Who are you?

     THIS is my first time having an acrobatic photoshoot. I've tried many photoshoots, but this is my first time posing like an acrobat. The result will be displayed on the digital billboard in Times Square.

"Khrizanta, hold your waist and lift your leg. That's it!" the photographer demanded. "Perfect!"

Wearing black knee boots and a black one-shoulder high cut one-piece leotard, I rested my palm and my knee on the floor. My other knee lifted as my other hand was holding my waist. 

"You're doing great! Now, I want you to stand up and lift one of your legs, slightly bent it!" he demanded. Lumapit pa siya sa akin para maayos ang gusto niyang pose. "There! Perfect!"

The flashes of the cameras were blinding my sight, but I didn't budge. I kept my posture even if it was making my eyes irritable. I kept posing and posing until we took a break for a quick retouch. Rowan retouched my lipstick and powder as Bella immediately came closer to fix my hair— she parted it in the middle and tied it in a low bun.

When the shoot resumed, I lay my upper body on the floor as my bottom body lifted in the air. I lifted both legs, but the other slanted at a 10-degree angle. My right hand rested on my ass. I was basically posing upside-down!

"Last one shot!" I heard the loud flash of the camera. "There you go! It's a wrap! You're amazing, Khrizanta!" The photographer praised, making me smile. 

Five hectic months have passed. I am now getting ready for the upcoming New York Fashion Week. I have a Versace runway show to attend, and I'll be the first model to walk down the runway and showcase the designer's clothing collection. Ilang buwan lang niyan, I will be in Europe for the Milan Fashion Week and Schiaparelli.

But regardless of the tight work schedule that I have, I managed to visit my American neurologist for my monthly consultation. I need some updates about my condition. I want to ask him if my amnesia is getting worse or nah.

The Versace runway show for the spring collection came, so it was another busy week for me and my team. I was already done walking on the runway, so I switched my outfit into a new dress but still from the same collection. The cameras surrounded me, taking photos. The flashes of the cameras were blinding my sight, but I didn't budge.

"Who are you wearing, Khrizanta?"

"I'm wearing the newest spring collection of Versace. So are my shoes, jewelry, and bag were all from the Versace," nakangiting sagot ko at tumingin sa camera.

After taking shots on the red carpet, I entered the event hall for the after party. Denver was behind me, following me. My eyes narrowed when I saw one of the basketball players I had lunch with before. We didn't date or make out. We just ate lunch, but the fans so did the paparazzi, thought we were dating. Magkaibigan lang naman kaming dalawa.

I'm actually a fan of their team. Since I went here in the USA, nahiligan ko na ang manood nang basketball. I became a fan of the sports. But some people were spreading rumours that I was only watching the game to find a boyfriend and not to watch the game. I lost the desire to attend basketball leagues because of those rumors.

"Khrizanta! Hello, darling!" Donatella, the Italian designer and the female owner of the brand, approached me. She gave me a fiery kiss on the cheeks. "You did well earlier! How's the show?"

"I was mesmerized by the new designs! It was refreshing and amusing to the eyes," I commented with a soft smile on my lips.

She grins, looking proud. "Thank you. Anyway, I saw your sizzling digital billboard in Times Square and girl, you were smoking hot!" she praised me again.

I couldn't help but giggle and thank her. I was still talking with Donatella when I noticed someone in the audience. He was wearing a black Versace jacket and a blue printed stencil silk necktie. The jacket was open, revealing his white button-down shirt dress. His hairstyle wasn't the usual. Still, the two-block haircut he always has, but this time, it's deliberately messy and undone. But it looks incredibly flattering for him.

He was sitting on the monobloc while talking to a female actress who was sitting beside him. Mingyu, a Korean rapper, was sitting on his other side. My jaw tightened when the actress leaned to whisper something in his ear. The actress chuckled, and so did Croisx! Mukhang sayang-saya sila sa pinag-uusapan nila. Ha, I know it! He's here at the runway show not because of me but to meet beautiful personalities!

Nalasahan ko ang pait sa aking dila. I frowned and was about to cut the stares when he glanced in my direction. His eyes fluttered wide when he saw me. Para siyang namutla nang nakita ako. I pressed my lips together before I immediately looked away.

