055: Disclosure

Maille tried to ignore the way his hip rubbed against hers. As long as he felt free to discuss his sex life with her, she might as well hear it. As long as she could stand it.

Part of her was intensely curious, and part was very afraid. She knew so little about sex. To her it was a cloudy shaded area in the after married life. She didn't watch movies, she hadn't seen it before. She didn't know what to expect, or what the moves were leading up to it. She had to rely on him.

And Kell had been a gentleman. He'd never taken advantage of her. And he'd gone slow, letting her experience things in her own way. Sort of... slow, but fast, as they'd only shared a few kisses. She felt like she knew him very well from those few kisses.

He knew why she was asking. She was judging what his next move would be toward her. He could tell her that it was a long time after he met Miranda that he made love to her, and ease Maille's mind, but it hadn't been. Miranda had been a party girl, a wannabe actress. He'd really thought he loved her. And he thought she loved him. But he found out that she was never really serious about him.

She only wanted him as long as he was on the way up. She wanted a free ticket to stardom, and then when a bigger fishy came along, she nibbled.

Something inside Kell wouldn't allow nibbling. There hadn't been anyone serious after Miranda.

"First night." Kell said and rolled back toward her to put his warm hand on her stomach above the scar. He felt her skin tighten, her stomach clench. He moved the shirt and ran his palm over her skin.

Smooth, silky, never been touched skin.

"You have soft skin, Maille." he whispered and rubbed his fingers around lightly, then used his foot to rub up her leg. Skin on skin.

"You-- you made love to her the first night you met? Is that kind of how it was for all the girls you've..."

"Laid?'' he said. "Yeah. Except you." He kept smoothing the skin in small circles, tracing the indentation of ribs and belly button.

"I wouldn't have let you."

"I know."

"How do you know?"

"It's written all over you, darling, squeaky clean, like a girl scout."

"And you would have tried to seduce me except..."

"No, I would not have tried to seduce you, and I haven't tried to seduce you yet. Seduction isn't necessary with us, is it Maille? Together we just are. We do whatever comes. We play, we visit sick kids, we eat, we swim, we dance, we shop, we shower, and sometimes we share an intimate moment."

"And..."

He sighed. "And eventually I hope we make love..." he whispered and leaned over to kiss her. Maille felt the firm brush on her lips, the slight pressure, and then the more determined, more powerful feeling came between them as they arched toward each other and Kell deepened the kiss, possessing her, invading her, breaking down her defenses. There were no thoughts but him. No feelings but what he gave.

He moved to lay on top of her, still kissing her, and she felt everything about him for the first time. Lights flashed in her mind, this is way grown up, she thought with a rather panicky voice in her head, at the same time wrapping her arms around him. Kell kissed her lips, her eyes, her cheeks, her ears, her neck.

With one gentle nudge, he moved her legs apart.

Maille stiffened.

''No, Kell, I can't..." he kissed her lips, silencing her, and laid between her legs, still, just being there. "Kell..."

"Be still, Maille." he kissed her softly, little feathery brushes against her neck and chin. He kept the majority of his weight off her, but allowed her to feel his desire.

He could feel her pulse racing, feel her stomach quivering, her arms tightened on his neck, he slid down her body and kissed her more.

''No." she said and tried to wiggle out from under him.

Kell stilled his ardor, reveling in the warm curves beneath him. He knew how far he could go. He kissed her throat, drew passionate circles on it with his tongue, slid his fingers up her sides to cup the softness of her to his chin, smoothing her softly, waiting, wanting...

Kell rolled off her holding her hand.

Maille felt oddly bereft and strange tears assailed her. She was too vulnerable. Too unused to these emotions. She sat up and crossed her legs still feeling the unfamiliar weight of him on her. She hugged her stomach, feeling the scar crinkle and tugged her hand away. Kell rolled toward her and encircled her with strong arms.

"I said eventually, Maille. But you can see..."

"Yes, I see. It's a very powerful emotion. I can hardly breathe, and I feel like crying again." As soon as she'd said the words she knew them to be true. She felt the tears slip out and wanted to cry more because of the tears.

Kell sat up and pulled her between his legs, rocking her back and forth. "I'm sorry Maille. I never should have..."

"Why not? I came here, I gave you the go ahead..."

He chuckled. "The go ahead, huh? Do you even know what the go ahead is?"

She shook with a twinge of laughter and a twinge of more tears as she wiped her eyes on his sleeve. "Do you know what a cold shower does, Maille?"

"Cools you off'?" she asked turning to look at him.

Kell turned her face back to his arm. "Oh no, not yet, don't you look at me with those big brown eyes."

She tried to get up, but Kell held her. "A cold shower turns it off."

"Turns it off...." she repeated dumbly. Turns what off'?

He got up. "Want a swim?"

