50. Want it to end
I hadn't felt good like this in awhile. My relationship with my parents was always something that weighed on me but being able to sit down and come out to my mom, it felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. She hadn't said that she loved me or whatever but I wasn't really expecting her to. The fact that she reached out and grabbed my hand, thanking me for telling her was more than enough.
And it wasn't just things with my mom that had me feeling happy. It was Jake. Being with him was something I never knew I needed. He made me into a better version of myself, he helped me fight my own battles just happy to stand by my side through it all. I hadn't thought I'd find someone like him.
I was totally zoned out when my door bursted open. I jumped at the loud noise it made as it slammed against the wall. When I turned to look at what caused it my stomach dropped.
It had been too good to be true. That bliss and happiness I had been feeling, it should have been a sign.
Because in my doorway stood my dad, his face filling with disgust and anger. He didn't say anything as he stormed towards me. I was frozen in fear for a few seconds before I even realized what was happening. By the time my brain kicked back in and tried to get my body to move, to get as far away as I could it was already too late. It had been too long since I'd last been at the wrong end of his wrath. I hadn't been ready for him when he stormed in.
My father grabbed the front of my shirt pulling harshly throwing me out of my chair and onto the floor. I collapsed right there still partially in shock.
"You think your mother wouldn't tell me about some disgusting homo living under my roof." He spat.
I barely had time to register the words before pain shot through me. My fathers boot slammed into my side so hard tears were already brimming in my eyes wanting to fall.
I just needed to get away. That was my only thought as I tried to pull my body forward and crawl away from him. I didn't get very far before I collapsed against the floor again, my fathers boot slamming down on my back keeping me still.
"I'm not going to let you get away until you've learned what happens to cocksuckers like the filthy scum you are."
I tried to claw my way forward fighting against the weight on my back but it was no use. My father was bigger than I was. He was about two inches taller than me and he was a lot wider, his shoulders were broad and his arms were about the size of my head. This wasn't a fight I was ever going to win.
Just that thought was enough for me to quit fighting against him and sink into the floor beneath me. Maybe if I just laid here it would all be over soon.
I didn't even move when his boot left my back. I was free to move but I felt so defeated I just laid there, tears starting to fall down my face.
"Pathetic," his boot slammed into my side again.
"Repulsive." Pain shot through me as he kicked me again.
"Disgusting." he spat delivering one more kick.
All I felt was pain as I tried to curl in on myself.
"Please," I whimpered as I moved slightly, pain shooting up my side.
"You going to try to beg me to stop? You think I'd listen to you after you brought your disgusting filth into my house?" He yanked my body up and I barely had time to readjust to being on my feet before he starting dragging me out of my room.
Even with his words there was a part of me that thought, hoped, it was done. That he'd just drag me outside and shut the door letting me walk away.
I was stupid and naive for even thinking that for a second.
"I'm not going to have a fucking gay living under my roof, walking around with my name." He grunted and then I realized exactly what was about to happen.
I stomped my feet down trying to stop him as he marched towards the stairs. The arm that he didn't have in a death grip flailed out trying to find something to grab onto. It was all useless. Nothing was going to stop this from happening.
It didn't even feel real. One moment I was being dragged and the next I was falling. And when I finally hit the ground, it wasn't the hardwood my body landed on. My side smashed into the edge of one of the stairs causing a pained yell to bubble out of me. But it didn't stop, each bump and roll shot pain through me as I continued falling straight down the stairs.
It was all just pain at this point. So much of it I didn't even really know what was hurting. It felt like very inch of me was on fire as my body slammed into the hard stairs over and over again until my body crumpled at the bottom unable to do anything but lay there.
I must have hit my head because my vision blurred in and out. I blinked a few times trying to get my bearings but it was no use. Even still I needed to get up, I needed to fight my way out of this. If I could just get outside maybe I'd be safe.
I had barely moved before my father had made it down the stairs kicking me right back down onto the ground. I let out a groan at the burning in my abdomen.
"You've got my blood in your veins and still you're going to disrespect me like this." He reached down pulling my limp body off the ground. "You fucking disgust me."
He fist geared back and I knew what was coming before it even collided with my face. He wouldn't stop even now when I felt like I could barely move, he didn't care he wouldn't stop until he had enough. It didn't matter what state I ended up in. Each punch felt like it shook my brain. It felt like my face was being split open as his fist slammed into me. And maybe it was being split open because I could feel the sensation of something wet sliding down my cheek.
I didn't need to look in a mirror to know I was bleeding.
When he released me and let my body drop to the floor I thought maybe it was over. I let myself hope again and each second I laid there and he didn't kick me or grab me again I felt my hope expand within me.
And when his hands grabbed me again dragging my body against the floor, it was crushing the way that hope died.
I lifted my head looking at my surroundings the best I could. I knew we were headed straight to the front of the house where the door was. I was being kicked out, and the only thing I could think about was that I was going to be able to leave. He was going to let me out of here alive.
When I peered up I met the eyes of my mother. She just stood there watching as I was dragged past her. She looked sad but still she just stood there and watched.
"Mom." I whimpered wanting her to step in and stop this.
All movement stopped. My father wasn't walking anymore and his hands dropped my arm.
"Don't you even dare speak to her." He growled grabbing a fist full of my hair and using it to yank my head up.
I was facing my mother, staring at her.
"You're not our son." My dad said and then his hand gripped my throat hard cutting off my airway.
My eye widened as I tried and failed to breathe. I reached my hands up trying to claw his off me but his grip was too tight.
"I could fucking kill you right now, end your miserable life before you disappoint us any more."
His hand released my throat and I was left gasping for air, my throat burning just adding more pain.
I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop feeling the pain so bad I'd do just about anything to make it go away.
I almost wished for him to just end it. To grip my throat again and not let go. I thought that just might be better than what I was dealing with now. The constant pain, the way I could barely move without wanting to scream.
I just wanted it to end.
"I never want to see your pathetic disgusting face ever again." My dad was moving again dragging me straight towards the front door.
He wasted no time literally throwing my body through it. I collapsed in a heap on the front porch, the door slamming loudly behind me.
I didn't even have to check to know it was locked, not that I could move anyway.
So I just laid there on the ground letting the pain overtake my senses. It was too much, I didn't know anything other than the pain so when my consciousness started to slip I did nothing to fight it.
I just laid there as I slipped into blackness, the pain finally gone.
A/n:
I am hoping to finish writing chapters for this book very soon so I can hopefully get this completed by the end of the year or early January. There is probably about ten chapters left maybe a few more and I'm trying to get them to you as quick as I can. I was hoping to give you a bonus upload over the weekend but it was my brothers birthday and I was busier than I expected. I'll try to get a chapter out to you this week but if not I'll see you on Friday.
Hope you liked this chapter!
-Cora Leigh
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