037: Seriously? Accounting?

Tracy settled Maille on the sofa with a cup of warm herbal tea chalk full of vitamins. She puffed her up with pillows and then curled her legs up under her on the other couch and gazed at her daughter.

This was Maille?

This girl, this bright, beautiful, girl who fairly oozed charm and personality? 

This was her mousy little Maille? Her braids crackled with silk like electricity, her blue nails and baseball cap, the white sneakers with no socks, had she ever seen Maille with no socks?

Maille sipped her drink, wiping tears every so often and finally looked up at her mother.

"So, tell me about Kell." Tracy prompted.

Maille swallowed and took a deep breath, but found that the words weren't there. Her heart was so full of love and longing and the spirit she could hardly breathe. It was as if she were being converted for the first time too. As if in the sharing, an overflow of humility had escaped its bonds and attached itself to her. 

Images assailed her. Kell before the Christos, Kell crying in the movie, Kell interested in the pioneer monument, watching a film about the temple being built, marveling at the sacrifice of the people who had crossed the plains at the outset of the civil war, who suffered great persecution.

Kell on Temple Square, holding her, crying, mingling their tears. Kell's were tears of understanding, of begging for forgiveness. Hers were tears of gratitude for letting her feel things she'd never felt, but only heard of and taken for granted. To cry like that with somebody... to actually feel their feelings, to share their sorrow, their pain, their joy....

"I can't." Maille finally said.

Tracy nodded, sipping her own tea thoughtfully. "Where did you go tonight?"

"To Temple Square."

"Oh." Tracy was surprised, more than she cared to admit. She'd had a picture of Maille out wildly dancing, or partying at some kegger. Considering the reputation of the man she was with.

"Is that where you've been the last four days?"

"No." Maille said and turned sparkling eyes on her mother.

"Where?" Tracy asked gently.

"Everywhere. Kell's house, we played with his dogs, and he has a monkey. I'm going to take care of them while he's gone on location." she told her, her thoughts still on the evening. As the feelings absorbed into her and gradually began to fade, Maille became more aware of her mom.

"Have you been staying at Kell's?"

"No." 

"Have you slept with him?"

Maille turned hurt eyes on her mother. "Did you ask the other girls these questions?"

"The other girls? You mean did I ask Melia and Megan when they first started dating their prospective husbands?"

"Yeah ... I mean why would you assume I'm sleeping with him?"

"Maybe the kind of guy he is."

"Why are you judging him so harshly? You don't even know him." Maille said and sat up, feeling defensive.

"I know of him."

"Really? What? That he's eccentric? What? That he's crazy?"

Tracy eyed her daughter thoughtfully. "Has he slept with you? Have you slept with him?" her words were blunt and forceful, asking for truth.

Anger coursed through Maille. "I went to Temple Square tonight, mom, would I take him to Temple Square to share the gospel with him if I were sleeping with him? Don't you think if that were the case, I'd be so far past feeling the spirit, I'd have left the church by now?"

Tracy raised her eyebrows. Had Maille ever said that much at one time in her life? This guy really had changed her.

Maille's cell phone rang and she flipped it open and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Maille Mann ... " his voice was low and soft in her ear. "Tell her we have slept together. Last night, on the trampoline."

Maille burst into rough laughter. How had he known? How was that possible? Did he have the room bugged? Was he standing outside the door? Her eyes darted to the back door but it was too dark to see anything. Then she heard his dogs bark and knew he was at home, just thinking about her as usual, and feeling what she was feeling. 

"Tell her I am gay."

''No." Maille said forcefully. "I won 't. That's private."

"Then tell her I'm not gay."

"No." Maille said, knowing she wouldn't tell her mom anything like that.

"Well, whatever you do, don't tell her I've sucked on your little finger." And then he hung up.

Tracy waited but Maille didn't offer anything. So she asked if that had been Kell. When Maille nodded Tracy pursed her lips. 

"Maille he's not the type of guy you should be seeing. We are all worried about you, honey, quitting the band, being gone four days, sleeping away from home..."

"I haven't slept away from home unless you call the trampoline away from home. We used to always sleep on the tramp when it was hot."

"You've been sleeping on the trampoline?" Tracy was startled. The twins had told her they'd tried to call Maille and she'd not answered. They'd been to the house and it had been dark. But they hadn't gone outside, maybe she bad been on the tramp.

"Mommy, in your opinion should I just watch Megan and Melia get on with their lives and not have one of my own? I've kind of been the tag along for so long that it just seems natural? Maybe I shouldn't have any friends, but should simply follow Melia around, taking care of her kids and her needs, and her wants and living my life through her?"

"Maille no one said you can't have a life. It's just that you've jumped from the proverbial fire into the frying pan."

"You're wrong, Mommy. I was never in the fire."

Tracy stared at her. "Is that what you think? That you don't have a life of your own?"

"I don't." Maille pursed her lips. "I follow the twins around waiting for them to tell me what I can and can't do. I go from their house to this house. From the studio to the other studio. I go where they want when they want. And if they don't want me, I have nowhere to go."

"Maille, that's not true. And that doesn't explain why you are hanging around Kell Stevak."

"He wants me, Mommy! He wants to be my friend. He doesn't demand anything, expect anything. He just lets me be me."

"He values you for yourself, is that it?"

Maille nodded. "Yeah." Her breath whooshed out of her chest and left her drained.

Tracy nodded. "He's wrong for you, Maille. He's going to break your heart. But you'll have to find that out for yourself." 

Tracy got up and kissed her daughter's cheek effectively ending the conversation, leaving Maille feeling once again that someone had told her what to feel, told her what was happening in her life, and not left any room for her own thoughts. 

Once again, she'd been treated like she didn't matter, only as long as she fit into the preconceived mold they'd set up for her. 

She dialed Kell's number.

*****