Song : Charlotte OC - Blackout

The mature version of this chapter can be found on my profile on the book "Crossroads The Private Chapters".

My lips devoured his greedily, I had discovered a new part of myself with Ian, my patient nature didn't cover all aspects of my character. Whenever I touched him, I always wanted more and now that my mind was made up, nothing would stop me from taking everything I could from him. 

His hands circled my waist and he held me close to his body, letting me assault him. I pressed even closer, standing on my toes so I could reach him better, my breasts were now rubbing on his chest as the fire in my stomach started to burn a little more. I could feel the growls that were vibrating through his body, sending pleasurable shivers to mine and making me start moving against him in a dance older than time.

His hands griped my thighs and he lifted me up only to put me down on the office table with my legs wrapped around him. The change in position made me abandon his mouth in favour of his neck that was now more accessible to me. I started to suck his neck, leaving playful nips here and there.

A fiercer growl came from him and he gathered my hair in his hand, tilting my head back with his grip, putting an end to my teasing. My neck was now exposed to him and he was swift in retaliating with his tongue on my mark. My body fell limp, both my wolf and me surrendered willingly, we were the ones to initiate this hunt but our prey was the ultimate predator and he was showing us the rightful order of things.

I tightened my legs around him when I felt him touching my bare skin under my shirt.

"This won't be another lesson Vivian" he whispered roughly in my ear, biting my earlobe as his hands roamed my back, reaching the waist band of my shorts.

"I'm done with lessons" I was breathing heavily but I managed to answer.

His hands started to explore further with my answer. I just had to make something clear before I lost all ability to talk. I placed both my hands on his face and let my wolf rise in my eyes so he could see that we both wanted this, that our next words were the truth.

I met his brown ones that were filled with green and gold, his wolf was also near the surface.

"I want you, Ian. I need you. Only you. I want you to know everything about me. Don't mark me tonight. Let me give you my honesty as you have given me yours. When I give you my soul, I want it to be whole. No more hiding".

He paused and I could see that what I was asking was going to be difficult for him. In truth, even if he lost control and did mark me, I'd mark him as well. I just wanted to address all the things he told me at the lake but I wouldn't be able to do that now. I was too consumed with my burning need, I wanted to feel everything this man could offer and give him all I could in return.

He stared right into my eyes, searching for the genuineness of our words. I hoped that he would take this as I meant it to be, my chance to be open and frank with him and not another attempt to distance myself as I have been unconsciously doing. Take what I require from a situation and then leave without looking back.

"I have waited for you from the beginning. I can wait a little more".

He scooped me up in his arms and I tightened my hold on him as he started to take us out of the room and up the stairs. I started planting kisses all over his face, nuzzling my cheek against his, feeling deliriously happy to have found this man as my match. My match from the Moon and Mother Nature. My choice as a mate.

Ian started up the stairs and he nipped my neck, a little rough, making me jump a little in his hands.

"But you should know that when I mark you, you will feel it for days. It's going to be a very, very deep mark sweet girl and you're going to be remarked regularly for this", his voice had gotten huskier but I could detect the playfulness in his threat.

My wolf was on her front paws, swinging her behind with glee in the air with this promise. It was what she wanted all along, finally she was able to show all her enthusiasm at the prospect and hopefully she wouldn't hold it against me that I had asked for the marking not to take place this night.

"I have no problem with that", my whispered and needy voice caressed his neck.

********** *********** ************

I was starting to come out of my dreamless sleep and the first thing that came to my awareness was that I had Ian's arm around my waist and my legs were entwined with his. We must have switched positions after he woke me in the middle of the night to take me again. I stretched without thinking and I winced, my body stiff from all the excitement of last night.

Ian's hand tightened against me and he moved without opening his eyes to my neck, running his teeth lightly over the marked skin, leaving light nips. I nudged his cheek with mine, loving the feeling he gave me. He gave a stronger bite, not breaking the surface, continuing his trail up my neck, along my jaw, to my mouth where he sucked my bottom lip before kissing me.

He teased me with his tongue before he let go of me and his warm brown eyes met mine with a smile in them.

"Don't make sudden movements, you need a hot bath to relax your body".

Warm water on my skin sounded like heaven right now but I didn't want to leave the bed either.