"Are you okay, Khrizanta?" Donatella asked when I got off from the gutter.

I forced a grin to hide the strain in my heart. "I'm good. Just tired," upon answering, I excuse myself.

Nagpunta ako sa cocktail area at kumuha doon ng isa. Medyo nasa dulong bahagi 'yon. I was sipping on the drink while smiling at each person who was passing at me. When I heard footsteps coming my way, I turned around. I swallowed when our eyes met, and his eyes glimmered like he was delighted that he was so close to me.

"So, you're here too, huh?!" I asked mockingly as my grip on the cocktail glass tightened.

Croisx has always been there at every runway Fashion show I've been to. I still wonder how he can attend a fashion show. 

His eyebrows creased, but he didn't look shocked seeing me here. He's not even a fashion critic, celebrity, or fashion executive, but he's here. I doubt he was invited.

"Yeah?" he answered in a questioning tone.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to watch the show," he answered.

I arched a brow. "To watch the show or to watch me? Are you stalking me?" I asked with a tone of accusing.

He swiftly grabbed a dry martini on the table. Then his eyes crawled up to my face, staring at me for a few seconds before sipping on his martini. "Both," he answered.

My eyes glanced at his lips. I swallowed because it became so moist and rouge. Damn it! I want to kiss him right now! But no, because I am too beautiful to make the first move!

I cleared my throat to regain my composure. "So, you admit you're stalking me?!"

He sighed heavily. "No. I am watching the show because you're here. That's what I meant," he clarified.

"So you knew I was here. That's the main reason why you're here."

He licked his lips. "Yes."

My eyes squinted. "I knew it! You're always present in every fashion show I have! How much do you pay the organizer so you can enter the show?"

He scratches his thick brows. "I am invited, okay? I know someone who is a part of the industry."

I arched my brow, not buying his alibi. "Ha-ha. Funny," I mocked.

He sighed before loosening his tie. "I am telling the truth," his voice became husky.

I stared at his eyes. He looked pretty serious with his reason. . . But no, it doesn't sound reasonable enough for me to believe him.

I sighed. "Okay, let's say I believe your reason. Someone invited you here. But I doubt that I was the only one you're watching. I saw you chitchatting with an actress!"

His lips parted before he bit his bottom lip. He tried to conceal his smirk underneath his formal expression. He lowered down his head before a sexy chuckle ascended from him.

He raised his head and look straight into my eyes. Kumikislap at namumungay pa ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin. He licked his lower lip without breaking our eye contact.

I could feel my cheeks getting boiled. "Stop looking at me like that," I whispered.

"Hmm?" he teased, smiling. Croisx took a sip of his glass without breaking our eye contact. He was looking at me through the glasses with a smirk on his face.

"Stop flirting with me! Go back to your girl," I said, frowning.

His gaze deepened as he gave me a wolfish grin. "I'm already here with my girl," he muttered meaningfully.

I bit my inner cheeks to bite off the smile that was drawing to me. "Oh, shut up," I responded.

I stiffened when his hand crawled around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I bumped into his hard chest. My heart beat faster when our eyes met.

"Don't worry, you're the only one I have my eyes set on," he said in his sweetest tone.

My breath hitched as my heartbeat went frenzied. Damn, this heart and his sweet tongue! Kuhang-kuha niya talaga ang kiliti ng puso ko!

The New York fashion week come to an end. Finally, I have time to breathe for a while! I'm on my way home from an event. My driver stopped the car in front of my apartment in Hudson Yards.

"May lakad po kayo ulit mamaya, Ma'am?"

My personal driver is the son of our family driver in the Philippines. Obviously, he's also Filipino like me kaya marunong siya managalog. He's an OFW and worked as a bagger in a shopping centre before my parents asked him to work under me.

"Wala na, James. You can go home na. If ever magkaroon ako, I'll text you na lang," sagot ko at tipid na ngumiti.

"Sige po, Ma'am."

"Thank you for today, James." I smiled at him before I climbed out of the car.

I quickly took a shower before going to bed when I entered the apartment. Tapos na ako maligo at nagpapatuyo na ako ng buhok nang magvibrate ang phone ko. I unlock my phone and click the notification. My heart skipped a beat when I got to read the text I received.

Engineer Silvestre

Do you have time for dinner tonight?

