Maille awoke to the wind. She was lying down, and it was almost dark out. She was cold, and she was on her back and there were rocks beneath her shoulder blades. She opened her eyes, completely disoriented. A cliff face and a dark cave opening assailed her vision. She tried to turn but her dress and her hair were caught underneath something heavy.

"Be still, be still." came a gruff voice she knew all too well and the knowledge of where she was and what she was doing came back. A gentle but firm hand stole across her arm and down to take her hand and bring it up to her chest. A warm body pressed against hers. Maille felt the desire to snuggle and wiggled closer. Kell nuzzled her neck and moved her hair out of his vision.

''Mine, mine, mine." he said.

''That's quite the concept." she answered with a laugh.

"Truth." he reiterated and then sighed, breathing in her essence.

"Kell ..." he turned her to face him. Bending over her gently and looked into her eyes as the wind picked up her hair and swirled it around them. Her eyes were wide and dark, his were even darker, unfathomable. Caught in a tangle of dreads and facial hair, even his lips were hidden. The hollows of his cheeks were stained dark by wind and sun. Maille searched his face. Familiar, yet unfamiliar. New, there was still the newness of him, the sudden remembrance of having him, and yet not having him before in her life. Her hand came up and she fingered his skin above the goatee, his nose, his eyebrows, memorizing. Was this the face she would always wake up to the rest of eternity? He lowered his lips to hers but didn't kiss her, just rested against her, and she kissed him. He tasted of chlorine and toothpaste, clean.

Later she would remember that moment, later when he was gone and she was alone. She would hug that moment to her. Later when things seemed less easy to understand.

*****

Shawn stirred and moaned, and Joann, his nurse, got up and came to him. Maille was on his left side, Joann on his right. The nurse checked h is vitals and plumped h is pillows, and Shawn rol led his head from side to side.

Maille leaned close to fan her fingers along h is cheeks. "I'm here, Shawn. It's okay."

She knew he was in pain. Joann had told her he was. They'd talked about why Myndee hadn't exhibited so much discomfort, that her disease had simply been a matter of not being able to breathe and eventually drowning, a quiet, easy warm sort of death according to Joann, who tried to comfort Maille. But Shawn's disease was painful to the last. It attacked his bones and caused them to ache unbearably . What little was left of him. In the three days since Kell had left he seemed to have lost even more size and weight. 

Monday, Maille had come to him, he'd been able to talk, able to dictate some words to his song and listen to her sing it. But Tuesday he'd been tired and listless, and only responded to the more insistent of her touches. She'd taken to sitting on the bed with him, but eventually the doctors had asked her to sit beside him, as he was in so much pain , even her touch and her movements could be painful.

Today she hadn't gone to work. There had been an urgency about seeing him this morning and she knew the end was near. She'd just got off the phone with Kell who was on set and filming when she called to tell him.

He said he would come right home, he'd be there at her side in just three hours.

lt had been an hour. She smoothed Shawn's cheek, watched the movement of bis eyes beneath the lids.

"Is he in a coma?" she asked.

Joann shook her head. "No, not exactly, not a coma, but more a kind of unawareness." 

''Is he close?"

Joann nodded. Maille took his hand.

"Shawn ... it's Maille. I love you, honey. I love you. You're a good boy. You have so much tooffer. lt won't be long till all those aunts and uncles and cousins and grandma's will be showing you around up there."

A movement under her hand, Maille turned to watch his face. The eyes didn't open, but the lips moved.

"I'l l be a picture on the mirror as you put on your mascara." the lips twitched and a smile softened the firm line of them.

Maille's eyes fill with tears. "Can you hang on a few more minutes honey? Kell's coming." 

"Tell him ..." he licked his lips and the eyes cracked open. Maille squeezed h is hand and tried to smile valiantly. "Tell him I said good bye." Maille bit her lip. 

"ls it close Shawn?" 

"I feel cold, Maille."

Joann came to his side and pulled up the blanket, but she shook her head and beeped his bedside button to call the doctor. Then she stood there holding his other hand.

Maille bent her head and let her tears fall on the hand she held. She knew it was happening, she knew it was going to happen right there with her beside him. But that didn't make it any easier.

