I never knew that stuffing your bra with protein bars was so easy.  

Frankly, I'd never tried before today.  

But who knew what we would find in the arena? A toxic wasteland? Icy tundra?  

The Capitol is the one with the power. They can supply us with an endless array of food, or they can leave us to starve.  They can bless us with clean water, or infest rivers with parasites to kill us by disease. 

I can't trust anything inside the arena, but I can trust things outside. 

This is my ultimatum. I'll come back either way.  In a coffin or in a hovercraft. With my wit and my pride-or my mutilated corpse.  

I don't care what I have to do. I will kill. I will maim. I know it's wrong, I know it's of a poor moral standing. 

Call me cruel. 

But this world is cruel, and we must do what we can to stay afloat.  

This win is mine. Not Marshall's, not Beatrix's, not my family's, and  especially not Jasper's. 

I'm in the spotlight now. Let the games begin.  

************ 

I cannot let Cashmere Tanner win. I cannot let Cashmere Tanner win. I cannot let Cashmere Tanner win. 

I keep repeating it to myself  as I wolf down a plate of eggs, get ready, fix my hair in the mirror. She seems to be everywhere now.  On TV.  Next to me at meal times. Passing me in the training room. In my house, which is supposed to be mine and mine alone but she's taken that too. 

It started in fifth grade, when we ended up in the same class.  

"I'm Cashmere," she introduced herself. She was pretty then too, same blonde hair, same green eyes.  

"I'm Jasper," I had said.  

We ate lunch together that day, and got along well. 

And I thought that was it. We'd be friends. Go to Training together. Hang out after school. Maybe be shortlisted for the Games, even. (We had different Training times).  

But after the first week, it became very clear that she was an obstacle in my path. 

She did problems on the board in math, wrote vivid essays in English.  Cashmere was the one thing standing between me and being the top student. The one person who could beat me in tests. 

Interestingly enough,  we still supported each other. Helped each other.  We were becoming fast friends. I had never met someone who could stand their ground against me.  Never met someone I had so much in common with, someone who understood me so well. And it was great.  Great until the word spread.

Our District 1 neighborhood wasn't big and of course my parents found out about her. 

And soon our dinner table conversations became: "I heard Cashmere got straight As again. Better watch out, Jasper! You've got competition." 

"Nice work on your science project! Don't slack though, the Tanner girl is catching up." 

Said lighthearted, yes. I could dismiss it. We were friends after all. But Training was when it got worse.  

Her knives seemed to cut through the air effortlessly, hitting targets with pristine accuracy. She had a keen mind that she used to her advantage in combat. Her one "weakness", her strength, she made up for with speed and strategy.   

I thought I was good with knives until I saw her. And that was a stab in the back. How could she take that away from me? Knives were my thing, and mine alone. 

Suddenly it was she who was in the limelight.  It was bearable in school, where we both shared it. We motivated each other, pushed each other further and further. But she abandoned me to the dust while she got all the glory and praise.  And she never offered to share one bit of it.

Soon, the comments at dinner changed. 

"Why can't you throw knives like Cashmere? We saw her during the Training show, and she had much better accuracy." 

"If only you could have better reflexes, Jasper. You might actually be better than her, then!" 

"Jasper, what happened to being the best?"  

Suddenly, what defined me, was gone. My blood boiled with envy every time I saw her throw. 

You'll never be as good as her. 

That soon turned to dislike. 

Ugh, I have to be partners with Cashmere again and get publicly shamed.  

And to hate. 

She's purposefully trying extra hard just to make you look bad. She doesn't even care that you're mad at her. She's trying to sabotage you.  

In  the fall of sixth grade, I switched to spears.  She didn't take it lightly. 

"Hey. We need to talk." Cashmere pulled me aside after school, her usually playful green eyes now stern and serious. 

"What?" I grunted.  

"What? You suddenly switch from knives to spears without telling me? Something's going on, Jasper,"  

"I'm fine," I grumbled, trying to avoid conversation. Seeing the look on her face I added, "I just wanted a change." 

"No. You always preferred knives to spears! What happened?" Cashmere demanded. 

"It doesn't matter." I was trying to ignore a few others who were staring at us, and I turned my back on her and walked away. 

Cashmere grabbed my arm. "Yes, it does. You're my friend. You never act like this, Jasper!"  

"You want to know?" I was a whirlwind of colors inside. Fiery red anger. Knotted green envy.  Deep brown bitterness. 

"Yes! If there's anything I can do to help then-" 

"You can't, ok? Cause you're the problem.  That's right, Cashmere. I don't think anyone's ever told you that in your life. It's your fault!"  

Agitation flared in Cashmere's eyes. "My fault? What did I ever do to you?" 

"You took it from me!" I yelled at her. 

"I didn't take anything from you, Jasper.  I don't know what you're referencing to," Cashmere replied coldly, adjusting a backpack strap. 

"Knife-throwing! It was mine, and you dared take it like that without an apology!" 

"It doesn't belong to you. I think you're being immature," Cashmere spat, clearly losing her temper. 

"Immature? Do you know what it's like to be second all the time? "Oh, look, Cashmere is amazing!" "Jasper, why aren't you as good as Cashmere?" And you're so insensitive about it! You just keep showing off during practice and make me look bad." 

A lock of blond hair was flicked behind her shoulder. 

"It's not my fault I'm good at it. Cause you know what you are at the end of the day? A sensitive little boy with a fragile ego and too much jealousy in his life. Don't blame me for your failures," Cashmere retorted, so calm and cool that I thought she might just freeze into an ice sculpture.  But her eyes were starting to water. 

"This is exactly what I hate about you! You think you're so much better than everyone else-" 

"She kind of is," Amber, one of Cashmere's friends, muttered. 

"SHUT UP! You're arrogant, Cashmere. That's right! You're arrogant, and so damn selfish. Have you ever thought about how I might feel about this? No! Cause you're heartless!"  

I pushed her to the ground a bit too hard and she fell, not bothering to get back up and fight. I even saw a few tears fall from her eyes. 

Crocodile tears, I thought in the moment, she always liked to make a scene. But now I realize they were very much real. So she sat crying, while her friends comforted her and I stormed off. 

The next day after Training, I was cornered by her brother, Gloss in the boys' locker room. A grade ahead of me, I didn't know him well, but I sure knew his reputation. 

"Hey! You! I saw what you did to my sister yesterday!" Gloss stood over me, a good seven inches taller.  Even in seventh grade, he walked with the swagger of one twice his age. 

"I-I-" 

"Well, you weren't smart enough to realize you'd have to deal with me!"  

A punch. Another punch. A kick. Fading voices. Black. Blacker. Blackest. 

I still don't know if she made Gloss go out and get me, or if he did it anyways. The second one seemed much more likely. From what I heard, Gloss always enjoyed asserting dominance over others. And Cashmere was very dear to him.  

From then on we went our separate ways, and the rivalry between us grew even more bitter. 

So now, as the tube beneath me rises and the sunlight streams into my eyes, I tell myself I must win-because I cannot lose to her again. 

I've come too far to fail. She's had her chance in the limelight for years.  But part of me also wants to win because I know-I truly know- that the real Cashmere would be proud of me if I did. 

Hey guys! I am back and so happy that everyone's enjoying it! I hope you guys like this chapter-kind of different from my old ones, but yeah.