Hospital

TW: This chapter contains disturbing words about rape, assault, and guns. Please engage in self-care as you read this chapter.

"Silvestre, Maxwell Croisx, Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering summa cum laude,"

I gave Croisx a loud applause as he received his diploma and medal on the stage. Gusto ko siyang i-cheer pero ayoko naman gumawa ng eksena. Also, I'm sitting next to his parents— Angelo and Zaimin Silvestre. I need to behave.

Croisx walked towards the side of the stage for his speech. He holds the microphone and looks at everyone. He found my gaze where I was sitting. I waved at him with a proud smile on my face. He reciprocated it.

I raised my phone and took a video of him while he was making his speech. I was so proud of him! I couldn't help but get teary eyes when he mentioned my name in the last line of his graduation speech.

On his speech, I was eulogized as one of his greatest inspiration.

When the ceremony is over, lumabas na kami ng family ni Croisx. My eyes flew to the bouquet I was holding. I bought a baby breath with purple roses since it symbolizes success for him. He was wearing his glasses naman, so makikita naman niya na purple 'yon at hindi blue.

"There he is!" his mom pointed somewhere.

Croisx's eyes brightened up when he spotted us. He walked towards us and immediately wrapped his arm around my back so that he could pull me for a hug.

"Congratulations, you make me so proud!" I jumped in excitement.

"Thank you, mi vida." I felt him kissing the top of my head as he hugged me tightly.

Napakurap-kurap ako nang magtama ang mga mata namin at kusa akong napapikit nang halikan niya ang noo ko. His right hand was still hugging me while the other was holding my cheeks.

"I love you." He whispered, placing another soft kiss on my forehead.

Sobrang lakas nang kabog ng dibdib ko lalo na noong bumaba ang halik ni Croisx sa labi ko. Napakapit ako sa braso niya dahil parang nanlambot bigla ang mga tuhod ko.

Kung hindi lang yata naubo ang daddy niya ay baka walang balak na tigilan ni Croisx ang labi ko. I push him lightly so he could hug his parents. Nang makaalis na si Croisx, doon lang unti-unting bumalik sa normal ang pagtibok ng puso ko.

I felt my cheeks seared up when his mom looked at me teasingly.

"Goodness, baby. I never knew you were that clingy," Tita Zaimin muttered, looking at Croisx.

I immediately looked away to avoid their eyes.

I secretly touch my chest and massage it gently. "God! Since I acknowledged my feelings for him, my heart couldn't stop beating rapidly!" My brain complained.

To celebrate, we ate in a five star hotel owned by the Silvestre. Hindi nga raw sila kompleto dahil wala ang kuya ni Croisx. Guess what? I just found out that Zachariah and Croisx are siblings! They don't even look alike!

Kung hindi lang pinakita ni Tita Zaimin ang picture nilang magkapatid, hindi ko malalaman.

In the late afternoon, sabay kaming umuwi ni Croisx sa Silvermoon Tower.

Pagkauwi namin sa unit niya, we went to his bedroom so he could change his clothes. As soon as he closed the door, he wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face on my neck. It was so comforting.

"I'm so proud of you," I whispered, caressing his back.

"Thank you, babe." He slightly lifted his head to give me a soft kiss. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

"I'm so excited for the next step of your journey! The next step will be the board exam, which I'm a hundred sure you'll pass in one take!"

He brushed the back of my head, smiling at me.

"Do you think I'll top the board exam?"

"Duh! Of course!"

He chuckled when I almost rolled my eyes at him. Suddenly, I felt his palm on my face, holding my cheeks as his thumb brushed my skin.

"Let's achieve our dreams together, babe. Dito ka lang sa tabi ko. Let's not leave each other."

I nodded despite the sudden ache my heart was feeling. "Hindi ako aalis," I assured. "We will celebrate every milestone together."

His smile widened. Mabilis niya akong niyakap ng mahigpit. I could feel the racing beat of his heart. His hug gave me warmth and comfort.

God, I don't want this day to end.

