059: Skepticism

Maille made it to her session on time and sang beautifully. It was a well-organized session and everyone was sober and ready to rehearse so it went well, and a lot was accomplished. She took the clothes back over to Shawn who pretended not to notice as she left them on the foot of his bed. But he had his guitar up and was fingering it. She showed him a few easier placements and told him how to use the book to learn new chords. And then she promised to return tomorrow, he said he figured she'd done her duty and wouldn't return.

"You just try me, Shawn. You think you know everything about people, but you don't."' she said from his door.

"You're just another celebrity trying to earn some brownie points."

"That's why I quit my band and am just a working girl these days, right?"

"You're still just a wealthy girl trying to dump some money then."

"Are you saying I spent my entire afternoon with you in order to dump some money?"

"I'm saying you'll lose interest and one of these days you won't be back, and it'll all be over."

"Shawn, whatever happens happens. Take it one day at a time, and be grateful for the experiences you do have."

He looked at her with his eyes way more full of interest than she'd ever seen them. "You won 't be back..."

"What if I 'm not? Will you keep playing the guitar? Leave a song or two for posterity?"

"I don't have any posterity." he said angrily.

But Maille's temper was riled. She stalked back over to him. "If you got good, you could write a song. There's time, you're not failing fast. You could even record it. I can record it. We could do it together. Then it would be saved even after you're gone, and give happiness to others after you. That's what songs do. Your posterity, my posterity, it doesn't matter, Shawn. What does matter is that you don't waste your time here feeling sorry for yourself."

"You haven 't lived my life. You don 't know what I 've been through." His fists were doubled by now and his back ramrod straight.

Maille considered him. She didn't think of him as a dying person, or as a child. She didn't have the capability to think of people except as they were right this minute. "You're right Shawn. And you haven't lived my life, and you don't know what I've been through. How profound. None of us have, we all just know that everyone's got a story. Each of us has something to offer if we work at finding it, and then sharing it. It's your choice. Not dependent on anyone else, Shawn, just you." Then she poked him in the chest rather bluntly and walked quickly from the room, leaving Shawn to stare after her in wonder.

She got out in the hall. It was quiet. The night shift had come on. She leaned against the wall. Had she really told him off? Well, he really needed a good wake up call. She really believed that everyone had the chance to make something of themselves. But it was up to each of them to step out, to try. They could take their chance or blow it, let it pass them by.

She pushed off the wall. It was then she noticed Craig Houston standing behind the nurse's station desk. He was watching her, and she knew he'd heard everything she'd said. She waited. Would he chastise her?

He leaned forward conspiratorially and crooked a finger at her.

"Good job, Maille. He needs to hear that."

"I'm sorry if I came off a bit harsh." she leaned against the nurse's station desk.

"Not at all. He needs some guidance."

She shrugged feeling drained.

"Hey, I get off in a few minutes, you look like you could use some dinner."

Maille's stomach rumbled at the thought of it. There had been no time to eat today. She'd been running the total of it. She glanced up. It was after ten pm. She had a couple of hours till Kell called.

"Okay. I'll wait in the lobby." she said.

In the lobby, though she felt strangely displaced. Thoughts of Myndee returned to haunt her and she felt her weariness take over. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Dinner with a strange guy? But this wasn't a strange guy. This was simply a guy from church, like a home teacher, he was a medical student, right? He saw that she was hungry and....

Lame. Who was she kidding? Hadn't he followed her out yesterday? Concern for Shawn. She argued in her head.

Would having dinner with Craig be like cheating on Kell?

She didn't know. She got out her phone and dialed Cassie. Right now she needed a little sisterly advice. Cassie, the professor answered on the third ring and Maille quickly explained the situation.

"So, what you're saying is, you haven't talked to me in weeks, and in that time your entire life has turned upside down? I can't even keep track of all you just said. You quit the band, met Kell Stevak and have been living with him... no, you bought a house, but you aren't living there, and you bought a car, and got a job, but it's with Michael. I'm confused. Talk to Matthew."

"Cassie? Cassie! No!"

"Hey there, Maille." Matthew's sleepy voice came on the phone and Maille sighed in resignation.

Talk to a guy about guy questions? She didn't know. But she should have called Megan, she'd forgotten that Cassie never dated till Matthew. How would she know what to do? But she'd thought that being around college students all that time would hjave made her an expert.

"I am dating this one guy, an actor and he's on location at the moment, and I'm hungry and another guy has just asked me out to dinner. Should I accept?" she made it simple, instead of the long complicated version she'd tried to give Cassie.

"Do you like the first guy a lot?" he asked her, and she remembered how serious Matthew could be. He took everything seriously and gave every question posed to him his full attention. Maybe he was the one to talk to.

"Yes." she said.

"How long have you been dating him?" she thought of the word date and remembered that Kell said he didn't date, she was about to explain that, when she thought better of it.

"Three weeks."

"How long's he been gone?"

"One day."

"Go to dinner."

"Are you sure? It's not cheating?"

"Did you guys make any commitments to each other?"

"I don't know." she thought back. She felt committed to him, in her heart she was, saying I love you meant something. But maybe she shouldn't have said I love you...maybe it was too soon to love him. But she'd loved Myndee in a shorter time. And she knew she loved her.

Tears sprang once again to her eyes. Craig came walking into the lobby, his blue scrubs changed for a light yellow polo shirt with a collar and his hands free of medical stuff. No stethoscope.

He smiled at her.

"I've gotta go." she said to Matthew.

"Good Luck, Maille, let us know what the outcome is." And there was a click as they disconnected.

****