047: My responsibility

Megan and Maille decided to get a bite to eat and then go pick out paint and Maille could show Megan her new home.

It was all girl talk for the next several hours. They went to a Wal-Mart and Maille bought a video camera, and she started videoing Megan picking out paint. Then they went to Maille's new house and walked though it for the first time as it s new owner. Megan did all the appropriate exclaiming, and Maille tried hard to envision Myndee's room. Megan began to sketch.

They didn't say that it would have to be done soon, or else it would be pointless. But the thought was there under the surface. There was nothing else to talk about.

At eleven Megan got a call from Steve, and she left to go back to Park City. At twelve Maille got a call from the nurse's station that Myndee was calling for her and wouldn't be stilled.

She drove immediately to the care facility and was ushered once again into intensive care, the curtained, fluorescent, sterile place they kept those who were dying.

Myndee was laying in the bed, looking small and frail, her eyes had huge dark circles under them, freckles stood out against paper thin skin , her smile was wan. But she was awake.

"We got the paint, sugar. I got the video, you want to see it?" Maille rushed to her side and held her cool little hand.

Myndee nodded and tried to speak, but nothing came out and a tear squeezed out the side of her eye. That one lone tear made Maille's heart clench. She pulled the TV closer and hooked the cable to it and they watched Megan and Maille alternately dancing around the store, holding up paint cans and little paper samples. Goofing around. Maille was surprised to find that she and Megan goofed around so well together. She didn't remember goofing around much as a kid, maybe a couple of times at dances.

Maille thought it would be good to get out the paint samples and show Myndee what colors they 'd chosen to ease her mind some, and get her thoughts on something else. She sat on the edge of the bed, next to Myndee and showed her the colors.

"This is for the background ..."she showed her a light yellow, and then lavender and light blue for clouds, and then the green of the meadows, and.... Myndee drifted off to sleep, her breathing returning to normal. The nurse came in and checked her vitals and smiled at Maille.

"What you are doing is extraordinary." the nurse said.

"I'm not doing anything much." Maille whispered tracing the line of Myndee's brow with her finger and smoothing back her wispy brown hair.

"You've given her so much hope."

"Hope is an incredible thing." she said.

''I'll be right around the curtain if you need me."

Maille nodded and then looked back at Myndee. She had become very attached to this little wisp of a girl. Part of her imagined how it would be to have Myndee really live in the castle room at her house. Part of her thought of having a sweet little friend to take care of and that same part of her was thrilled. Then the sane, Maille part, stomped on the jollier Maille part, and reminded her that Myndee was never leaving this hospital, probably not this room.

Maille slid off the bed and knelt at Myndee's side, and she prayed as she'd never prayed in her life.

********

Intensive care was open 24 hours to family and Kell was family now. He sauntered through the dimmed halls and reached Myndee's door. A nurse happened to see him and motioned him to ICU. He followed her, his heart dreading what he knew he would see. And partly not wanting to see.

But what he saw wasn't what he'd expected. Myndee was asleep, her face against Maille's softly curling hair, her fingers entwined in Maille's. Maille knelt on the floor, obviously, she'd been praying, but had fallen asleep. It was a poignant picture, far more revealing than either girl could ever know. He stopped at the curtain and just stared at them.

Their hair was the same darkness. Their skin was pale, their twined fingers the same shade of tan and pink, except that both sets of fingernails were sparkly pink glitter.

When had that happened? He walked over to the bed and stared at the fingers.

Something different.

He hadn't been responsible for that. His brows furrowed.

Myndee's wreath was above her on the shelf. Where had that come from? And the pink frothy thing that covered her? And the sparkly bracelets on her wrist? And the matching ones on Maille's wrist???

He stepped back. It was amazing.

Had Maille taken what he'd given her and given it away? The thoughts, the care, the love?

He could see Maille's hand, the one with the stitches and he felt a wave of guilt that utterly consumed him. He found the wall behind him and staggeringly slid to the floor. He stared sightlessly at the two girls.

Waves of terrifying responsibility washed over him. Both of them, his. Both of them. Impulsiveness had always been his only real threat. His impulse. That was why in all his life, he'd made sure his eccentricities never involved people, or if they did, in a harmless no impact way.

And suddenly he was looking at two human beings. Two beings that mattered to him. Mattered in ways that no one else ever had.

Like, family.

Very like family.

So much like family he shuddered.

Kell's ideas of family included responsibility, loyalty, thought and caring. There was no turning back.

And that was where his heart rate accelerated dangerously.

How could this have happened? He'd never meant to allow anyone into his heart like this.

His plans had never included these feelings. Kell knew what family was supposed to be, and knew he was hopelessly inadequate. He had no experience with family. None. He was an orphan, all he knew was fear, and rage, and intolerance, and loneliness.

It was the loneliness in Myndee and Maille that spoke to him first. But along the way something had changed. In just one week things had changed.

In just one more week things would change again. He didn't know if his heart could handle it. In fact, he rather thought it couldn't Just the thought of Maille in the hospital made his heart throb painfully, just sitting here seeing the two of them there, entwined together made his heart race.

Complex, his life had just become very complex.

He looked up at them both. Maille couldn't be comfortable. He got up and went to the nurse's station and asked for a pillow and blanket. He returned with them and edged himself against the wall behind Maille, he gently eased her off her knees and as he stretched out his legs he pulled her head onto his thigh. She crumpled easily onto his legs, her pillow. He put the real pillow behind his back and spread the blanket over both of them. Her hand had fallen forward, and Myndee's had dropped over the edge of the bed.

He reached up and rubbed Myndee's cold fingers gently. She stirred.

"Maille?" she mumbled. Kell rubbed her fingers reassuringly and she dropped back to sleep. She was very like Maille in that way. When she felt safe and reassured she could sleep anywhere. He let her hand go and dropped his fingers to Maille's hair.

There was nothing like Maille's hair, absolutely nothing. It was silk. Chocolate silk.

He felt her sigh in her sleep. Her lips parted and she smiled and murmured something he couldn't quite make out. The weight of responsibility threatened to overtake him. Could he get up and leave? One minute the reality of it all spoke to his sense of flight, and he wanted nothing more than to run away and never see either of them again. But that thought froze into oblivion.

Two days without Maille had been more than he could bear. He found himself picturing life without her and was stunned what his mind did to him. Instant rebellion. He couldn't stand the thought of never seeing her again.

He glanced down incredulously and lifted a strand of silk and let it slide through his fingers. He traced a gently curved eyebrow thoughtfully. Not what he'd expected. Not at all.

But if the Good Lord had seen fit to give him this unexpected and wonderful gift the least he could do was make the best of it. There would be no turning back.

The shift nurse came to check on Myndee. What she saw made her eyes fill with tears. She motioned for the other nurse to come and see. With their hands to their mouths they said silent thanks for the miracle of family for little Myndee.

Kell's eyes remained closed, his head tipped back, his hands at rest, one holding Myndee's fingers, the other twined in Maille's hair.

*****