"l love you Shawn. I will never forget you, honey, never, you 're my sweetest boyfriend ."

There was no movement from the hand beneath hers, no flicker of the eyes, but Maille knew when Shawn's spirit left. A sweet peace suddenly filled the room, and an emptiness pervaded the bed beside her.

"I love you Shawn, I love you." she kept saying it over and over as if in the saying it she could make him believe, know that the last words he heard on this earth were the best words.

The doctors came in and stood respectfully as they did when one of the children passed away. Usually the family would turn to each other now, and the nurse would unhook whatever monitors were still beeping so as not to disturb with the clinical side of things. Death was a very private thing. But Maille, knowing he was gone didn't move. She bent her head and kept repeating her love for him over and over.

Several of the doctors wiped at their eyes, and Joann finally placed Shawn's hand at his side and reached for Maille who looked up at her with tear stained cheeks, unable to say even one last I Love You.

They'd gotten Craig, who came and lifted Maille's still form from the chair. He enfolded her in strong arms and she cried and trembled, feeling the pain weave in and out in a weird sort of dance, that same unfocused feeling she'd felt before. And with the realization that she'd felt that before came the thought that she had also lost Myndee. Maille pushed away from Craig who tried to move her out of the way as the nurses did their jobs .

She walked out to the lobby and leaned against the doorway. "Maille, I'm sorry." Craig was still beh ind her.

"He is with his family now."

"Where's your family?" Craig asked, knowing she needed comfort too. 

"Coming. I think I'll go wait for them."

It wasn 't policy to let the bereaved leave without making sure they were stable, but technically Maille wasn 't family, and Craig let her go, watching her unsteady footsteps as she went out to her car.

She found herself at the airport, sitting in a corner watching as the planes came in. Memories assailed her. .. all mixed up with Myndee and Shawn... music and castles, princess dresses and guitars. 

Kell found her there an hour later. She was asleep, sitting up, not even with her head resting back against anything, just her eyes closed and her tear streaked cheeks, attesting to the fact that she was not aware.

His heart melted, and tears formed.  He tried to get close to her, to hold her, but her knees were in the way, so heedless of where they were or anything else Kell nudged her knees apart and scooted in between. He leaned forward and kissed the corner of her mouth."Maille..." he whispered. He took her hands and rubbed them softly waking her up gradually. Maille started once at the touch on her lips but then with a welcome cry, she opened her eyes, and as new tears fell, she parted her lips for his welcome kiss as well.

"He's gone." she whispered.

"I figured as much ." Kell answered still holding her close. 

"He couldn't wait."

"It's okay."

"They wouldn 't let me be on the bed. I couldn't hold him, only hold his hand." 

"It's okay, darling. You did what you could."

"I told him I love him." 

"That's all that matters."

"It's so hard, Kell. So hard."

"Let's go home baby. Come on." he helped her up, but she was suddenly very weak, so he slung his duffle bad over his shoulder and supported her mostly on his side.

They made it home to his house and he carried Maille to the living room and deposited her on the floor. He went to the refrigerator and got out the makings of a restorative shake, the kind she normally liked, but Maille had curled fetal position on her side and was rocking back and forth. Kell ran to her and crouched over her, strong arms holding her as she cried.

She turned to him again and he gently enfolded her in his arms. She was cold.

"Let me get you a blanket." he said.

"I'll never be warm again." she answered lifelessly.

Kell gritted his teeth but said nothing. He retrieved several fluffy comforters out of a downstairs closet where he'd left them after buying them. He pulled them out of their bags and dumped them close to Maille's still form. Then he leaned against the wall and pulled ber between his legs in their customary mourning style, her head on his thigh, her body curled and framed within his legs. He covered her with the comforters and tucked them in all around her and then gently pulled her hair out, one strand at a time, and began to hum softly.

Maille relaxed in the familiar position, feeling the warmth of his leg beneath her cheek, her band held securely in his, alive, warm and alive, and safe. As the picture memories in her mind receded, she felt herself drift slowly in and out of sleep, and Kell's hand continually stroked her hair.

