quietly. Gabriel didn't seem amused, simply staring at his new Icon. Finally Cyprian raised his hands. "Whatever. Fine. Just fix the strategy, and figure out how to use this." He reached behind him, tossing Tybira a large bow and quiver filled with silver arrows.

She gazed at the weapons. "I've never used those... I'll see what I can do."

"If you need some help," Enki offered, "I could try to give you some advice. I've never--"

"Help with what?" She collected her gifts and stood. "With trickery and deceit?" Tybira left, not looking back to see Enki's face fall. Now that he was back to full strength, any tenderness she'd afforded him was gone. She didn't want him to die: that was the only concession she was willing to make for her besotted Magician.

"Oh, Flower?" Cyprian rubbed my shoulder. "I'm going to want my shirt back."

I frowned. "I don't know if I can find my dress."

"You won't have to." He produced a bundle of dark colored fabric: a hooded shirt, pants, and hunting boots, all of which clearly had belonged to a man. Before they belonged to Evony.

"You want me to wear a dead woman's clothes?"

"Really, Flower? That dress you had probably belonged to a dead woman. Any clothes we could find for you belonged to a dead woman. The only difference is that this time you know who that dead woman was."

Gabriel's head jerked up. "You undressed her? You wouldn't spare her even that honor?"

Cyprian shook his head, incredulous. "Am I the only one here who understands what we're facing? Am I the only one who realizes that we're fighting for our lives? Honor for the dead means nothing. They're dead. Ceremonies for the dead are for the living who care about them, and we don't have the liberty to care. If someone dies, you move on and forget about them, but not until you've plucked the resources off their vacant body."

Move on and forget? Like you did with Circe? I bit my lip. Cyprian was hardened, a survivor. Everything was black or white with him, and I wasn't sure I liked it. But he knew what needed to be done. He knew how to keep us alive. I couldn't help but wonder, how would he react if he knew of the witch in my mind?

We all needed to adapt, even in little ways. I couldn't forever be the little girl crying because I couldn't make cattails move, or racing away from my sister, even after she'd given me what I'd wanted for nine years. I needed to stand up, even while wearing a dead woman's clothes.

I stood up, not even bothering to hide before pulling Cyprian's shirt over my head. What was the point of modesty anymore? Still, I couldn't help but steal a nervous glance at my companions.

Enki's face became the color of his hair and he turned away.

Gabriel didn't spare me a glance, utterly unaffected by my standing before him in only undergarments. Good.

Cyprian, however, leered at me without a shred of shame, his intent gaze searing heat throughout my exposed body.

I slipped into Evony's outfit, the pants far too long for me. I stifled a cry when I noticed blood flakes clinging to the collar and hood of the oversized shirt. While I had no hand in the Moon's demise, I still wore her blood. But I knew better than to comment. It would only anger Cyprian and cost Gabriel more guilt. Once I was as comfortable as I could be in my new outfit, I tossed Cyprian his shirt.

He caught it with one hand and pulled it on. Then, he reached into his pants pocket to retrieve a leather cord. Before I could get a good look at it, he slipped it around his neck and tucked whatever charm he usually fiddled with under his shirt. I hadn't even noticed he'd taken it off, hadn't even noticed it was gone. He opened his arms to me, and I eagerly sank into his warm embrace. Cyprian situated me on his lap, turning to our allies. "Why don't you go scout, Bird-Boy? And Velos, take a nap; we're setting out tomorrow and don't need you collapsing on us."

Enki frowned. "I'm not really--"

"Go," Cyprian repeated.

No room left for argument, they both glowered and sulked off, Gabriel flapping his wings so hard a gust of wind moved my hair. Cyp then turned to Matthew, but shook his head at the still sleeping boy. He returned his gaze to my face. "Hello."

"Hello," I breathed, grinning. "You didn't really need Gabriel to scout or Enki to nap, did you."

"Of course I did. A good leader always knows what's best, and what's best is for them to leave us completely alone."

My neck tingled. "Why's that?"

"If I could say the next time we'd find clothes for you, I'd rip them off. I guess I'll just have to be carefull." He grabbed onto the bottom of my top.

I stiffened, stomach clenching. "Cyp, really? Where did that even come from? You can't think that's a good idea."

He frowned. "You did. Striping down in the open like that, not even telling me to shut my eyes."

"You didn't listen the last time I told you to, so why would I assume you would then. I just thought it was impractical to worry about modesty, but I wasn't implying anything like that."

"You said you loved me, didn't you?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"It has everything to do with it. If you love me, what's the problem?"

His arms, once so comforting, felt like Lady Lotus's vines, constricting until I could scarly breath. My claws tingled. "Matthew's right there. Gabriel or Tybira could come back any time."

Cyprian grumbled, "again, all your reasons are because of other people. Don't worry about them, just tell me what you want to do, what you'd want to do if it was only you and me."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "I don't want to do this. Please, Cyp, don't make me."

The surprise on his face made my heart sink, his disappointment almost made me take back my words, anything to make him smile again. But I just couldn't.

He stood, sending me tumbling off his lap. "Fine."

As he turned away, I wanted to sob again. Always crying. Always sniveling like a pathetic child. So much for my vow to be stronger. "Cyprian, please. You have to understand. I never wanted to marry Amire, I did it for my sister. But then I decided to go to his bed to repay him for all he'd done for us, only to be chained in a dungeon."