Mga ilang araw lang ay lumabas kami ng mommy ni Croisx, si Tita Zaimin. We went shopping and also to a spa. Binilhan niya rin niya ako ng mga damit. She said, she doesn't have a daughter that's why she wants to spoil me.

I'm wondering if Ariella already met Mrs. Silvestre. I mean, she and Zachariah dated for some time. And I'm convinced that what they feel for each other is real. It was just that destiny decided to play dirty with them.

I feel bad for the twins. . . They're growing up without a father by their sides.

Pasimple ko ngang tinanong kung wala pa bang pinapakilala na babae ang panganay niyang binata. But she avoided the question by telling me we need to eat.

Iniwan ko muna si Croisx sa unit ko dahil naalala kong may naiwan pala ako sa sasakyan. It was my graduation gift for him. Masyado kasing maraming mangyari, nakalimutan ko tuloy. I bought him a hard hat that has his name engraved on the back .

Engineer Silvestre

Nasa parking lot na ako nang biglang may nagtakip ng bibig ko at mabilis akong hinila sa likuran ng van, sa tabi lang ng sasakyan ko. Pasaldak akong binitawan ng lalaki at halos mawalan ako ng dugo nang makita kung sino 'yon. It was my stalker!

‍‍‍"W-What are you doing here?" nanginginig ang boses na sabi ko.

He's looking at me intently and dangerously. Halatang may pinaplanong masama sa akin.

Mahigpit kong kinapitan ang cellphone ko at inilagay ang kamay sa bandang likuran. I manoeuvre my phone without my sight, hoping that I can call someone for help.

"Tangina, ang tagal kita hinanap, nandito ka lang pala! Alam mo bang ilang beses na akong nagtangkang pumasok sa loob pero putangina ang higpit ng security!" Mahigpit niyang hinawakan ang braso ko at niyugyog.

"Bitawan mo akong gago ka!" pilit akong nagpumiglas pero halos mabingi ako nang malakas niya akong sampalin.

The anxiety and fear immediately dominated my heart. I gulped, fighting the desire to cry when I felt the pain on my cheek. I feel so fucking hopeless. Masama ang tingin na ipinukol niya sa akin kaya lalo akong nanginig. 

"Hindi ako aalis dito ng hindi kita kasama! Akin ka! akin ka lang!" bulyaw niya at malakas na sinampal akong muli.

Humampas ang katawan ko sa likuran ng van sa lakas ng pagkakasampal niya sa akin. I tasted the blood on my lips. Sinakmal niya ang panga ako at hinarap muli sa kanya.

"I already told you to break up with your toy. I fucking told you!" Madiin ang bawat salita niya.

Nanginig ang labi ko. Gusto kong sumigaw at humingi ng tulong pero nanghihina ang katawan ko. I feel like my throat was chained.

My knees went frail when he suddenly pulled a gun in the back of his jeans. Dumoble ang panginginig ng buong katawan ko sa takot.

Tinutukan niya ako ng baril sa tagiliran. Doon ko hindi napigilang umiyak. Malakas siyang tumawa at hinablot ang buhok ko mula sa likuran.

"Laspag ka sa akin mamaya, sweetheart," he whispered.

He held my jaw by force and was about to kiss me on my lips when I tilted my head to the side. His lips landed on my cheeks instead.

"T-Tama na! Tigilan mo na ako, please. . . Parang awa mo na. . ." I begged.

Dumaan ang galit sa mata niya kaya mas nanginig ako. Mas dumiin ang pagkakahawak ng kanyang kamay sa aking panga. "Tangina ka talaga!" He slapped my cheek again.

Napahagulgol ako at pilit siyang tinutulak. "Tigilan mo na ako, please! Wala akong ginagawa sayo! Noon pa man, hindi naman kita kilala! You just appeared in my life, stalking me, but now I had enough! Please, just let me go!"

Nanlalambo na ang mga mata ko sa luha at mas lalo lamang 'yong lumabo nang tutukan niya ako ng dalang baril sa noo. "Kung ayaw mo sa akin, tangina mo, mamatay kana lang."