***** It was dark out when he loaded the pick up with the gear he'd ordered and got into the driver's seat. He was wearing blue shorts with a band of yellow Hawaiian flowers running down the side and in the dark interior of the truck, the same iridescent band glowed from Maille's shorts. She remained steadfastly staring out at the house and the city lights. He knew she was thinking about Myndee and Shawn. She'd been thinking about them in that strangely unfocused way for an hour after she'd woken up and showered. The dark blue sweatshirt he'd given her and the warm socks and adidas shoes matched his and made her feel secure. 

He asked if she wanted to listen to music while they drove and told her it would be a long drive.

She shrugged.

So Kell got on the freeway heading south and gingerly slipped in a Harry Potter book on tape. It was night. He kind of hoped she would go to sleep, and kind of hoped she'd talk. It didn 't really matter to him, as long as they were together right now and he could help her deal with her feelings.

As it turned out Maille didn't want to talk. She wasn't really focused on much of anything, not on the two who had died, and not on anything else. At one point she asked where they were going, and he had told her to a lake, which was true.

"I'm tired." she whispered. Kell nodded. Sleep sounded reasonable at this point.

He arranged to cover her with a blanket, and put a small pillow against his thigh and laid her head against h im. When she had drifted off into a deeper sleep, Kell put the truck back in gear and slowly headed out of the truck stop.

It was already dawn and quite light at 7am when they arrived at Lake Mead. He pulled to a stop and Maille awoke slowly, drowsily, and sat up, pulling her hair out of her face. She surveyed the area.

Kell stretched once again and then got out and pulled Maille out his side. Their feet crunched on the sandy driveway .

Maille didn't ever remember getting on the boat, nor the drive down to Lake Mead. She vaguely recalled carrying things across the smaJI metal gangplank, main ly because it made such a distinctive noise as she crossed it. But her first real recollections were centered around feeling the warm lake breeze in her face, and sitting next to Kell as he maneuvered the huge boat onto the Colorado River at Lake Mead. For a while they simply put it in gear and chugged along, getting away from the marina, and watching the land slip by, then as cove after cover came into view, Maille, feeling better, went to the small deck/porch in front of the drivers area and directed Kell toward one that looked fairly promising.

Kell left the giant boat in gear and came to see what she saw. He put both arms on the railing around her slim form and nuzzled her shoulder blades. "Yeah, it's deep enough for diving, and a nice shore line for a walk." he went back inside, and yelled, "Get ready for ramming speed."

*****

Maille came back to sit beside him, and he expertly docked the houseboat and then jumped off and Maille's threw the tie off ropes to him.

"You do this pretty good." she told him when the boat was rocking steadily against the shore. 

"I worked at a marina." he said.

He went past her, out the back of the boat and looked out at the lake. A canoe was carried against the craft, tied up out of the water, and a small ski boat was being towed. Alongside the houseboat, and on an electronic chasse , were two jet ski's too. He motioned to Maille and they both climbed the ladder to the upper deck and walked along the main walkway to the canopied area and the bot tub.

''This thing is equipped." Maille breathed, running her hand along the blue protective rail.

"The biggest and the best." he said simply and after inspecting the entire upstairs he went down the ladder to the front of the boat again and into the sliding glass doors by the driver's seat. Maille followed slowly still feeling a bit queasy and light headed.

"There's four bedrooms and then the table makes into a bed, and the sofa makes into a bed and there's two kid bunks in the back. l brought a tent as well for anyone who wants to sleep on top, or you can simply sleep up there without a tent, and watch the stars. Kind of our thing, huh?" he eyed her closely, but Maille had turned to the sofa and gingerly sat down to steady her dizziness.

"Where do you want to sleep?" he asked her.

"With you." she said and turned twinkly eyes on him. Kell's eyes narrowed speculatively.

"We could consider this our honeymoon." he stood by the sink and checked out the ice chest he'd brought on board full of food.

"Let me help you." she said, and she came up beside him and took the steaks he was putting into the freezer away and then closed the freezer, her arms around him. 

"Hey." she whispered. "Thanks for helping me last night."

"Always a pleasure to serve." he whispered huskily.