I bit my lip, contemplating if I'd text him back or not. But in the end, I found myself typing a reply to him.

Engineer Silvestre

Why?

I continue biting my lip while waiting for his response. My eyes widened when he replied after a moment. I felt my cheeks simmer as my stomach swooped after seeing his reply.

Engineer Silvestre

Don't you miss me, mi vida?

Suminghap ako, hindi alam kung ano ang sasabihin. Sanay na sanay talaga siyang tawagin akong gano'n, ah!

I sighed before typing a text but decided to delete it as it's not really telling what I want it to. I started to type new writing when Croisx replied again.

Engineer Silvestre

I will cancel all my plans if you tell me you want to see me.

My lips parted as my heart felt like coming out of my chest upon reading his text. I bit my lips harder this time as I mull what to reply.

Seriously, he's willing to cancel everything to see me?

I let out a deep, exaggerated sigh. My hands shook, but I still successfully typed what I wanted to say.

Engineer Silvestre

Meet me at Buvette at 6 pm.

That's my reply, and after a minute, he responded.

Engineer Silvestre

Thank you for accepting my invitation. I can't wait to see you! 😘

I blinked as I felt my cheeks heat up, seeing the kiss emoji he put on the end of his text! Damn him! Mabilis kong binitawan ang phone at dumapa sa kama, nilubog sa unan ang mukha at doon nagtitili. 

When the evening came, nag-ayos na ako ng sarili. Wearing a Versace crop top and black leather pants, I paired my outfit with a khaki-coloured trench coat. The strappy heels on my feet and the Versace shade added elegance to my look. 

I texted James to fetch me in my apartment. Nagpahatid ako sa lugar kung saan kami magkikita ni Croisx. Wearing black trousers, a Ralph Lauren pullover long-sleeved sweater, and a black windbreaker jacket, I spotted Croisx outside Buvette. Why the fuck he looks so hot with his simple outfit?!

I cleared my throat before I made my way up to his direction. I nudged his shoulder to gain his attention. He immediately turned his head in my direction, and our eyes captured each other.

"Hi," he greeted me with a small smile on his face. "You look beautiful," he praised.

I arched a brow. "Get use to it,"  mataray na sagot ko pabalik. "Let's go inside."

Luckily, wala masyadong tao sa loob. I don't want another dating controversy. We entered the diner and sat on the corner, giving more privacy to us. Our food was served, so we started eating in peace. Croisx ordered steak tartare just like mine. I also ordered salade de poulet, steamed mussels, finger lakes gold cheese, and a bottle of red wine for us.

We spent the entire dinner talking and talking about everything. It was a pretty open conversation. Croisx was asking me a lot about my life as a model.

I sipped on my wine before proceeding to ask him. "Do you have Instagram?"

He tilted his head to my side and met my gaze.

"Yes," he answered.

"What's your username? I'll follow you," I answered with a soft grin on my lips.

He stroked his lips before licking his upper lips and gave me a wolfish grin.

"Holy.croisx,"

Suddenly, my heart thumped.

"Wow. That's witty," I commended.

"The person who inspired me to create an account is witty, so yeah, agreed."

Maybe his ex-girlfriend?

I manipulated my phone to search for his name on my Instagram. I gasped as I looked back at him. My eyes fluttered wide when I met his gaze an instant. He never left his gaze on me!

I swallowed before speaking. "I already followed you, na pala?!" I asked, showing him my phone.

He looked taken aback. "Ah, yeah."

I pursed my lips.  "You didn't tell me," Nagscroll ako sa kanyang account. Napakurap-kurap ako nang makita ang itsura ng account niya.

Holy.croisx

Maxwell Croisx Silvestre

Engineer. Harvard Law student. This account is solely for my rainbow.

9 post 2,781 followers 1 followings

There's only one following.  .  . I'm the only one he follows!

Most of his posts are almost my pictures. . . Pictures I didn't even know I had taken.

When did I take a selfie inside a Japanese restaurant? While riding a jet ski? While cooking, watching, and even sleeping?!

On the three last posts, my eyes almost rolled out of my skulls when I saw a picture of us! It was a picture of me and Croisx. We looked so happy and so contented.

Mabilis akong nakaramdam ng kirot sa dibdib.