With trembling lips, I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for him to pull the trigger. I already lose hope. No one will save me—

"You worthless piece of shit!"

I immediately opened my eyes the moment I heard that familiar voice. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang biglang lumipad sa ere ang baril at ang katawan ng lalaki ay biglang natumba.

Croisx just gave him a twisted high kick on the back of his head! Then, he suddenly pummeled my stalker's face real hard.

"Croisx!" I cried out loud when I saw what he did.

"Touch her again, and I'll break every goddamned bone in your body." Croisx muttered with a devoid look on his face.

This is my first time hearing him curse this much. Ngayon ko lang rin siyang narinig at nakita ganito.

My eyes flew to my stalker's face. I gasped when the latter's face was almost covered in blood due to the beating he received from Croisx.

"C-Croisx! Stop!" despite my lack of strength, I forced myself to stand up and hug him. I was worried that he might kill my stalker. I didn't want him to go to jail. Hindi ako papayag. I don't want his hand to be tainted.

Bigla siyang natauhan nang marinig ang paghagulgol ko. He reached for my elbow and tugged me so I could face him.

His face is worried as his eyes roamed on my face, checking my state.

"You got hurt," he gently brushed his fingertips on the fresh bruise on my face.

"I'm okay! God, I-I thought I would die," I muttered between my sobs.

"Hush, now. I'm here, babe. I won't leave you." He embraced me tightly. 

"H-How did you know I was here—"

Bigla kaming natigilan sa pag-uusap nang biglang magsalita ang stalker ko. Duguan ang buong mukha niya pero nagawa pa rin niyang tumingin sa amin at magsalita.

"K-kung hindi rin naman magiging sa akin si Khrizanta, hindi rin siya magiging sayo, hayop ka!"

Everything seemed in slow motion when he pointed the gun in my direction.

I wanted to run and hide, but I was frozen in my place. My eyes widened when someone covered me, and two gunshots filled the whole parking lot as the person in front of me became heavy.

My face paled as I looked at Croisx. "No! Hindi pwede! Croisx, don't you dare leave me, please!" I repeatedly said as I packed his bleeding wound on his abdomen with my hand.

Hot tears started streaming down my face.

"B-Babe. . ." he said and vomited blood on my clothes. He winced in pain, but still, he managed to smile. "D-Don't cry. You're safe now."

My hands were shaking badly, and my lips quivered. "Croisx, hang on, okay? I am going to call for help. Please, don't leave me. . ."

He's slowly getting pale as he looks at me. "Croisx, listen to me, don't close your eyes, please! I'll call for help. Please!"

Despite my trembling hands, I took out my phone using my other hand and dialled my Mom's number.

"Hello, darling?" I instantly cried when I heard Mom's voice.

"Mommy, I need help. . . Croisx got shot twice! We're in the Silvermoon Tower parking lot. Please help us,"

"The ambulance is on the way na, anak. Breathe in, breathe out. Have you packed his wound to stop the bleeding?"

"Y-Yes. I already did. Mommy, please. He's getting pale!" I cupped his face using my left hand. "Croisx, the ambulance is on the way, okay? Don't close your eyes, please." I begged.

"I love you," that was his last sentence before he lost consciousness.

Nang dumating ang ambulansya ay mabilis naming dinala sa areno medical center si Croisx. Pagkarating namin sa hospital ay nagkakagulo ang lahat. Mommy and Tita Zaimin already waiting for us. They were both wearing their doctor's robes.

Nanlambot kaagad si Tita Zaimin nang makita si Croisx na nakahiga sa stretcher at walang malay. Mabilis nilang inasikaso si Croisx papunta sa loob ng operating room.

"Mommy!" I exclaimed and hugged her tightly.

"Khrizanta, you okay? What happened?" she asked worriedly.

Umiling ako. "M-Mommy, it should be me! Ayoko dapat 'yong nabaril at hindi si Croisx! Mommy. . . Si Croisx," I cried in the middle of the hallway.

I was crying so hard because it should be me. I should have been the one who got shot, but Croisx dodged the bullets for me. The bullet went inside his abdomen! Dalawang beses siyang nabaril dahil prinotektahan niya ako.