Maille still had to look up to see Kell's eyes, and when she looked up the reflection of the lake outside in his dark eyes turned them grayish green. "Why'd you get such a big houseboat?" she whispered, her mind not really on the question as she studied Kell's upper lip beneath the mustache.

"So you could have your pick of staterooms." he said, and both arms came up to encircle her slim back and waist. He let his hands fall down to her rear and cupped her cheeks firmly, pulling her snug with him. "You have a lovely ass, Maille Mann."

Embarrassed, Maille tried to pull off a knowing smile, but her blush gave her away.

"Why did you really get this boat?"

"So we could make love in every room?" he let a question slip into his voice, a hopeful question, a teasing question. "And twice on deck?"

"Really..." she snuggled against him provocatively.

"No." he smiled and released her behind. "Your family is joining us in four days. Megan and Steve, Cassie and Matt, and Melia and her family."

Maille drew back. "What?"

"You want me to call them and cancel?" he said. "All of them?"

"Kind of ruins the honeymoon atmosphere."

Maille turned around and glanced at the hallway and the doors that she knew now led to bathrooms and bedrooms. All of them? Here?

"More a vacation?" she turned back to h im with a curious expression. Why had he suddenly grown so fond of her family?

He shrugged. "A family reunion." he stated.

Maille went and sat on the couch. "Do all of us seem stressed out to you and in need of time away? Or are we so dysfunctional?"

Kell leaned against the stove and counter top. "I wouldn't say that at all." he answered, eyeing her. "Do you feel dysfunctional?"

"Oh no!" Maille exclaimed. ''Not in the sense that other people use the word.Imean every body has problems and their place in their fam ily is always an issue..."

"Like your place? It doesn 't exist?" he grinned at her sardonically.

"I exist. You should see Cassie. I mean she barely even gets noticed."

"Steve says she intimidates us normal folk."Kell drummed his fingers on the counter.

Maille shrugged. "Well, she's very smart. And she's not a bit interested in music or acting. She's a university professor. The only one in our entire family as far back as anyone can document. In fact, Cassie documents the family history for us. Really. She loves genealogy. She and Steve have done so much Temple work, it's incredible."

"You admire her."Kell stated, his eyes glowing in appreciation, he liked that she wasn 't willing to dis on any of her family, even the scapegoat/black sheep.

Maille smiled with a far away expression as if she could see Cassie right there. "I'm glad you invited her, she doesn't intimidate me. She'sjust Cassie, and I l ike her."

Kell nodded. "So, come and see what I brought for you. You should change into something more comfortable."

He held out his hand and Maille took it and stood up, but her smile was mischievous. ''That's a line if l ever beard one."

"What? Slip into something a little more comfortable.?" he led her to the first bedroom on the right and they peered inside. Two steps up and a dresser, closet and queen bed developed. She noticed then that Kell was carrying a small back pack, like a day pack. He braced his arm against the door and raised his brows. "How about this one?"

Maille calculated. The married couples needed rooms with queen beds then, th is would be good for Steve and Megan. She moved to the next room. Another queen bed with a larger closet, but no dresser. Stairs led from th is room to the two rooms above. One of these would have to be Melia's. She wou ld waot to put her ch i ldren above her, with immediate access to them from her room. So Maille figured this ooe to be Me.lia 's and the one above it her children 's. She backed out and gave Kell a shrug, and he could see what she was doing.

"Hey, you pick the one you want. You be comfortable."

"Oh, I will be. This is very luxurious." she assured him. He poked her side knowingly and she squirmed past him.

Up the stairs were two low rooms with only mattresses. One could easily be Cassie's as well. That left the deck, the sofa, the kitchen table, or the bunks in the room going outside. She smiled. "Put my stuff here." she indicated the bunk in the room going outside.

Kell's eyes narrowed. "This isn 't where I pictured you." 

"Where exactly did you picture me?"

He hesitated. Then he grinned. "Okay." he said and put the back pack on the lower bunk. A sliding trundle bed opened and made the lower bunk into a double. "I guess I can see you here."

"And what about you?" she asked.

"Up." he said simply, rolling his eyes at the ceiling. "Oh." she laughed.

Kell opened the backpack. "I took the liberty..." 

"As usual." she interrupted.