"You think I'm Amire? You think I'd do that to you? After everything I've sacrificed for you, you still can't trust me?"

I pulled at my hair. "No! That's not what I mean. I just... Cyp, you need to understand."

"I'm trying to, but I don't," he sighed. "If you trust me, if you love me, I don't understand why you won't have me."

"I'm not saying never, Cyp, just not right now."

He slumped to the ground. "I can't spend another fifteen years waiting on you like I did with Circe. I'm not going to do it again. I won't overlook any other chances at happiness I might have while waiting on something that may or may not happen. I need to know where we're going, Flower. Am I waiting for nothing?"

I studied my boots, the same ones Cyp had washed clean of the Lovers' blood--well, their Carnates' blood. He'd done that to spare me from seeing it every day, because he knew the toll such a reminder would take on me. That was just one of the many gifts and favors he'd bestowed on me. The least I could do is give him this one thing. Paltic had assured me it was nothing to panic over. It was just one gift, a reward for all he'd done. I gnawed on my lower lip. "Can you wait just a few more days? Just until we rescue Lotan? Then... whatever you want?"

"Just until we save Lotan?" He took my hand slowly. "Really? You promise?"

I could only nod.

"You've got a deal." Cyprian smiled, trailing his fingers down my cheek; even angry, I leaned into his touch. "You're wonderful, Flower. Can I kiss you now?"

Another nod.

He pressed his lips to mine, but my mind was on other things: Amire and the debt I'd felt I owed him, how close I'd been to climbing into his bed, if only to thank him for saving Lalita and me. Cyprian was different; I loved him. I wanted to be with him. Then why was I so afraid?

He drew back at my unresponsiveness, brows knit together, eyes searching mine. "Flower?"

I blinked up at him, heart thumping at the concern in his face. "Yes?"

Cyprian brushed my cheek with his thumb. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on with me. Lately the littlest thing sets me off, like this voice in the back of my mind telling me I can't trust anyone, or just getting mad at everything."

So he had his own version of Lady Lotus? Though he's struggling to control his darker impulses. It's only a matter of time before he gives in. I shoved the witch away. If I could manage her, Cyprian would excel at suppressing his monster.

I curled my arms around his neck, twisting my fingers through the back of his hair, long enough now to reach his shoulders. He was all the more attractive for it. I squirmed back into his lap, bestowing a single kiss to his lips. "How could I stay mad at you?"

"You couldn't." His smirk couldn't hide the relief in his face. He put his hands on either side of my face, pulling my lips to his. This time, I didn't hesitate, kissing him back with all I had. We both made mistakes. We both contended with darkness. We could understand each other. I smiled into his kiss, my heart fluttering, both for this moment, and for what would come once we rescued Lotan.

  ~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~

No one would get much sleep. Not even the night we'd need it most. Tomorrow we'd attack Aphrodisia, not wanting to risk another run in with an unfriendly Arcana.

Especially not after Gabriel reported yet another sighting of Paravaiz.

"I suppose it's a good thing you sent me on patrol, Hanged Man," he admitted. "But I don't think she poses much threat. She's just waiting for some opportunity to rob us of supplies."

"Which we won't give her," Enki stated.

Tybira had been quiet for a while, Evony's bow and quiver slung over her shoulders. "At the risk of enticing the wrath of Cyprian, can I admit to not coming up with an alternate strategy? I think that if I can figure out how to shoot, and Enki's cloaking holds, we won't miss Evony. Especially since she was only meant to pick off Carnates with Ayesha and Cyp. If they're hidden, they can hold their own."

"We can," I agreed, not giving Cyprian the chance to question Tybira.

"Who's going to keep watch tonight?" Cyp asked. "We'll all want to be at our strongest tomorrow, so we'll need rest."

"We can't be without a guard all night." Gabriel adjusted his wings. "This is my fight, I should suffer the brunt. I volunteer to keep watch, if you'll trust me enough to do it."

"Sounds like a good idea," Cyp agreed.

I blinked in surprise. Almost every night Gabriel volunteered to stand guard, and every night Cyprian rejected him. What had changed between them?

Gabriel smiled. "I won't let you down."

As the others began to bed down, I scooted towards Matthew. The poor child must always feel isolated, left out of every conversation. "How are you doing? Your foresight offering any tips for tomorrow's battle?"

"Death awaits," he replied.

"The Lovers' deaths, I hope?"

Matthew only shrugged. "I don't want to be alone. No good. Can't see my own future."

"You won't be alone," I promised. "You can stay outside the ship during the fight and we'll come back for you."

"I don't like water. Or dogs. I go over the edge, dog at my heels."

I pulled him close, holding tight. "We'll be okay. You won't be alone. We'll find you after we save Gabriel's friend. I promise."

"Are you and the Traitor fighting?" he asked.

So he'd heard that? "No, Matthew. Cyp and I are just fine."

He nodded. "Good. That will help with death. But won't change it. Death will meet you all. It's inevitable."

((Cyprian having issues? Matthew predicting danger? What do you think of Tybira's plan? Cyp's behavior?
Three chapters plus an epilogue is all that's left in this first novel of what will become a trilogy.
I hope you enjoyed!))