I knew it. He knew me even before I became an international model! Kilala niya ako noon pa lang.

Nakakalungkot isipin na isa siyang malaking parte sa buhay ko noon, ngunit hindi ko na kilala ngayon. Isa na siyang estranghero na may alaala sa akin sa nakaraan.

Slowly, I tilted my head to the side and met his gaze.

"Hey, why are you crying?" he asked as I felt his thumb brush over my cheeks.

"Who are you?" I didn't even realize I was already crying. "Tell me, sino ka ba talaga? Why do we have pictures together in your account? Tell me!" 

I saw how his expression changed. His face grew serious. His eyes sliced with pain and sadness: It was overflowing.

"Tell me," I demanded through gritted teeth.

He stared at me before rubbing a hand over his face.

"You won't remember even if I tell you," He let out an exaggerated sigh after his statement.

His words pierced my heart. I smacked his hard chest and cried even more. He quickly stood up and sat beside me, soothing me.

"I wish I can remember you. . ." I whispered between my sobs.

Tumingin ako sa kanya at sumalubong sa akin ang malamlam niyang mata. By the way how he sighed, it was obvious that my words stabbed his heart with a lot of pain.

"Khrizanta. . ." His eyes softly stare at mine. He caged my waist and pulled me closer. I cried so hard that it was harder for me to breathe. 

"Why didn't you tell me you know me from the start? Bakit?" I sobbed. "Alam mo bang gustong-gusto ko malaman ang nakaraan ko? I was eagger to know who are the people I've been with before my accident. I-I may remember the 24 years of my life, but I still feel incomplete. I am still overthinking about my past, trying everything to remember the blurry fragments in my dreams."

I sniffed and cried even more when I saw his eyes watered. He cupped my face so he could brush my tears. I could see in his eyes that he was hurting.

"Please, Croisx, tell me. . . Who are you in my life?"

He rubbed a hand over his face in frustration. He licked his upper lips before looking at me.

"I. . . I am your boyfriend, Khrizanta."

My lips parted. "What?" I held his hand that was cupping my face, slowly removing it away from me.

"See? You won't believe nor remember what I tell. Kaya hindi ko sinabi, hindi ako nagpakilala dahil alam kong mangyayari 'to."

Napailing ako, gulong-gulo na. "N-No.  .  . I-I don't believe you." I clearly witnessed how his eyes sliced with pain. Mabilis akong tumayo hanggang sa namalayan ko na lang ang sariling tumatakbo palayo. 

But then, I suddenly felt a sharp pain that attacked my head. My knees became frail, and my vision spun until darkness completely engulfed me.

I'm in love with Croisx. I don't know when it started or how it happened. All I know is I woke up loving him.

Our break up is making my heart clenched in pain. I hurt Croisx. I hurt him big time. Hindi ko dapat siya sinaktan, iniwan at dinurog. But I couldn't attempt to stay in his life, knowing that I was the one to blame for his life-threatening situation. Because of me, he got shot! He almost died in front of me! 

Liham ako nang luha habang naglalakad palabas ng hospital. I need to get away here. Baka kasi biglang magbago ang isip ko at tumakbo ako pabalik sa loob.

I might even kneel in front of him just to accept me back. I will do it. That's how much I love him. Just like how he begs for me to stay, I am willing to beg him to accept me back.

Sumakay ako sa aking sasakyan at pinaandar 'yon paalis. I was transiting the highway when I noticed someone was tailing me. My face paled when I saw the person behind the driver's seat. It was my fucking stalker!

Namuo ang galit sa dibdib ko nang makita siya. I want to kill him with my bare hands! I want him kneel and beg with my mercy!

Everything happened so fast. I found myself driving twice my speed because he was chasing my car. Ilang beses na akong lumiko pero hindi niya pa rin ako tinatantanan.

I rolled down my windows and flipped a middle finger to his side.

"Stop tailing me, you motherfucker!" I cursed him so loud. Wala na akong pakialam kung may makarinig o makakita man sa ginawa ko.

Mabilis kong kinabig pakaliwa ang manibela nang makitang mas lalo niya lang akong hinabol. Everything went in slow motion when I heard an explosion— a bullet hit my car's tires, causing my car to jerk violently.