"Of purchasing a few clothes for you." he dumped the contents of the pack on the bed and sorted through it with a practiced gesture. Two tankini's, two one piece bathing suits, a pair of t-shirt pants, and two large t-shJrts. Five pairs of boxer shorts, two were Scooby do, and two were bob the builder, the last was just hearts. No bras, no socks, no regular pants and shirts or skirts, and no browns. "There is a washer and dryer on board when we need it."

"I sincerely hope that your clothes are not identical to these." she chided him holding up the tankin i bottoms.

Kell screwed up his eyes. "Ahh ..." he grabbed it from her and held it up to his waist. "No."

Maille grabbed it back. "Get out and let me change into something more comfortable." she pushed him out and pulled the sliding door shut.

What an amazing guy he was. All this, a houseboat, food, clothes, boxes of stuff.... He'd planned this. Totally planned it. Was there no end to h is talents? And invited her family? Who else would have thought ofit? Nobody.

And to be able to relax here, with him to entertain her, surely she would not think too much on Shawn and Myndee. Surely she could distract herself from them.

She slipped into the bathing suit and put her other clothes away. She felt a wave of dizziness, but firmly pushed it aside. She knew she had to stop feeling so weak. She couldn't go on dwell ing on death enough to make herself sick. Myndee and Shawn were two of the best things that ever happened to her, how could she dishonor their memory by spending her life being ill over them? It wasn't what they would have wanted.

Nevertheless, tears spilled out of her eyes and she sat limply on the side of the bed and stared out at the lake, letting the tears come, but at the same time trying to tell herself not to cry. A knock on the door and she kicked it with one limp foot. Kell opened it slightly and seeing her dressed in the bath ing suit but sitting there crying he opened the door wider and came in. He knelt in front of her, nudging her knees apart to allow himself the closest access to her. He pulled her close wordlessly and stroked her back and her hair.

"Let it go, Maille. it's okay to cry. Just let it out." he whispered kissing her cheek softly. He held her back a tad and looked into her tear bright eyes and then gently lowered bis lips to hers. A brush, another brush, he turned his head, and tasted her from the other side. Again, and finally when she seemed to be responding he parted her lips and pressed home. He held her face to his, keeping her hair and her neck in one hand and running his other aJong her arm and under her chin, feeling their union, feeling the movement. He loved feeling her. He'd been right to marry her. It did make it somehow easier to know that if he blew it and went too far he wasn't sinning. He hoped it didn't come to that, but there was that safety net in place now, and he was very glad. He ran a hand down her arm again and across her breast and then back to her chin. Maille shivered and Kell drew back and stared into her eyes, still sparkling with unshed moisture. Her dark lashes were glued together in clumps. He kissed her eyes. Maille leaned against him. Taking strength from h is presence, and distraction from his actions. She needed him right now, really needed him.

"Let's go swimming?" he whispered cautiously against her lips. He kept his lips to hers, his face brushing hers, like he couldn't get close enough.

"Whatever you want." she answered.

Kell sighed and forced himself to stand up and pull her out the back door. They stood there, breathing shallowly, getting their bearings. Kell grinned and then gave her a look.

"Cold shower?" he said and then picked her up and leaped off the back of the houseboat into the deep blue green water.

Maille felt his weight leave her as they plummeted into the cool depths. She'd been to the Colorado River several times and knew it to be colder almost year round, but thfa time it was August and the water had dropped several feet, and it was heated to a bearable temperature. She submerged, pushing herself downwards to feel how deep it was, and when she couldn 't touch at all, she kicked towards the surface and cleared the top with a slight bounce.

Kell had swam several yards away and was treading water.

"Where'd you go?" he called to her. Maille twirled and then swam towards him. Kell swam away from her and a game of chase and dunk ensued.

Breathless and rejuvenated, they climbed back on board and went to the top to spread out towels and lay down. Kell got out ice water's and chips, and fruit and brought it all up to the deck. He also brought a brush and comb so he could begin the tedious process of braiding Maille's hair.

She sat between his legs, and ran her hands down them as he parted her hair carefully. "So, we're two of a kind, aren't we?" he asked her.

"In what way?"

"You're adopted, I wanted to be."