"Yeah." she said instantly. The thought of laps felt good. She watched him walk to the far pool door, his bare shoulders rippling with muscle, and gleaming in the sheen of city lights and sweat. He turned on the pool light, and then dove in. Maille got up and crawled to the door. Kell was doing laps. That was fairly safe.

She got up and let herself fall into the pool. He was right, it was an immediate change of feelings.

It felt good. Better than the warmth of the living room, and gave her a chance to analyze her feelings.

What was it? The heat of lust? The newness of it? Her skin tingled with familiarity. It wasn't so much new as a remembered feeling, like from before birth, or something primitive. To open her legs for him had felt... natural. But wrong in the same breath. To have his hand on her side, close to her breast had felt... natural and again... somehow stolen.

The kisses?

Made it come.

All the kisses did was feed the fire. She couldn't allow those kinds of kisses.

She just couldn't. There was something else very primitive, ingrained, that wouldn't allow it. She had programmed herself according to firm, impassionate deduction. She'd made up her mind. It couldn't happen. That was all.

But with Kell she'd led him on. She continually gave him the idea she wanted him to. With all her kissing.

She really loved kissing.

She didn't know how long it took her to work it all out in her mind again, but she felt better when she stopped swimming and realized that Kell was sitting on the ledge in the shallows just watching her. The pool water glared eerily in the darkness. Shadows floated the ceiling above them.

"Feel better?" he asked her, his voice amused, but not throaty anymore.

"Yes." 

"Worked off a little energy?"

"After dancing all night I wouldn't have thought that was possible."

"Different kind of energy." He got up and got her a towel. Maille walked to the steps and accepted the towel. "You want to go home?"

She sighed. "I really like staying with you all night. There's something very secure about being with you. But yeah... under the circumstances, I think I better go."

He looked at the clock on the wall. "It's four am. How about I get you a sheet or something and some dry clothes...And you can camp out down here, or up there it doesn't matter."

"And where will you camp out?"

"I leave in an hour. Have to be at the airport at six."

The airport, she'd completely forgotten. Her heart fell. He was leaving, and she would be alone... again.

"I kept you up all night." she said in dismay, knowing it had been several very sleepless days for him.

"You got that one right, babe." he chuckled again and she widened her eyes, the sudden remembrance and it's meaning a newness within her. She swallowed hard and followed him out of the pool room.

"I didn't mean..." He was in the hallway outside her bathroom, reaching for something. She watched him take piles of material, towels? out of the cupboards and followed him up the stairs to his room.

The carpet under her bare feet was firm, sculpted. She bent her big toe against it, shivering in the warmth.

Three or four times the billowing sheets and several blankets went flying to form a small cot. Then he put a pillowcase on the pillow, and covered it all with another sheet. It was warm enough. He tested the air with a finger, with a smart aleck gleam in his eye, since there was no moving air, and then laid the other blanket at the foot of the makeshift bed. He walked to his closet, behind the shower and pulled open several drawers by the small night light he had installed. Maille walked to the mouth of this cavern and smiled.

Rows upon rows of clothes. He was not running out. He hadn't even opened all the packages of socks and underwear, undershirts and boxers. He stood in front of it and perused it thoughtfully. Finally, he handed her a shirt that bad been laid over a dressing rack. It was a soft blue t-shirt and when she caught it she knew he had worn it recently. He reached into the shelf and took out Scooby do boxers and another pair of longer mesh basketball shorts. All definitely his.

Then he opened the other side of the cupboard. Another small light came on. Maille stepped closer to see. At first, the whole thing looked identical, more of the same, but then she saw that very little of it was opened, and what was opened she had worn recently.

"From the start, Maille Mann." he said and looked at her with those very studious eyes, his head cocked to one side. "You have been here from the start."

Maille felt her pulse race unsteadily. What did it all mean?

He came toward her and lifted her chin. "You did say you would stay here and take care of Molly, Charlie and Kiyah."

She sighed. His touch was like a brand on her cool skin. She thought she would explode if he continued to touch her.

He didn't. He dropped his hand and indicated the wall of clothes behind him. "It's yours, wear whatever you feel like. Most of it is what you have, soft, comfortable. If you need anything else I will leave you my card. Feel free to run it up."

He turned around then and Maille went to her bathroom to change her clothes, starting a load of laundry with their wet things. Then she climbed back up the stairs, looked for Kell, and not finding him she looked out the window and saw him saying farewell to his pets. She sat down on the makeshift bed and smiled. He was such a character. So different from anyone she'd ever met.

She leaned against the wall hearing Kell come in and run up the stairs. He stood at the top looking at her.

"Maybe someday I will join you, eh? We will make it permanent."

He went into the dressing room and Maille lay down thoughtfully. She must have dozed, because when she opened her eyes again, Kell was kneeling over her, kissing her gently. "Good bye, Maille Mann. Wait for me here."

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