I will blame myself until the last day of my life if something bad happen to Croisx.

Croisx is too good for me. He doesn't deserve someone like me. He deserves someone who will not jeopardise his life. I would only bring bad things into his life. Croisx almost died because of me, and I can't accept that it's all my fault. Because of my selfishness, he's lying on the hospital bed right now!

I found comfort with Croisx, but with me, he found his own grave.

I don't deserve him. Not at all.

Nasa loob ng operating room si Croisx habang nasa labas ako, hindi mapakali. Ilang beses na akong nagpalakad-lakad pabalik. Hindi ako mapakali sa pagkakaupo kaya panay akong tumatayo.

After half an hour, Croisx's Mom came out of the operating room, along with another doctor. Nagtama ang mga mata namin nang mapatingin siya sa pwesto kung na saan ako.

I thought she was going to hit me for causing a life threat to his son's life, but she hugged me. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks again.

"He's now stable. You can visit him later, hija," she says.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard that, but tears continued to fall from my eyes.

"Sorry po, Tita. It was my fault," I muttered apologetically. "Ako dapat 'yong nabaril, hindi si Croisx."

She held my hand and squeezed it. "Hey, listen to me. It's not your fault, okay? Just cooperate with the police. I want you to tell the police everything, hija. Tell them exactly what happened. We need to find out who shot my son," she said dangerously.

Tumango ako, nanghihina. "O-Opo,"

I already talked to the police to give my statement. Nang malaman ni Mommy ang buong nangyari, pati 'yong ilang taon na pagsunod-sunod sa akin ng stalker ko ay halos bumuga siya ng apoy sa galit.

Dahil bise presidente ang tatay nina Dwight, mas malakas ang kapit namin. Wala pang isang oras ay nabalita na sa TV ang mukha ng stalker ko. My parents and Croisx's family will also give an award to anyone who can point out the latter's location.

I had already changed my clothes before I entered the private room where Croisx was admitted. My heart instantly clutched in pain when I saw him lying on the hospital bed.

I slowly walked towards his direction.

Naupo ako doon sa tabi niya at tahimik na lumuha habang nakatitig sa kanya. I can't feel anything. The mixture of sadness, guilt and anger filled my heart. Hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos.

"I'm sorry, Croisx." I bit my bottom lip. "I'm sorry for using you. I'm sorry for being selfish. I-I. I'm sorry for everything, for hurting you. For endangering your life just to save mine. I'm really sorry." I covered my face with my hand and cried silently.

"I knew you were going to break my heart but a part of me really hoped you wouldn't."

Namanhid ang buo kong katawan nang makitang gising na si Croisx at nakatingin siya sa akin.

He heard me. . .

Matagal siyang tumitig sa akin, ang mga mata niya'y halo- halo ang emosyon. Lungkot, disappointed, sakit pero hindi ko siya makitaan ng galit.

"C-Croisx. . ."

He gave me a faint smile. "I know. . . I know from the start that you're using me. . ."

Nanginig ang labi ko kaya kinagat ko 'yon habang nangangapa ng salita. Hot tears started streaming down my face as I looked at him.

"I'm sorry. . ." I whispered, sobbing. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for using you." I muttered apologetically.

He reached for my hand and squeeze it. He looked at me with misty eyes. Mas lalong sumakit ang puso ko nang makita kong tumutulo na ang luha sa mga mata niya.

"If you are really sorry, then don't leave me. Stay beside me. . ." bigla siyang pumiyok. "You can use me all you want. I don't care how long. Just please don't leave me, please." he pleaded.

He looked so miserable. His tears continuously cascading down to his cheeks. Pumikit ako nang mariin. I shook my head repeatedly. I cupped his face and tried to wipe his tears using my thumb.

"No. . . Croisx, I don't want to use you anymore, okay? I don't want to risk your life again. I-I feel so guilty. I'm so mad at myself for hurting you." I felt my heart contracted in pain.

"It's not your fault, babe. Don't blame yourself, hmm? It's my choice to save you from your stalker. I don't regret dodging the bullet to save you." Nanghihina niyang sambit.