"I was adopted at birth."

"I was abandoned at birth."

"So you never knew your birth mother?"

"No, did you?" he asked her with interest.

Kell suddenly jumped up and disappeared down the ladder and returned a few seconds later carrying an orange tube. He returned to his seat behind her and Maille held out her hand . Kell squirted some sunscreen into her palm and watched as she applied it to her legs and arms. He'd sort of been hoping that she'd rub it on him and he'd be allowed to rub it on her, but she was quick and he knew it was better without all the physical contact anyway, too distracting.

"ABCSC." she said.

"Alternate Birthing Center, Southern California."

"Yes. Mom bought this really huge building down on the coast and turned it into an adoption agency, but also a place where unwed mothers with little or no income could come for refuge. l mean, they were usually very young, and kind of dumb, uneducated would be a better term. But they needed help.

"Mom provided counselors, schooling, help with delivery and encouraged the mothers to keep their babies, and get a life. Girls who graduated from ABCSC were, and are, able to support themselves, usually have some college and a place to live and a stable environment for their kid. If they really can't keep the child, then the adoptive services there help place them. That was the case with my birth mother. She came to the center as a last resort. Nobody would help her, and she'd been raped by a member of her immediate family, repeatedly. The family shunned her, didn't help her at all, and Tracy was the only one who would believe her and help her get through it all. It wasn't advisable for my birth mother to keep me. Too much pain and sorrow, and she needed to get a life and try and sort out her own self. She was very young, only fourteen."

Kell had stopped braiding, his hands resting on Maille's shoulders. He was seeing in his mind's eye a very young, pretty girl, future bright with hope and plans. He saw her raped... he closed his eyes... he'd seen rape before. He felt the pain and fear of her predicament as no one in her family would believe her, her frustration and panic. His hands clenched into fists as be imagined what she must have gone through. So young, so bewildered.

"Well, Tracy loved her. Her name was Kylie Ann , and Tracy took her in and took care of her. For the love she bore my birth mother, she adopted me."

"So you said you'd met her?" Kell prompted.

"Yes. I know her well. She's a beautifu l woman now, because of the help she received from Tracy and ABCSC. She was able to go back to school, get a degree in law. She now represents the corporation in cases similar to her own, and of course, other things, but she works for ABCSC. She's a lawyer, and she's married and she has a 14 year old son, and a 9 year old son."

"You would have been the only girl." Kell breathed. 

Maille nodded. "Yes. I'm the only girl."

"So, is it awkward? Knowing you were adopted and knowing your birth mother is married and getting on with her life?"

Maille shook her head. "I met Kylie Ann several times in my youth, she and my mom, Tracy--" she clarified. "Stayed close. Not at first. I mean there were several years when Kylie was in college, and then on her own working for a law firm, and working on her own before she came back to ABCSC. And we were busy setting up home in Montana, and traveling and doing stuff. But then one day I was down in So Cal with my mom and she had business at ABCSC and she asked me to come. The business was that she wanted to introduce me to Kylie Ann. We went to lunch together. I was twelve."

"I knew her of course, previously, and I had always known I was adopted. I mean, Danny was adopted, the Mongolian Kids are adopted, ours is a very adopted family. So there's no weirdness. But that lunch, I'll never forget. Tracy said she wanted to tell me a story and she told me about Kylie Ann 's past. She explained about adoption and how much the adoptive parents love their children, but that in most cases the birth parents have feelings for the child they let go as well. It doesn't always interfere unless the child is very insecure or something. You have to picture this Kell, my mom, Tracy sat beside me, her arm around me as she quietly, and so full of love, told me about my birth mother. We all cried. It was so beautiful. I hugged Kylie Ann and she held me too, we all hugged together. I knew I was so loved. l knew I was so wanted. There was never any thought of going back to live with her even though she could have easily taken me in, I belonged with my family. My family loved me and my mom and dad love me so much. I know that with all my heart. I may have trouble sometimes because of the dynamic with Megan and Melia, but that's nothing compared to knowing you are family. And every once in a while I go to lunch with Kylie Ann, and at Christmas and on birthdays and in the summer she comes to visit. My mom is absolutely incredible about making people feel like they are family."