×Lucy×

Torture of fear
It's scary and my heart is twisted into a tight knot...

It pierces through me but there's nothing I can do about the prick...

I'm left there to maybe to die, decompose and to rot...

And there's nothing I can do cause I'm rooted like a stick...

I'm slowly fading and I'm forcing myself to think that I'm not...

Vision of the past
A trip to the past has always been my biggest fear

It drains all my spirit, my endurance and leaves me wasted

It leaves me in pain I wish I could bear

It whispers to me all I always craved to know, all I always wanted

But I know the past is evil, it tells me what I'm not supposed to hear.

Caged in you
I look in the mirror hoping to see my face

Searching my thoughts trying to find my fate

Thinking of giving it all away, I don't trust my own heart

I'm locked with the chains waiting to play my own part

You picked me up and loved me and you tried to restore me

Then you left me in the dark and you left me hazy

You looked me in face and you told me that you hate me

Now I'm clawing at the chains begging for your mercy...

A drop of water landed in the middle of the page with a tiny splash.

I closed the book shut with a huge force and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
No, no, no.

I didn't want more of this.

I needed to run away from it.

And the influence of the shadow spirit just made it worse, harder to escape.
I tried in futility to stop the tears from flowing.

I desperately needed to run away from myself.

I sat on the grass at my backyard wearily in my grey sweatshirt and sweatpants. My parents and my brother were inside the house.

A few hours ago, I was sitting in my room by my reading table.

I decided to write poems there and think for a while. But I felt I was always cooped up in there and I was always surrounded by darkness and shadows.

I spent so much time with the spirit of shadow and I got better at using the powers.

I could create darkness anywhere I wanted. I suspected that I could make the sunniest weather dull as hell, but I was too scared to try something I couldn't handle.

The scariest part was the fact that with the waves of darkness, I could kill plants.

I just had to control the darkness around the region I wanted and all the plants on that area would turn black and limp.

I was scared of trying it on human beings so I never did.

I wondered why a spirit of Reina could cause death and damage. Wasn't Reina supposed to be a good kingdom?

Anyway, I got tired of always being around shadows and darkness so I decided to take my poem journal outside and write there.

It helped a bit but I still felt that hint of darkness and...I still cried.

I learnt that nature was soothing.
It always calmed me down and let me forget about my deepest problems.

I desperately wanted to forget about a lot of things.

Some people, myself included, always ask me why I acted and dressed like a goth.
I always answered, "Because it's the safest option."

When you're so cold-hearted and you're not vulnerable, it undoubtedly gives you some amount of strength. A defence against sadness and depression.

But, the truth was, it would just kill you even more.

Being dark and spooky has always been a remedy to depression and dealing with great pain. It makes you seem scary and ghoulish so it would seem like your not the scared one.

But deep down, you know that you're scared.
It's the worst remedy.

I just recently began to learn that the best way to overcome intense sadness was to surround yourself with things and people that make you happy.

I needed to laugh and to smile.

My past has been tortuous.

I had a scary childhood, even my parents didn't know about it and if they did, they wouldn't be so judgemental.

I've been struggling with trying to come out of that emotional state.

So far I've made progress. I've become better.
Still, I'm not perfectly fine.

I deceive everyone these days that I'm normal and I just like to dress or act gothic.

Even Maddie. She thinks I'm just some quiet girl who went on with life normally. If she knew what I was internally, I dunno what she'd do.

After writing for some time and crying too, I gave up and decided to talk to a human being.

I picked my phone up and called someone.
As I waited for the call to be answered, I sat there staring at nothing in particular, thinking.

Carl, the bartender at Davie's, was the closest person to me.

He knew my painful past and he was always so kind about it.
I met him two years ago when I started to go to Davies's regularly.

We became friends and we went places together. He was like my bff.

At a point I started to like him a bit but he never showed that he liked me.

He was just nice to me and was a good friend.
I left it that way and decided to go on with him just being a best friend.

Maddie was also nice.
She was vivacious and lovely and was full of sunshine in her.
But I didn't know her that well.

I liked her and I wanted to get to know her. She's the first female friend I'd had in a long while.

She was new to the state and she was already fitting in. I'm starting to suspect something is going on between her and Trevor. But...I'll just watch and see. I won't ask her yet.

Anyway, I waited for her to answer the call.
She did soon.

"Hey Maddie."

"Hey, Lucy. I was actually just about to call you."

"What a coincidence."

"Yeah. So, are you going somewhere today? Davie's?"

"Naah. But if you wanna go somewhere we could. But not Davie's this time."

"It's like we're soulmates today, Luce! That's exactly what I wanted to say."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well, it was the guys idea."

"The guys? What idea?"

"Yeah, we're supposed to meet today to discuss about something."

"Discuss about what? Is it serious?"

"Well. The guys wanted us to teleport to all the kingdoms and check out the place–"

"What? They want to go to kingdoms they know nothing about. What if we end up in...Shu? Or someplace dangerous. What if bad people meet us? Chang said spirits of Shu can detect a spirit of Reina. What is they detect us and something bad happens–"

"Lucy calm down. I can hear you wheezing. That's exactly what I said but Trevor...you know what we'll all discuss it when we meet."

"Okay. Where are we meeting?"

"At the park."

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"I'm on my way." I sighed and hung up.

I breathed out. A technique that really help me calm my nerves.

I dropped my book back in my room and ran down the street.

I desperately needed someone to know how I felt these days.

------
Is Lucy like relatable likee...

Also I write poems too, those were a bit I decided to share through Lucy :)

I dunno if I'm good honestly, I guess I'm just...bla...

But I will publish a poem book hopefully and if you can, check it out and tell me what you think!
Don't forget to send and comment if you can<3