Humampas ang aking ulo nang sumalpok ang sasakyan sa isang puno. I can feel the blood rush down to my head. Then, his car crashed into my side on purpose, causing my head to slam to the side.

My ears suddenly rang as my vision became fuzzy. Before I lost consciousness, I was able to glance at my stalker's car. A ravaging truck slammed on the side of his car, and I saw how it flew in the distance. I smiled triumphantly before a tear fell on the side of my face when an image of the man I love flashed.

Maxwell Croisx, I love you. 

The white ceiling of an unfamiliar room greeted me the moment my eyes fluttered open. I kept on blinking so that I could adjust my blurry eyesight. I saw two woman figure in front of me. My brows drew together when the figures finally became crystal clear.

"M-Mommy?" My voice was weak and hoarse.

Maagap niya akong nilapitan. "Khrizanta! My God, darling! How are you feeling, anak?"

I swallowed to moisten my dried throat. "I-I am okay. Why am I here in the hospital? I was supposed to be in BGC, Mommy. Birthday kasi ni Lucy—"

Natigilan ako sa pagsasalita nang marinig ang pag-iyak ni Mommy. "Darling, you got into a car accident three months ago."

I felt like choking with my own saliva. "W-What? I was in a coma for three months?"

Mabilis na tumango si Mommy at niyakap ako nang mahigpit. Hot tears streamed down my face as my heart contradicted with pain.

Tumingin ako doktor na nasa harapan namin, malungkot siyang nakatangin sa akin. I saw ate Kelsea entered the room. She was wearing a doctor's coat and had a stethoscope in her coat pocket.

"What's the diagnosis of my sister, dra?" My sister butted in.

The doctor read the written words on her chart. "She's suffering from Amnesia, Dra. Kelsea. Retrograde Amnesia, to be exact. It occurs when victims lose memories that formed before a car accident." The doctor explains.

The oxygen in the room became thin. Lahat ng taong narito ay malungkot— especially me. Napakurap ako nang makaramdam nang kirot sa aking puso.

"My daughter. . . Oh my god, Khrizanta." Mabilis na pumalahaw ng iyak si Mommy. Si ate naman ay kita kong napapikit na parang nawalan ng lakas.

"N-No . ." my voice cracked. "You're kidding, dra. That's not true. I-I don't have an amnesia! I remember everything! I remember my family! I remember who I am! I remember my birthday! I-I remember—" I stopped from talking and broke down. I covered my mouth and cried even harder.

Mom was in tears like me. She immediately hugged me to console me. But not like before, nothing seemed helpful to ease the pain I was feeling. I feel empty. So fucking drained.

"Mommy, I don't have an amnesia," pangungumbinsa ko pa. I glance at my sister, who's trying so hard not to break down. "Ate baka nagkakamali lang si Dra! I don't have an amnesia kasi may naaalala naman ako!"

The female doctor sympathetically looked at me.

"Miss Altamirano, there's two main forms of amnesia. Retrograde amnesia is when you can't recall events before the onset of amnesia. Second, the anterograde, here, when you can't form new memories but can still remember things from before you developed this amnesia." She sighed.

My vision was blurry because of the tears from my eyes.

"There's also dissociative amnesia, where a person may forget specific events or time periods. Dissociative amnesia can also classified into one of three types: Localized amnesia, generalized and selective amnesia. Localized amnesia is unable to remember an event or period of time. Selective amnesia is the inability to remember a specific aspect of an event or some events within a period of time. Generalized amnesia is a complete loss of identity and life history, but this is rare." dagdag ng doctor.

Umiling ako. "No! I don't have an amnesia, please!" I muttered between my sobs. "That can't be true! I was supposed to be in BGC for Lucy's birthday party! Maybe I-I got drunk too much—"

"Khrizanta," my sister cut me off. "Which year do you think we are in?" She asked. "Tell me,"

My lips trembled. "2-2023, September."

A tear fell from her eyes. "It's not September 2023 anymore. Khrizanta, it's 2024. It's been a year since 2023 ended." she clarified.

I clutched my chest when I felt my heart was clenching so much. My breath became unsteady. Then, later on, I was in a seizure. Everyone was alerted as they ran towards me. But before they could even do something, darkness already engulfed me.

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