"I'm grateful that I met you. But, Croisx. . . You don't deserve someone like me. . ." I muttered between my sobs.

I paused for a moment when I thought about something. Mariin akong pumikit at huminga ng malalim bago matapang na sinalubong ang mga mata niya.

"Let's end this. . ."

I saw how hurt he was from hearing those words from me. Mariin siyang pumikit, panay tulo pa rin ang luha sa mga mata niya. Slowly, his eyes opened. "Babe, do not let your emotions overshadow your decision, please. You might regret it—"

Umiling-iling ako.

"Hindi! Y-You got hurt because of me. You almost die because of me! I don't deserve to be part of your life. I don't deserve you, Croisx." Napahagulgol ako.

Mabilis niya akong hinila saka niyakap ng mahigpit. Sinubsob niya ang mukha sa dibdib ko. I could feel his heart beat racing.

"Please, don't leave me. . . Please, babe. I'll give you space if you want. Just please, don't break up with me. I'm begging you, Khrizanta."

I never seen him this desperate and miserable before. Ngayon ko lang siyang nakitang halos magmakaawa na. Ang sakit pala. Parang dinudurog ang puso ko sa nakikita.

"Croisx. . ." Nanghihinang sambit ko sa pangalan niya.

"Khrizanta, please no. Don't say anything anymore please. . ." he said with defeat in his eyes.

His lips trembled in fear of losing me. He was scared of losing me. So do I. I was also scared of losing him. But I don't deserve him. I will only ruin him.

Huminga ako ng malalim at tumitig sa kanya. "Don't beg me to stay, Croisx. Because I won't. .  . Give me space. Let me forgive myself first. . . Please." nagsusumaong sambit ko.

"Babe. . . " humikbi na naman siya. "I-I don't think I can. No communication between us? That's suicidal." He cupped my face with his hand.

"Do you want me to give you assurance?"

He nodded despite his undending tears.

"I love you. . ." I confessed.

Nagbukas-sara ang bibig niya. Tahimik siyang umiyak at sinubsob ang mukha sa balikat ko. Bawat hikbi niya ay nagbibigay kirot sa dibdib ko.

It feels so good to say my feelings for him. It is so good to say how much I love him. But I need to do this. I need to leave in order to forgive myself.  .  .

"I'm in love with you, Croisx. I do." Tumulo muli ang luha sa mga mata ko. I stroked his hair and bit my bottom lip.

"I know. . ." I heard him say between his sobs. "I know. I-I'm just waiting for you to say it, but I never expected to hear it from the day we will part ways."

He cupped my face again, brushing his thumb on my skin.

"I won't go home on the condo. Hindi na muna ako uuwi doon. I'll stay somewhere else. We won't see each other for a long time. Maybe a week, month or years." Bitterness filled my tongue.

I swallowed hard and smiled as my tears cascaded down my cheeks.

"With or without me, I want to see you win, okay? I want to see you succeed. I know you'll smash every single dream you have. Ikaw pa ba? I may not be in your process, but remember, I am your top supporter. I won't stop supporting you even from afar."

"I love you," he whispered, sobbing.

"I'm in love with you," I whispered back, sobbing.

At least now, even if we broke up, we know that we shared the same feelings. 

"Khrizanta. . ."

We stared at each other eyes for a minute.

"Croisx. . ." I called him back.

His jaw was tightly clenched as he stared at me.

"Better hide yourself harder because the next time I'll see you. . . I'll make sure you are stuck with me forever."

Without saying anything, I nodded. I leaned closer for a final kiss, but before I could reach his lips, he already grabbed my nape and kissed me.

I automatically closed my eyes as my tears streamed down my cheeks. It was a long kiss. A kiss that I would treasure forever.

No words can measure how happy I am that I spent six months of my life with Croisx. Those memories I had with him were one of the happiest I had in my life.

But sometimes, you just have to let go for things to be better. Maybe when we're both healed, when the time is right, we'll find each other again.

Until we meet again, my love.

© FM :(