When my eyes opened, they spotted to the clock on the nightstand next to the bed. It was late in evening and my body was tangled in the bed sheets. I was sure a nightmare had spoiled my sleep because the pounding in my heart was frightening. Then I heard a light knock coming from the door. Who on earth would be looking for me right now?

I pulled myself up and out of bed and yawned. A blanket of sleep was still draped over my shoulders, but when I opened the door I was on high alert.

"Hey," Melissa greeted. "I brought you a change of clothes and something to eat."

"I don't need anything from you." My hand moved to close the door but her foot prevented it from doing so.

"Alexa, please," she begged.

Then the discussion with Chapman earlier resurfaced.

I would've done everything in my ability to save Anna, but there were better and more efficient ways to do so. There was no excuse to betray your friends. We would've helped her. We could've figured out a way to find her father without risking our lives. But she had been scared, something Melissa herself had admitted to me.

Before I could protest she squeezed through the door with a to-go container of food that smelt divine and a small overnight bag. And after months of prison meals, the smell of fresh made my stomach clench in hunger. I watched her set everything on the table.

After, she faced me. Those wide eyes I used to find hope in no longer appealed to me. Even after Chapman explained most of her story and motives, my brain was still clouded with emotion. The pain of that night was still like an open wound that bled every time I had to be around her.

It hurt, and I had a gut-wrenching feeling it was due to more than just her betraying me and my friends. I just couldn't allow my heart to have a say so.

"I know Chapman probably told you most of the story, but I need you to know-"

"How could you?" I whispered desperately.

Her eyes fell to the floor. Shame was laced in every movement she made as her arms crossed upon her chest. The anger was still strong, but I was coming to terms with other emotions I hadn't expected to linger after two months.

"I made a mistake." Her voice trembled.

The sight managed to make my heart heavy, and just the thought of still caring made bile rise in my throat. Never in my life had I been faced with such a challenge.

My emotions were split right down the middle as I tried to find the will to pick a side. Forgiving her seemed impossible, but in my heart I knew why she had done it. Time had given me the unfortunate opportunity to understand perspective, but that didn't guarantee I would ever forgive her.

I noticed she couldn't manage anymore words, so I continued.

"That's not a good enough excuse," I stated.

"It's not an excuse," she forced. "Alexa, you have every right to hate me, but please don't believe that for one minute this is something I won't regret for the rest of my life."

I couldn't look at her. My eyes focused in on the wall behind her, as if she wasn't standing right in front of me. As if two months ago there hadn't been any attraction towards her.

On one hand, I had nothing to say. But on the other there were so many things I wanted her to hear come out of my mouth. I wanted to curse her, to hurt her, emotionally and physically, but exhaustion was preventing me from doing so.

She went to move in closer but I held up my hand, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. I may have been allowing her to step foot in my room, but that didn't mean I wanted her anywhere near me.

"I let you in," I found myself saying. "I let you in and trusted you when everyone else was failing me. You saw everything I had to deal with after my dad, and then Derik... Yet, you did the exact same thing as everyone else. And then some."

Her eyes fell back to her feet. She knew I was right. Her motives behind the betrayal may have made sense in the past, and they may have seemed to be the most logical choice, but she had damaged me. If she thought any amount of explanation would take away that pain she was sadly mistaken.

"I want you to leave," I demanded.

I could no longer stand the sight of her.

"Please just-"

"I said leave."

My hand grabbed the door and opened it forcefully to show her the way out. There was no need for further explanation. There was no need for her to continue reaching out to me. I understood everything and it didn't change the way I felt.

When I looked up there was an expression, something that provoked an emotion other than anger. Sad eyes locked with mine for just a moment, but it was enough. I tore my gaze away before it could haunt me.

Then she was gone.

Once I was alone in my room I felt my lungs fill with air. Had I been holding my breath? I shouldn't feel this way, not after everything she had done to me and my friends. Not after reeling me in and making me trust her only to rip my heart out.

I felt a tear run down my cheek without my consent, a small tickle sliding over my face and falling off my jaw. I hadn't allowed myself to cry since the night she had betrayed me, but now that I was coming to terms with my emotions there was no stopping it. This was a pain larger than what I was capable of handling. It was the pain of heartbreak.

But I would force myself tomove on and surpass it, just like everything else in life. I just wasn't surewhen my heart would no longer be a factor.