"Don't you need one as well?" I challenged him, he must also feel some stiffness although I did find that hard to believe. He was in excellent shape.

"Haven't you heard that us Alphas are indestructible and tireless machines of pleasure", he was smiling mischievously at me and that made me laugh. He squeezed me and growled playfully at me, making me laugh harder.

"I must have missed that when they taught us about ranks", I kept laughing as he kept growling and placing loving nibbles on every part of my skin that he could get.

"Come, go take a bath and I'll make us some coffee than we'll go for a run in our wolves".

My wolf liked that idea and she gave me a push to get going, she reminded me one of those characters from the British sitcoms that I watched with grandma ,"Chop, chop human, up you go". Luckily for her, Ian got up from the bed and I wasn't inclined to stay alone in it. I did however appreciate the sight of him searching for his pants in all his naked glory, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by him as he took his time and winked at me when he left the room.

I stayed still just a while longer as I took in everything that happened. We had mated and there wasn't a word to describe how I felt about it, it was everything that I had fantasized and at the same time it was not. Real life can exceed your expectations, the actuality of the deed was much more than the theories that one can conjure in the mind. There was passion, lust, mixed with discomfort, and then tenderness that eased whatever pain was felt so you could focus on the alleviation that the act provided. A certain kind of freedom of the soul that could only be felt when you surrendered your body willingly to another person that has gained your loyalty and trust. I didn't have any point of comparison but I felt that this how it should be.

And I wanted more of it.

As I let myself to the bathroom and let the warm water wash away the remnants of the night's activities, I let a small groan at the pain in my legs and pelvis. As I gradually started to feel a bit better, thinking that I might had been overzealous for my first time, assuring Ian that I was fine the second time around.I had probably underestimated the aftereffects. You live, you learn.

I intended to do just that, live.

Ian had once again respected me as he fought his innate need to claim me during mating. He accepted that, after I ensured him that I wanted him as my mate, when I explained the reasons that I believed were responsible for my detached behavior. I knew that he was right in pointing that out and although I had acknowledged the truth in it and found the only reason that could be responsible for running from commitment, I still couldn't really feel it. Maybe because this was me, this is who I am and have been this way almost all my life. Most of my life.

Still, I owed him the truth about the events of my past, he had been forthcoming with me from the beginning and I didn't even think to tell him about mine. I felt ashamed about that, it was done unconsciously though, I had blocked everything out. Anything that was hurtful at least.

I stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a big, soft towel and walked to my room to get dressed just as Ian was walking upstairs.

"I'm done, you can use the shower if you want", he stepped closer and tugged me to him, giving me a sniff.

"Mmm.., I think I'll join you next time", his touch made me want to step into the shower again with him, my longing seemed to have no ending.

"There is coffee on the kitchen table and I fixed some sandwiches, I'll get ready as well and after we eat, we can go up to the springs for the day and have our run", he placed a kiss to my nose and disappeared through the bathroom door.

I put on some comfy clothes and braided my hair to the side, the weather was still holding out and I could let them dry out later. I headed downstairs and I devoured the tasty sandwiches, I was feeling famished. The coffee was just what I needed to boost the morning version of myself. Ian joined me, dressed as well in jeans and a t-shirt, looking handsome as ever.

My wolf appreciated his human side as well but the connection that she shared with his wolf was on both a primal and spiritual level. Our balance and her uncharacteristic for our kind, patient nature to her primitive needs helped me to see the man and not just the Alpha wolf. The man was everything that I wanted in a male.

I watched him as he was eating, drinking my coffee, thinking that I wanted the mornings that would follow this one, to be with him.

I had given him myself but not the whole of me. I wanted to offer full disclosure. I wasn't afraid that it would alter his opinion of me or his choice. It was a matter of principal.

I shivered as I realized that I would have to relive that day in my mind. It was so long ago and I had buried it under the happy memories, a place that was not to be disturbed for the sake of sanity.

The day my mother died.

The day I watched my mother die.

Thank you for still reading my story, I honestly can't blame anyone who gave up on it after so much time has passed. It's simple really, my life got complicated very fast, mostly on the good side as it turned out.

Thank you again for all the support, the reads, the comments and your interest in my story.