The bed was empty when I opened my eyes. I wasn't surprised Jake was gone, he'd been dancing around me ever since I got home from the hospital. I also had barely moved since I was released.

I don't think he knew what to do with me. I didn't even know what to do with myself.

I'd fought as hard as I could to stop the downward spiral but the morning after Jake took me home I felt it all hit. There was a hollow spot in my chest where pieces seemed to be missing. The pieces of myself that was left shattered all over the floor of that house.

Even after everything that had happened there was still a part of me that missed my parents, that longed for that home. This felt final. I couldn't go back and I didn't know how to accept that. I still had all the physical reminders of how terrible my relationship with my parents was but still I kept clinging onto all the good moments.

I thought about all the times my mom comforted me or the times she'd let me sit in the kitchen and watch her cook. I thought about the times that I would sit on the couch as my father watched football and try to understand what was going on. The many times he'd explained plays over and over until I finally understood it.

I gripped all those memories like a lifeline and pushed all the bad out. I didn't let myself remember all the bruises and pain. They had been more than the bad and I missed the parents I wanted them to be.

But no matter how much I wished for them to be different they weren't. I was here for a reason. I was here because they never loved me enough to not hurt me.

"I brought you some food." Jake eased the door open and walked over to the bed with a plate in his hands.

My chest ached at the sight. I loved Jake so much sometimes it hurt to think about. I hadn't even realized how much until I was laying on my front porch and all I wanted was to be held by him. I needed to see him and that's when it really hit. I had handed more of myself to him than I wanted to. He held too much power and if I wasn't careful he could break the final pieces of me that weren't already shattered.

I didn't know if I'd survive the heartbreak of Jake Oliver.

"I'm not hungry." I told him keeping my spot laid up under the covers.

"Ev, you got to eat at some point." Jake set the plate down and came over to lay in the bed next to me.

"I just can't right now."

"That's okay but I need you to tell me what I can do. I can't just sit around and do nothing while you're hurting like this." He pleaded with me.

And the truth was that I had no clue what he could do for me. I didn't know what I needed besides to go back in time and stop this from happening. I was so tired of hiding and lying so when I opened my mouth I let the truth come out.

"There's nothing you can do Jake. I lost my parents and it's not just some simple thing I can get over. I don't know how to keep going after this but I know that having you next to me makes things slightly easier."

"I'm right here." Jake said pulling me into him.

"How am I supposed to go on? How am I supposed to keep living after this?" I felt myself breaking on the inside.

"You fight and when you get too tired to keep fighting you lean on me or Becca or Monroe. You have people that are happy to hold you up when you need it."

"I think I'm broken." And that was the fear deep within me. I was scared that this had destroyed me beyond repair.

"You aren't broken, the fact that you are here right now trying at all is proof. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"I don't feel very strong, he never let me feel like that. No matter what I did it was never good enough for him. It started with just those disappointed looks but the more I didn't listen the worse it got. And even when he hurt me for the first time I still wanted him to love me so badly I did everything I could to please him. I listened to everything he said, I morphed my whole life into what I thought he wanted just so I could feel like he cared about me even a little bit. That's not what someone who is strong does."

"You were a kid Ev, you can't fault yourself for wanting to be loved by the people who should have loved you. But you aren't that kid anymore, you've taken your life back. You are trying to live the life you want and I won't listen to you discredit that."

I felt my heart swell in my chest. Jake never seemed to fail at making me feel better. I mean I still had a lot of work to do but his words helped ease my mind at least a little bit. He was right, I'd been putting the effort in and trying to allow myself to be happy. That had taken a lot for me to do. I couldn't let myself forget what I was capable of just because I'd been knocked down.

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I don't plan on leaving so you'll have me by your side until you ask me to go."

I believed him. I believed that he'd be by my side. Jake had never done anything to make me doubt him. He'd stood by and been patient with me as I spun out and pushed him away more than once. But each time he was there ready to wrap me up in his arms when I was ready for it.

I loved him and that confession seemed to weigh heavily in my head as I laid here with him. I'd told Jake those words when I had no clue if I'd even make it through. He hadn't brought it up and I hadn't dared repeat the words because I was too scared of not hearing it back. Even worse would be him feeling like he had to say it back because I was broken and bruised in his bed.

"I won't ask you to leave. I-," I cut myself off, I couldn't say it.

"But if you did I'd listen. I'd do just about anything you ask me to. I'd do it because I love you Ev."

His words felt like they reached in and stopped my heart. I hadn't heard those words a lot in my life and it had felt like a pipe dream that I'd hear them out of Jake's mouth. I had never doubted the way he felt for me but someone loving me felt like a dream I wouldn't ever experience.

"Jake-,"

"No I need you to listen to this. I love you Evan and I'm not saying it because you said it or because you're hurt in my bed. I'm saying it because I've felt it for way longer than I'd like to admit and I held my tongue waiting for the right moment. I didn't want to scare you but then the worst moment of my life happened and you said you loved me and I couldn't even say it back to you. I can't sit around any longer without you knowing how I feel."

"But how-? How can you know that you feel like that and you aren't just-,"

"Hold on." He cut me off and climbed out of the bed.

I didn't have to wonder what he was up to for long. He reached into his bag and pulled out the familiar planner that he went nowhere without.

"Read it." He threw the book onto the bed next to me.

"I have, you know I've went through it before." I eyed him but still listened and flipped open the planner.

"September 24th." He said and I flipped to the page.

It took seeing the date to realize it was the day he showed up at the bar. It had been the first time we ever hooked up. The day was laid out like every other one. Every hour scheduled out perfectly in clean neat handwriting. But it was what was written for the evening that caused pause.

See him (make a move this time you coward)

I laughed lightly at the note he wrote for himself but as I tried to wrap my head around what this meant I couldn't put the pieces together. Jake had went to see me that night, I had known that but I figured he was there to piss me off not because he actually wanted to see me or talk to me.

"I don't understand." I just shook my head not wanting to let in the realization.

I knew what this meant but I didn't think I was ready to accept it.

"I told you I never hated you. Even when you were being a complete asshole I still couldn't hate you. I went to the bar that night wanting something to happen, hoping you'd stop glaring at me long enough to take a chance."

"I was still glaring at you when I kissed you that night." I replied.

"Trust me I know." He smiled and I felt at peace for the first time since I left the hospital.

I had someone that loved me, flaws and all.

"I love you too."

And when Jake leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine I felt like I had found a forever. I found something I wasn't willing to let go of.

A/n:

For anyone that knows anything about football I thought it might be fun to share what position all my characters play. I put a lot of thought into this and changed my mind a lot but I've settled in on a good fit for each of them.

Evan- Quarterback
Jake- Quarterback
Jetson- Wide Receiver
Connor- Running Back
Adam- Tight End
Monroe- Cornerback
Nico- Outside Linebacker

Anyways, I'm about to be super sappy.... I love you guys. Like you readers are the best, I spent my morning reading some of your comments and it was just so nice to see people enjoying this book. I do try to read every comment and listen to what the people want as much as I can. I'm just so happy that you all seem to be liking this book and thank you for giving it the support it's gotten. It got to 500k reads and I'm just blown away with how amazing you guys have been.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!
-Cora Leigh