* * *

The next morning was spent pacing around my room and thinking myself to death. It seemed to be the only thing I was allowed to do, but I was convinced I was losing my mind.

My biggest problem in the two months I had been gone was the fact that Victoria had been kidnapped. After all the measures my team and I had taken to protect her, we had still failed. All I knew was that once Derik and Willi got back, there would need to be a lengthy discussion on how to find our friend and end this once and for all.  Just thinking about what Victoria could be going through right now made my heart ache.

Second, there was dad and the fact that he had yet to reunite with his family because of me. Him leaving the decision on my shoulders gave me the power to determine Anna's future. Of course, I wanted her to have a dad, but after everything he had put us through I couldn't stand the thought of what would happen if he left again. It was always possible, but was that worse than not having a father at all? And how could I expect Anna to forgive him when I hadn't found the will to forgive him myself?

And then there was Melissa, who now seemed to be working for Chapman, but I didn't know if it was permanent.  After last night, nothing had changed. I still couldn't stand the sight of her.

Yes, she had betrayed me, had almost gotten me and my friends killed, and had a hand in putting us in prison for two months. She had turned our freedom in for her father, and had gained my trust only to rip the floor out from underneath my feet. These things were true, but the bitterness towards her wasn't just because of that.

It was because of the feelings I had acknowledged before she decided to backstab us. Every second after that night I had labeled my feelings for her as a regret, because not only had my gut told me not to, but I ignored it for the sake of the team. Allowing my guard to fall had been a mistake, and somewhere in the back of my mind it made me feel responsible for this whole mess.

Maybe if I wouldn't have ignored my initial suspicion none of this would've ever happened. Maybe if I would've told Willi and Derik the truth about that night at the Bureau's headquarters they would've rethought their decision to let her in.

I decided it was best to stop overthinking and left my room. The anticipation of Derik and Willi's arrival made my stomach hurt. I was nervous, because I had no control of the situation. Not being on the rescue mission made me angry, but I had to remain grateful they hadn't forgotten about them. They just needed to get here already.

I was pacing down the hall whenever Monroe ran into me. He had a concerned look on his face.

"You look stressed," he observed.

"Of course I'm stressed," I admitted, looking up at him. "Thank you, for helping with my rescue, by the way."

He shrugged. "Kind of owed you one."

"How so?"

"Chapman's not the only one who's been promoted."

I felt my heart speed up in my chest at the confession, a smile growing on my face.

"You're the assistant director?"

He just nodded. "I guess we're even now."

Then I fell silent as the words refused to surface. I was back at the bottom. Monroe and Chapman had both been promoted, and here I was waiting to see if my friends came out of prison in one piece.

"Since when are you so quiet?" he asked. "It's weird."

"Sorry," I admitted.

He decided not to comment anymore on my changed attitude. "Well, good news is your friends are on their way up right now. They're meeting in Chapman's office."

My heart somersaulted out of my chest as I no longer felt the need to mope.  I raced to the elevator and I punched the button for the top floor.

When the door opened, I was met with two faces I had once feared of never seeing again. Emotions ran high when I watched Derik mouth my name. He had bags under those dark eyes that made him look older than what he was.  It was the same for Willi, who looked even bigger than before. Guess he had made use of the gym equipment.

Derik's arms wrapped around me and tears rimmed my eyes.  I wanted to talk to him, to tell him I missed him and that I forgave him for the years he had lied to me. I didn't want to hate him anymore, and I didn't want to hold it over his head. He had done what my father had asked, and I couldn't blame him for that any longer.

I pulled away. "I'm so sorry this happened," I admitted. "I'm sorry I couldn't help-"

"This wasn't your fault, Lex," he denied as her held my shoulders.

As much as I wanted to believe what he was saying, I couldn't.

Willi pulled me into an embrace next. His strong arms wrapped around me and a wholeness fill my heart. There were still a lot of broken pieces, but this had managed to heal some of it.

After all was said and done, Derik turned to Chapman. I prepared myself for what was to come.

"So what happened that night?" Derik wondered.

My heart leapt in my chest. Willi and Derik had absolutely no idea that Melissa, the girl we had all trusted, had been the very reason we were standing here today.

And they had no ideaVictoria had been kidnapped because of it.